Welcome to
the NOCD Community

I have a problem. A while ago, I suffered from real event OCD. I always had the urge to tell my boyfriend everything or I felt guilty and like a liar. Then one day I took photos with his camera and out of curiosity started to read a few of his dms and whatsapp chats. I couldn't stop, but it was mere curiosity (not good, I know). I suffered really bad about it, I didn't knew whether I should tell him or just not do it again and I felt incredibly worthless and guilty and depressed. After five days, I spoke to my therapist, which I had for only a month or so and she told me that if you do something wrong, you have to apologize for it. So I confessed to my boyfriend. While doing so, I had the urge to confess it right, every detail, and I also added everything I ever did which was similar, like accidentally looking at his amazon purchase history etc. I fear that my therapist accidentally advised me to do a compulsion. This impacts my whole recovery, my real event ocd got worse and every time I try to let it go and accept it as OCD, This incident pops up when I thought it was OCD but it wasn't, according to my therapist.

PLEASE HELPPPPPPPPPPPP! Can u share ur history abt hocd,how u deal with it and what does it make u feel?Im tired of this shit,tired of always feeling like im gay,i need an advice.

how could you accept uncertainty? just how tf do you accept that? to me, that's like accepting something i never am, will never do and would never want to be. i dunno, sounds like accepting that you are your intrusive thoughts.

My OCD is pretty basic compared to others. And because of this my mind tries to convince me that I don't have OCD, I'm just in denial. Which is absurd because so many people suffer the SAME symptoms I do, suffer the same exact worries, suffer the same thoughts. But so many people have so many different bizarre thoughts or compulsions compared to mine that I just can't help but think that I'm low-key, and therefore in denial. Most of my symptoms are mostly what all the articles say. The most popular, or the most common. I know if I were to get a proper diagnosis from multiple professionals, they would all go "bing bing bing! That's OCD luv" but I guess it's called doubters disease for a reason. ESPECIALLY since OCD is a popular disorder within my family. I'm just so terrified that I'll never get better, that I'll always be so terrified of myself and children, and that I won't be able to live with the uncertainty. I've been close to ending it because it's trying to convince I really am just a bad person and this whole bitchass quarantine is not helping since I'm always locked in my room with my thoughts, being an only child and all. I'm just so tired. The thoughts just keep getting worse and worse. I can't refuse my cumpulsions. I can't escape the fear that because my obsessions and compulsions are so straight forward and constantly morphing that they're all invalid. I know so many worry about it not actually being OCD, but what are your experiences? Do any of you have similar worries to mine pertaining my situation?

I find it really hard to accept the uncertainty of the thoughts. I mean i used to have HOCD and accepting the possiblility that i might be gay was really stressing, but i manage to control it and now i don't have uncertainty with that. I have a boyfriend now but i think i would be with a girl too. The problem is with this other obsesion, fear about being Trans, TOCD? I find it a lot more difficult to accept the uncertainty. Cause it's like okay it's not my sexuality, it's my identity, i have to change who i am, my gender? And not being certain about that scares me a lot. Im really tired of asking myself so do you identify as a man or a woman? It's hard to stop rumiaiting cause it's all in my head. My question is how do you accept the uncertainty of not knowing and being okay with it? Do you have any tips?

Oi. It’s crazy how complicated small, mundane tasks can become. Need to mail an item. Are my hands clean enough to handle this item? Oh, it touched the bed, is it contaminated? It touched the Forbidden Towel! It’s ok. It’s ok. Wait! Can’t let this object touch the floor!! Oh no, the packing tape is in the Contamination Drawer with the Forbidden Pencil! It’s ok! Use the tape! Must pack this correctly so it doesn’t get damaged. Oh no! Did I damage it?! Should I unwrap it to make sure it’s not damaged?? I think maybe it’s dented! If I send it damaged, I’m a dishonest person. I should confess that maybe I damaged it!! ...I know y’all know. I think I’ll leave it wrapped and risk being an awful dishonest person...

If someone is losing their mind, do they realize it? Or someone who a psychopath know they are?my head feels so foggy and I'm emotionally numb I'm scared I'm these horrible thoughts. I can't take this

I feel guilty for 2 reasons today. My cat, Okie, was biting (not hard) my wrist. I scruffed him so he would let go. Did this a couple of times and I was annoyed. I feel bad for scruffing him. Then I was talking to my son and he was asking 20 questions so my attention span was wavering and I started getting thoughts cause I was a little annoyed. Im now afraid of being annoyed, upset, or angry. It makes me think that maybe I do like these thoughts which then makes me feel worse. Any advice?

Has anyone posted in forums like reddit or even here and find that their OCD gets even more triggered because they overthink someone’s words used in their comment or just the different variety of responses?

sorry for all the posts on here but I just feel like venting, i just had my first run in with a rude person on here about homophobia and transphobia and honestly I’ve gotten so used to everyone being so friendly that I’ve kind of forgotten about people having views like that aswell. I think it’s really upsetting that no matter how nice someone can be that they can do a complete 180% when topics like those come up :(

Okay so my exposure for my relationship went well but now I feel sad and empty. It feels like I never really liked my bf and honestly I can't even remember how it felt to like him. Also my brain is giving me these scenarios where I'm cold and harsh with him, not caring about my relationship with him etc. My hocd is also attacking saying that me being like this means I'm going to be gay in the future. I literally have no interests in girls :(. I never wanted them but now it's convincing me i like my bestie. It's not very strong but persists. I'm so scared that my relationship wit him will end and I'll turn L :(

I'm obsessed with the idea of going to hell after death because I might have sold my soul to the devil. I've seen a therapist and in order to put myself in an ERP situation I have actually said out loud I was selling my soul for a glass of water (the point being of putting myself in an uncertainty provoking situation, instead of saying I was selling it for a billion dollars for example, which would provide reassurance as long as I'd not get the money). And so, for the last two months, I've been haunted by the fear of going to hell after death because of this silly phrase I've pronounced. It feels awful and I am scared I'll never escape this fear ???

so i need advice! i’m worried about my losing my boyfriend he’s been so supportive and loving of me. the theme of misgendering him. he’s trans this thought has come back and i know i never would but it feels like it’s trying to get deeper than before. i see him for him a boy. of course. i’ve never had problems with this before and i know it’s not of me but it’s scaring me ): i don’t want to fall into this or become intolerant the thought makes me want to throw up. i don’t know what to do ): what would you do in this situation ): ride out the feeling or distance yourself. i know i don’t want to lose him ): i’m just so scared right now

Sometimes I think I'm over my mom's homophobia, then other times she'll say something like "gay sex is unnatural" and it just gets stuck in my head. My mind latches onto that one word, and it keep going. I'm unnatural, my sexuality is a mental illness etc. Why does she say these things when she knows I'm a lesbian? She preaches she loves me, and that she doesn't want me to be sad but then she turns around and says this...

My thoughts give me so much pain. I don’t believe there’s anything else I can do. I don’t know how to do ERP for the remaining thoughts. That’s probably as good as it gets. My thoughts changed a few days ago but still in the same theme. I just wish I could go back to my old self. But just knowing I even questioned myself regarding those things is enough to know my life is ruined forever

If you get off Lexapro can it make you bisexual? I know that was a weird question but when I was on it I knew i was straight and wanted to be with guys not girls at all. But now it feels like I'm slipping back into the cycle again. The feelings, thoughts, and sensations feel so real.

I wish big boobs didn’t turn me on!! It’s not even the groinal. It’s REAL and it always has been. I genuinely get turned on by big boobs. But aside from boobs, I don’t want anything to do with women. This could be TMI, but I don’t care for vaginas or anything. It’s literally just boobs. But only big ones. I’m scared this means I am bi. I can’t be straight if I’m turned on by a woman’s body like this!! I know I want to be with a man and I want to be sexualised by a man.

I’ve never wanted to cry more:( I can’t keep doing this I wanna just give up any girl I see I’m worried I’m attracted to. I literally want to curl up in a ball and cry cause I’m so scared I’m attracted to girls and I feel like I am. I don’t want that. What else can I do? Please, help me:(

I tried talking to my parents about what I'm dealing with but it went horribly. I don't know what to do at this point they simply don't get it they think it's easy to just stop thinking about everything but I can't I feel worse. I even showed them my research but they said all this was happening because I read to many books or something I'm devastated that things went so badly I really don't know what to do or who to talk to because NO ONE GETS IT my family just can't understand at this point I don't know what to do I'm seriously lost. What would u guys do if u where like me:\????

sometimes i feel like i’m so deep in denial and other times i’m like what am i even thinking i know i want to be with a guy. i feel like i’m lying to myself and it’s so annoying and saddening. i see cute couples on insta and i just want sometimes like that but at the same time i just know it’s never gonna happen to me. i can never be happy with a girl though.