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This is something that bothers me a lot a couple of months ago someone said on some random chat site that I look gay. And not just one person 2 people 😔

18+ ONLY TW: POSSIBLE SEXUAL ASSAULT/HARASSMENT Ok so I want to explain my situation so I can get other people’s insight onto what I should do with this. In high school, I had a free period to study and one of the guys in my grade suddenly kept sitting next to me. When he did, he would “play around” and grab my thigh or poke my boob. I laughed nervously and idk if i told him to stop or not but i definitely wanted to. A different guy from my grade who happened to be in the same class, noticed and asked if i was ok. He decided that he would try to sit there instead, so several times he just told him “hey me and ________ have some homework to do and i need her help” and so my friend would sit there instead, but the guy would try to push it saying “really? What homework?” I guess he did it to another girl i knew and she got mad at him for it, and I was finally able to stand up for myself a bit. I remember he realized he’d fucked up and as an “apology”, he handed me a stick of gum. Then not even 10 mins later in the lunch line he grabbed my shoulders. I also had a very very toxic relationship with a friend for around five years. Starting sophomore year she would grope my ass and boobs. My friend mentioned to me this year that she did the same thing the year before, but no matter how hard I look I genuinely don’t remember that happening at all. I’m saying all this honestly one to get it out there, but also bc I’m confused. Was i harassed? Assaulted? Was i just too weak to say something? Im so confused on what happened and how i should feel. My friends said it was harassment but then now when i talk to my friend about it she says it wasn’t. I’m not asking for someone to say it is or isn’t, but I really want to know wtf was that?

18+ ONLY This is kinda stupid but it bothers me. I always wear a bra bc I have rlly big boobs. But recently sometimes if I’m just going out for a quick errand i jus don’t wear any. I’m gonna be a bit graphic, but my boobs aren’t rlly the same size and bc they’re so big they sag a lot. But it doesn’t bother me if I’m running an errand with my family bc it’s just a quick run and i don’t feel like wearing it for their approval. But my mom always lectures me and tells me to wear one, and how it doesn’t even look good, they aren’t the same size, etc. i understand what she’s saying, but it took me so long to get to this point. I told her over and over it only bothers me when she says something about it, but she continues to do it anyway. What should I do? I’m not happy with my body either but I’ve seen other ppl who struggle with similar problems and they had the courage to do these things so I finally have the courage to do it, but it hurts when she says these things and my family joins in to agree with her. Any advice?

⚠️⚠️⚠️Trigger warning⚠️⚠️⚠️ I need some help with this if anyone is willing. Services in my area won't take a referral so I'm on my own & being pregnant too its not healthy :( . . I guess even those of us who have been doing great for some time & those of us who know OCD well are not immune from lapses & relapses. I'm stuck in another cycle & while I don't want reassurrence, I am trying to put together a formulation of what's going on so I can start to tackle it. Might be useful to mention I am expecting so OCD spikes are common along with what may seem linked to depression - Fatigue, hormonal, mood disturbance etc. I've seen a return of the suicidal intrusive thoughts the last few weeks , I've done ALOT of work around my diagnosis so it is rare that I experience the typical fight or flight distress response from pretty much all intrusive thoughts I may experience... which does make it tricky in spotting whether its coming from OCD or not. Last night I was triggered in a group call when another member mentioned she had wrote a goodbye letter to her children, after the call I almost felt like I wanted to write one to mine! then my mind jumped to the fact id thrown a whole lot of tablets out recently (not due to compulsion) and I was left trying to figure out if I felt disappointed by this or not. Sadly, no matter how much I try to refer into services for refresher CBT or counselling I'm told no. I can get stuck in this loop of ego-dystonic & Ego Syntonic, whether the thoughts are wanted / desired or not. Of course its caused me to feel rather depressed. I decided to write some of the thought patterns out as I truly can't see if these are coming from depression & true suicidal ideation OR they're purely obsessional that causes me to feel depressed which causes them more frequently? Anyone here with solid experience, I know there are a few of you in this group who are fabulous at the guidence you give. Once I can establish where these thoughts are coming from (yes this is a need for certainty however I need that so I know how to approach them as I feel depression & OCD require different approaches.. I.e I can't do ERP if its depression with ideation. Feeling conflicted- do I want the thoughts or don't, do I desire suicide or not. Visiting websites & forums particularly around suicidal OCD / Intrusive thoughts to gain certainty Rumination over if I truly feel this way or its OCD Feeling hopeless because I can't get the help with this that I need to be able to overcome them Seems like a very habitual thought process, meaning I have cycles of this kind of thinking during times of stress/ feeling down Unwilling to accept the thoughts are not OCD, am I just in denial & not willing to accept that maybe I want these thoughts & eventually I may end up harming myself Questioning if I want to act on them or not especially due to lack of anxiety distress symptoms Feeling stuck because I can't get rid of them or figure out how to move out of them. Sometimes they do feel wanted & that makes me feel worse & desperate for some support Sorry for the long winded post & thank you to those who have read it to this point.

hi! i just want to share this to show people that it will eventually get better. so i’ve had this theme for a a couple years now but it was on and off i would come if something triggered me bad. this time around it came back a few months ago and it was awful i spent days crying and so upset about my thoughts but then i decided i had to stop doing compulsions even though it was extremely hard i stopped doing as much compulsions as i could and i did and i feel so much better. like my thoughts aren’t nearly as extreme i feel so free and much happier! my advice to you guys would be to start cutting down compulsions i know it can be very difficult but it is doable. also sitting in the uncertainty helped me tremendously! wishing you all the best!

i honestly don’t know if i’m straight. i don’t have a lot of the kinks and stuff that other straight girls do i’m never heavily so turned on and dripping wet when i have sex with men i’m not lesbian i know that but idk if i would be considered bi or not. i usually can’t get off unless i fantasize about a threesome with my boyfriend and another girl i haven’t fantasized about him exclusively in over a month.

ever since covid started, my mom has been trying to get me and my siblings insurance. obviously, it’s been pretty hard and i feel bad. she doesn’t know that i have ocd and i don’t have the heart to tell her since she has covid right now. i don’t want to put any pressure on her. she already has to deal with the fact that i might have autism. i’ve resorted to self diagnosing and doing erp (which is going well aside from the feeling on anxiety) and i know that if i tell my dad he won’t believe me. especially with the subtypes i have. i’ll just have to deal with that and the reoccurring suicidal thoughts. i don’t even go outside anymore or take care of myself. on top of that, my eating disorder is trying to jab at me again. i guess this is my life now.

a rush of anxiety literally just came through me right now. i cant tell if i'm actually a monster or not. my facial expressions are scaring me they show signs that i'm attracted but i'm scared that i am. i'm scared that at some point somethings gonna change in my mind and i'm gonna turn into an actual monster im super scared i don't want to cause any harm. i don't know what to do

I am feeling so much worse than I have in months. It’s like it’s all been bubbling under the surface and now it’s coming back full force. I am almost certain that I developed HOCD as a coping mechanism because I have severe internalized homophobia. There are just too many signs in my childhood/past that point to me being at the very least bisexual. It feels like when I “let myself be bi” that I’m happy and at peace, but I feel sick afterwards. I don’t know what to do. I don’t want to continue living if this is my life. I am so fucking scared to do ERP, because I’m almost positive I’m going to come out of it being bisexual. Please, someone help. Please. I just need to talk.

Im SO DONE. I’ve been depressed for months. I rarely ever tell my mum, but when I do, she says EVERY SINGLE time that it’s ‘hormonal’, because she did one class in endocrine or some shit. It’s so invalidating and it makes me feel like I’m over exaggerating. REGARDLESS of whether I came over my period a week ago, she STILL says it’s hormones. I asked if I could go into therapy, and she said that it’s not worth it because there isn’t anything wrong with me I just want to cry. As soon as I mention the letters OCD, she gets really short-tempered as though I’ve made it up - WHY, WHY, would I make this up. I haven’t told ANYONE other than her. I just can’t stand this. I just want help.

*Trigger warning sensitive topics* i have a question about forgiving So my entire life i’ve always been super forgiving to the point I’d force myself to forgive constantly and blamed everything on myself. But it’s gotten to the point where I dont wanna forgive anymore and I can’t. My entire life, because i took the blame for everything and I’ve always stood up for what I believed in, I’ve ALWAYS been the bad guy. In every story. I can name so many times where I was bullied and it was my fault. I was abused and it was my fault. And i always accepted it. I accepted that i could’ve done better and i deserved it. Now this last year, i’ve been treating everyone in my life like kings and queens regardless of what they’ve ever done. And so much i found out after i did so. I had a toxic ex that I always went back to for three years cause i never loved anyone as much as i loved him. He gave me peace of mind. Took away my ocd thoughts. But He always lead me on. I was the girl on the backburner for him. If someone better and more approachable, and less hated came along, he’d go for her and come back to me. He even said he hated how he was never able to get over the thought of me. He told people he would never like me cause i was me, but he was in love with “everything about me except the dramatics.” (He called my mental health dramatic, and he thought I lied about my life. He later found out I never did, but it was too late) He painted this version of me in his head that was nothing like me, and made everyone believe it. All his friends terrorized me our senior year of hs, and i forgave him. But this last time he just started dating a girl after leading me on again, and i told him i never want to speak to him again. And he keeps reaching out (its been six months), and i just can’t forgive him. I can’t do it. Then my older brother. The notorious older brother i’ve ranted about before. I’ve never been able to stand him, but i’ve been trying to be better. I forgave him for all the times he hurt me & made me feel uncomfortable. I got really close with his fiance, she’s one of my best friends, and i tried to strengthen our relationship to not jeopardize my friendship with her. But back in March, he blamed my sexual assault on my parents, told me I wasn’t allowed to be a bridesmaid, and how everythings my fault and im horrible fucking human. He got kicked out then he started crying about how he never felt loved. And i wouldn’t speak to him. He had no fucking right to talk about my sexual assault that literally fucked me up in more ways than he’ll ever know. Then recently, he told me my ocd isnt real and that I’m just a lesbian in denial and since ive obsessed about being a pedo i should go to hell and how many problems i have, then he had the audacity to say he was sexually assaulted by the same man i was and I screamed at him cause there’s no record of that (this man was a serial pedophile) and i just lost it. He talked about how traumatic his life was when it was literally based off my trauma (like second hand trauma). And i’m not undermining his trauma, but it’s when he talks about it and tries so hard to transform it into his I’m like WHY DO YOU WANT THIS?? Like my trauma and the shit and abuse I’ve been through ISN’T FUN! I’m mental and struggle to live on a daily basis with huge body pains that’ll make me never forget…. And idek i cant forgive him. I’m so angry. Then my best friends. When i broke things off with my ex this year, they were horrible. They were there for him, not for me. When i was depressed they weren’t there. Yet, i was on the floor with one of them at 3am when they’re were feeling suicidal. And the two i was best friends with (we were a trio), were friends before but i thought we got past that cause it’d been like five years. But one finally cane forward cause she felt so guilty for the years of shit she put me through, and finally admitted that nothing was ever my fault. It was always them and they just didn’t want to handle the blame, cause they didnt think they were capable of being mean, so they put it on me. And one of them even said it was hard for them to accept that i was a better friend to them then our other friend ever was, but she just couldn’t believe it for the longest time cause of everything everyone said. Than the other one was labeled as perfect and the nicest person in hs, yet she was awful to me too. I never did one thing to her, and i own up to what i did wrong!! She was my best friend and she was horrible. She allowed her “friends” to terrorize me, and she was the one who started it. They literally made a list of everything wrong about me. And then proceeded to go back to them, and got mad at me and told me everything was my fault when I got mad at her for going back to them. And i told her “if i did that, we wouldn’t be here talking. But i wouldn’t do that, and you know that too. Regardless of the person.” And its so hard cause none of us are close anymore cause they did stuff to each other too, and they asked me if i could ever be close with them again and i said “we can be friends, but our friendship will never be the same.” And i just dont know how to forgive them either. And then just everyone else. For years I was blamed and I was the bad guy. It was always ME. When i literally just existed. And finally, after years people are now saying not everything is my fault. That i was too nice. That they blamed me cause i was an easy person to blame, i accepted it. They didnt want to take responsibility so i took responsibility to everything. And my parents. They’re finally getting better after years of yelling at me. They realized what they were doing, insulting me and stuff, was breaking me. Now i’ve never seen them so concerned for my mental health and they’ve never been so nice to me. And now everyone is being nice to me, and talking to me, and just wanting me back in their life. But i CANT! They painted me as such a horrible human for years thinking i could handle it, but i couldn’t and they broke me and they feel bad. They’re kindness is out of guilt and pity, and it disgusts me. I hate them for it. Why couldn’t they just realize what they were doing was breaking me? Why did it have to take me being so lost and broken and mental and in my head for everyone to finally admit the truth to me? Why am i so sad when my life is finally going okay and i have no form of abuse, bullying, or chaos going on? And all of this would be so much easier if FUCKING HOCD WASNT THERE!! And it’s just, i can’t forgive them and i feel horrible. I dont want to forgive them and i hate it. I’m slowly forgiving my parents. Those are the only people. Besides that, i’m so angry. My body is littered with bruises and cuts from self harm cause i dont know how to handle it. I hate this more than anything. I don’t hate me, i hate what’s been done to me to become this. I hate my ocd, anxiety, depression and everything. I hate how my feelings contradict what i want and i constantly if what i want is actually what i want. I hate that so many people are so evil. I hate that i was targeted by a man so young in life. I hated that it happened again later in life. And the excuse was because I was me. That’s always people’s excuse. “Cause you’re you.” It’s led to so many horrible things. I hate this. How do i forgive everyone?? How do i just forgive them all?? When everyone in your life terrorized you for years, cause they thought you were “so strong” and “could handle it,” only to realize you can’t and come crawling back with guilt. I even said to people, unless you can erase the past, nothing will ever be the same. I’m so exhausted.

Is anyone free to talk?

Fear of being racist. I hate this, I don't understand why this has popped up. I've currently been struggling with something that is going to make me sound like a piece of shit, even I recognize how messed up it's going to sound. Over the past couple months, I have been worrying about the proper way to interact with POC without coming across as racist. I know, this is already awful. I consider myself to be an ally who supports POC & civil rights movements. I'm ashamed of white people as a whole honestly, we've oppressed POC from the beginning of time. I've been even more so in the past year. I feel like my OCD has recently attached to this though. At least, I think it has, or maybe it's guilt knowing I'm white and part of systemic racism problem as a whole. When I pass a POC on the street, or in a place of business, I'll immediately start to get thoughts like "Am I coming across as rude? Am I being nice enough? Am I being too nice? Am I smiling too much? Am I smiling enough? Do I look uncomfortable? This isn't about me, so why am I anxious? Stop being so self centered. Are you appearing racist? What if this POC thinks I'm racist? That's awful to assume what they think. Stop making this about you!" And basically the entire time I'm trying to interact with someone of color, I have all this anxious dialogue in my head and I probably physically appear to be anxious, which in turn I'm sure the other person thinks "Why are they acting so tense/afraid?" It's not that I'm afraid of, or dislike POC, I'm way too overly cautious, I recognize that, and it's actually coming across as racist. And I don't want to make this about me, because it's not, I can only imagine the racism POC have to endure on a daily basis. It's like my own OCD/anxiety is getting in the way. I hate it. I want to get over it. I don't know why it's coming up, but I want to get past this. It's all really disturbing to me, especially when I walk past/ talk to a POC & all these thoughts are rushing through my head. I know I appear visibly anxious, I just know I do, and I'm sure it's coming off as racist. I wish I could come out and tell the person "I'm sorry for this visible anxiety. I have severe OCD/anxiety/intrusive thoughts & none of this is because of you." I'm feeling at my wits end over this.

+18 nsfw I have a fetish and I dont want it anymore. Because it makes my ocd so much worse and sometimes I get intrusive thoughts involving situations where it's from an abusive dynamic or involves a kid or an animal or whatever and it scares me so so bad when it happens and I'm scared bc it's my fetish ill be into it regardless and as soon as the thoughts hit its full on freakout mode. I want to get rid of it so I don't have this pain anymore but it's getting worse and unbareable. I'm forcing myself to think the thoughts sometimes to 'test' if I'm into it and then I get more scared. One time after an intrusive thought had subsided I got the actual urge to masturbate to my fetish geniunely. Not involving the thought but just in general. And after I did I felt so guilty because I worried I may have been turned on by the thought. I try to ignore it or let it go or stop it by not interacting with it and then my fetish comes into my dreams and sometimes it's related to the intrusive thoughts too and I'll ruminate in the dream and I wake up feeling dirty and scared. Even when my intrusive thoughts don't happen just having this fetish makes me feel scared. I want it to stop and i feel like a sexual deviant and I dont know how to stop it. I was into it since I was a kid and I never grew out of it or even acknowledged it was a fetish until recent.

i think i’m in rock bottom. i have no idea what to do anymore. i’m so done w this Trans ocd. and cheating ocd and rocd and hocd and harm ocd and pocd. it’s EVERYTHING. it’s never ending either. i am done i can’t.

Does HoCD mean this is not true? Does POCD mean this is not true. Definitely read these two articles! I do not know for sure, but perhaps your therapist said that it could be true because ERP is about accepting uncertainty. This is something you might want to clarify with them the next time you meet. In short, if you have SO OCD, you are not denying your true sexuality. Any OCD theme is about unwanted and distressing thoughts that are not true, but that a person fears is or will become true. This is what I was sent from a therapist??? I am so confused as people on here saying it can be true then some people saying it means it’s not true so which is it??? This is what’s leaving me so badly with some much conflicting Information.

for those with sexual orientation ocd.. if you are comfortable sharing (and if you remember), what was the moment/person/place/etc. that first triggered your sexual orientation ocd? i’m just genuinely curious and want to see if there are any patterns. for me it was the summer before my freshman year of high school (i am currently 21). i was going to a pride parade with some family friends and was texting a guy that i ended up dating for a while. to be quite frank, he was a total idiot. he asked what was up and i told him that i was going to a pride parade with some friends. his immediate response was “wait does that mean that you are gay??”. i remember that i got this weird sensation of panic after i read that text. and his question like stayed lingering in my mind for longer than it should have. long story short, my sexual orientation ocd really kicked in halfway through my freshman year of high school..but i didn’t realize that that was what it was until about 2 years ago.

All of my intrusive thoughts feel so real and I’m having daily panic attacks over them. I’m so scared all of the time and I don’t know what’s going on or why it’s getting so much worse all of a sudden. I hate this so much, I just want to feel normal. Can someone please give me advice on what to do? I am going to a therapist but I’m really hesitant to even bring up the content of my intrusive thoughts.

I've been struggling recently. It's like I'm getting overwhelmed not just by what I've lost due to this illness, but the fact that I don't seem to have the foundation necessary to move forward. At 36 I've never been on a date, I live alone, and am very introverted. I like being around people but I struggle to talk at length with anyone. I don't really have any friendships that I find fulfilling. People like me, but they don't typically want to spend much time with me. I have a job that I sometimes really enjoy, but it doesn't pay well. I have a counseling appointment scheduled, but not for over 3 weeks. I struggle to pass so much time by myself and things I otherwise might enjoy I'm either too tired too do or they now seem pointless because I'm not doing them with or for anyone.

Hello all, I have two questions (posted at the end). So, I have harm ocd/fear of going crazy, and recently I feel like I’ve been getting better at letting intrusive thoughts sit with me without me analyzing them. However, now I’ve been experiencing unwanted urges/feelings, which I feel like are waaay worse. Today, I was with my dog, and had the intrusive thought of snapping her neck, and then I feel like I felt my hands want to do it. The worst part is that I didn’t feel immediate anxiety afterwards making it feel real, like I actually wanted to do it. Eventually, I thought myself into anxiety. I’ve actually grown to like anxiety because it helps me recognize intrusive thoughts as unwanted…and I hate when I don’t immediately feel it. My biggest compulsion is definitely rumination. 1: what are good ways for responding to unwanted urges (that feel so so real it’s scary) 2: what are good ways for responding to intrusive thoughts/urges when you start to feel less anxiety around them?