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I am crying because i dont know who i am anymore and i dont know how this has got so bad after 16 years of copeing. I cant enjoy my family or the things i used to do. I just dont know what to do anymore it feels like im attracted to men but i dont want to be. I just want mt full love back for women 😥

I’ve been with my girlfriend for almost 7 years and now I’m wondering if I’ve ever even loved her. I hate this so much. I know I care about her more than anything in the world and I think she’s the most beautiful woman in the universe but I feel like she loves me more and I’ll never be enough. Lately I’ve been feeling horrible for thinking other girls are pretty or good looking and I don’t know what to do. My girlfriend is a Demi sexual so she doesn’t find people attractive unless she has a connection with them, hence she only finds me good looking. I want to be like that, I feel like that’s what she deserves. I’ve been trying to reprogram my brain to do that by not formulating opinions on other peoples appearances and it’s gotten better but I still struggle with it sometimes. She tells me things like “how could you find anyone other than me pretty or beautiful?” And that breaks my heart. I don’t want to think those thoughts. I feel like I’ll never be enough. I’m trying so hard. I also had a porn addiction and that caused a lot of trauma to our relationship. I feel guilty every single day. I feel like this would’ve never been an issue if I had never watched porn. I wish I could’ve been perfect to her from day 1. I feel full of regret and disgust for myself.

Does anyone else ever experience false memories with POCD? I’m currently struggling because I took my 3 y/o nephew to use the restroom at a restaurant (I also had to pee) and we shared the same stall. I know inside that nothing happened, but my POCD is now creating a false memory that I molested him or made him touch me. Please help :(

I have a child and Im seriously thinking about doing an open adoption due to my POCD also have also physically abused my son once in the past Wich is probably why I'm afraid I may sexually abuse him even though I absolutely do not want to nor do I think about him like that. But I feel it's best if I give him up just in case and never have kids. While I continue to stay sober and try to be a better person and continue to be in his life just always with someone else. If anyone else has POCD and does NOT want kids do to this reason but still wants a partner that is of age and still wants to help people and do good for the world but feels like they can never have a family because of pocd I'm here. I'm just looking for a guy who has POCD but actually does NOT want to harm kids and for that reason does not want to have kids. It's a lonly road and I know this isn't a dating site but I feel like in this situation it can help. I don't drink or do drugs I just want to get to know someone and settle down and not have kids. But still help people. I want to be psychologist to help people struggling with ocd and other mental illnesses. I don't want to be alone the rest of my life but I also don't want kids due to POCD. If anyone feels the same feel free to message me.

Ocd is such a crazy disorder. It has so many things that come along with it. False memories, low self esteem, depression, immense amounts of guilt, ticks, and so much more. It’s like constantly fighting a battle with yourself within the 4 walls of your brain. I’m quite literally living in fear and guilt. I’m scared I’ll be like this forever. I want to be happy and normal. Why me? Why us? No one understands how this affects us except for us. I know my friends and family try to be understanding, but they just don’t get it. It’s not as easy as just “chilling out”. I cannot control this bullshit. I am so uncertain about what my future looks like. This life feels fake. It feels like I’m just existing. Covering up the awfulness I feel. Just burying it because I really can’t think my way through it. Ocd has taken so fucking much from me. It’s taken my relationship, my sanity, some of my freedom, some of my personality, my physical body, and so much more. I can’t even do or watch some things now in fear of me being triggered. Progress is happening slowly but I am not patient. I’m sorry this is so long. I just need to rant. This disorder is so fucking hard to handle. I want to live again, but a lot of me is just so fucking tired of fighting. Part of me wants to just give in to the OCD and let it consume me. Just lay in bed all day and be guilt ridden and upset. Because that seems easier than constantly being at war with yourself. I am also just so fucking angry. Why me!!! Why??? I don’t understand. I’m glad my mindset has changed, but is this really what the fuck it would take for me to change? And now that I’m a changed person, can my past fucking STOP haunting me??? My ocd is such a liar. It tells me shit that’s not even true but yet I still believe it. I’m honestly just at the point where I need this shit gone. It’s been entirely too long of just simply existing.

There’s quite a few of LGBTQ+ people on this app- so if I may have some advice from those people 🥰 Does anyone know how to overcome internalized homophobia? It settled in right after I recovered from OCD, and it’s driven me to really low mental health. Any advice is appreciated- thanks so much 💚✨

does anyone’s intrusive thoughts ever manifest and not being able to get rid of a certain word? Sometimes when I walk past a black person my brain just repeats the n word over and over and it’s really distressing because it’s the last thing I’d ever want to say

Sometimes I am so overwhelmed that I look forward to this all ending and wishing Jesus would call me home to Heaven. Where there is no suffering, no pain, no tears. I feel no peace or ability to cope on days like this. And to think I have to continue life with suffering is so hard, but that I have to do it, it is an overwhelming thought 😢😢😢.. I just want to go sometimes so that the suffering will end.

Hello NOCD family! My name is Danielle... but my peeps call me Dani! Let me start by introducing myself. I am a 40-year-old Christian mother of three and wife of a wonderfully understanding husband. I have OCD and my themes have been ROCD, Sexual Orientation OCD and POCD. This year in early March I started having unwanted and intrusive thoughts that would continuously interrupt everything that I wanted to do in life. Shortly after I found the NOCD app and the program. I immediately sought out ERP and therapy. With the help of my NOCD therapist Tanya, medication (in my case) and ERP I can truly say that I’m living a better quality of life and each day is getting better. It is a very hard and sometimes tedious road. But if I can do it. I know you can too! I’m here for you all whenever you want to talk, rant, cry or just tell OCD to kick rocks!

Wife’s undiagnosed ocd turned into phycosis paranoia. Makes her angry and unbearable. Life is difficult because she’s refusing treatment as of now. Any experience helpful thanks

I have had really really tough days behind me. The ocd is really bad right now. The voices in my head seem to have no mercy. I’m struggling, and I have to keep my compulsions out of that. They do more harm than they help, but the guilt seems to eat me alive.

I'm so scared of being a narcist. How can I know if I have narcistic personality disorder? I know I have some traits. I'm constantly looking for admiration and sometimes attention. I sometimes dream about being successful and so on. I do have very low self esteem. I don't think I'm better than people, I never have. But the admiration trait makes me think I'm a narcist. Could anyone please help me

For the past few days now I’ve felt in a weird place. It’s not been bad but at the same time I don’t trust it too much. It’s been a place of carelessness to the thoughts. Thoughts have come it and I’ve brushed them off. I know that’s good but also it feels like I’m in a rut again because I just don’t care anymore and I didn’t decide to not care, my ocd did. Last night I had a wank which I know is a bad thing but hey can’t stop old habits. Everything was going fine until this guy popped into my head and I got scared. Luckily I was able to get him out of my mind but the damage was done. My mind didn’t panic at all and I felt a sense of happiness almost. I hated it. I want to cry and scream and be furious but I’m not. My mind is muddled with carelessness, gay thoughts and confusion.

I’m afraid that I have committed the unforgivable sin. I mocked god. I have been a Christian the majority of my life. I’m really worried that I will go to hell now. What do I do?

I feel like there’s legitimate proof as to why I could be a lesbian? I never thought about any of these things before. Once my friend came over to study at my house after I finally got my own room and I remember having butterflies that she was going to come over ??? I can’t remember if I’ve gotten those before. I don’t really like inviting people over to my house and tbh I’ve never had friends I wanted to invite over but what if that was because I secretly liked her? I remember one of my friends had a dream that I told him I was bisexual (at the time I thought I was, but I’m like 90% sure I’m aro) and that me and that same friend was dating and I remember being really surprised but also kind of intrigued as to what that would look like and then I remembered I would have to kiss her and that made me feel bad and kinda gross. And she’s like my best friend. I’m afraid I’m actually a lesbian, and that I’m going to want to date girls when I move out. All I ever wanted was a quiet and private life!! I wanted to stay single forever and not have to worry!! I don’t even know what I’m looking for but I feel so antsy on the inside, like I’m just waiting for the day it clicks that I’m actually a lesbian. I don’t want to date girls but I feel like I have to!!

I need help PLEASE. please. So my OCD is flaring so bad right now and I feel like stress and pms is causing this. I posted about a guy a week or two before and I told you guys we had no label. That's still true but he has honestly told me the he is still keeping his options open and still talking to other women. Usually that's fine / understandable but I've already gotten attached after three months and thought we were on the same page (wrong of me to assume) I felt so sad upon hearing that and though I understand cause we aren't exclusive I feel as if this cause great stress to me? and anxiety? but I STILL wanna pursue him don't get me wrong. Now, I usually stalk people on social media sometimes for no reason. Maybe I'm just nosey but I've noticed I've stalked him a lot especially this month because ever since the start of December I felt as if he started to show signs he liked me less? even if he has told me he liked me multiple times. Now after he has told me he talked to other women, I get the urge to stalk his profile and i do! I have been for the past three days! and i feel crazy. i feel like a psycho. I checked his recent followers, their accounts, check if he has liked the pictures. I normally don't do that, I used to but I made a rule to stop it and I feel like this new info has triggered and made me give into the urge. Now though, I have deleted instagram because Im aware and I wanna stop this. HOWEVER, I feel so bad. I feel so guilty. I feel like I'm this crazy psycho who isn't his girlfriend yet and is keeping tabs on hum. I don't wanna be this crazy psycho. It's making me get the urge to confess that I've stalked him multiple times on social media and would sometimes check games we play or overthink active status and minutes he's online. I wasn't like this when we started I don't know why I'm acting this crazy and I don't know why I feel the NEED to confess to him I've done all that (I'm fighting the urge to socially stalk him because I don't wanna be THAT type of girl) I feel like I don't deserve to pursue him because I'm crazy and it makes me so sad because I really like him. It breaks my heart I'm the way I am and I feel like he'll never accept me or anyone for that matter. It's too early to confide this with him but i've confided that Imve ocd symptoms before and he seems to be accepting of it but we WERE to date i don't think he'd know its THIS bad sometimes and sometimes HE will be the center of it. I just want the urge to confess to go away because not confessing gives me so much anxiety. Like I wanna get the relief of knowing he still accepts me even with the good the bad and the ugly. but it's too early to tell, i understand. It's only been three months. I feel crazy honestly. Idk if I'm really the crazy psycho girl I look like or if its just OCD making everything worse when things are bad.

Hey everyone! My name is Evelyn and I’m a new NOCD Advocate :-) I’ve been dealing with OCD for over a year now, struggling with themes such as Suicidal OCD, Existential OCD, and so on. Doing therapy through NOCD and learning how to do ERP has changed my life for the better! I’m here for you all as a fountain of support and encouragement - remember you are stronger than you think you are!

“Do not be afraid I am with you” “I go before you always”. Jesus will always walk with you thru your toughest battles. Trust in him!

🎄 If anyone has Scrupolosity OCD, Moral OCD or Existential OCD I would love to help you! I can share with you my story and testimony. I hope it offers hope!! And to make you feel less alone. I am here to chat and would love to offer any help I can with this daily suffering. I am posting this every day till Christmas. Even if it helps one person it is so worth it! 🎄

My mum just went into hospital because her face was dropping to one side. I couldn't go with her because of Covid-19. I am sitting at home worrying so much. They paramedics came and they didnt seem too worried because she didn't have any really bad symptoms but said they wanted to send her in to "rule anything bad out". No one in my house seems worried. But I am worrying so much :( I honestly cannot cope in life without my mum, I dont want anything bad to happen to her. Please send your prayers for my mum..