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I’m going crazy right now and need help, is it possible I have Pure - O. Now a few years ago I remember I was home alone (my mom works a lot.) and I was having a bag of chips. I took a chip in my mouth and it didn’t taste right. It tasted like... plastic! I felt like I was choking, I called 911 and explained how I felt like there was plastic in my throat, they asked if I needed an ambulance and I said no because I was supposed to go with my aunt somewhere soon, I hung up and soon after I experienced something I NEVER had before. I had a panic attack. I felt like I couldn’t breathe, my heart was racing fast, it felt like the room was spinning and getting smaller, it lasted for about 2 minutes but it felt like it lasted forever. Soon after she came to get me and throughout the rest of the day I felt like I was going to die. Then for the next month or 2 I was convinced I was going to die. I couldn’t be alone, I refused / avoided eating Incase I choked on a piece of food and died, I was afraid of sleeping alone. I didn’t want to go to school Incase I died, I couldn’t go over to friends houses because I was afraid (I still do that to this day :((...) if I wasn’t near my mom I was panicking and even when I was with her I was panicking. Whenever I got a panic attack or whenever I felt a sensation (heart skipped a beat, got a tingle in my arm, etc) I immediately thought “IM GOING TO DIE.” So I quickly looked up symptoms of how I was feeling on google and came up with all these diseases / illnesses I was convinced I had. My mom took me to therapy for it and I originally went there for this but somehow we got on these other subjects? Like how I am in school, how I am in social situations, how my home life was. And I guess it helped but I still get like that to this day sometimes. With what I’m really hoping and praying for is HOCD because I experienced this last summer AND this summer. I experience some of the same symptoms, can’t be alone, afraid to be near female friends, more like any friend in general now. I’m avoiding some of the activities I used to enjoy incase I got a groinal response / thought I was attracted to the females. (Just typing that I wanted to type out males instead because that’s what I was attracted to before all of this.) I can’t even sleep in my own bed because I’m terrified. I’m only the room above my mom but I just can’t be alone. Sometimes I have this strange/uncomfortable urge to come out and I didn’t feel like that before besides last summer and this summer and it scared me. Last summer when I had the episode I told my mom and she said she’d love me no matter what but I didn’t feel better at all. When I went back to school I was scared but then I started developing crushes on boys again. (I even wanted to go to school to see this guy and I hate going to school!) I even believe I had my first love, this guy named Aiden. I did whatever I could to make myself seem cool to him. We have similar interests, he has an amazing personality and he ain’t so bad looking either lol. Whenever he called me cute or gave me any compliment I got these butterflies in my tummy. I’d want to stay up ALL NIGHT to talk to him. At first we were internet friends and then we met and I couldn’t stop being nervous, but a good nervous. When he hugged me I didn’t want to let go. I was so tempted to just brush my hand up against his and hold it. I tried to dress up my best (with what I could) to make myself look nice. I put on tons and tons of perfumes to smell nice. I felt great. Now with this it feels like I never felt that way or how my past crushes were lies. I remember when I was younger (before I understood what family was) I found my cousin attractive, I found cartoon characters (male) attractive. Even last year when I was in culinary (cooking) some of the guys, the way they wore their uniforms were attractive. This one guy named Michael was VERYYY attractive, he had the looks and he had a nice personality. I’m not the girliest girl and my perfect romantic night was staying in and playing video games and eating snacks with my boyfriend, not a big fancy dinner. ( I come from a poor background so my mind is quantity over quality) so like why spend so much money on one fancy dinner when you can get like SOOO much more at McDonald’s or something??? So maybe that stems from that but it’s just so annoying. I wanted to be with this boy (my crush) before all this started and now it’s so hard. He knows about my situation and he helps me relax and before I felt so happy he cared, I felt so loved but now it feels like a drag. Everything now feels like a drag. Is this pure - O? Am I crazy?

I have 25 chairs in my house. Because of contamination OCD, I can only sit on 3. Does anybody relate to this sort of thing? d a i s y

Really really struggling with my ROCD today. I’ve been touring grad schools and I keep thinking if we broke up everything would be easier. How would I be able to differentiate actually wanting to break up from ocd?? I’m so stressed.

I had a lot of trouble last year with my relationship, no matter how much reassurance my Bf would give me I was always afraid he was going to leave me. Towards the end of our relationship I was anxious and crying a lot. He couldn’t take it anymore. He fell out of love with me. We broke up not just because of that but because we both weren’t on the same page as to what we wanted out of our relationship. Which is why I just thought that’s what caused my anxiety. We broke September and I thought I could finally relax a little because the anxiety had lifted. Come December though my mind had lost it. I’ve had extremely grueling intrusive thoughts/images pretty much every day since. Ones of harming people I love. I have no history of violence what so ever. I was the naive church girl growing up. I always wanted to help people as much as I could. I was never a vengeful person. In fact if i had a argument with someone I’d have to fix it right away. I couldn’t stand them being upset with me. This has been going on for 8 months now. I find it hard to think of anything else. I google a lot to see if my thoughts are normal or not. I have to constantly reassure myself things are going to be okay and that I won’t hurt anyone. Most days I don’t like to be touched or sometimes it’s hard for me to even talk. I feel scared all the time. I went to my doctor for depression and anxiety and they put me on lexapro which only seemed to make me more jittery and anxious. Then Zoloft which helped but then stopped working. I’m not on Paxil w/Xanax to help the panic attacks. But I can’t tell if it’s working. I almost feel like it’s not because everyday I break down and cry. I don’t know what to do anymore. I feel like I should be locked away. I have a therapy appointment in two weeks. I’m trying to hold on and not freak out for the time being.

Hi my name is Erick I’ve been dealing with ocd for a while. The negative thoughts don’t leave me alone. All of them are about me hurting myself or hurting a love one. Those images looked so real. And they make you doubt a lot. Please someone going through something similar please help me. Because sometimes I feel I am the only one going through this thing

Last night I was able to convince myself I was straight and felt somewhat relief for about 7 minutes as it was close to bedtime, now I can’t sleep by myself as I get anxious so I sleep with my mom. I went to bed and HAD another same sex dream, but this time it was someone I knew, it was a person I was going to (but didn’t, I got too weirded out and didn’t want to do it, and that memory still haunts me to this day, but anyway) experiment with. more like nightmare again we didn’t do ANYTHING (thank you jESUS.) But I woke up panicked again. That’s 2 nights in a row I’ve had these dreams and I’m exhausted and my body is so sore and I woke up feeling nauseous and I felt like I was gonna have diarrhea (sorry tmi) but I just don’t want to sleep incase I have ANOTHER dream. Why has my panic gone down? Why aren’t I getting panic attacks like I used to get? I know I don’t feel calm because I get anxious and I feel worse if I get one of those “am I gonna stay like this forever?” “Was I always like this?” Thoughts. They’ve gotten so bad I’ve been begging my mom to take me out of public schooling so I don’t have to see anybody. Like I posted a picture of my hair that I just got done and my female friends would comment “omg pretty” “love you queen” and I felt awkward and uncomfortable saying it back Incase that was proof that I’m (that word.) I’m afraid to watch movies Incase I see any females that are “attractive”, same thing for going out in public. My mom has called therapists but none have called her back. I have little desire to do the things I do and I can’t be alone but I don’t want to be with any other people besides my mom (I also have separation anxiety.) what is wrong with me? Why am I like this? What’s going on with me?

Really struggling with my contamination ocd lately. It’s so hard to sit in fear and discomfort without washing and preforming my compulsions. Is there any one else struggling with this, that has any advice? Thank you!!

Hello everyone! I am thinking about participating in a clinical trial that focuses on glutamate in the brain. It is conducted by Biohaven Pharma and has been promoted by nOCD. Is anyone on this site participating in a clinical trial?

Does anyone else here have Symmetry ocd? Mine is really bad today, it’s annoying me.

My HOCD is spiking a lot more today bc of certain triggers. However I wanna go on vacation with my boyfriend soon. Hopefully then my ocd will give me some peace as we’ll be with family and I’ll have him the whole time

Was anyone else ever misdiagnosed as having something instead of OCD? Because when I started obsessing five years ago, I had intrusive thoughts about death, which led the doctors to believe that I wanted to harm myself when in reality it was my OCD. So, I was diagnosed with depression, and got treatment for that rather than OCD. It wasn’t until earlier this year they realized I was suffering from OCD.

Anyone have experience with ketamine for OCD? They’re doing a study on it at Stanford and it’s supposedly very promising.

What do you think about telling your family you have or think you have OCD?

I was just wondering if anyone’s OCD had prevented them from sitting exams? I’m about to go into a huge exam block and I’m going through a really rough patch with my OCD. I don’t think I could honestly make it through exams at this point. Any advice? d a i s y

Y’all HOCD and honestly OCD as a whole is the worst. Some days I think I’m doing fine and then other days, my brain tries to convince me that I’m in denial of my sexuality. I’ve always been attracted to men; in fact one of my biggest dreams has always been to have a husband and kids. I don’t want to have a relationship with a woman, but even if I see a woman and think she is beautiful or that outfit makes her look so pretty, or her boobs look good in that dress, etc..etc..ocd likes to take me on this rollercoaster of doubts. I think women are structurally beautiful but I also think sunsets are beautiful! I’m truly not trying to look for reassurance here, but can anyone relate? My HOCD shows itself as intrusive feelings and even false attractions/ unwanted sensations. I hate these feelings and I truly don’t want to have a relationship with a woman. I would not be happy, but I can’t seem to escape the doubts. For those of you who struggle with HOCD, what is your story?

How do you all deal with the fear of paranoia or fear of going crazy? (Notice: I said fear of paranoia)

I really struggle to say no. I feel like I’m responsible for everyone’s happiness and safety and if I say no then they’ll be upset and might hurt themselves. I know how silly that sounds but I can’t help feeling this way. I’m exhausted and I need to put myself first- please help

Has anyone dealt with depression and OCD at the same time? Did it take getting the depression better before the OCD got better?

I need advice. Tomorrow I have my second therapy appointment. I don’t know how to introduce my OCD thoughts and compulsions to my therapist. I am afraid she will think i’m crazy or tell my parents.

my ocd is the worst when I get up in the morning. I journal before I go to work and when I’m off but some days the fear worries overtake me before I leave the house and then it takes me forever to leave the house because of the self checking compulsion that has to do with appearance. Does anyone have any strategies or suggestions?