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My ocd stems from a fear of losing control and when I'm having a really bad episode I overcompensate by trying to control everything. Anyone else have this issue? What'd you do?

I’ve started uni this year after not studying for 12 years & it’s exposing the perfectionist elements of my OCD. I went into uni with the mindset of “play, experiment, don’t take anything too seriously & be Ok with making mistakes (that’s how we learn!)” but am finding myself spending days & nights in front of the computer re-writing short, relatively inconsequential essays. Lack of sleep & constant focus, screen time is feeding the anxiety of it not being “just right”. I usually find having a project to work on keeps my mind preoccupied enough to not be affected by my usual intrusive thoughts about food (poisoning, spiking, cannibalism etc) which I’ve looked at as a positive, but it’s becoming less of a positive & more of a negative . & like other manifestations of my OCD it’s taking a toll on my life in other ways. Sometimes like today I feel like I don’t exist unless I can compartmentalise these parts of me, to resist indulging my obsessions is equally as painful, shameful & confusing as actually indulging them. Anyone else!?!? Anyway.... I’ve had better days & it’s important to remember they’ll be back. I’ve got a couple months ahead of me to do this on my own while my psychologist is on leave which is why I’ve downloaded this app to use in the meantime. All is not suffering x

In need of some help, I’m really struggling😪 I struggled with a lot of forms of this nightmare we know as ocd, I’m 25 now and back when I was 12 I went through a traumatic home invasion, from this I ended up with anxiety and bad intrusive thoughts, They ranged from me going to hurt a loved one, to me being a paedophile, to me liking the same sex, all of which I completely convinced myself of, I started seeing a psychologist and was prescribed pristiq, and over time and with having support of lots of friends and family I pulled through, had a couple of relapses over a few years back in therapy pulled through again, fast forward to 12 months ago I stopped taking the pristiq, I felt I was cured and after the arrival of mine and my loving partners little princess who is now 16 months old life was bliss, I was on top of the world, I own my own earth moving company, between us we own 2 houses, life was great, a few weeks back my partner come to me and said she wasn’t feeling the best and that she felt like we weren’t getting ahead and she wasn’t sure if she was still happy and what not, which sent me into a panic, my anxiety sky rocketed, I stopped eating I wasn’t sleeping, just a nightmare, then the intrusive thoughts got on top of me, about harming her, and then they got onto harming my daughter, which has absolutely wrecked me, I’ve convinced myself I’m a monster and that I’m evil and that I don’t love her and that it’s not ocd it’s just cause I’m a bad person, I’ve started seeing a psychologist again and I’ve been prescribed lexapro which I’ve been on for 3 weeks, but I’m living in constant fear, life is a nightmare, I do everything to try and stay away from them because the thoughts and worries feel unbearable, which I know is the opposite of what I need to do, but I just feel like I’m a monster, I hate myself, I need to be supportive and strong for my princess’ but I’m failing, I don’t know what to do guys😒

I would do anything to trade themes this is insufferable

Will trying 10mg of citalopram help my existential ocd? I don't want to use big doses because of side effects.

Why does my hocd just feel like denial 😕

Hello my name is Oliver..I am 35 and have OCD since I was 13. I am also Bipolar. Things I'm really struggling with right now are rhe following; I cant get comfortable while sitting on the couch or driving in the car...I feel like I'm crawling out of my skin. Like if I don't move to try to become comfortable that I'll explode or something. I struggle with some HOCD issues and intrusive thoughts about young kids. Also religious ocd issues like trying to pray just right and praying way to often. And definitely a huge thing is trying to have almost everything just right I got diagnosed with Bipolar in 2017 and had my first manic period in the summer of 2020 ( first time that I remember anyway) Also I now call a manic period me Running Hot ..little side note That was from May-Sep. Then that was following by 4 long months of very low depression Now I'm dealing with horrible anxiety/can't get comfortable/OCD is way bad I have been seeing a Psychiatry since 2017 and am seeing him 1x month We are working on getting meds situated right I also see a therapist 1x week It's been a rough past 12months for sure but a lot of good things have happened as well 1. I haven't had a drop of alcohol in 297 days..I was a raging alcoholic several years ago, especially in 2015-2017. I then only drank here and there, but 297 days ago I said no more. 2. I haven't had any nicotine in 167 days. I smoked cigarettes for 7yrs starting and was able to quit in 2020 3. I haven't had any Adderall in 475 days. I honestly never abused it meaning I wouldn't take more than 40-60mg of ER and that amount for me it would make me focused and feel awake but not bouncing off rhe walls. But still I was using it as a crutch big time for over a year to get through most days 4. I haven't had any energy drinks in 124 days. I was consuming 1-2 of rhe most powerful drinks per day aka Bang. All Energy drinks are so horrible for us. Even if they are sugar free and all that. I truly believe energy drinks are Wreaking havoc on our world 5. I haven't consumed any cannabis in 93 days. I am a huge fan of cannabis..I firmly believe the world would be much better off if every switched from alcohol to cannabis. But that being said I stopped consuming it because I needed to be able to see how my meds were doing without any chemical interference. Also both sativa and indica were making me jittery which wasn't good at all. I am hoping though that someday I'll be able to find an indica that I can consume that doesn't interact with my meds and calms me down but well see 6. I lost about 50lbs. I had gained weight over the years from taking horrible care of myself especially all the drinking 7. I am now drinking over a gallon of water per day and eating mostly vegan/vegetarian/gluten free which is making me feel way better 8. I got a job in May of 2020 that thankfully I only have to work 3 days a week and even when I'm not doing well I'm still able to handle it..job is merchandising 9. Started changing my contacts 1x month...I used to wear them in my eyes for several months and would end up causing irritation every once in a while so I committed myself to changing them monthly 10. Haven't touched any Cocaine in 643 days. I had stopped in 2017 but then had 1 slip up a year or so later. I will definitely never touch this crap again. Wow 11. Its been 1435 days since I touched the horrible stuff known as meth. About poison. 12. But the most important thing that has changed in my life is that I have found a woman who truly loves and cares for me no matter what. Even with all my baggage. With all my daily emotional struggles. She deals with my night terrors ( horrible nightmares every night) She is my rock. My hope. The reason I keep going. Everything is going to be ok because I know she is there with me I apologize this was so long but I just wanted to get this out there in the hopes that maybe it can help someone else

Has anyone here that has just anxiety/OCD had meds help them? I know everyone has different experiences. My doctor gave me celexa but I’m SO scared. So scared of the horror stories I’ve read online but my mom aunt and sister all take them and say it has really helped them which has me thinking it could help me too. I just can’t get over that fear. :/

Ocd is a coward that backsoff anytime you decide to ignore it and live your life, refuse compulsions, ignore the obsessive thoughts, have faith!

Ok, so I need to get this out of my chest. Today I've been dealing with immense feelings of guilt, of fear, I slept for hours during the morning and early evening just to avoid dwelling on these thoughts. I think I'm developing pocd, after dealing with hocd for two years. My trigger was reading a story in a website. I won't go into much detail, but it was bad. Immediately after I started feeling sick, I don't know if I ever had an anxiety attack, but that was close to it. I felt grossed out, and so afraid that now the police would barge into my house to arrest me. I've been having some paranoic thoughts in the last days, and I'm afraid that people will label me as bad and denounce me just with this post. I think this panic is something that may have caused this strong reaction in me. This was yesterday and I'm feeling awful, caught up inside my head. I couldn't concentrate in class today, couldn't get my stuff done, I just wanted desperately to sleep it off. If anyone has something to say, please do, I really need advice right now.

Getting weird false memory things about when I was younger I used to look up to the older girls at school/ my cousins/ babysitters and things, I used to always want them to like me and think I was cool and I wanted to be cool like them. Now I’m worried this was just a sign And I actually just fancied them :( Trying to accept the uncertainty but this thought won’t leave me alone ahhh, childhood memories and “past signs” terrify me

I am about to cry because my sister is going to prom with this guy and she may get her first boyfriend or kiss before me and I am 20, she's 16. It makes me feel ugly and hopeless. I don't even really eantwant a bf that much rn. I just wish I had already had one or something so I didn't feel such a hopeless loser. I just feel like everyone is judging me and I feel really hopeless right now

18+ So I've finally reached a month in not watching pornography. I am proud of that, but I don't feel so happy as of today. I think I've decided that my next step into getting my psychological health to be at a much better level is to use my phone less and less. I often use my phone to cancel out quite noise. To cancel out my boredom and to pretty much get me out of the present. I often ruminate with and without my phone and I need to do something about this. Last night I didn't sleep the best either. My mind is trying to convince me of things that I can't even get the energy to think of right now. Multiple thoughts crowding each other in my brain at such a speed that I can't even comprehend any of them. I feel like my mind is clouded and foggy and I absolutely cannot think. Occasionally, I've been reading articles that focus on less phone use. All of my problems that I worry about in the past are related to my phone, social media, and excessive use of it, one way or another. I want to find ways to use my phone less, and I feel like I'm developing this new fear of leaving footprints online that will come back to bite me. I'm trying to not let this get to me because I just want to be in the present moment and I just want to stop worrying about.. pretty much everything. I live in fear and it's definitely due to OCD being in my life. So I guess my next goal as of now is to not use my phone so much. That totally means zero use of Instagram as well because now my mind tries to tell me that if I see a celebrity or a professional wrestling diva in a bikini, that's porn, even if I'm not intentionally finding those things, which I'm not. If there's anyone that also has problems with their phone use, maybe we can band together and work on this. Start with smaller goals. For example: See if you can go without your phone for 30 minutes, then an hour, then a day, and then weeks. Slowly build up. This is what I'll be doing. I hope everyone is having a wonderful day/afternoon/evening/night. ❤️

Does anyone have somatic OCD specific to breathing? Sounds crazy, but whenever i get in bed these days I cant help but start focusing on my breathing (because, diabolically, I know it makes it difficult to breathe). It’ll then become impossible for me to sleep, my breathing will be irregular, and I cant get my mind off it unless I become super busy. Has anyone found any solutions to this problem, between therapy, medication, etc? I exercise/otherwise take care of my health, but have had this problem the last 8 years and its getting more and more debilitating I dont want keeping busy to be the only solution- I want to be able to relax and not be plagued with the thought of breathing Thanks

Hi everyone, I just wanted to give my view on this illness. I've had ocd since I was 5 or 6 years old. I'm 55 now and in all those years I've been through most of the common themes, I hear people talking about on this app and through other resources. I know many people feel, "my ocd is not the same as others" and that is true in a way, as it adapts to finding the things we fear most and as a result is terrifying to each of us. The one truth I can say at this point, is that we cannot think our way out of our obsessions......the content is not the real issue, the ocd is. In the midst of an obsession I know it feels as though we have to just resolve this, to get back to our lives, but after all this time and years of despair I now know looking back that trying to reason my way out of any of those obsessions was a mistake that kept me on the ocd hamster wheel. We need to take a leap of faith and take on our fears, head on, through cbt/erp with a good therapist, that understands this illness. Dont be afraid to discuss the obsessions, they will understand, you are a good person, that is suffering and will want to help. I would plead with everyone that is suffering now to take that leap and stay determined to follow that path. Love to you all......

A big mix of emotions... staying with my partners parents on their farm in NC right now and it’s been really good! We went out to eat tonight, and I was targeted by a man who kept commenting on my genitals and how he wanted to r*pe me, and then threatened me and my two in laws. I am a transgender male, and went to the men’s restroom - in NC I typically steer clear of that although I have had sex reassignment and have changed my gender marker on all of my documentation. I went to the men’s restroom because the other restroom was occupied and I really had to go. It was single stall bathrooms and so I didn’t think much of it. I was doing my business and I heard someone trying to unlock the door and banging on the door from the outside. I cleared my throat and in my deepest voice said “occupied” but they kept banging on the door. When I finally came out two men were laughing and I kind of chuckled along and was like “oh sorry guys you know how the pad Thai is here!” One of the men laughed and just said that they were joking about women using the men’s restroom, and I laughed nervously too and just wanted to get out. The man who said that went to the bathroom, and the other guy started making inappropriate comments to me, saying “you know you don’t have a penis so you’re not a man.” Now I was dressed in a suit and was wearing nice shoes and all around looked sharp. I was dumbfounded and kind of sarcastically said back “man, you don’t know what I have.” I kept walking and he said “yes I do, you don’t have a penis but I do and I could f*ck you with it.” I looked at him shocked and said “yeah, sure you do.” And went to sit down. He kept making comments as I was walking away, saying I was disgusting and a few other things. I was looking concerned and so my in laws asked what was up. I recanted the information and they were furious. They confronted the man when he came out of the bathroom and he admitted to making comments about my genitals. He then hurled racist comments to my in laws - father in law is Filipino and mother in law is Ecuadorian. After some more altercations and a few other people in the restaurant getting involved, we ended up calling the non emergency police number. I filed a report and everything but I still feel so weird. Honestly, I feel strange not because of his comments (I get harassed a lot unfortunately) but by the reaction of my family and other people in the restaurant. I brush it off so much, I don’t think I realized how much it bothered me. It was somewhat relieving to have my in laws react this way. All the way home they were reassuring me that people don’t treat our family this way (I’m unfortunately estranged from my biological family because of my gender identity). I’m still baffled by the whole ordeal and want to take action. I want to write an article about this or something. It was wild! But I felt so supported and loved. I’m going to press charges for sexual harassment and see if it will go anywhere. So many times this has happened and nothing has been done, or supervisors haven’t believed me, or police officers have put their hands in the air, saying there is nothing they can do. I’m concerned that the HB2 bill will be used against me and I will be seen as breaking the law. Any advice on this? Also as it pertains to ocd, some of my obsessive thoughts are “I am not safe because of my gender identity,” “nobody cares if I get hurt so I have to be on my guard,” “people won’t believe the things I say so I shouldn’t say them,” “I endanger people because of my gender identity,” and “I have no home.” This really was an exposure exercise in a way because that is one of my worst fears just playing out- but as the thought was creeping in my head, I chose to speak up about the incident even though it was uncomfortable. The police are a big no no for me but I’m glad we reported the incident. It honestly helped me work through a lot of my fears and thoughts in a way I didn’t know was possible. I was proven wrong. And although I may still have those thoughts, this was definitely helpful in combatting those feelings and the desire to perform my rituals to escape the situation.

I screwed up so bad. I’m so behind on these papers I need to do for my college finals. My parents hate me, I hear the disgust and resentment in their voices. They know what a bad person I am. At my age they were actually responsible and self-reliant, they worked hard and functioned on their own as adults. I’m such a child still. I’m such a lazy, selfish, terrible person. And honestly my three siblings are just like me. My parents really really don’t deserve us. I will not be able to take care of my parents when they are old. Why did I let this happen? I messed it up so badly. I hate myself and I am a terrible person. I am not suicidal at all, and have been very firmly not suicidal for years; but I am only not suicidal because it would devastate and destroy the lives and happiness forever of my parents, my three siblings, and probably my extended family also. Even though they probably hate and resent me. Because even then, they would still be disgusted and horrified at what a monstrous selfish person I would be to kill myself, and they would always be scared and hateful that one day someone else they know might also turn out to be a really horrible person. I wish there was some way out of this, some way to escape this horrible feeling and dread. But there isn’t. It feels so bad, I hate the feelings of disappointing people so much. I hate it so much. It’s a torturous feeling that makes life really painful. Although the feeling isn’t nearly as horribly intense as when I was in high school and felt it really really badly all the time. So I guess I’ll get through this current bad situation. But I really did a terrible job, and it’s all my fault. I’m such a terrible person. And they will all hate me, forever. And they should. Every interaction with my parents for the rest of my life will be colored by their disgust of me. That muted and cold voice, and talking like they want nothing to do with me. Once I screw up these college finals I will have made them feel bad. They will feel sad and miserable because they will be so disappointed in their kid(s).

Any Christian OCD sufferers out there? I’m just curious lol

Hi all. I'm living with major ocd to the point where I get a feeling that something is wrong and I am unable to move past the thought or feelings. All I feel like doing is hurting myself to make to stop. Does anyone else have this feeling of wrongness, how do you move past it

I'm so distressed by OCD right now. I'm in floods of tears because I feel so paralyzed mentally from it. I tried talking to my Mum but she is worried about something else so she can't talk. But a bad OCD episode doesn't consider if it's a convenient time. I'm on the verge of giving up my faith because this religious OCD is too painful.