Welcome to
the NOCD Community

Why does harm ocd make you feel like you actually want to do bad things even thought you don’t? Especially when the anxiety is not their. Even though I’m diagnosed with ocd it makes me doubt if I ever have ocd. Any tips for sitting with the uncertainty especially with themes this horrible like harm ocd?

Anyone here struggle with OCD with things on social media? Like obsessing over things you observe such as certain online behaviors of others? If you feel comfortable sharing 🙏🏼

I have been on crisis mode for the past few days. Please share opinion if you can. I really need help on this. So as you are probably aware if you’ve seen my last posts, I was scared to touch my mom’s doorknob bc she is sick coughing and sneezing. I did an erp where I touched her room knobs and my room knobs and then rubbed it all over my covers and laid under them breathing in all the germs that I rubbed there. My biggest fear is spreading covid germs and being the reason that people die from it. I couldn’t take the guilt of doing the erp and the next day I asked my mom to do it thinking I can live with what I’ve done if my mom does it without feeling guilty. Instantly regretted it bc I made her use the main enterance doorknob. Which in my opinion is most contaminated of them all. So anyway, she did it and I felt twice as guilty to the point where I felt I needed to die. But my pastor talked me down. However, the next day I remembered that the day my mom did the exposure, she had to go into work using taxi and I had followed her because I had a hair appointment near her job. I had a funny feeling behind my nose as if I was coming down with a cold. But I still went. This is the part that I cannot get over. My biggest fear is killing people with covid and yet why did I go with my mom if I believed the risk of spreading the germs from the doorknobs would be doubled? I got tested for covid the next morning and thankfully I don’t have it. But why did I go to the city with my mom that day without being sure of anything?? Whether or not breathing germs from doorknob together will spread germs or whether or not my mom and I have covid? To be fair, my ocd has always made it seem like we are immune from covid and I can only give it to others outside my family. But why do I feel like I wasn’t thinking that way that day? And even if I was, what about the part where I believed my mom and I breathing in door knob germs could spread covid? And to make things worse, my boyfriend said he has a sore throat but I still went to see him that same day. Did I know in the back of my mind that it is just a regular cold? Or did I not care that whole night if I spread covid or not. I’m thinking that since (whether rational or not) I thought breathing the germs from the knobs and being with my mom increased the chance of spreading covid from the germs that got on us and in our lungs from the erp, I feel like I ignored that thought and went on the taxi anyway. My question is, why did I become so irresponsible and bad? I cannot forgive myself for this. It’s driving me insane and I’m once again feeling like dieing over it. No joke I am really questioning if I can continue my life. Completely depressed and sobbing. What is wrong with me. Did I snap? I wasn’t sure about anything and yet I did something so irresponsible. Twice! Going with my mom in taxi to manhattan and going on an uber to long island city to see my sick boyfriend. I can’t forgive myself. What do I do? I made my boyfriend also get a covid test. I did rapid and also a pcr. The negative result for some reason doesn’t even matter to me. Why am I so irresponsible all of a sudden? Why am I a bad person all of a sudden. And can I ever forgive myself?

Doing exposure and the thoughts don’t bother me but something still feels “off” or “wrong” or “not right” is this normal? Is this what not doing compulsions feels like?

So I was going to watch Titanic last night (I’ve seen it before like a long time ago) and got through maybe 10 minutes of it until one of the characters said that the character Rose was 17 when she was on the titanic and I quit watching it because I got triggered because of a couple scenes from the movie that I’ve seen before in the past and it never even occurred to me. Just feels wrong

I think me not enjoying intimacy is probably proof I’m not attracted to him because 1.) I’ve always been insecure when it comes to intimacy and always feel slight discomfort no matter how much I enjoy it 2.) I’m not aroused by naked body alone and sometimes it feels like I find my partner’s genitals unattractive 3.)It always take effort for me to enjoy intimacy, and once I do start to enjoy it I still feel scared and unsure of myself 4.)I don’t have the natural urge to reach out to touch my partner during intimacy, I want him to touch me but I get scared to touch him and I want to have that Desiree to touch him but in real life it doesn’t come naturally at all 5.)I’m aroused by women in p0rn just by looks, but I hate the idea of having intimacy with a woman 6.) I have only been able to get out of my head during our first kiss, the second kiss, and when we first did the deed. 7.) my partner usually always initiates 8.) I have to really put myself into it to enjoy it 9.) I always want to stop after some time because I get too overwhelmed and feel overwhelmed at the prospect of reaching that standard of pleasure I want him to have 10.) him being close to me can make me uncomfortable at times but I really want to not be uncomfortable 11.) not a big fan of FaceTime intimacy, I’d prefer him with me All of these signs point to me not being attracted to my beautiful boy but I want to be and I might be because 1.) I’ve always loved fantasizing about him and I engaging in intimacy, but i don’t fantasize as much about touching him , I have more now that I’ve had more enjoyable experiences with him 2.) our first kiss was amazing and the second one was amazing , I loved him being close to me and I wanted to keep kissing him. He’s the best kiss I’ve ever had and I love just making out with him and having him wrap his arms around me 3.)When we engage, I get ummm very physically excited, it’s very easy for me to get physically excited around him it’s just my head that won’t stop buzzing 4.) before quarantine I really enjoyed our intimacy, again I would not enjoy pleasing him as much because of my low self esteem I think 5.) when I’m around him even little things can make me aroused but it still takes effort 6.) Even though I’m not fully present, I like knowing I can give him pleasure and when I’m in the rhythm I really love being able to please him and be close to him 7.)I so so so badly want to be attracted to him and I have a lot of things I want to really try and enjoy but my mind doesn’t ever let me 8.) I get very aroused when we text things 9.)I love physical affection from him and I love being held and everything I don’t want this to be the end, I don’t want to not enjoy it. Even though I kind of have to force myself to get into it I still really want to and I still enjoy it once it’s begun a rhythm. What do I do??? I’m so scared….

OCD is our specialty because it’s our background. Our team is composed of folks who have OCD, who support loved ones with it, or who professionally treat people with the condition. The results speak for themselves: our members see significant results about twice as fast, on average, as others in exposure and response prevention (ERP) therapy. That’s because our motive is not to treat just one condition – it’s to treat one community. By focusing on the OCD community as a whole, we see all of our members as unique people, so they aren’t defined by their OCD. This allows NOCD Therapists to identify and treat the core problem that our members are struggling with, and find solutions to help them manage other issues in their lives. Read more about how NOCD’s community-driven therapy leads to superior outcomes and why our approach is the future of treatment for behavioral health populations.

This might not be OCD related but i'm so paranoid that someone is watching me, its 2am and im so scared, help

Does anyone else’s OCD change frequently? Like a few months ago I had fear of transgender ocd even though I am not that but let’s be real you all understand what that feels like. But today I’m worrying more about just being abnormal and something being wrong with me also with possibly being attracted to older or younger people and it’s just so draining and as if there is something wrong with me like I’m stuffed up which I’m sure many can relate to. But now transgender ocd doesn’t worry me that much, however it used to be my biggest fear, it’s so insane how we can just switch up. I remember watching a movie about a serial killer and then I had a fear I was going to become a serial killer and I was a sociopath, but today that doesn’t bother me much at all. It just puts in perspective how much it really is ocd, but then my brain doesn’t let that sink in. However I’ve definitely been worse in my life and I’m trying to do some ERP and hopefully will succeed. But like I said it’s so crazy how they switch up, I used to be afraid of killing myself, now that doesn’t bother me but back then it was gut wrenching. OCD truely is terrible.

Does anyone have any advice for someone with contamination OCD that is living with a partner without OCD? (Especially given that that partner intentionally or unintentionally sometimes /often says things that make me feel worse/down). I could really use any advice anyone has right now. Things are starting to feel hopeless and I don’t know whether it makes sense to continue with the relationship or if that’s just a temporary feeling in light of what I’m going through. I just feel so alone and misunderstood.

Sometimes I feel that if leaving my realtionship will put an end to this agonizing feeling, it must be the right answer. But if rocd is truly a thing and not an idea constructed out of denial then the same thing would most likely just happen with the next relationship. I have gone through this through two different relationships now. My first year was during the last year me and my kids mom were together and the last two years have been with my wife who I started dating shortly after my kids mom left. I warned her before even starting to date that I had rocd, but at this point in my life I am doubting that rocd even exists.

i just feel so worthless and i have no motivation to do anything i’ve lost all hope in recovery and i’m so scared it will never go away and get better. i feel like i’m cursed and i’m being punished with this torture disorder and idk what i did to deserve this. i’m so stressed and so annoyed. i feel so lost and helpless

I feel so far from God.. I don’t know how to get back OCD ruined everything

Anyone wanna help me with a little fact-checking? I had a horrible appointment with my family doctor today. She basically told me that my anxiety around my relationship and sex was not OCD, but a cry for help because I’m not in the right relationship. She said these things to me AFTER telling me she doesn’t know much about OCD and AFTER I told her I loved my fiancé and did not want to leave him. She pressured me to leave him to “find myself.” Honestly, she sounded like OCD personified. She also said that OCD is not an external force working against me, but a manifestation of thoughts and feelings I already have. Basically she said OCD is a way for me to express what I’m scared of feeling and that it’s a way to help me realize what I really feel. She said OCD doesn’t work against me from an external perspective, that it doesn’t “happen” to me and affect the way I feel and respond, but that it just brings those things to light. She said all that to say that my anxiety about my relationship with my fiancé and anxiety around my sexual orientation isn’t OCD, just anxiety because I’m in the wrong relationship and need to leave him. Any thoughts? The conversation truly sent me spiraling, and I will not be going back to her.

I need an interpretation. My ex left me for a week. Than after less than a week, he came back saying that he is soo sorry and he want me back. He made me felt really wanted again. A week passed and I saw him distancing himself; I asked and he said that he really want me and he didn't came back to leave me again. Today; after like 2 weeks, he said that he doesn't see a future with me, so he will never became my boyfriend again. BUT than, he said that he enjoy going out with me; and he want to keep date and hook up Me. I asked if it was because mabe he stopped liking me, or being attracted and he said no, that he likes me, even in that way. I asked him if it is because he doesn't want to now my problems because he didn't care, or because he had loose hope, nd he said that no, he will be there to listen to it, and also that he is sure that I will resolve them. He said that he still enjoys when he see me. He simply doesn't want to be my boyfriend. And he even wanted me to go out with him tonight. That make 0 sense for me. He want a future without me, staying with me without being committed to me! WTFFFF

Anyone willing to discuss religious OCD and doubting the existence of God?

How do you decide with whom/when/how much you share about your OCD? I haven't shared with one of my friends, as she has had less-than-supportive responses when I've shared other medical/mental health things with her. She recently made some comments about OCD (you know the ones - "I love to plan and organize. I'm so OCD."). When reading her texts I was seething, as those sorts of comments are so diminishing and hurtful. I know that she doesn't mean harm by these things, so part of me wants to tell her how I've been battling OCD (the real kind, not the kind that likes to color coordinate socks) for the past year. I want to explain why "I'm so OCD" makes me so freaking angry. But if I do this, I take the risk of her not supporting me in the way I would expect. I take the risk of her thinking "What's the big deal. We're all a little OCD." Is it worth it, or do I just go on and try to ignore those comments? What experiences (positive and negative) have you all had when sharing about your OCD with others?

Last night I was comparing intimate scenarios in my head and it keeps feeling like I truly wanted to and additionally I had thoughts like because my own body parts are soft (chest) objectively so would another woman’s which felt like it would be good but I don’t want that at all and it felt like I would be curious about what it’d be like to touch another woman’s chest but again I don’t want to. And when I imagined a scenario with a friend it felt the same as when I compulsively try to imagine scenarios with my boyfriend because of how badly I want to be able to enjoy those things with him. So just numb really and sad, except I want to do those things with my partner but not another girl. I think this is truly denial, no one else has thoughts about it actually being nice and actually enjoyable / curious even though it used to make me so uncomfortable. I ache to be near my partner, not another woman even if I am bi whatever that’s fine but I just want to feel something for my partner again in that aspect without questioning everything

How to deal with false memories when it comes to something so bad and disgusting? It is all so strange because I remember the situation but I have the feeling that I am missing something

Hey guys, I'm really scared, someone PLEASE reply (POCD 18+) Okay, so tonight I was beginning to feel better about my obsessions and began to feel like maybe I was actually making progress. But I feel terrified rn, I'm scared because I used to watch hentai and cartoon stuff when I was younger, I'm 19, I would look up certain anime stuff or cartoons, but I started feeling happy that I probably stopped when I was 15. But now I'm terrified, I used to watch the tv show Big Mouth on Netflix but stopped after I started feeling uncomfortable with the show since it is really graphic. But I'm scared that I may have watched porn about the show while I was watching it. I don't really have strong memories about it but I'm terrified because that would have been when I was 16. I'm so scared, my friend said that "worst-case scenario, say you did, it's just a drawing at the end of the day" but I'm really scared. I'm really grossed out, I don't know what to do, I was just starting to maybe feel better but I don't even know anymore, I'm terrified, what do you guys think???