Welcome to
the NOCD Community

Does anyone here have advice for Religious scruples?

Something I’ve been struggling with this is “feeling” of something being wrong and then me over analyzing and overthinking. It’s like my chest gets tight and I start to get really wound up inside that I’ve done something wrong. What’s frustrating is the feeling makes me feel like there is evidence of something wrong when I don’t physically see anything. I continue to tell myself this is just a “feeling”. Anyone else struggle with this or have any tips? I do got to therapy.

I’m new to this app, and this is a really big step for me. I’m 19 and as I get older my anxiety about death has been increasing in unimaginable levels. I can be on my phone, at work, or when it’s at its worst, when I’m trying to sleep. It’ll hit me like a train and send me into a spiral and it’s truly something I feel like only I go through. Would love to hear any other viewpoints or if anyone potentially relates.

CW: Mention of Kink I just got back from a week long vacation with no internet. I don't really know how I feel about the trip yet, as I was dealing with intrusive thoughts the entire time, but the physical things I did on the trip were fun. I did experience a slip-up, and had some very distressing urges come about due to constant triggers, but I think I handled it okay. Probably... Regardless, now that I'm back, I feel like I have changed somewhat, and my physical and mental responses have become much less intense. But, as I enter this new mental phase, I can't help but wonder what life will be like if I have to worry about if I'll ever experience an intense mental storm like this again. In the recent past, I was a part of a kink sub-community that I have recently realized that it was wrong to be a part of. Now that I'm changing and trying to make it to where I only want to indulge in the ethical parts of that kink community, it makes me question if that's even possible. The community has blurred the lines of what's okay, and there are only a handful left who have been vocal about their intolerance of the problematic part of it, which makes it difficult to enjoy when the part of the community that wants to remain on the safe and ethical feels like the smaller portion now. And even if I stay in that safe part of that space, I have to make sure what I'm enjoying never crosses a problematic mental boundary, otherwise it's all for nothing. On top of that, I can't erase my past and just pretend I was never part of the problem, because I was. I felt pressured because all my at-the-time friends were just okay with it so I tried to be to, and I thought I was up until when the spiral kicked in and opened my eyes to my wrongdoing. Now I have that mistake etched into my history forever, and I don't know how to forgive myself for it when I know a lot of others won't if they ever found out that used to be me. Hell, I can't say it isn't part of me now because it feels like part of my brain wants to go back still. I'm not sure if that's my ocd or some twisted nostalgia, but either way, my emotions feel very fickle about the topic and I can only trust my values right now. The point of this post being, how do I go on when it feels like I don't have a place in the world because of what I've done and what I am? How do I move on and not want to look back?

This is going to be a mouth full but I’m really trying to see if anyone can relate to this. Growing up I was always a good kid, I stayed out of trouble and made good decisions, treated people with kindness, and have always been a very open minded person despite living in a conservative area. However recently my OCD has been making me question everything I’ve ever said and done in my past. I came across old text messages, old arguments, and old ways of speaking that are extremely shameful and would undoubtably get me canceled today. When I found these messages, it had me questioning whether not I’m a total fraud for what I believe in and what I preach. I never used terms AGAINST people but regardless of its intent, it was still bad language. When I went away to college and realized people who align with my beliefs don’t speak that way I stopped entirely. Years and years later my OCD had me searching for a digital footprint to prove to myself I’m not a bad person, which then had me come across these messages that has sent me into a whole spiral and makes me believe I am not worthy of friendships or relationships with new people because they don’t know about those old messages. All I can picture in my brain is the kids I work for or new people in my life reading these messages, how much they’d hate me after seeing them, and how much they’d question who I really am. The terms and words I used to use years ago DO NOT align with my beliefs and never have, which is extremely hypocritical and makes me feel like I need to confess to everyone about how I used to talk. It makes me think everything bad that happens to me is deserved. I feel guilty even seeking comfort because this is all caused from my past wrongdoing. I know I have a reputation of being a good person but I can’t help but think I’m not because of what I found on my phone from years ago, it has sent me into an total identity crisis. Has anyone ever found old texts that made them question their own moral? It’s hard because these messages exist, there’s no getting rid of them which scares me the most. Knowing people most likely have these messages deep in their phones as well terrifies me. What if I get exposed? Or even worse, I truly feel like everything good I’ve done for others, or any time I’ve ever stood up for someone is a total lie because I am just a huge hypocrite. No matter how much people could reassure me those messages will always be in the back of my mind.

So I really don’t know what to do about this. So I’m just writing it down. I in the past, like a year ago used AI for reassurance seeking. And I went through the whole hell of realizing AI is not the place to discuss undiagnosed mental health issues (ocd, but I didn’t know that at the time until I realized and freaked out), realizing I had given an AI very VERY personal conversations for the sake of reassurance which is. Not great. But all that aside even though I’m currently not seeing a therapist, when I was I had worked through the issue enough that any time I feel the urge of reassurance seeking I know it’s time to put the things that tempt me (like texting my friend or ai or anything else on my phone for reassurance) away and just sit and exist with it. Which is fine. I’m actually very proud to say I have not used AI for reassurance seeking in a year. Which is a very big thing for me. However, I had still until recently used ai. And ironically enough me and my therapist I had before actually encouraged me to use ai to do roleplay. Literal. Fantasy. Whatever I want roleplay. And given my themes of ocd it was the most sfw roleplay ever. And i remember i would shake so hard while doing this roleplay lol because even though nothing was wrong with the roleplay my theme of ocd was relentless. But eventually i got through it and i actually really started enjoying the storyline in the roleplay. Here’s where my brain and my ocd both tag team to hate me. O-O I, despite me enjoying roleplay, have had no luck maintaining long term roleplays with people, I have tried everything lol. Roleplays that didn’t continue. DnD groups that always stopped cause everyone got busy halfway through. And so the ai roleplay was a really fun experience for me. Because I actually got to use some creativity to create the roleplay. Problem is. I write. As a hobby. And no I don’t mean I use ai to write. I mean notebook and pen and the frustrated scribbling of a piece of writing sounding weird when I reread it and deciding I hate it actually. I love writing. I do write. And I, personally, don’t think it’s writing if you have an ai write everything for you. But I also know I do art. As a hobby. Because it’s unbelievably fun (currently volunteering at an art gallery which has been so fun getting to do art with people and talking about different art exhibits and local artists to visit) So my brain and my ocd both tag team me so I hate myself Because I have used ai to roleplay. Because I would like to continue to roleplay. Because the art and creative and writing community are very against it. Because ocd communities are very against it. And I don’t know what to do. Because. Morals Orz Because how can I support writers and artists, when I myself am a writer and an artist (in the hobby sense) while actively using ai. For roleplay. For the art aspect of ai. I hate image generation anything in general, so I have never used it. I get nothing out of using it. I have only ever used ai for like text-based roleplay. Which isn’t any better because the writing community also doesn’t really agree with using ai for roleplay either. So the concern on the ocd end of this is: - the morality of my private ai usage given I am a creative - and everyone who has ocd and has ever been on the internets favourite: digital footprints I hate the digital footprint anxiety with a passion. Predominantly because I am a young adult (I don’t want to give my exact age cause…safety lol). And even though my roleplays (different ones from what I did in therapy obviously lol) are usually very more into the story focused. I have had a couple of nsfw scenes in the roleplays. And I have had nsfw roleplays period. And even if I ignored that (which we all know here I can not) there’s the digital footprints of I have used ai. For fun sure but still in a creative sense and what if people find out and what if that ruins my life and also how nsfw were the chats, what dynamics did I explore and will that ruin my life if people discover that, can I publish my own writing without getting cancelled or people finding out, or what if I date or get married in the future and I still enjoy roleplay, I know I’d have a conversation with my partner and would do what’s best for me and the partner but it still ruined the relationship, and all of those fun thoughts.🫩 The thing is I don’t know how much of the issue is ocd vs just in general guilt. Like it’s definitely become a guilty thing I do. I really don’t know if I’m making sense or if I’m just severely overthinking this. And I even less don’t know what to do. Because my hobbies are still there, like I was still actively doing them and getting my degree and working a job and going to therapy even though it’s unfortunately not ocd focused currently (cause I can’t afford it unfortunately and the therapy I’m doing is pretty cheap). By ai ruining the persons life standards I was thinking I was….doing okay?????? For now. I’ve deleted the roleplays and the ai account. And I…..I’m just going to sit with my thoughts. Sorry if everything I wrote sounded scrambled or didn’t make sense. Ummm if you read this, thank you (>OuO)>🌻

Hi, so it’s been a while since I’ve been here. I got diagnosed with OCD in February, I started therapy with one of therapists on here for about a month and a half. Got too expensive so I couldn’t continue. I’ve tried to do a lot of the heavy lifting without being in therapy. Reached out to my doctor about med change and I’ve been trying to put in the work to accept uncertainty and live my life and just letting it be there. I don’t want to live my life in fear I don’t want to question and fear everything and have my thoughts attack me and battle my brain every single day. I feel like no matter how much hope or faith I have in myself to do all the right things nothing has truly broken the cycle. I know healing isn’t linear, I just don’t want OCD to take the wheel. I’ve finally started to believe in myself, so I started a CNA class. I’ve wanted to be a nurse all my life. I wasn’t diagnosed until a few months ago but it’s always been there, I’ve been on anxiety meds since I was 12. Out of high school I started to go to college for nursing, got a job at a hospital and got scared because I wasn’t prepared. OCD attached to that scary experience, ever since then I’ve been in and out of college for 6 years, just going into more debt trying to figure out what won’t scare me but OCD has latched onto everything I’ve tried. I’ve tried nursing at first, multiple different levels of thinking about teaching, business, hospitality, veterinary. But all I’ve ever wanted was to be a nurse so I’m trying to gain confidence in myself by getting my CNA again (I had it in high school but it expired so I’m redoing it). I am excited about it but today was day 3. Yesterday ,day 2, I started to get little fear spikes. A big trigger for me is quiet. Sitting in a quiet room makes me panic all the thoughts flood in, I get paranoid if they’re all watching me or I said something inappropriate or embarrassing, or did something or said something wrong etc. yesterday was small compared to today. It was quiet in the class and the instructor was just talking. I smelled popcorn being made, but for some reason I thought it smelled like urine. I had been sitting in the chair a while so my bottom was warm and the smell made me start to panic, fear swept over and I started to ask what if I peed myself and that was coming from me and everyone could smell it. I start to scan the room a little and someone kind of glances at me and I think to myself oh no did I? And I started checking myself discreetly. I started kind of adjusting myself, quite sweeping under my legs but it was still warm so I wasn’t sure so I kept checking and checking. I started to get an anxiety/ panic attack. Nobody knew but nothing felt real, felt like a dream, I felt like my vision couldn’t be trusted. I sat panicked quietly for 20 min and I couldn’t take it anymore and I had to stand up quietly, stumbling probably a little weird and went to bathroom to empty myself and check myself but u was still panicked even though everything was fine. Luckily class was over 30 minutes later but it has just made me distraught. I feel like I don’t belong anywhere I can’t do anything right. I was unemployed for 3 months at the end of 2025 because a different OCD theme took over and I don’t want OCD to win. I just don’t know what I’m doing wrong. Chat GBT is my best friend, I’m on there constantly and I know it’s horrible and doesn’t help if anything makes it worse. But I am constantly checking things and I just feel alone. I don’t know what to do. I don’t want sunshine and rainbows everyday. I just want to feel regulated and content and have structure. I want consistency and stability in my brain and life. I just feel defeated. I want to provide a good life for my husband and me and our future family, and I want a job I’ve always wanted and something I’m proud of and make my husband and family proud. Everybody in my family (excluding my husband) just thinks I’m lazy and job hop because I want to. I don’t. That’s the opposite. I don’t want to give up on myself, I want to work through this and be there for myself and take care of myself (my brain likes to tell me as well, if I do self care and work on myself I’m selfish). Things are better than the end of last year but I cannot go back there. I don’t know what to do, I will continue with my class I’m just scared I’ll have a full fledged panic attack during my skills exam in front of someone. I want to show myself I can do something but I feel that I keep failing myself. I’m flustered, I just wanted to vent and if anyone read all of this. Thank you for reading/ listening

Hi! ☺️ I just got diagnosed this week and I’m feeling relieved and happy to have an answer but I’m also struggling with feeling like my thoughts and patterns aren’t as extreme as others so what if I don’t actually have OCD? Like maybe I don’t deserve the label or something? I don’t know. 🙃 I’ve also been having a separate thought of what if I was actually lying to my psychiatrist about my experience and nothing I told her was real and I just made things up to get a diagnosis? Which I know isn’t true because I do experience these thought patterns and loops but I don’t know I keep going back and replaying and doubting things. When I type this out it seems kinda silly but I’m just wondering if anyone can relate? Or if there’s any advice? Thanks! 😊

are you on meds? ive been struggling with ocd for about 4 months since this spiral started and have been prescribed Luvox already for a month and i worked my way to 200 but still feel pretty anxious ngl, i have considered my hormones may also play into it since i get my worse spirals on the week of my cycle so maybe i should consider also a form of birth control? let me know what you guys are on or if youre also on birth control and how that helps

Hello, guys! I absolutely love poetry. If anyone wants to share their poetry here, please feel free to do so, I would love reading it! It can be ocd related or something else entirely! TW for the poem (I didn’t want to put a tw for the whole post bc it’s just the poem that may be triggering) 23 hours Of nails engrossed in mud That which is infused with feces And upon digesting mud One believes they mend it of its illness The dust causes them to choke 364 days Of drinking lead Begging their acid to rework it to gold 99 years Of collecting my blood Gulping it back into a body Returning it to some form Sand is sand Sugar is sugar Mixed, consumed, set alight, ground Alchemists burn away time Attempting to alter the fabric by which we live The only transformation they induce Is themselves to ash Lead is lead Gold is gold Water is water Lead is not wine My originals burn away their moments Trying to alter my fabric They are alchemist And they sicken themselves with my blood Maybe on the last hour, last day, last year, They may vomit back the lead Or die trying

I'm pretty new here but through a string of events I now am trying to learn how to deal with my OCD better! I've been through quite a bit in my life, including emotional neglect, physical and emotional abuse in relationships,etc which I guess is somewhat common. I just didn't realise until a couple of years ago (thanks to therapy) how bad it has impacted me and how I deal with things. My last relationship went pretty badly because the man I was with turned out to be very emotionally abusive; when he got angry he would simply ignore me, sometimes up to a week and he got angry a lot for the smallest things; he'd get upset when i didnt reply to him fast enough or when i shared my feelings when he hurt me in any way; he'd fully stonewall me which made communication awful and then he'd love bomb me later. All of it left me pretty unsettled and mistrusting of people and I thought it would take me a long while until I would be okay to meet someone new again... but well, I met someone at the beginning of the year and we became great friends and are now more than that. We haven't given it an actual label yet and I'm glad he's giving me time and patience because that's something I never got in my previous relationship even though I had asked for it (go figure). The issue and the thing where my ruminating and checking compulsion comes in is that he likes to roleplay in a video game we both play. Now, we had a chat about it where he reassured me and told me that it was all fully in character and just a creative outlet for him, which I get. He even asked me if I wanted him to stop but I told him that's not my place and I'm not going to ask him to stop engaging in a hobby because I wouldn't want him to do that to me either. And I mean it. On most days I'm fine. I know he'd drop everything if I needed him and we spend every day together. I'm glad he has friends and things going on in his life but when I'm overall stressed (I have a demanding job and issues with sleep and anxiety in general) I start ruminating and spiraling so bad and the thing that I often act on is checking what he's doing in the game and who he's hanging out with and I feel embarrassed for it. I wouldn't want him to do that roo me so why is it so hard for me to stop? I'm so scared of getting replaced, of him suddenly changing his mind, that I perceive other people as a threat but checking over and over doesn't help either. It doesn't give me actual control over the situation it just makes me feel ashamed and sad but I keep going back to it the second I feel somewhat insecure. He has done nothing but be absolutely lovely, understanding, considerate, communicative, etc... which makes me feel even worse when I act on the compulsions :( I'm proud how far I've come and that I'm at least trying to get better and recognising the patterns but I'm also exhausted :/ I don't want to self sabotage (I tend to become bitey and avoidant when triggered) because I think this guy is actually great and he makes me want to be better! Anyway thank you for reading and sorry for the wall of text! It feels good getting it out :')

Okay, so I believe I developed this over time BUT IDK FOR SURE CAUSE I AM NOTTT PROFESSIONALLY DIAGNOSED!!! And like any person who comes to a realization, I researched; which is so ironic because thats what I'm not supposed to do as I later found out.. Anyway, I am diagnosed with MDD (Major Depressive Disorder/aka Clinical Depression), and unfortunately everytime I try to beat obsessions OR compulsions I get sad at the fact that I'm letting go this take over my life for the past.. I don't even know because I'm not supposed to ponder about it. Right?.. This is honestly such a humiliating feeling, crying every day because something, ANYTHING, causes me to break down. But real quick, nothing about this disorder is humiliating. It is NOT shameful to have. If anything, it genuinely made me stronger and a more open-minded person. I can relate to things, mostly bad experiences but nonetheless can relate. It helps me be a better listener and more emotionally and socially aware. Although I have been unfortunately told that I probably have chronic paranoia (before I even discovered what OCD really was) so I am in a constant state of worry that my help isn't really "good help" because I have a mental illness(es?!).. Pretty bad first post and I'm so sorry to ramble so much, but I feel so much relief when I write out my thoughts (I haven't got the courage to speak about this stuff out loud, I always freeze up). Paper-journaling hurts my wrists too easily and I get distracted pretty quick😅.. Plus I can keep up with my thoughts faster with typing (even tho I type like a slug LOL). If you read this, thank you. And to myself, I'm proud that you're at least accepting that this is a possible reality for either a short while or a lifetime (I know this is treatable but idk about curable). Okay bye gdkskj

so Im 18 rn Im new here I had really hard puberty between the ages of 14-17 since from my childhood I was too free in internet and I had only one friend and thats why maybe I normalize sexual or talking with someone everytime but now I have a boyfriend for 1 year and 1 month and we love eachother so much but I was acting different in the first 4 month I had changed because I started to worry about my past so much and so much I started to talk with my bf about this things too many times and after a while there is nothing to left for explain and my brain started to think about the scenerios that is not even happened like "what if I forgot something" and right now (im not sure) I had 2-3 questions in my head idk what to do my brain always says is this things are ocd or not idk what to do help me if someone have this problems or similar ones :(

Hello. I’m new to this and I just wanted to share my experience to see if anyone can relate, to help anyone going through the same thing, or even some advice or just to feel community I suppose. I’ve never been officially diagnosed mainly because I haven’t realized everything until recently over the past year or so. When I was younger, I struggled a lot with anxiety about horrible things happening to me or people I loved, so much to the point where I was terrified to do anything or go outside. Another was huge health anxiety where I would convince myself that I basically had some kind of disease anytime anything felt SLIGHTLY off. Something I’ve done as I’ve gotten older is be VERY particular about specifically my hygiene. I’m kinda contradictory where I’m definitely not the neatest person and horrible at organizing and definitely not a germ aphobe, yet for some reason when it comes to my hygiene like showering, deodorant, or even cleaning my teeth specifically before going to the dentist, I have to do it until it feels clean. I developed scabs under my arms and different places because of how much I feel like I have to go over it. I take an unreasonably long time in the shower and when I get out I have a whole other process for cleaning my electronics which I’m not even going to get into. And if I feel like I messed up or missed a step, I get incredibly stressed and anxious and I have to go back and redo certain things until it’s right again. But more so, I’ve noticed something I’ve always done and has gotten worse as I’ve gotten older. I will pick something on or in my body that doesn’t feel right to me and basically hyper focus on it or try to “fix” it until it feels right. I used to do this a bit as a child but over the years it’s just been getting worse. For example, the past year it’s been stuff like pushing the side of my nose down until it “feels right” which caused scabs. And countless other things. And if someone interrupts me or something during it, I get IRRATIONALLY angry and frustrated and I don’t want to be but idk. This can take up HOURS of my day and it interferes with my sleep, my homework, my work, and even just enjoying time with myself and with others. It feels debilitating. I talked to my family about this and they suggested therapy but I’ve been to it before for my ADHD and I didn’t have the best experience and don’t know if that’s for me. All in all, I just want to share this because I know I’ve felt alone in this and I hope I can help someone who deals with these feel a little less alone, and if anyone has anything to share I’d love to hear :)

this is my first post so i’m a little nervous, but i wanted to talk about how awful meta OCD can be. to preface, i’m 19 and undiagnosed with OCD, but have had pretty severe harm OCD, moral scrupulosity OCD and POCD (along with real event and false memory OCD that feeds into these other themes) since i was 14. i only realised that i had OCD this year a few months ago, since before that i had a very poor misconception of OCD as only involving physical compulsions and mainly being about cleaning, obsessively checking locks and the like. but since discovering i have OCD, all my symptoms have gotten much worse since i’ve been hyperaware of every compulsion and intrusive thought. i went into a spiral that lasted days and it was agony. i became fully convinced that i had subconsciously tricked myself into believing i have OCD. somehow, all my obsessions come back to moral and POCD themes- so i started believing that i, at 14, was completely normal, and then suddenly had a subconscious urge to be a pedophile…so i forced myself into being a pedophile…and then the guilt got too much to bear…so i subconsciously repressed the memories of doing all this…and then years later discovered POCD and moral-type OCD subtypes and assigned them to myself. it’s all very convoluted but it made me feel even more evil. because the original fear with POCD is ‘what i’m a pedophile’, but due to the meta-OCD it has now evolved into ‘what if i wasn’t a pedophile, but i forced myself to become one out of some strange subconscious desire’. so now i’m scared i’m some kind of new predator- one that actively chose to become one but suppressed memories of choosing this. it’s just so exhausting, and the worst of the spiral has passed, but my mind keeps coming back to the ‘what if i’ve tricked myself’ obsession. does anyone else have any experiences with meta-OCD or have any tips on how to not spiral into these meta-OCD obsessions?

hi there! i’m new here and new to ocd in general. i apologize if i unintentionally come off as assurance seeking, so please don’t hesitate to hold me accountable. i really just need an outlet so i’m not holding in all my panic. i understand that there isn’t a solution. but basically i was introduced to social media at a very young age. and of course i was very irresponsible. i was in multiple fandom spaces and my young brain thought i needed to create an account for every fandom. i’ve gotten rid of a good chunk of them but there is one i lost access to and i tried to get back in today so i can delete it. it turns out i might have gotten the username wrong because a screen popped up saying the log-in info was incorrect and they sent an email to the person’s account about the log-in attempt. and now i’m paranoid that instagram might somehow punish me for trying to get into someone’s account when it was just a mistake. and i worry that i might have caused whoever the account belongs to panic when i didn’t mean to (if the account is even still active, it looked blank). but yeah. i’m not sure what the point of this post was. i was just very distressed and typing it all out kinda made me feel better. so thanks for just reading if this even reaches anyone.

20 y/o NB (Masc) CW: Mention of Kink At the current moment, I feel as if I have entered a stage of emotional burnout, in which my anxiety needs much more effort to be consciously present. This allows me to think a bit more clearly about potential big life decisions. This burnout was caused by a relapse into certain kink fantasies that I genuinely enjoyed, but I feel like the ethical tolerability of such a fantasy can be debated. I was somewhat pressured by a friend into it because it was purely fictional, but it still made me feel dirty after, even if it was fun to roleplay. I did try to go on trying to enjoy it for about a day like a normally did before I had my spiral. Cut to today, and I had another fantasy. Again, it felt good, but I felt so wrong after. This led to a short anxiety spike and subsequent burnout. Now I'm here, thinking about how that friend, as well as an unrelated friend group of mine who all share a common kink. I can't tell if it's subconscious anxiety, or if I've gained perspective on the topic, or if I just grew a bigger conscience, but I think I'm starting to outgrow that friend group, or at the very least I feel like I need to sooner or later. My issue is that I love them, and I don't think they're bad or malicious people. Maybe the fantasies are or aren't ethical, but either way, I don't think I can agree with that style of fantasy for much longer. And so I'm left with a difficult choice of staying with my friendgroup but risk losing myself due to permanent anxiety, or leave the friendgroup that I've spent years of my life with and love with all my heart, and learn how to be a more well adjusted adult while still running the risk of relapsing. I don't think the safe and stable core of the kink will ever go away for me, so even if I do leave, it's likely I'll "see them around" so to speak. I doubt I'll ever leave the more tame and ethically sound part of that community. Still, I don't know if I can keep the persona I have associated with this kink going 24/7 anymore. Hell that's probably why I spiraled in the first place. I'm not sure what choice to make, but my burnt out mind is currently craving the more stable seeming option of slowly drifting away, even if it hurts a lot. Not really a post to ask questions to y'all, more-so just a way to type out my thought process. But if y'all have any advice or input, feel free to five your two cents.

I'm a male, recently turned 20, and I'm currently in the process of trying to heal from my first real pocd spiral. Well, I'm assuming (and hoping) that it's pocd, as I've never been formally diagnosed. It's been going for about a month and a half, and I've been trying some at-home ERP and such. The effect has varied from day to day, but I feel like my baseline anxiety is decreasing as the days go on. However, I do understand that I could just be experiencing burnouts in quick succession, so I was wondering if my current experiences could be explained or at least be common among those with my suspected subtype. Regarding that, there are a few questions I have for anyone who comes across this post. It could help me and potentially others not feel so alone in their dread. 1. Does pocd sometimes feel like a separate personality trying to overtake your body? Sometimes the intrusive thoughts take the form of a voice of contradiction that seemingly wants me to give in to the intrusive thoughts. On top of that, there tend to be brief moments of excitement whenever an intrusive thought appears, but I am quick to consciously correct that feeling, though that correction may be a compulsion. 2. Is the healing process meant to feel like your agreeing with the thoughts when in actuality you don't? It gets confusing and uncomfortable to just let a thought so vile run around in your head until it tires itself out. Not to mention the physical responses you may get from the thought that make you feel like you want to be a bad person when you really don't. 3. Outside of professional therapy, how long does it usually take to heal from a lengthy spiral? As I've said, I've never been formally diagnosed, and I have yet to go to therapy to get a professional opinion. So it has me wondering how long this process will take because, dear god, I hope it isn't a super lengthy process, because I don't know if I can handle going through all of this again. I likely have more questions, but these are the ones I could think to ask for now and feel the most important. If anyone with experience in this topic has information to share, it would be greatly appreciated.

9 months ago my mental health crisis sky rocketed and I have been suffering and struggling since with a variety of severly increased OCD categories, but mainly Checking OCD, that has overtaken my ability to process and do a lot of things. I use to be able to function so normally (I'd check a small thing here or there, I'd straighten up a counter casually) without a lot of the struggles I am going through now - which have occured, spiked, and continues to drowningly debilitate me, After a few work related...traumas, if I may use that word. After working for a small business for 15+ years,(already in a state of despair, burnout and resentment for most parts of my job) being randomly and unprofessionally told by the owners (that were my bosses, mentors, and supposedly friends of 15 years) thst they were selling the store; which has felt like such an abandonment, jumped ship, thrown to the wolves feeling & that on top of that a category of service our store provides that is disgustingly drowning and has left me so beyond burntout and depressed and triggering more OCD snowballs. I have never experienced anything like I have been going through these past 9 months. Checking OCD keeps causing multiple relapses of compulsions and rituals, delaying and inhibiting fun, function, life, etc;, and seeing the ridiculousness of it but completely inable to face and overcome it. Because the trigger spiked and skyrocketed with work. And always continues and spikes when I think about work, come to work, or have to do the jobs that are triggers that I hate. A place I am at for 40+ hours a week. A very high paced, high stress, demanding atmosphere, that to begin with doesn't align entirely with my career goals and abilities, or a lot of it hardly aligns or meets my morals or lifestyle. And while I am completely grateful to have a job and one for so long, I want to be done. I am fed up. I want a happy healthy work environment doing something I am truly passionate about and excell at and not waste my abilities or talents halfassed-like in a work place where it's only a small percent of what they accommodate due to the wasteful demads of society, the world, and big corporations. There's no time, space or ability here to even begin to heal and or begin to try to get better. The new owner doesn't seem to care about my situation or even coworkers situations. No new employees hired to help with the rush. Only all these changes to ownership and then soon the store will have to be remodled and then at somepoint we will have to be open on Sundays. How am I supposed to get better when there's no support or time allowed or assistance from work in any way or anything. I dream of a fun work from home Graphic Designer Illustrator job, where I can have time to heal and get heathier and to be doing something I love and am passionate about thay actually means something and helps the world in some way. So hello to all who have read my nutshell of a journey. I desperately want to get better and heal and get back to normal. Putting myself out there like this is really hard. But to know and see how many others struggling with the realm of OCD gives me enlightenment and hope and courage. If anyone has tips or information for ERP with Checking OCD, I appreciate to hear your thoughts. Thank you and I hope you have a strong day.

Hi guys! I was doing so much better I feel like to the point where I thought the ocd completely went away and then my anxiety came back a bit and then I got my first period coming off birth control which REALLY messed my head up. I am someone whose always felt a little rigid in sexuality (I believe sexuality is a spectrum for most people and not uncommon in women it’s ok if you disagree) but I’m someone who developed a fear over the fact that I can sometimes have attraction to women or think they’re hot or whatever. For me it’s always just been sexual and I’ve never done anything in real life, I don’t love labels but I’d say I’m bi-curious maybe bisexual maybe just somewhere on the spectrum or straight i don’t know and I don’t care! I started having a fear that because I can get aroused by women sometimes it cancels out all my feelings or sexual,romantic or any feelings I’ve had for men my entire life. I was even trying to think about how I started liking these men, and I was like does it really matter how you started or just the fact that you did like these men, it doesn’t matter how it started or how you met. I just struggle with intrusive thoughts sometimes of “you’re lying to yourself” when deep down I know I’m not, I’ve always been aware my arousal can be flexible, which is not uncommon and if you’re also going through something similar just know that it’s truly not uncommon and normal in human sexuality. I guess sometimes I just need to remind myself things can coexist? I don’t have bi-phobia, I definitely did earlier in life when I realized I sometimes have attraction to women physically. I became perfectly ok with myself feeling rigid and then a fear came on that I was lying to myself completely, when in reality things can coexist and u can experience different forms of arousal and it doesn’t have to change how you identify. You could call me bi, bi-curious, straight mostly, or even heteroflexible, and I’m fine with all of those. I had a fear that since I find women attractive from time to time or whatever, it cancels out my feelings for men, which is NOT true! I guess this isn’t really asking for advice, just sharing my thoughts and story. Maybe this will help someone else out. It helped me even just to type it, because sometimes my ocd makes me feel crazy! I wish you all well