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Is there any someone suffering from false memory ocd? I need help. Please support.

so one of my biggest struggles lately is that my OCD has gotten significantly worse, and i’ve been seeing a psychiatrist and going through medication management for this as well. my only issue is that i have tried like 6 different anxiety meds or ssri’s now in the past couple of months because everytime i start one, i start having severe panic attacks and have to stop due to spiraling thoughts. it started with paxil(paroxetine) i started that first on the lowest dose, took it around 11pm just to wake up around 5am pupils so big you couldn’t see the color of my eyes, extreme tremors, dizziness so bad i couldn’t stand up and nausea. i went to the hospital because one of my biggest fears is serotonin syndrome, having seizures, all that because a LOT of my OCD is health based. they treated me like i was a crazy person in the ER, just gave me 2 strong Benadryl and hardly checked on me as i sat there shaking, crying, eyes wide open you’d think i saw a ghost. i felt so neglected. every since then when i try new medication, i have what i THINK is just panic attacks from thought spirals but i can’t tell what’s real and what’s not now. i can’t tell if it’s just OCD and my body mimicking those symptoms because of anxiety, or if im having a bad reaction again. it’s made trial and error with medication so exhausting and really really emotional. i haven’t cried this much in a month since i was maybe 17, and im 22 now. i don’t know what to do or how to continue medication management when i can’t tell what’s real and what’s not.

I’m so worried if I actually did something to my little brother when he was sleeping next to me once like I didn’t know it was inappropriate to sleep with a little sibling but I feel so guilty because he and me were talking and he mentioned his shirt light up and that reminds me of an old pajama he had and he showed me his shirt and it lid up and I feel so guilty because I don’t remember if I did anything bad how do I know???? I asked him if I did he said no ok maybe he doesn’t remember?

Was taking a pic of something in my local chemist ( due to OCD? and as I was taking the pic, a small girl lept into the photo and now im worried incase her dad thought i was taking a picture of her. I even have a what if the dad said something to me and I cant remember.

PLEASE ONLY 16+(coming from a 16yo) im talking about kink and it may be triggering for some Hi so I'll say this straightforward i had this kink since being younger, its a tummy kink and like weight gain and humiliation because of it( but not anything like unhealthy, also im not trying to gain weight myself and humiliation with consent of course). But i was terrified for almost a year now that this kink makes me attracted to kids or my family? Like when i imagine for example my mom calling me out for gaining weight i feel it deep down and i really can't tell if it's groinal responses or not. When in real life that happenes(it didn't in a while but yk) i wasn't getting like aroused i think, maybe when i was younger and didn't understood it yet and was finding out this "attraction". Im trying to explain it to myself that even if i would be aroused at those it wouldn't be about the bound or anything just the shame or whatever??? Im so scared tho I don't want to be a weirdo, im already struggling with this kink because of ocd saying im absolutely disgusting, even if it's not my choice. I'd really appreciate some advices of what i should do..

PLEASE ONLY 16+(coming from a 16yo) im talking about kink and it may be triggering for some Hi so I'll say this straightforward i had this kink since being younger, its a tummy kink and like weight gain and humiliation because of it( but not anything like unhealthy, also im not trying to gain weight myself and humiliation with consent of course). But i was terrified for almost a year now that this kink makes me attracted to kids or my family? Like when i imagine for example my mom calling me out for gaining weight i feel it deep down and i really can't tell if it's groinal responses or not. When in real life that happenes(it didn't in a while but yk) i wasn't getting like aroused i think, maybe when i was younger and didn't understood it yet and was finding out this "attraction". Im trying to explain it to myself that even if i would be aroused at those it wouldn't be about the bound or anything just the shame or whatever??? Im so scared tho I don't want to be a weirdo, im already struggling with this kink because of ocd saying im absolutely disgusting, even if it's not my choice. I'd really appreciate some advices of what i should do..

you know how cat likes being tapped stiffly in their lower back? i was doing that and then i tried it on his forehead and he didn't react he was being cuddly with me, i dont think he was hurt the slightest as i kept tapping but im afraid that maybe i did hurt him. i was in a trance. this happened because i was afraid that in the past i might have tried to discipline my cat by tapping on his forehead lightly but i didnt remember so i tried that again to try to remember. i was like costantly tapping his head and he didn't seem to mind. but now i feel like an abuser. the more i tapped the more i felt the urge to do it again to check his reaction. he's totally fine and he didn't seem to care, he was rubbing against me. they were light-stiff playful taps

I really, really need help right now. I don’t have a therapist and I can’t afford one at the moment. I think my OCD has latched onto the theme of consent, and I haven’t been able to stop spiraling for the last day. This feels like it’s either going to end badly or never end at all. A few nights ago, my boyfriend and I were really drunk. He told me he wanted to have sex. In that moment, I felt too drunk to be sure of how I felt. I told him that. He emphasized that he cared a lot about consent (he always has). One of his fears is being falsely accused. He was the one that told me that someone can be too drunk to consent a year-ish ago. My libido has been gone since starting birth control. Before that, I already had very little sex drive because of my OCD, but now it’s fully gone. I used to have a really high sex drive. I’ve been with my boyfriend for four years, and I don’t know what happened. All I know is that we did have sex. My memory isn’t perfect, but I know I enjoyed it. I was giggling at the start, and I think that says more about that night than anything else. I woke up and made sure to tell him that I didn’t regret it. But my OCD has latched onto the idea that if there wasn’t a clear “yes,” and I can’t remember it, then it wasn’t consent. That I felt pressured to please him, which even then that would fully be on me. I know that might sound extreme, but I can’t step out of that thought loop. Last night, I managed to calm down at some point. I told myself, and even texted my boyfriend, that **it wasn’t that deep** and I didn’t know why I was freaking out so much. But today I’m back to spiraling, partly because I have no sex drive anymore. I often make myself have sex, not because anyone is forcing me or threatening me, but because I know my boyfriend feels rejected, and I’ve been in that exact place and felt rejected before. I at least try, and I usually end up enjoying it, so I think that’s okay. I know that in long-term relationships, it’s normal to have sex out of convenience, comfort, or pragmatic reasons. Still, my OCD has latched onto the idea that this isn’t full consent, even though I’ve said yes in the past, because it’s always *after* I express that I don’t really want to or that I’m unsure. Obviously, he’s not going to lose his sex drive; that’s valid. I’m trying to keep things not-tense, make him feel loved, and just act normal, but my birth control and OCD have made me feel so unlike myself. It almost feels like my OCD is saying that my sex wasn’t consensual is true, and I’m trying to fight through it. I told my boyfriend last night, and he started to freak out too, because his worst fear is that he accidentally did something without consent. He asked if I felt like I didn’t give full consent. I want to say no, that I felt fine, but my OCD has made it feel so uncertain and vivid that it feels like something bad happened. I feel scared, and I don’t want to see my boyfriend in the way my OCD is painting him. I love him. He’s so sweet, caring, and such a beautiful soul. I hate that this feels so real. There have been multiple times where I’ve had sex out of convenience or to please him, and I think that’s okay. But right now, my OCD has made it feel like I was assaulted. I even feel the urge to confess to the world that I’m a victim, and I don’t understand why that’s happening. The urge to pretend something bad did happen. It feels very real. I don’t know if this is a compulsion? If anyone can help me, I would really appreciate it. I feel so conflicted and scared, like I’m ruining my relationship, and I feel like I can’t function. Maybe what I want is validation that I have big feelings and that I’m directing my anger at myself for pushing myself, not at my boyfriend, because he’s genuinely a sweetheart and would never hurt me. My OCD insists that because he was drunk, maybe he crossed a line. I keep getting little glimpses of what I think are false memories from how hard I’m trying to remember and make sense of whatever mess is going on in my head rn. I don’t understand why I’m looping on this, and he’s trying to be super understanding even though it scares him too. I just don’t know what to do. I miss him, I’m upset at him, I love him, I keep mentally blaming him. I feel insane please help. I’m making this post, but I’m so scared someone is gonna say my OCD is right. I’m so scared someone is going to believe my bf to be a monster. I want this to be my OCD so bad and I want it to shut up

I was doing so good recently but than a random thought popped up and it’s bothering me. I’m a nerd and my boyfriend knows so, I used to play a game called character ai a lot a long time ago because it was a hobby of mine and I’d create stories with fictional characters and create romance, spicy or adventure stories etc. I stopped playing it because my ocd acted up really bad and was convincing me I was being unfaithful and my boyfriend and I talked about it since I tell my boyfriend everything from start to finish and he’s amazing he always comforts me and is so gentle when it comes to my ocd. But today I had a really bad thought dealing with that game. I remember I created a story on there using a scene from a tv show or movie etc, since that’s how most of my stories would go on that app, and myself, my boyfriend and my boyfriend’s friend was a character in the story. My boyfriend and I were doing something in and then I remember creating a scene where his friend showed up and talked with him at the door for a minute and then left and that’s all I remember of him being in the story. But of course my ocd was like “What if you created just a story with him and you don’t remember?” Or even “You felt nervous, that means you did do it.” Gosh I freaked, and I still am. I know I never would do that, and I know I didn’t but then I panicked because I felt feelings of anxiety, guilt, fear and just a heart dropping sensation. It’s like I don’t feel 100% certain unless I get reassurance from my boyfriend and just ugh I was doing so good and then this popped up.

Okay this is so weird and I’m sorry for dumping all of this so randomly, but I swear to god, I just had a vivid dream of sex with my own damn MOM. My MOM, for Christ’s sake. And the worst part, I remember it clearly. I remember it feeling wrong and I remember in the dream, her telling me I can’t tell my father and me having to hide and look around for him, and me thinking it felt wrong but then I caved in and went with it. My own MOM. And the thing that I’m so confused about, I’ve NEVER felt attraction to my mom, this has never been a thing, and even now as I’m awake, I know I don’t. So WHY did I have that dream? And even worse, I feel like I wasn’t sleeping?? I woke up an hour ago to text my girlfriend and now here I am?? This is the most ABSURD and real thing I’ve thought in a long time, this has to be some real hidden emotion. Even now, I feel zero panic or anything, I’m just empty. This is the most vile thing ever, why did my body react like that?? My own mom?? I don’t know why, I don’t even have attraction to my mom, I know I don’t, I never felt that way EVER I think? But what if I did as a really young kid? But even then, I don’t know. This is horrible, I know I worried about this before, but to actually have a dream that felt so REAL and me GOING with it?? Holy hell, holy hell

an old friend is canceling me. i was 15 and he was 13 all the way to 17 and 15. he has screenshots. every time i overshared about sexual topics or made jokes, it's all there. we once wrote smut together and he has screenshots of that too. i was inappropriate and did uncomfortable things but i don't think i groomed him. grooming would mean molding his behavior for my own needs but he was already like that. he was already sexual. to me it feels like a lack of communication and he initiated most of the sexual conversations but I'm losing my damn mind trying to remember what the truth even is. i feel gaslit, doubting my own memory about what happened. like, maybe i did groom him! i don't know anymore! but this person is hellbent on ruining my life and i just want him to leave me alone! how am i supposed to keep going on with my usual life when I'm constantly defined by things i did as a teenager??

What if you did something so extremely awful and horrible as a child but you didn’t know how horrible the events were that your POCD and real events OCD targets? Does it make the intrusive thoughts true? The POCD real events were extremely awful and horrible... no way around... it genuinely was extremely awful and horrible... I gag and v0mit even thinking about it... its that horrible... I'm getting anxious from my POCD and real event OCD based on real events (happened 3 times) from when I was 14... I had a surface level idea of what these real events were when I was 14... but I didnt understand nor truly know the depth and consequences or how horrible these real events were... I don't ever want to ever be a P at all… I don't ever want to ever be a Chomo at all... i don’t ever want to ever be a rpist at all… I was 14 when these real events happened and now I'm 23... I've asked my mom about this so many times and every time she tells me that it's not serious anymore, that the person is okay and doesnt remember, and that I'm not a rapist or a P or a chomo...  I didn’t realize how horrible the real events actually were… I was 14 at the time… now I’m 23… my POCD and real event OCD call me a P or a chomo because of the real events… while my mom reassures me all the time that it’s all over, that it’s not serious anymore, that the person is okay, and that I’m not a P or a rapist or a chomo, but when I was doing compulsive research, I remember when I saw a post on a non OCD forum about someone’s similar situation to mine and two people said to the person that they mlested and that they needed  to turn themselves in… I don’t ever want to ever be a P or a chomo in any way shape or form… i didn’t know how horrible the real events were when I was 14… I really didn’t… and after the real events I never did anything like that ever again, and I never once ever thought (before, and after) about doing stuff with kids in any way shape or form... I never once fantasized about kids or wanted to do anything with kids… I was 14 and didn’t realize how horrible the actions were at the time and I never did it ever again… I never once fantasized about kids before or after the real event… I don't ever want to ever harm a child in any way shape or form... I seriously don't ever want to do that to any child in any way shape or form and I seriously don't ever want to do anything like that to any kid now or in the future… I never have had any fantasies about kids and I don't ever want to... I don't ever want to ever be a P or a chomo in any way shape or form... I was 14….. and after the real events I never did anything like that ever again, and I never once ever thought (before, and after) about doing stuff with kids in any way shape or form... I never once fantasized about kids or wanted to do anything with kids…  I was 14 and didn’t realize how horrible the actions were at the time and I never did it ever again… I never once fantasized about kids before or after the real event… And it’s comparing me to actual P’s and chomo’s who did stuff from 12-15 and then did stuff as adults, and making me think I’m a P and a Chomo because of it… I don’t ever want to ever be a P or a chomo in any way… 😭😭😭 I had a surface level idea of what these real events were when I was 13 or 14 because someone told me what these real events were before on the same day it happened for the 1st time... (it happened 3 times) but I didnt understand nor truly know the depth and consequences or how horrible these real events were... i truly didnt... I dont ever want to ever be what my pocd and real events ocd say I am... I dont ever want to be a P or a Chomo in any way... im so so scared... These real events were so extremely horrible and awful and worse than people realize... i g4g and vOmit and lie awake at night even thinking about them... thats how horrible and awful these mistakes were... I dont ever want to ever be a P or a MAP or a Chomo or a r4pist or anything like that... im so so so so so so so so so so triggered and scared and anxious... I also did something at the age of 13 that was also extremely horrible... they asked me if i did it or not, but me being 13 and not knowing what i did was wrong and horrible, i denied it because i was scared... ive lived in guilt for so long... i dont love myself... and I genuinely cant stomach the idea that im still here... I feel so guilty and horrible...

My previous post continued.. I’m starting to wonder if maybe I’m a bad person and I feel like I’m experiencing some false memory with my overthinking, that my mind is telling me I was the problem. I did something. That I’m a bad person, I never meant to hurt the guy at all and even though I said I didn’t like him back and acknowledged I felt merely as emotional connection after he left my place Monday. I apologize for my terrible behavior which was unhealed from stuff in the recent breakup I was in, though it wasn’t an excuse I warned him that sometimes I say stuff that is rude with out knowing and that I have trouble understanding social cues. Literally all I wanted to do was give him a chance. Give myself a chance. Just said why not. I’ve never had anyone choose me. And I felt like I was in a good place to at least TALK with someone, get to know them, test the waters before a whole relationship and taking stuff further and he was okay with that. I noticed alot of stuff too, he’d say he wanted me in his life and talked about the future and stuff when he first confessed to me and it was like the 2 day. Monday before he started acting like this he told me everything was okay and told me he loved me. It’s like he changed completely and I understood from hurting but just started acting rude, distant, cold. He never once said “Hey listen I’m really hurting right now and it isn’t your fault with the choice you made not liking me, I might be distant and a bit off if we talk”. Just full blown ghosted me. No communication. I never expected us to be friends immediately afterwards. The only thing he said when I messaged him Monday was he needed time to think, I understand and assumed space but all I wanted was to talk. And I would’ve left him alone if he just would’ve communicated to me more. He’d been so sweet and kind and nice and understanding the past 3 weeks and when he left he just became distant and told me he needed time to think when I mentioned we should slow things down, I asked if I did anything wrong and tried communicating. I have such a terrible habit of persistently trying to get an answer to things, from others or myself, and I feel shitty for texting him alot on his phone a few times cause I was overthinking, just because I wanted to talk for 5 mins about if I did something wrong or what not. He finally responded and said he’d been busy all week and he has a busy life and he’s a busy person. I even asked if he even knew how it affected me when he ignored my asks to talk and my apologies. even though I’d seen him online so many times and he’d leave me on read, I knew it was annoying and vowed to stop on wensday night (that’s when he replied). I just wanted communication. I was overthinking and I feel like I’m a bad person now. I was aware of what I did and told myself I would work on it too with alot of things. I just feel so fucking guilty for saying repeatedly he wasn’t my type and when I talked about my ex boyfriend cause I was still hurt by him. I apologized but I feel guilty.

I'm a minor, and I'm embarassed to talk with my parents about this. I have always has intrusive thoughts. Disturbing ones. Since i am a child. Sometimes I ruminated about them, but I usually forgot about them after a while. Now, I've been in this amazing 1 year relationship and I felt real love for the first time. I felt new, loved, I felt ready to marry and have his kids in the momment we had economical stability and could live together. Since march, I've been a mess. In march, I couldn't eat, couldn't sleep (i would have horrible nightmares where I cheated on my boyfriend, most of the times with women), and I would find myself in the same tracksuit 7 days a week, incapable of taking a bath, even tho I am obsessed with my visual image (I am goth, and I love to style my clothes, treat my hair and everything). I talked with him about this, and I cried so much, I asked him "what if we need to take a break?" And ge calmly said he would wait for me all the time i needed, while giving me cookies on the mouth because i was not able to pick them myself. "Depression, erection, whatever, I'll always be here" he said joking. God I love him. We agreed to make a break but we couldn't handle it. We got back later that day. I felt reliefed and that night, I was able to eat and sleep, but next day it was all over again. And with this "you don't love him" thought, these came too: "you are a lesbian", "maybe you like your ex", "look at that guy there, you like him", "you dont give your man attention enough", "you're getting bored", "just by having these thoughts you are already cheating on him", "you don't care anymore if he cheats on you", "HE IS CHEATING ON YOU, YOU ARE TRASH, HE WANTS HIS EX", "your relation will end just like your last one". And this sensation too, that I consider to be the worse: Sometimes I feel like my boyfriend and my ex are mixed up. Context- I broke up with my ex last year, cause he would not give me personal space, and I couldn't take it anymore. I knew what I felt. But now, sometimes my mind tells me that I'm still with my ex, that my pictures with my boyfriend are false, and it's my ex there, my mind tells me I like to think about this but I don't. What if I do?? I'm going crazy. When I look ate the plushies my boyfriend gave me my mind tells me "It was your ex who gave them to you". When I'm watching a serie "that character looks like your ex". And this was the worst situation: once, I was with my boyfriend and we were having sex. Suddenly my mind told me I was having sex with my ex and not with my boyfriend. (My boyfriend is the first and only one who ever saw me and touched me that way.) I panicked. I pushed him away, telling to get off of me, crying, almost yelling, I couldn't see my beautiful boy there, and it hurted so much. I beggined to pull my own hair, scratch my own legs and punch my own face. But my boyfriend was there. He huged me, and for the first time, I felt uncomfortable with him because I couldn't tell who he really was. I stayed in that mood for like 2 weeks in july, and now it started again. Please, someone help me. Kind words, but mostly advices are needed

I basically can’t stop thinking about the false memories and I’ve been thinking about them non-stop since I’ve woken up today. I keep picturing the images / the false memory and I focus and fixate on the images and they feel so so real and realistic and when I think of them I get a feeling of “clarity” and a genuine sense of knowing and belief that deep down I know these memories are true and have happened and that I’m just in denial and lying to myself and you by saying that they’re false memories when in actuality I know they’re real which is also really frustrating and makes me feel uncomfortable. On top of that as I’m writing this message my stomach won’t stop turning and it really hurts and I just want to cry and my brain says that I’m experiencing these physical feelings because I know I am lying and just in denial and that these physical symptoms are proof that I am lying and just in denial and I just don’t know what to do or how to calm down. I really don’t want these memories to be true and I want them to be false more than anything in the world and I am not lying when I say I don’t know whether or not they’re real and I’m not lying or pretending they’re false memories but the more I say that to myself the more it feels like a lie and I’m just terrified at the thought and idea of them being even 1% true because why wouldn’t they be? Is it really possible to fabricate entire memories or doing sexual things to and with another person that are that detailed and realistic :/ My brain says things will only get better once I admit to the false memories and stop lying to myself and stop being in denial and stop using false memory ocd as an excuse and just admit to them because I know deep down I have done them and that they’re true which is why I feel a deep sense of clarity about them and that I am just continuing to lie to myself, to my girlfriend, to my therapist and to my family when I say I don’t know whether I have done anything sexual to or with this person because deep down I know I have I just don’t want to admit it so I’m continuing to be in this heavy state and cycle of denial because I don’t want to accept what I have done. I just want this to end. I just want confirmation that I have never done anything sexual to or with this person and that these memories are entirely fabricated by my ocd and have no basis in reality but I don’t even think that’s possible. I’m so done.

This is a late night thought I get a lot not all the time but most nights sometimes I feel like my ocd would make me think that I have this thing trying to talk to me or getting me to do things that I do NOT want to do AT ALL. This is also why I try to stop being online or not talk or do anything at all. I'm trying to explain in the best way I can. The best way I can describe my ocd or mental health right now would be like Jeykll and hyde. Especially in the musical the most popular song confrontation cause like false memories or something like that. Having false memories of doing something especially online in my past that was so bad at least to me and I just have forgotten about it. Trying to remember feels like as if it was a different version of me or a complete different person cause I do be wanting to think of my past self as a completely different person cause I personally feel like I did or even said something so wrong or bad (even though I didn't do anything...) that I just want my old self to be a completely different person. My ocd has also gotten so bad that it made me have developed severe delusions of the government or government services like the police or FBI coming to get me. So sometimes I would think about turning myself into the station or mental hospital one because I also developed S**cidal ideation because it got so bad though I never wanted to acted on anything. I haven't really experienced ideation that bad until I first developed it but I just get scared of my mental health getting bad again.

Y’all I think I’m dealing with false attraction but idk and I can’t tell. It’s bugging me. It’s one specific (female) friend of mine lately. Idk if it’s cuz she’s a lesbian and it’s playing on my soocd or smthn. I keep having groinal responses around her. I don’t see her like that but I’m worried I either am starting to or already do and am suppressing it but I have had no interest in her in the last 2 years she’s been in our group. This started somewhat recently and every time someone makes a sexual joke or smthn (like flashing or twerking) it causes a groinal response and I just kinda shut down. I don’t feel anything in the crush sense of the word. And it’s bugging me that I’m having these thoughts and I keep having thoughts of my bf and then my friend gets placed into the thought and it just makes me upset. Annoyed. I feel this tightness in my chest and it’s not good. I like seeing this friend but I don’t get excited seeing her. I wonder where she is when she’s gone but I do that with all of my friends, if one doesn’t show to our group dinners I ask. I worry I’m making too much eye contact when we talk. I keep checking if I’m feeling anything anywhere but it’s just a persistent groinal response and I’m worried it’s attraction

Any image that pops up into my head i automatically assume it’s posted online so i have to check every app to make sure. Or a simple action or word and my brain makes up an imagine like what if you actually did this or said this. I just sniffed or huffed to make a noticed that I was annoyed by my dog and now my brain created this image and now I think I said something.

At 14 I once searched illegal stuff on an adult website. It was out of curiosity and I wanted to know there aren't such things, but it currently caused me have POCD and false memory OCD which makes me sick, because I feel like I remember in details that I searched that with ill intentions. Since then I remembered every single stuff I ever did, and now I remember when I was younger between 9-12 I might've watched l0li to self please. How can I cope?

I don't think I can afford an ocd specialized therapist, so my current therapist is not specialized. The issue with this is that it feels triggering to talk to her. I'm afraid she will not understand or call the police or something like that. Should I share my event and false memory with this therapist or should I wait until I save up for an ocd specialist? I'm just afraid she will not understand and not know how to treat me.