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I just got broken up with because I am depressed and it was over text. My anxiety and ocd have been awful and he said that can only be an excuse for so long so now I’m going insane. I am so sick.

I have struggled with ocd my entire life until I realized what it was and why I was the way I was. My psychiatrist is trying one more medicine because we have “exhausted” all other options which is making me lose hope. I’ve been on many medicines since 8th grade and now I just feel hopeless, she said after if this medicine doesn’t work I should do TMS therapy which freaks me out. The medicine she is prescribing me is Anafranil? Guys I’m so just lost right now

It started with my sexuality. Out of nowhere my brain started questioning it, like “what if you’re not straight?” And it didn’t feel like curiosity—it felt forced. Like I had to figure it out right then or something bad would happen. So I started checking, analyzing, trying to be 100% sure. That’s when everything got worse. Once my brain saw that got a reaction, it moved on to my gender. Now it was “what if you’re actually a girl?” And it hit even harder. Same thing—pressure, urgency, nonstop thoughts. Not something I wanted, not something I was thinking about before. It felt like my identity was getting ripped apart in real time. I kept trying to solve it. Trying to land on an answer. Trying to feel certain again. But that just fed it. Now it’s escalated to the worst one—my brain throws out thoughts like “what if you’re a pedophile?” And that one feels disgusting. It goes completely against who I am, but my brain keeps bringing it up and then making me question it. Like I have to prove to myself I’m not a bad person. So I check again. I argue with it. I try to get certainty. And it just keeps coming back stronger. It feels like my mind just jumps from one thing to the next—whatever will scare me the most and make me react. Sexuality → gender → now this. And every time I try to fight it, it digs in deeper. I don’t even feel like I trust my own thoughts anymore. I just want my brain to stop attacking everything I care about and let me be me again.

I have to vent to the community for a bit. I have digital contamination/ Real Event and False Memory. I have been struggling to get back into gaming which used to be a hobby I really enjoyed. I have spent the last year obsessively trying to clean up my digital footprint and obsessing over if I ever said or did something wrong or embarrassing in the past. It really dehabilitated my life for a year. I had been unemployed for 3 months after losing my job unexpectedly and just started my new role. So I am experiencing some change. I have been absolutely fixated on wanting to try to find my old game accounts but I’m too scared to check. So I feel like that’s avoidance but I also don’t want to get trapped down the rabbit hole of needing to check because that feels like the compulsion. So I’m just sitting here trying to be a good mom and wife while my mind is racing needing to check. I know that probably all sounds so minor to anyone else but it makes my heart pound and head spin. I’ve been diagnosed for 8 years. I have been in ERP for 1 year. It’s been life changing but I haven’t been able to have a session since Jan due to losing my insurance after my role was lost. I have battled contamination/religious ocd before and those were awful. This one has been really bad because I can’t escape my phone, laptop, emails, even logging in to pay bills used to shut me down. I work in business so technology is so crucial to me making ends meet to provide for my family. Every day is an exposure. I use ai for reassurance or work and wind up tail spinning about the information I gave it. I had when my kids are gaming but they love it but when my family decides to game together my mind races. I have to shove it down. It used to be such a fun family activity for us but it hurts me. My husband can’t stand hearing about any of my compulsions anymore. He spent so many years trying to help and support me but he’s exhausted and I just really am in a better place. Bad days still creep up on me. I just needed to vent to people who understand. Just posting this hard for me because again, it’s digital, it’s online, it’s to strangers about something personal. I miss the days I could join online communities and bond or even do marketing for companies and work remotely but my whole life changed after the spiral a year ago. Anyways, if you’re still here… thank you for listening to this stranger vent. OCD is a monster and I’m glad I don’t have to battle it alone and have this community. ❤️

18+ only OCD keeps infantilising grown women especially when they posting somewhat suggestive things I guess? (Could just be my OCD just assuming that but I don't know) and I hate it so much, I also saw someone I had to report, they didn't post anything I don't think but I just went to their account to report them because their name was a dogwhistle and the person my OCD infantilised despite them being 21 was really triggering and then when I was reporting the "person" I saw the link to someone I cleared as safe and the checking compulsion popped into my head again, I didn't do it but I'm having a groinal and everything. I then checked the first person's (Not the person I reported) following and they turned out to follow some people I find immoral so I reported them too but one person was just normal and posted slightly suggestive photos of themselves in like gym shorts and bikinis but I didn't know their age so OCD freaked out and said all these things about me for no reason. I needed to do the checking compulsion to something safe but then I saw two people I thought were safe uploaded new videos doing things I found immoral, I found someone safe but kept itching and stretching my privates when looking for something safe and I don't know why but I'm scared it's a s*xual thing, I was doing the stretching thing when I had a full on groinal and sometimes when I was ya knowing but I was itching compulsively before then and I didn't feel anything when stretching, I just have a medical thing down there and doing that helps, maybe it's a subconcious test to see if it is a s*xual thing but I've done it before under different contexts like just on the toilet and not really paying attention to my phone so I'm scared/worried I could've done it at an inappropriate time without realising. Also this is probably a dumb aside but I don't believe I feel attraction, I just use checking compulsions to "disprove" intrusive thoughts and destress. Before the compulsion I reported a bunch of people either being really disgusting about someone who posted a selfie or following people I've reported before or posting videos of other people possibly without them knowing and I also thought someone was safe and was about to find something of there's to complete the compulsion before one of their titles had the word "mommy" in it which I really hate but I feel bad because I already started the compulsion before finding that out and stopping. And I keep looking at people inappropriately, no matter who it is and I despise it more than anything. And I just learnt that Euphoria which I watched like 2 episodes of ages ago had a scene cut from the first episode because it was illegal and I'm terrified I saw it and didn't realise and I feel like I have to report it just in case but obviously don't want to see it.

Does anyone have a list or examples of “feared outcomes” for just right or perfectionism type obsessions?

so i have ROCD and at the start it was bad and then it calmed down a bit and its spiked up a few days ago and it felt worse than ever and it’s slowly going back down and i went for a run this morning and felt good but came back and my mind was racing with thoughts like “am i happy” “what if im not” “am i happy with what we’re working towards” and just a lot of what’s ifs and thinking in the future and i looked over to our bed and she was sleeping peacefully and i just feel horrible to be even thinking these things because i love her so much and I know that so why am i having these thoughts. It makes me feel so sad thinking about if she knew i was having these thoughts and i feel like i bad boyfriend and it really just breaks my heart. Im not so sad about the thoughts im having right now because I know it’s not true but it’s more just feeling bad for her in a sense. Anything will help :)

I can’t do anything I am so stuck some days I can’t even leave my bed till 4 pm I can’t focus on school and I want to but I can’t I haven’t been able to since I was a kid I just started getting medications for adhd and I still feel so stuck and my ocd is getting bad again and i genuinely don’t know how to go on living like this i genuinely cannot do anything I want to so bad but I can’t I’m 19 and I don’t have my lisence im failing community college and I’m genuinely such a loser and it’s all my fault i genuinely can’t do anything and I don’t know how to get better I’ve trued medication I’ve tried therapy I’ve tried exposure therapy I don’t know what to do anymore

Ever since I was a child I have had these experiences that I can’t explain. I’ll have these random moments where I’ll be in the vicinity of a person that just causes me discomfort for some unknown reason… like I’ll see their face and it will just cause me anxiety and discomfort? And I’ll just feel like something horrible is going to happen? It’s difficult to explain and I feel like I sound crazy 😅 but does anyone else know what I’m talking about? I’ve never known what it is or where it comes from but I’m now thinking maybe it’s an OCD thing? Extra points if someone knows what subtype 😂 (I’m kidding about the points thing btw)

firstly i wanna mention that i have OCPD and ADHD as well so maybe others with OCD dont relate to this as much but i have something im really obsessed with and that i love and whenever someone mentions it without being informed about it i actually start going insane and i dont know how to not care about it. its such a simple thing i love mbti and when someone who doesnt know mbti functions talks about it i start getting super frustrated and thinking about that for hours and hours getting nowhere and even if i already told them and informed them i dont feel better. does anyone know how i can stop caring?

Has this happened to yall? I had a severely emotionally distressing day yesterday. Was fully convinced I was going to break up with my boyfriend but mourning it and freaking out all day long because of how I can't do it. i just can't. I love him too much and am in denial of how bad my life feels because of it. Crying uncontrollably too. Today I woke up with extreme stomach pain, went to the bathroom and started blacking out, ears ringing, body shaking, goosebumps etc. I thought i was dying. This has happened to me one time before. But i forgot about it and now im more concerned.

18 + only (Mentions of p*rn) I use porn compulsively, I don't feel attraction it's just a crutch to prove I'm not my thoughts and I have people I consider safe and fit my guidelines like not doing the disgusting step thing or having the word teen in the title, stuff like that but I hate all the degrading language used in even the things I consider safe, it's objectifying and weird and I hate that this is my main compulsion, it makes me feel like I'm doing something wrong when I'm specifically looking for more safe things and I hate it so much. Then today/last night, I had a really dumb dream that I was forced to break my morals and do the compulsion to something I find immoral and I actually believed it had happened for a bit even though it made no sense.

i just went on a week long vacation with my boyfriend and i almost broke up with him mid trip. it breaks my heart because i know who i can be and who i want to be in this relationship but it's like i just can't. i can't escape my head. i can't even reminisce on our memories without wanting to cry because of this feeling that it's still not right and im just continuing to get in too deep with him and his family. i feel like a fraud. im always wanting him to respond or treat me or make me feel a certain way, and expecting him not to which confirms my suspicions of him being wrong for me, and then remaining unhappy but being incapable of leaving him. i blame him but ultimately myself. my thoughts tell me everything i've done is wrong and that i chose him because i was lonely and just because he's a good person, but not because he's who i actually want. i feel like i didn't give myself a choice. so many things make me questions if he's right for me, half of which are my own fault. i envy my sister who is picky when it comes to relationships and i compare myself to her in everything. i've been in a lot of relationships back to back, and they've never worked out. i always leave, but have never regretted it. this time i fear regretting the choice to leave so much. ive always had this obsessive fear that my boyfriend (no matter who i am dating) will find my sister attractive and fantasize about her, which is where the root of my comparison to her stems from im sure. one of the reasons i want to leave him is because being in this relationship causes my sister to be a trigger for me no matter what, which drives me away from her and ruins our relationship. she is my best friend and it feels like i have to ignore her in order to not feel dissatisfied with my life and with who i am. i finally told him about this fear and he gave me the best reassurance i could imagine, yet i don't feel better. i feel irresponsible and like i haven't given myself the time i need on my own in order to be in a healthy relationship. but how can that be a real reason to leave the person who shows up for me every day, doesn't back down about my OCD, who wants a future with me, and who will never stop choosing me? the first guy who i've wanted those things with too and who i can't just throw away. i seriously don't know what to do anymore. i make him so happy and im not even being my full self because of OCD. it breaks my heart because he feels like he can't make me happy, and honestly i wonder if he can, because i am so unhappy with myself. it's so hard to know what to do when the only thing that gives me relief from all of my shame is imagining being on my own, but that very same thought is devastating imagining us not being together. and it feels like it's all my fault for not knowing who i was before entering this relationship. i can't tell if he's truly not right for me or if all of this causes me to view him as such. i feel lost, don't know who i am, furthest from God I ever have been, and like no matter what i do is wrong. which ultimately makes me blame it on him being wrong for me and like he's the one taking me away from God (even though he is a Godly man)

I've been dealing with OCD for a while, and about 3-4 months into my current relationship (we've been together 7 months total), my theme shifted in a really distressing way. What triggered it: My sister jokingly called me "gay" during a phone call. I know it sounds minor, but it sent me spiraling. I started getting intrusive thoughts about my sexual orientation, which then brought up traumatic memories from childhood when I was sexually abused by older boys in my neighborhood. More recently, I was watching an interview to try to cope with and process some of that trauma. The guest mentioned that he was gay but married to a woman, and said he could still orgasm fine with her — and now my OCD has completely latched onto that. It's been feeding my intrusive thoughts and sending me into a new spiral, even though I was just trying to help myself heal. Since then, I've been stuck in this cycle: - Constant intrusive thoughts and "false memories" that feel incredibly real - Severe performance anxiety with my girlfriend - Fear that I'll get flashbacks during intimacy - Ruminating over past experiences (including inappropriate situations when I was 11–12 that I now question endlessly) - I went from being confident in bed to finishing too quickly because I'm completely in my head For context: I was in a 10-year relationship with a woman before this and never had any issues with attraction or performance. I know my orientation — this is 100% OCD intrusive thoughts, not genuine questioning. I'm currently on SSRIs and SARIs plus L-arginine and L-citrulline. The meds helped initially with physical symptoms, but now I feel like my body's adjusted and the anxiety is back in full force. I'm so embarrassed and don't know what to do. Should I: - Find a specific type of therapist? (ERP? Trauma-focused?) - Is this even pure OCD or something else given the real childhood trauma? Has anyone dealt with sexual orientation intrusive thoughts combined with actual childhood trauma? How did you work through it? **Please don't tell me to "explore my sexuality" or suggest I might be gay — I'm asking for help with OCD intrusive thoughts, not questioning my orientation.**

Does anyone else specifically with ROCD build this narrative as to why you cannot be with your bf due to a ton of factors starting from the beginning of the relationship? and now they're personal, like i now am convinced need to heal from all my past patterns before i can be in a relationship. and like honestly that could be true and that terrifies me, because why now?? why do i have to discover that when im with such an awesome guy. my ocd about this relationship genuinely never goes away. like it's 24/7. i find myself wondering if im stupid at this point for pursuing it when i'm in my head constantly, with him or not. i've completely lost myself and i can't make a decision about a job either. the pain this is causing me is unbelievable and it all feels like my fault because if i would just break up with him all of this would be over. it's like i have to do this a specific way (break up, be alone for a long time, find myself) or else i think ill have eternal doubt about who i am with.

Had another panic attack last night, and it was the one that lasted an hour. That was probably the scariest moment of my life cuz I thought I couldn't calm myself down and needed to go to the hospital. I was starting to lose faith in myself but my family (brother, nephew, and sister) was there for me; and I'm glad my brother made sure not to give in to my compulsive fear and call 911 despite me begging him to. It did happen when I least expected cuz I'm taking a supplement for anxiety, so I thought I would be able to at least avoid having this happened again despite OCD, and I was wrong. It still happened because I was basically facing my fears all day yesterday with the doctor's appointment, to stress about my living situation, to my neck. And I think that panic attack happened as a result of me trying to combat those thoughts by doing the skills I've learned, but I didn't fully believe them because I was too stubborn too, I was too SCARED to. I think this is a lesson to how you gotta learn to trust yourself and to allow yourself to accept the things you can't control; even if the face of your worst case scenario coming true. Idk if this is normal to have a panic attack after trying to do some ERP through stressing moments, but I still manage to make it through somehow. Having another panic attack at MIDNIGHT was probably my worst case scenario, but I got through it! Idk, I still lack a bit of confidence, but despite how messed up this feels, it revealed so many truths now. In a weird way, it helped me understand why I gotta learn to trust myself again. I'm still scared asl, but, weirdly enough, I feel like I got this now

I’d RLLY like some advice if possible. I want to get the most help i can and I’m not sure if my new therapist is a good fit. Idk im just too sensitive but he’s every session session he says “if it’s true you have ocd” “if you have adhd” and it just irks me like idk 😭 he’s says it because he can’t diagnose me but like… I’ve been diagnosed for around 10 years at this point. like if my back hurts bc i have scoliosis or like if i tell him I’ve had a tonsillectomy i feel like he wouldn’t say “well if those things happened or were true” like idk 😭 I’ve never had anyone talk to me like that? I’ve brought it up once and he was like “ok i see i have to hedge w you” and im like??? What confuses me the most is that my psychiatrist is giving me new meds for ocd and SHES the one who reccomended him so im like??? Okay?! I feel that almost everything he says i already try to do. Except for an OCD worksheet. But my psychiatrist is the one who gave him the worksheet anyways. So when i flip the ocd paper over and see a thing that’s literally OCD why i don’t drive like ITS ON THE PAPER it just feels almost invalidating to be told yeah you might have issues. I want to keep going to therapy but im think maybe i should try again? And hes my first male therapist so i feel really awkward. I’d be willing to wait a long time if i have to even. OR im overthinking things and maybe i should go back and try to talk about him again even though it seems he doesnt want to.

I’m not sure if it’s an AuDHD thing or an OCD thing (or likely a combination of the two), but it is SO difficult for me to adjust to the slightest change in my plans for my day. For example, if I ask my boyfriend to hang out and he agrees (or even if he just says maybe), and then says he can’t later on, I get really frustrated and I feel really irritated. It sometimes makes me think he doesn’t love me anymore and doesn’t want to make time to see me. I know that isn’t the case and that he’s genuinely just busy or doesn’t feel up to hanging out, but I just get so locked on trying to find a solution. If I can’t, I just get irritated. I have to alter the order of what I plan to do during my day, and that really irritates me. I like to have somewhat of a rough idea of what every day will look like. It’s hard for me to let go of control. I’m really trying to get better about it because it isn’t fair to my boyfriend, but it’s really hard to recognize that I’m overreacting in the moment. Has anyone else been through something similar or have any advice?

so, i recently haven't really been able to work because of my ocd. every time i show up to my job, i have a panic attack, and i keep having to either call out and go home or stay home entirely. im going to message my boss today and tell her i can't handle the work, but it has me thinking a lot. if i can't handle even an easy part-time job, how am i gonna make it in life at all? it wasn't stressful work, it was only four hours a day, five days a week, i got paid well, and i still couldn't do it. im worried i wont be able to function like a normal person. that i'll have to be watched over and kept home like a pet or a kid or something. that people will see me as dumb or lesser because of it. i don't feel this way at all about people who can't work due to disability, but it feels different when it's me, y'know?

sort of like a video diary. i considered posting it on tiktok, but as i’m an “internet person” (on other platforms not tiktok) i’d risk my privacy by posting it, so it’s not really an option for me. so instead, i’ll remain anonymous and share it with some people who maybe actually get it. writing was always my strong suit. idk anymore journal entry march 2nd 2026: i feel utterly lost without a loved one because… what is the purpose of all this? what’s the purpose of just working and making money? and more money. and more. just so that i can live a “luxury” life, which for me, i’ve realized is just: rest. that’s all my body and mind desire and at night when it’s time to wind down and “rest”, i feel incomplete without sharing that with someone whether romantically or platonically “i just want to be held” replays in my mind. i found myself leaning towards wanting to put the game down and do some apartment shopping online instead. but it felt like an urge (or dare i say, compulsion). like hyper fixating on finding the right curtain rod will absolutely free my mind of its loneliness. because i will nitpick every cm of each curtain rod i see online. picture it in my room. in each color. replay it over and over. add to cart, but don’t buy. keep looking at others until i find the perfect one; which never exists. but here’s my dilemma: is there really even a solution to this problem? working on my ocd compulsions just leaves an open door for my “feelings” to come out. which are: I AM LONELY. but i don’t want just anyone in my space with me. i want my other half. i want my sister. i want my old family dog back. i want to just be home with my sister and our dog watching a funny show and i want all this growing up to stop. and i want to have a crush on a boy and not have it consume me. if that’s all i want: either a romantic partner, or to have some quality time with my sister (who’s married and has a one year old and has distanced herself from me the past 5 years) and our family dog (who died two years ago), and to rest… then, that is almost more unobtainable than fixing my brain. so in that case, why not just lean into the ocd and escape into perfectionism shopping? i won’t enjoy any of it anyways, if i do buy something. because i’ll still be in my bedroom alone.