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the NOCD Community

I am a student and this OCD is affecting my studies to a greater extent ☹️

this is non OCD related . my mom does not like my boyfriend . bc we dated in the past and it didn’t end well he didn’t cheat but he did have some unresolved issues and it was put onto me so we broke up and recently we got back together and she’s very upset about it and i’m 17 so she was saying how i have to pay my car bills and stuff now if i want to do whatever i want and i get it . but i just want things to be okay . i feel like i’m in the wrong and i tell her it’s not her place to make the decision for me and all this but she says that she hates him and i’m stressed out

I’m scared of the exposures I’m going to be asked to do with NOCD therapy.

NSFW Been dealing with stuff again. Unfortunately, I feel into compulsions. I have a memory of watching a video on pornhub of an 18+ year old who looked youngish. I am not exactly sure on the details, but it seems either I assumed he was his age, or I was unsure but watched it anyway (not into guys btw so it wouldn’t be attraction to him) if I was unsure of his age I probably would have been a minor myself but idk how young I could have thought he was.

Does anyone have experience micro dosing mushrooms to decrease intrusive thoughts ?

Hi everyone. Idk if this makes sense but I was driving the other day & I saw a man on the sidewalk & thought, "Oh, better not hit him. Or "what if I hit him? Or "I could hit him." Idk my thoughts were moving so fast. & I turned left whixh was away from him (plus I'm in the road anyways obviously not on a sidewalk) & then felt a bump & I know it wasn't a person but I just got so worried. & when I drove a bit further & looked in my rearview mirror I didn't see him or anything. I REALLY wanted to drive all the way back down the road to double check but resisted & kept driving cuz I knew it was more of a compulsion & I had a work meeting. But I felt so anxious at work. So an hour later I drove back anyways (I telework & had to use my parents' cable at their house since I have no WIFI). & I went back & didn't see anything that looked like an accident had happened or police or anything. But weirdly I didn't feel like I felt the same bump in the road though so that made me nervous??? Like, I feel like I'm remembering it right but maybe I'm not? & I know I didn't hit anyone but I keep obsessing that what if I did? If it was a normal bump in the road why didn't I feel it again when I went back?? I keep trying to recreate the exact memory but can't. Like to the point that it's throwing me off. When it happened 2 days ago, I just cried I felt so upset. My OCD seems like it's returning with driving anxiety. & I keep wanting to see that man again to make myself feel better so I know he's OK but obviously I'm in my neighborhood & have no clue who that was so idk how in my head I hurt him even though he was on the sidewalk & I was on the road. So it makes me think I don't deserve good things or happiness because I hurt someone. Even though there's no real evidence that that happened. Does this make sense for anyone? I know it sounds reassurance seeking/probably is but I'm just frustrated. You don't have to respond if you don't want to, you can just like it if you understand. I just wanted to explain myself.

I just want live normal life as other teens. I am really so exhausted. Sorry for this, but i dunno what to do at this point anymore. I dont know how to bare

God.. i don't know what to do? I'm not suicidal... i'm not. But ever since i had a bad reaction caused by the wellbutrin my doctor gave me I was petrified i'd get these thoughts again... they scared me, i didn't like them! i don't want to die, i have health anxiety and contamination OCD for gods sake..Ill randomly be sitting in my bed and say i'm in my zoom class and my teacher is like "i'll see you all next week!" my mind is like "no you won't, i won't be here i'll be 6 feet underground" or my mom will talk about how we have to go to the grocery store in a few days and my mind will go "if i make it that long.." and they feel so real till my health anxiety comes into play and i get major major MAJOR intrusive images about my heart shipping and i freak out cause i don't want to die but I keep getting these thoughts as if i would take my own life... i'm on zoloft right now after switching from wellbutrin and the first week and a half i saw major improvement and then all of a sudden i woke up 3 days ago to this intrusive thought of me committing suicide and ever since then my brain has been stuck on it... i'm not suicidal but i'm so confused... is this OCD? I don't want my mom to think i'm suicidal cause i'm not...

For SOOCD, how do you deal with obsessions revolving around arousal you’ve felt or experiences you’ve had, I feel like that’s harder to counter I.e. I’m more turned on by women in porn than men. I’ve kissed boys and felt nothing. That’s a fact, how can I say I have ocd when I know that to be true?

so exhausted. so sick of these thoughts. i just wake up everyday feeling like l am inherently evil and inherently bad. l dont want to harm others l would never want to... but my brain tells me l do and my brain tells me l even get PLEASURE from the thought. l am exhausted. sometimes the obsessions get so bad that no compulsion can help. compulsions sometimes help to wipe away these thoughts. l almost wish l could develop one for my harmOCD. l cant do this anymore. l need someone to tell me it isnt real. l am so sick of people on the internet thinking that OCD is fun in anyway. That intrusive thoughts are fun and silly. People even make TRENDS out of intrusive thoughts. Everyone has intrusive thoughts sometimes. Everyone. This disorder can make you completely convince yourself that not only are you capable of doing horrible things but it gives you false memories that you have already done them. Makes you feel like you are in psychosis and have no control. l wish it was fun. l am so tired.

Can someoene recommend me an ERP? My brain is going crazy tbh. It is trying to convince me I like someone I already decided I didn't just because they like me.... My compulsions are checking their IG to make sure I don't like them, imagining scenarios, ruminating over thoughts, tryimg to gage my attraction etc. I'm afraid this is real bc it's not bad for it to be... Its not illegal, im not gay, etc. i just dont even know how to do ERP for this. Please help :(

I feel like I am a hypocrite. When people come to me for advice when they are scared I tell them to trust in Jesus and pray and it looks like I have no faith in Jesus when I get scared. Dear God forgive me, I love you, and I trust in you. Help us all to trusting you, your mercy, and your grace. In Jesus’s name amen

Can someone please just talk to me and try and interpret what I’m about to say? I don’t have a therapist, and it’s hard to talk to my parents without irritating them. Okay, hi. I’ve been really good with my OCD recently, feeling genuinely happy after a long time of being completely overwhelmed. I’ve had this OCD theme for a while now, it’s basically obsessions with the idea that I could be autistic, but just not being aware of it. Despite not aligning with most if not all of the criteria for autism in females, I can’t help but obsess over whether I’m autistic without knowing, and this terrifies me. I’m not even sure why it scares me so much, I think it’s because I value my ability to communicate and I actually like blending in with crowd.. I guess, and OCD loves to attack what we value most. I understand that someone reading this will probably be confused and unsure about why I even have this theme, but I’m asking myself the same question. It has terrified me. I think it stems primarily from the fact that I heard somewhere that female autism goes undetected or the individual is usually unaware that they have it, and a billion other things that could possibly relate to me (such as the OCD-autism relation) This sent me spinning. I’ve been panicking and searching endlessly for certainty for a long time at this point. It ebbs and flows, when I’m in a period of low anxiety, the OCD obsession seems absurd and I can finally sit with myself and hang out with my friends. I’ve known people (girls) in the past who I suspect had autism, and having been friends with them, it’s just a crutch for my anxiety to latch onto - “well if you hanged out with them, that MUST say something about you”. Ugh. And my grandad had aspergers. Both my parents clearly don’t have it though, and none of my other immediate relatives do. But still, the chance I could have gotten the gene is just eating away at me. I had a bit of a breakdown recently where I scraped the internet reading EVERY single female autism article I could, X’ing off the checklist in my head, but of course, with OCD if you look, you tend to find. Deep into my OCD fuelled research I found an article. It was a personal account of a female with aspergers, where she listed about 50 traits that she finds females tend to have. Of course, out of a list of 50 different traits, it’s not outlandish to assume that you’ll identify with a few and still not be autistic. So, that happened. I can’t remember what traits exactly, but I’m fairly sure they weren’t particularly unusual things, and I remember thinking that I knew of others who did these things, but this woman still listed them. I panicked. And started to get that familiar feeling of dread, and here I am. Writing an essay in the hopes that someone will say “I’ve had that theme too!!”, even though I’m aware that thats unlikely. If you read up to this point, (wow you have patience) thank you. Genuinely.

How much in total does NOCD cost all said and done?

Anyone else here been dealing with SOOCD for over a year at least and just now getting treatment? I'm finding this is really scary. Like I've let myself believe my thoughts as true in the back of my head for so long that I'm struggling to trust erp and I'm struggling to believe in the values/person I felt I was before ocd. I know it's not my goal to get back to before, but I struggle to even believe the best parts of my relationship were genuine in the past.:/

Im scared there is no way back for me 😥

I’m scared. I don’t know what to do anymore. I feel so anxious and depressed. I feel so guilty and ashamed. I can’t do this anymore...I need help but I’m scared to get help in fear of being misunderstood. I’ve been misunderstood for so long by my mom she doesn’t get it. She screams at me and makes me feel worse. She talks to me like I’m a disappointment which I know I am. My dad was the only person I could talk to about everything and he passed away a month ago. I wish I could just talk to him about what’s going on and I can’t and it’s driving me crazy. I know it’s the confession that’s a big no no but he could help me through it. I’m scared. I’m absolutely terrified by my intrusive thoughts and so on. I don’t know what to do anymore. I give up. I feel so alone. I don’t know how to move forward. I feel like an evil part of myself is trying to take over. I’m so sorry for ranting I just really need help

Hi guys, I’m new here but I’ve really been needing it do I actually suffer with ocd? I’ve been told I overreact which makes me think, but I know I’m straight or that’s what I want to be anyways and I can’t seem to stop thinking and fearing of becoming a lesbian or attracted to another sex, and everytime I tell myself that I’m straight I worry and it makes me feel very uncomfortable same with my relationship I feel as if “do I love my partner” can someone help with tips?

I keep finding that everything is making me horny. Anything that reminds me of sex. For 1 I’m on my period so I get it. But I’m usually only horny thinking of my partner or if there is a sex scene not like if I see someone attractive online and I feel so guilty about it because I know this just isn’t me like I don’t feel like this on a daily... Yet this is how I am feeling now. Not sure if it is a groinal response thing or real arousal because I am over-sexualizing everything. I think because I am thinking of it, it is happening more but it’s been automatic and I don’t know why I am so horny.. I just don’t understand And I’m ruminating so much.

does anyone get intrusive thoughts about their heart / health? i'm overweight so i'm always worried about my health but... recently i've been eating out a lot because my mom and i haven't had time to go to the grocery store, most of the time it isn't too bad of food, usually salads or chicken sandwiches but tonight i treated myself to a burger because yknow f*ck it... and all of a sudden i got these major intrusive images of my heart literally exploding... this happens a lot when my "health anxiety" is high and i refuse to eat when i'm alone, i don't eat after a certain time and sometimes i won't eat properly for days... is this anxiety or is this a subtype for OCD? I'm genuinely curious as it's a major factor for my panic attacks sometimes....!!! any links or info would be greatly appreciated !