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It’s like I get calmer and calmer each day and I can almost see my way out of them but every once in a while my brain asks me if I want to break up and that feels real. Any tips on this?

Hi everyone ✨ Having a particularly rough time today dealing with my ROCD & related compulsions… this is a long post, so I’ll cut to the point early on: Writing all this out here feels like I may be seeking validation, or doing a rumination/reassurance type of compulsion, but if I don’t do my compulsions, I just lay in bed, crying. I feel as though I’d rather do the compulsions than cry all day, bc then at least I’m not sobbing and in pain (pain from anxiety pit in stomach…feels like consistent gut punches) but I know that doing these compulsions is only making my situation worse in the long run…. If anyone could give me any advice on how to practice some ERP around this, or something like that, I would GREATLY appreciate it. Thank you ❤️‍🩹✨ So, I recently went through a break up (we had a good rapport and always had fun together, despite us both being pretty toxic… it was in subtle ways, you know, like going over each other’s texts, jealousy, repressed anger issues, my own ROCD causing me to question our validity as a couple— not a good mix with his own intense insecurities…etc) and now, I can’t stop obsessing over what he is thinking and feeling these days. We ended things pretty gruffly…he blocked me out of anger, but I tried to make amends by emailing him an apology and a whole thing to remind him that emotions, while valid, are usually fleeting, and in the end, we both loved each other to the best of our ability, it just didn’t work because we are both toxic people right now… He unblocked me over text, then, but kept me blocked on all other social media and has yet to respond to anything I wrote to him over email or text. I tried my best to write objectively in the email, and ended everything with peace/love/forgiveness… but now, I just can’t control the obsessing. Thoughts like this keep bombarding me at a constant rate— Why did we break up? Did we even actually break up? Do I miss him? I definitely miss him. Was he good for me? No. Maybe? How am I supposed to know? Maybe he’s angry with me and ignoring me… Maybe he’s just too busy with work to write back. Maybe he’s already moved on…oh god, maybe he never even loved me to begin with and now he’s moving on… No way! He most certainly loved me, we’ve cried together! I remember his loving actions toward me! …BUT… He WAS kind of all about him during the relationship…… I just need to talk to him again and we can figure it all out. Together. I must go on this journey of self-healing, alone. Maybe he never wants to talk to me again…. Etc…etc….ETC!!! I am going insane!! 😫😫😫😫 Its been about 3 days since our split, and we still have some of each other’s possessions. I just can’t stop crying. Even though I want to focus on myself, and live a normal life, I feel like I’m being controlled by my emotions and these obsessive thoughts 24/7…. I compulsively check my phone to see if he answered or called, even when my notifs are turned on…I feel so crazy, alone, and I feel like I just wanna disappear from everything, even though I’m not suicidal (truly), and I know I’m not alone (have pretty good support from fam & friends) and I know I’m definitely NOT crazy (though my OCD might make me feel that way sometimes, 😅) There is this GIANT pit in the middle of my stomach 24/7 whenever I think about him and all that happened between us, the good and the bad. I called him this morning, and he didn’t pick up. I don’t want to become a harasser, or a stalker, and that’s actually a little bit of a fear of mine, bc one of my compulsions involves texting and calling, and I’m not always strong enough to resist it. I’m so very confused and dejected right now. I don’t know what the right move is. I don’t know what to say to him, if anything at all, or even what to say to my own self. Again, any ERP related advice helps. Thank you ❤️‍🩹✨

TW: pocd, harm ocd hi everyone! i’m 18 and i’ve been having bad intrusive thoughts since I was 14. It started when I watched an horror film and the images won’t go away, then I experienced violent intrusive thoughts and I began to feel like a bad person. Luckily, I don’t think about that anymore, but lately i’ve been obsessing about P OCD, since the first quarantine. Now that thoughts about kids seem less strong, I started liking a girl a year older than me. I broke up with my previous girlfriend in order to get in a new relationship with her. Now, with the girl I had before I also experienced bad thoughts like “What if I like her because she’s shorter than me? What if she looks like a little girl?” and stuff like that. All the beautiful moments I had with her, were when I wasn’t thinking about anything, when I was thinking about kissing a NORMAL girl of my age. Now i have a similar problem. When I started liking the new girl, I forgot all my negative thoughts, I have lots of good memories with her. But then, my brain started as always “What if her face looks childish?” and it was so bad for me to think about it. I would look at her photos in order to confirm the fact that she looked like every other girl. But now I’m really scared, because I started thinking about stuff like “What if I like her because she looks like my MOM?” and I’m terrified. I can’t even look at my mom without associating her to the girl, and every time it gets worse. I know I like her because of many other things, not because she “looks” like my mom. I would compare their photos as a compulsion, until I’m sure that they not look alike. I feel relieved for some minutes, but then it starts again. I’m already seeing a therapist, and she says that I don’t have to believe to this thoughts. I don’t know what to do anymore, I’m constantly worrying about being some sort of a pervert, or ill person, I can’t do this anymore. Sometimes, I also harm myself to stop these thoughts, unsuccessfully of course.

literally feeling like a P for no reason . I get thoughts say “I want to be a P” but why ? Why would I get a thought that I want to be attracted to kids when I know in my soul I am not . Can anyone help , this really brings me down , & causes me frustration

My mom walked in and saw me ruminating and she said what are you doing I said I just have unwanted thoughts and she said everyone have unwanted thoughts and i said I know but when you can’t make it go it becomes exhausting she walks out and say just get rid of them you are wasting your time and your future.that really hit hard as I can’t get rid of them and the way she said make it like I want the thoughts,she loves me so much and so do I.sometimes I get headaches because how much I thought and like my head vibrate.sorry I’m writing here but i needed to say that to someone.as I don’t have anyone to speak with.what a pathetic person I’m.

I realized something tonight while doing an erp exercise that I wanted to share in case anyone else resonates with it. This might be geared more towards pure ocd but as I was doing my may/may not statements for my erp exercise I started thinking about what is really causing the spike in discomfort. I think for a lot of people, including me, the fear of the statement being true is definitely a huge contributor. However, I began to realize that my guilt for PURPOSEFULLY thinking and saying the thoughts to turn them into may/may not statements produced an equivalent amount of discomfort. I suppose my thought process is that if it is an intrusive thought in the moment, then that is bad and I worry that it might mean it’s true. However, purposely thinking about this bad thing really seems to be a trigger in itself. I already feel like a terrible person when I get an intrusive thought but when I purposely bring the thought back for erp I become full of doubt that it could possibly be the right thing to do. This is especially true for me when the statement is very specific and about a person I know and/or care about. This causes me to get stuck on thoughts such as “how can it possibly be ok to think something so horrible about someone?” and “why would I want to habituate myself to something so horrifying ?”. I suppose I put this up here because I believe (this is just my opinion) that it’s important to understand your personal erp process in order to improve upon it and because (again in my opinion) gaining as much knowledge about your ocd treatment (what is working and what isn’t) is a huge step towards success. Finally, sometimes sharing this kind of information might spark a conversation and even a possible solution to the problem. 🙂🤷🏼‍♀️

I think I have ocd about my friends girlfriend. I have known her for over 10 years, they have been together the whole time, I've known her. I'm 24, single, male. It started 2 years ago and as I got closer with her it increased. It got so bad that I joined a gym trying to impress her, to get a nice compliment when I should have been doing it to attract other people. I never put a move on her and never would, I wouldn't never do that to my friend and it worked have destroyed alot of my other friendships being in a close social group. I have had other relationships but nothing serious and it just seems that I've manifested a fake relationship with this girl in my mind due to my obsession and now I can't get her out of my head. I'm ashamed of it and haven't been able to tell anyone about it, not even my own family. I have had to cut off all contact with my friend because of it. I just can't stop thinking about her like everyday and it's had an affect on my own relationships. I just want to be able to stop thinking about her and be able to create meaningful relationships with another person. I want to get her out of my head and move on. I haven't seen either of them in 6 months as I thought no contact would work but I still have these thoughts and these urgencies to message both of them but I don't as I know it's not helpful for me. I'm just wondering if anyone else has gone through this and If there is any techniques or habits I could use to overcome these thoughts and be able to move on with my life.

I need any sort of advice again Idk what to do, I feel so shi*ty rn, even accepting that Im gay isnt helping. Well I posted 2 hours ago. Am I not accepting It properly? Or do I have to give It time and embrace it or whatever? But I dont feel good. Ive completely torn apart the belief I had that I was straight pre ocd bc It gave me so much proof now when I look back to my old life, I feel blank and Its causing me so much anxiety and pain thinking that I was always gay and didnt notice. I feel like I dont have any identity right now or that Im forming a totally new one. Its so so painful. Despite feeling so awful, Im having full body arousal all the time and an urge to act on my thoughts. Ugh how the hell is this possible. I feel miserable when I think that I cant or wont be able to like girls anymore. Do I just have to move on from wanting to feel something for women? Man, before ocd I thought I couldnt get a gf or talk to women bc I just have severely low self esteem issues , but It feels like I was actually gay all this time, I already believe this so why cant I let it go? Is this what denial looks like? Ughhh

For those of you that have jobs, what is it like to work with your OCD? I am wondering that I may never be able to hold an actual job due to my OCD. I don’t want to hide away in my house for the rest of my life because obviously that is not a feasible thing to do.

So.... I got a little nervous at like 2 am, which I'll admit is the usual time I go to sleep because... of reasons. I texted my boyfriend, We hadn't really talked much that day because he had to work so I will also admit that i wanted some attention and i might have made out the situation worse than it actually was... Initially i didn't even think he would text me back at this hour but when he did i didn't want him to feel like i texted him that for nothing and also I needed some attention. Am I manipulating him because I told him i felt worse than i actually did?🥺

Today’s been frustrating as I actively chose to do compulsions/digging for like 3 hours. My obsessions are around my boyfriend’s past. One thing I shouldn’t do is go digging through social media trying to stalk everyone from his past. It all makes me feel sick even if it’s from a decade ago. I’m 29, know he’s my perfect match and we are very much in love, but the jealousy I feel over any female that had any type of relationship with him in the past is EXTREME. Today I haven’t gotten much work done because all I’ve done is scroll thru stupid social media stalking, and when I’m not doing that I’m still just unfocused AF. Trying to turn this day around, and my mood, before he gets home.

People with pocd are you guys in a relationship and does your partner know about your ocd? If so did it impact your relationship? I’m just curious about it. Or if you don’t want to post it publicly maybe we can message privately? I just want to vent to someone:(

Hi everyone, could someone give me some honest advice? Not looking for any reassurance, I just want someone's opinion on how to handle this. So my aunt has kinda become really involved with my mental health, she's kinda taken on the spot of my mom. She's been incredibly snappy and a little rude with only me for a bit now and I'm not sure why. She's been treating me like I can't be left alone and like everything I do is because of my OCD. Shes also over critical. Like just now I explained to her that I do not have the energy to drive over to the pool and hang out because today I worked, went straight to my Nana's house, then straight to therapy and I have barely had a chance to breathe. And I have plans later from 8-10. I felt the guilt coming on for not going but it's mainly her reaction.... I guess what I'm asking is how do you set better boundaries in a situation like this? Hope I explained everything okay, thanks y'all 😊💗

Hey so my therapist doesn’t know a lot about ocd and I think I might get a new one but she told me that during this time it’s normal to question “my morals” and now I’m scared I’m actually questioning my morals. I haven’t actually thought any questioning thoughts and now I’m scared that I am. I’m scared that I’m going to be okay with harming people, pedophilia, rape, etc. not to ask for reassurance but this is really hard. I’m constantly scared that I’m going to all of the sudden think those things are okay.

POCD is killing me. I feel like it’s real based on past evidence. Maybe it is real, but OCD is just matching onto it and overthinking it. I’ve been having suicidal thoughts. I cannot bear to be a p.

guys i’m scared. what if the reason erp helps is because youre coming to terms with what you actually are. i am in so much distress. is this what i actually am?? can i just be normal?? i have so much to be thankful for and be happy for…

Okay I could use a little bit of help Little less than a week ago I got really drunk with a couple of friends, and went to a college party. I had intentions of getting with this girl but never ended up doing it or saying anything to them that would be considered cheating. I also have a girlfriend I love very much and if I wasn’t almost black out drunk I would never in a million years have intended on doing such a thing. Even though I didn’t end up actually doing anything I can’t stop obsessively thinking about it and feeling overwhelming guilt and anxiety. I made a promise to myself I would never even put myself in a position to even think such a thing again as long as I’m with her. I really don’t know what to do, I don’t feel it’s really necessary to tell her because I didn’t actually do anything and it would just be selfish of me to do that. Since I’d be hurting her more to take the burden off of me, and on top of that I really care about her and it would destroy me to lose her. How can I stop having this terrible terrible feeling? This anxiety and I think it’s guilt is too dreadful. Someone help

I am new to this and just wondering how it works. I'm not exactly sure what kind of ocd I have but its thoughts of something bad is going to happen if like I dont say touch the light switch a certain amount of times. Any information will help maybe someone just to talk about it .

I wish there could be a master list for each subtype if ocd where people could go and anonymously put there intrusive thoughts or obsessions so that others could see that they are not alone (regardless of how scary, disgusting, mortifying, etc they might believe their thought or obsession is to them). Then there should be a master list for all other intrusive thoughts that don’t fit neatly into that category labeled “unacceptable thoughts” where my therapist says all other uncategorized topics go so others can see how diverse ocd is and make it easier to stop doubting if this “counts” as an ocd thought. This would not be for reassurance but to draw strength from the sheer number and diversity of people and their thoughts who are fighting right along side you.

So today my boyfriend and I finally saw each other and it was so good!!! It felt just like before but we were intimate and when we were making out it was great but when it turned more serious I felt myself get disconnected again it’s like I’m not as present as I should be and I feel horrible because I want to be. My body reacts just the way I want it to but my mind just doesn’t stop buzzing. It’s like I’m into it but I’m also in a state of panic and I think it was like this even before soocd. I just don’t know what’s wrong with me and God I hope one day I can get past this. I just want to love him.