Welcome to
the NOCD Community

Hi everyone. First time here. I suffer from Contamination OCD. I have a good support group in friends, family, and my boyfriend, but I have not met anyone else with OCD and I needed to reach out to others to find help. I first got OCD when I was 17 (I am now 33) and was able to go into remission, but COVID brought it back. I was struggling at work (which was outside with the public). I found a therapist and she wrote me a doctor’s note suggesting I be allowed to work from home. My work was not accommodating at all and only offered me FMLA leave, so I took it as my only option and eventually got on Short Term Disability. The whole process took forever and was incredibly stressful. My leave was supposed to be a time of healing and it just made my OCD symptoms worse. My employer basically treated me as though I was trying to get out of work and proved to me that though they talk about the importance of mental health, they don’t take mental health seriously. I ended up having to leave my job “involuntarily due to health reasons” as they would not grant an extension nor let me return with any restrictions/accommodations. My therapist seemed good at first, but it became clear that she wasn’t really helping me. She would often use our sessions to vent about the insurance company and in one session, she basically called me a hopeless case and kept saying “I don’t know. I am concerned. I don’t know how you are going to be able to function” and threw out the word hospitalization, though she did backtrack on that one. I struggle everyday. I am worried that something from outside of the home touched something clean and is now contaminated. I need help working through this. I am constantly looking for reassurance, question if things are clean, wash my hands, use too many disinfectant wipes, and take showers upwards of 50-60 mins. I feel like my mind is being taken over by my OCD, I’m losing time, and it’s straining my relationship. For anyone who is struggling with contamination OCD brought on by COVID - any tips? My therapist never gave me anything specific to work on with this - to help me focus on something else. I am in the process of finding another therapist, but until then - any help would be greatly appreciated. Thank you!

I have been suffering from OCD for many years. I am on numerous medications through my psychiatrist and have been in therapy for over a year. I don’t feel like things have necessarily gotten better. While ERP has been a big part of my therapy, it has become harder to trust in the process. Has anyone experienced treatment-resistant OCD? I take responsibility for not being as dedicated to ERP as I was when I started, but I am so frustrated with my lack of progress. Any feedback would be appreciated!

Need advice. I’m having trouble accepting that my boyfriend is moving in with a group of people I don’t know. We have never lived together but always planned on moving in soon. He’s now moving in with people I don’t know and can’t help he’s leaving me behind. I’m trying so hard to understand and I just can’t. Every time I think about it I feel sick to my stomach. It’s going to break our relationship. It’s irrational but I still feel it. I just can’t let it go for some reason. Reassurance isn’t even an option here and I’m terrified we are going to break up.

My OCD is surrounded by my ex . His birthday is next week and I Know I can’t call him . It was a very toxic , abusive relationship. We worked together and I see the Coronavirus as a blessing in disguise . Since I didn’t see him every day ( working from home still), it gave me the courage to tell him I was going to block him and that I needed to focus on my OCD. Three years in a relationship with him and I lost myself . While working with him at work,I was walking on eggshells every time I used the bathroom or got a water break . I got accused if a guy got up when I did to use the bathroom or had to reassure him that no one tried to have a conversation with me . He was so controlling and paranoid. He was an alcoholic for the first two years . I helped him get sober . Once he got sober , his anger , paranoia got worse . He was obsessed with me and if any guy tried to talk to me . He even started to think his neighbors were out to get him . If he walked around his apartment and if he heard footsteps , he thought his neighbors were mocking the way he walked . I need a reality check . I did do the right thing by blocking him bc he made me feeel soooo guilty . My heart is breaking .

I have really bad anxiety and sadness about a book (now show) I watched that just made me so sad. Now I try to avoid it at all costs and I just feel so afraid I’ll get depressed again. Everyone else seems to be fine watching it but I read the book a year ago and am still sad

my ocd is gonna ruin Christmas

I just want to know who i am. This has gone on to long

I am so sad. I feel so hopeless. I am just so tired of picking myself up again. I want to recover. I've read so many books and gone to therapy. But I feel as hopeless as ever. I could just cry all day and not stand up. I worry that my OCD has turned into depression... I want to get better! But it is so frustrating!! Those feelings... I keep searching for a way to get rid of them, I can't endure them! I don't want to feel sad all the time...

A lot of the time this doesnt feel like hocd ? 😥

Hello everybody! So one of my big themes was a fear of the sky/ it’s size. I’ve posted several times about it on here, and nobody related but I’m still going to update because I feel like this could be helpful to any intrusive thoughts. So, because I had so many existential thoughts about the sky I had convinced myself I was scared of it. I know sounds crazy. So I started saying “I’m not scared of the sky it’s just my anxiety trying to cling on to something”. And that really helped me to not get this feeling of dread everytime I looked at it. For my existential thoughts I’ve been saying “I don’t need to worry about this, this doesn’t matter to me”. These things have been really helping me, I’m still struggling with it but I feel much better than I did a week ago. But, I do have a question. I can’t fully let go of this sky theme because I keep repeating words in my head that related to my fear. Like I used to think about how the sky was a giant dome and now all day my brain says “dome some dome dome” and I’m not sure how to cut it off. It will also just say “sky sky sky” and it makes me have to stop and reassure myself that I’m not scared and stops me from letting go of it. If anyone has any advice on this I would really appreciate it. Overall though I’m doing well with this theme, and I still have panic attacks everyday but the difference now is that I know I can stop them and control them and that they don’t have anything to do with the sky itself but rather my crazy brain. Hope everyone has a wonderful week and a great holiday if you celebrate :)

Anyone else thinking that the music they listen are for the opposite gender ?

I don't understand what we're supposed to do when we get an intrusive thought. There's so many directions to take according to therapy. #1 just let it be there and get on with your life #2 turn that thought into an exposure #3 do an overcorrection exposure & go above/beyond to make yourself anxious on purpose. I mean, which way is the way? How am I not to be confused? Everything about OCD therapy is super confusing.

anyone else so scared if the future? i hate hearing ab change it makes me so scared that in the future i’m going to be gay

I cant see myself with a woman in a romantic way....like in reality i cant but my mind keeps making me think all scenerios with girls and it feels so weird, i dont want it Im so scared i do It feels like i retrained my brain to think of girls yet i cant see them in that light when it comes down to it cause im not a lesbian nor do i want to be I wanna be with a man and boy crazy and find guys extremely hot without having to feel weird about it:( Does this sound like im in denial?

Does anyone feel trapped? Like almost impulsive, but not really you just feel like if something doesn’t change soon you’re going to actually go crazy? I feel so on edge, like nothing is changing I’m just getting worse and I know these things take time, but I genuinely feel like I’m going to go crazy. I can’t even just be sad in my bed like a normal depressed person. I feel like I’m so desperate for something to change and like I’m on edge 24/7. Not like...anxious though. Maybe a little anxious, but there’s no physical symptoms of anxiety.

🎄Good morning everyone! If you have Scrupolosity OCD, Moral OCD or Existential OCD I would love to help you! I can share with you my story and testimony. I hope it offers hope!! And to make you feel less alone. I am here to chat and would love to offer any help I can with this daily suffering. I am posting this every day till Christmas. Even if it helps one person it is so worth it! Thank you to everyone so far that has been in contact with me. Its been so great to talk together. 🎄

I am crying because i dont know who i am anymore and i dont know how this has got so bad after 16 years of copeing. I cant enjoy my family or the things i used to do. I just dont know what to do anymore it feels like im attracted to men but i dont want to be. I just want mt full love back for women 😥

I’ve been with my girlfriend for almost 7 years and now I’m wondering if I’ve ever even loved her. I hate this so much. I know I care about her more than anything in the world and I think she’s the most beautiful woman in the universe but I feel like she loves me more and I’ll never be enough. Lately I’ve been feeling horrible for thinking other girls are pretty or good looking and I don’t know what to do. My girlfriend is a Demi sexual so she doesn’t find people attractive unless she has a connection with them, hence she only finds me good looking. I want to be like that, I feel like that’s what she deserves. I’ve been trying to reprogram my brain to do that by not formulating opinions on other peoples appearances and it’s gotten better but I still struggle with it sometimes. She tells me things like “how could you find anyone other than me pretty or beautiful?” And that breaks my heart. I don’t want to think those thoughts. I feel like I’ll never be enough. I’m trying so hard. I also had a porn addiction and that caused a lot of trauma to our relationship. I feel guilty every single day. I feel like this would’ve never been an issue if I had never watched porn. I wish I could’ve been perfect to her from day 1. I feel full of regret and disgust for myself.

Does anyone else ever experience false memories with POCD? I’m currently struggling because I took my 3 y/o nephew to use the restroom at a restaurant (I also had to pee) and we shared the same stall. I know inside that nothing happened, but my POCD is now creating a false memory that I molested him or made him touch me. Please help :(

I have a child and Im seriously thinking about doing an open adoption due to my POCD also have also physically abused my son once in the past Wich is probably why I'm afraid I may sexually abuse him even though I absolutely do not want to nor do I think about him like that. But I feel it's best if I give him up just in case and never have kids. While I continue to stay sober and try to be a better person and continue to be in his life just always with someone else. If anyone else has POCD and does NOT want kids do to this reason but still wants a partner that is of age and still wants to help people and do good for the world but feels like they can never have a family because of pocd I'm here. I'm just looking for a guy who has POCD but actually does NOT want to harm kids and for that reason does not want to have kids. It's a lonly road and I know this isn't a dating site but I feel like in this situation it can help. I don't drink or do drugs I just want to get to know someone and settle down and not have kids. But still help people. I want to be psychologist to help people struggling with ocd and other mental illnesses. I don't want to be alone the rest of my life but I also don't want kids due to POCD. If anyone feels the same feel free to message me.