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the NOCD Community

So my POCD started because I had the misfortune of running into a drawing depicting a child being raped (granted it was just a video game character and not an actual real life child) but now I feel like my brain is telling me I enjoyed looking at that and even I can’t tell whether or not I did. I’m just so ashamed and I wish I never saw it. Soon after that I was constantly trying to reassure myself I’m not a pedophile, that I don’t enjoy the thought of children being sexually abused, or that I’ve never been sexually attracted to a child, etc. My thoughts never leave me; I’m stressing out about this literally every hour, minute and second of the day.

Is anyone a nurse with contamination OCD? How do you work with that??

Anyone else fear falling out of love with your partner and falling in love with someone else you know of? My ocd convinces me this other guy I go to university with is ‘the one’ and creates false memories! It’s the worst feeling ever i feel so much guilt and don’t feel happy and loving when I’m around my boyfriend anymore :( I don’t want to be with anyone else but my boyfriend I just wish I was happy with him and never had these thoughts in the first place.

I have an EXTREME sensitivity to noise. I have sensory overload syndrome? My therapist basically said my senses are extremely heightened, where hearing someone talking sounds like they’re screaming and has the effect on me as if they’re screaming in my ear while poking me all over my body. My dad plays video games like a child and talks to people doing it, and every day I want to scream. Also our dog is older and is constantly sleeping and making noise, snoring, grunting, coughing. I’ve tried everything, listening to music, (which I’m doing now) earplugs, I even had my boyfriend bring headphones of his dad’s that he used for the shooting range! And I can STILL hear them ! I can’t do anything I want anymore. I feel like I live in a prison. I can’t read I can’t write. I feel like I can’t think. Every single day I’m crying from the overwhelming overload I feel every day. Currently in the tub trying to relax and have to blast the music to drown them out, which isn’t even working, I CAN STILL HEAR THEM. This may not make sense unless you have this too but the sensory overload is so bad that it feels you with uncontrollable anger and sadness and makes me think I would rather kill myself than have to deal with hearing them anymore. This spirals my depression even more Because I need to move out! But my overwhelming amount of medical issues and cost are preventing me from that. I can’t even work more than part time due to the issues and every paycheck is spent on bills, half of which are for my health. ?? so my life is going nowhere and all I do is wish I wasn’t alive. I understand I could go to the library etc..but honestly I shouldn’t be so stressed at my house. And. I’m currently sick so I need to stay home, I can’t leave. I’m trying to relax and it’s a fucking nightmare. I’m going to rip my hair out

I started to tell myself “leave it alone” every time I got a thought to remind myself not to engage and just leave it there but now I say it in my head when I anticipate a thought or even think about my situation at all. I’m kind of saying it to myself a lot now and I think it might have turned into a compulsion on accident but I’m not sure?

Ok, after 4 years I've come to the conclusion that I'm the most comfortable with the bisexual label. But nonetheless I still have the urge to constantly be re-checking the gender of the people I like,or find pretty/attra tive. Bc I'm worried I'm just pretending. And its so relative, bc somedays I find pretty guys on the internet and other days some cute girls and you can't really conclude anything from such ever-changing data, could 'ya? Hahs But...its been 4 years, right??? I wish it was enough to realize that it wasnt pretending but ugh trying to analyze yourself is such a hard and subjective task. It's getting better, and having self-assertion is super important and it's been really helping me. Not just on this, but in a lot of areas. But I wanted to know if anyone is going through something similar to try and get their point of view

For me, nearly everything is a repetitive struggle. Flipping light switches, closing doors, pouring milk in my cereal bowl or in a glass to drink, putting on a pair of pants or socks, walking on/past sewer manholes and drains on the street, walking past garbage cans, walking past or near something that is or looks like animal feces (such as bird poop or dog poop etc.) and of course, handwashing. Even typing on this phone right now is a struggle, if at any given moment I "feel" a particular sensation like a wet spot on my lip or a nerve in my foot while I'm typing, I have to back space and retype what I was going to type the first time in hopes that maybe this time I won't "feel" that sensation again otherwise the cycle will repeat itself until finally I do not "feel" a sensation at all and am satisfied enough to continue typing. These are just some of the many examples I suffer from. Ive decided to come on here and share my story with others out of pure desperation in hopes of finding someone who will give me the ASSURANCE I need to escape from this "monster" this "bully" living in my head by providing me with a logical explanation with the support of facts and scientific evidence as to why these repetitive "rituals" and cycles are unnecessary and why the beliefs Ive invented in my mind are in fact false and unrealistic. One of my most extremely irrational beliefs I've invented for example is dripping water from my hands onto a surface where germs are present; by dripping water from my freshly washed hands onto a dirty floor my mind has trained itself to believe the germs from the floor have somehow bounced back up onto my hands, causing me to then have to wash my hands again for relief of anxiety. Same goes with pouring milk in cereal or in a glass; if the milk were to splash on the floor out of my glass or bowl I then feel like the germs have bounced back up into my bowl or glass. Same goes for spitting; whenever I spit on the ground it cannot be on a manhole cover otherwise Ive convinced myself I have sewage in my mouth, I then have to spit again and again and again until finally I have found a surface I believe is "clean" enough to spit on. Same with urinating; It has gotten so bad that I will not urinate in a toilet in fear that the toilet water will splash back up on my penis, instead I would rather go outside and urinate, but even if I do that, say if I were to accidentally urinate on a surface with bird feces, I will then feel like I have bird feces on my penis. I just want to be able to pee in a toilet again like a normal person. This is all so embarassing but I TRULY NEED help. Please someonere, help me get my life back. I just want to be normal again.

Is anyone on here a Christian and struggles with doing ERP?

Been suffering with HOCD as my dominant theme for over a year, one of the most difficult things to deal with is when I'm around others, I constantly have these intrusive thoughts pop up "You're gay" "just tell them you're gay" "tell them, they will understand" "you're just in denial". Also, at times, i get this incrediblely strong urge to just scream "I'm gay", it feels extremely overwhelming and unbearable. It's extremely difficult and exhausting, in general before OCD, I've always known I'm Bi-Sexual and I've accepted that however I've never been sexual with anyone from the Same Sex, but I know i never exclusively gay, all of a sudden OCD is convincing me I'm in denial. Anyone else suffer the same or similar symptoms?

I said something stupid and insensitive earlier. I didn’t mean to offend but realized it came off that way. Now I’m feeling guilty and ashamed of myself. I’m sorry.

i’m kinda freaking out right now . i think i have hocd but still not sure. it makes no sense , the thought that i was bi just came out of nowhere and i have been straight my whole life. i keep getting these thoughts that i want to date a girl and stuff like that and it doesn’t make me happy. the thoughts feel soooooo real and it scares me. now i just believe i’m bi and i hate it so much. i want to go back to my normal self. can anyone help!!?

Hey everyone!! So I’ve been diagnosed with moderate ocd. Sometimes when a new symptom arises with my ocd, I don’t how to combat it. Since I have ocd, sometimes I get scared that it might mean somethings else. So basically I have this weird thing where I need to pull my hair or rip it out. I thought it was trichotillomania but I’m not sure. I was gonna talk about it in therapy today but I forgot. When this happens I usually get a feeling in my scalp where I have to pull or rip my hair out to feel better. It is weird. Sometimes I don’t need to pull my hair out, I can get that satisfaction just from tugging of it and feeling the hair being tugged . The feeling of needing to pull my hair even shows up no only on my scalp but my shoulder muscle and I have to pull my hair or stretch it to feel better. I’m not sure if it is Tourette’s. Can someone let me know if they have had this or similar to it. What if so what is it? Is it just plain ocd. Help!!

Someone who has HOCD, can share your story with me?? I'm new in the app.

Why does my OCD feel so real? One minute I’m so in love with my boyfriend then the next I fear I’m falling out of love and that I’m meant to be with someone else. I feel so numb and empty I just feel emotionless once the anxiety fades away. It actually feels as if my thoughts are true how can I just feel like me again

i’m terrified i’ll become a schizophrenic one day. it’s one of my biggest fears.

A few months back I saw a picture of a kid in a swimming costume on the beach but the photo was taken from the back of the kid and I saw it but because of my intrusive thoughts I don’t like to look Past the hip area because it triggers me to have horrible thoughts and I thought no I’m not my thoughts so I clicked back on to it and looked past the hips area but it’s now making me think I’m a horrible person I shouldn’t of looked where I did and it’s just making me feel so horrible but I was just trying to prove to my ocd brain that if I look at a photo and I just happen to see that area that it didn’t mean anything I’m now stuck

The more I come here, the more I realize that ocd is a scary, weird, f*ed up illness, so I don’t get how organized people claim to have ocd or think it’s a cute or funny quirk. If they only knew how miserable life can be sometimes when you have to deal with an inner voice who’s constantly trying to ruin everything, and constantly making you feel scared to even wake up in the morning or go to sleep at night..

I'm not a smart man Im slow every year in school I would always have a fresh face and feel new to things over the summer I knew nothing of body language and I was introduced to it in a very scary way my dad passed my mom's cousin was a pastor we used to go to his church he found out my dad had passed on and tried to comfort us and talked to us didn't help me scared the crap out of me my siblings would joke on him plus we nicknamed him fat John he was a hefty man and in the conversations the way he was talking to us about his weight and what people call him he dropped a huge hint and other stuff I forgot I'm freaking out how how does he know that that's a secret he kept on doing this dropping hints I thought hey how is he doing this it's like he's reading my mind and I'm scared I'm paranoid worrying if people could read my mind Im terrible at body language I didn't know you could do that again slow kid every time I see people I think they can read my mind and in noticing people can read my mind I can't cover it up again slow kid and these are personal things really embarrassing things people can see things I can tell I'm thinking of something some guy can tell cause their talking about the stuff it's similar to me it's no coincidence I see this alot I can't do anything to stop it cover it up forget about and again slow kid I need help show me to be calm keep a straight face stop panicing please I'm on my knees begging someone please help me

This horrible disorder never ends if you keep fighting, it destroys you mentally and physically, till there's nothing left but obsessions and intrusive thoughts. No sleep, no appetite, no will to live. Controlling your life till life isn't worth it anymore. I've been suffering with OCD (mainly Pure O) for many years now and it is a giant monster always finding cracks to renew and feeds on the slightest doubt, it's a never ending rabbit hole of darkness, if you fight it. There is no answer nor reassurance nor pills to stop the horrible doubts and fears, you can't out think it or try to stop thinking it, just try your best to realise that it is nothing to do with you as a person, you are completely FREE from the horrible thoughts and urges your mind sends you, it's the mind you must seperate the two. Acceptance of uncertainty, trusting in life and realising that thoughts can't be stopped nor controlled nor deleted nor escaped is the way to overcome.

yesterday I was able to masturbate and ignore my intrusive thoughts which was amazing!! felt like a big fuck you to my intrusive thoughts. my sex life is getting way better and I've been opening up to having more sex with my bf again.