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I’ve been this way my whole life. It’s never been a problem until OCD got ahold of me. Does anyone else feel like they get obsessed with certain people?

Hi all, I’m having a spike in my ROCD and am just going to vent but am open to comments / helpful words as well :) I’ve been experiencing ROCD for about a year now, been living with my fiancee (M) and love him to death. I picture having his babies, I can’t wait to marry him, I’m excited for our future together and see myself being really happy with him. However, y’all know how it is when you get triggered. It makes me feel like I’m behind a clear shower curtain staring at the world through a wall of my own emotions that I can’t poke through and get out of, but can see through. Then I’ll randomly snap out of it (maybe from spinning to the point of numbness) and feel fine and happy and content. It’s hard because we’re engaged and we’re set to get married at the end of the year. So the whole “don’t make a decision yet, give it 6 months” won’t work because we’re getting married in 6 months 😂 I love him. I just question a lot of things and need absolute certainty all the time. I’m learning that I can be a very black and white thinker and take things very literally, so that probably ties into it too. I just want to be normal again. I feel the most guilt ever when I get into these ruminations, and wonder if he deserves better— someone who knows what they want and can be with him and not feel how I feel sometimes. Lately I’ve been hyperfixated on if I actually want to settle down and have kids or if that’s just what we’re trained to think, so what if I travel the world instead …….(but we can travel together so, what? lol) Or I went to a baseball game and had the thought of maybe I wanna date a baseball player …..(I don’t even like baseball!😂) Add being religious into that mix, and then it becomes “well what if GOD doesn’t want me with him and is trying to force me to leave??” So then I pray “god, if you don’t want me with this man, show me please!!!” And 3 hours later my man surprised me with flowers and a hand written note professing his love for me. But then it’s back to the spin cycle days later. I’m in OCD / trauma therapy and for the first time today, I spiraled before my therapy appointment, and was able to explain how that felt to her. Then I mentioned the guilt behind planning a wedding while feeling like this (she knows we’re engaged) and she said “you know, this is the first time you’ve mentioned the wedding in the entirety of our appointments” and THAT is making me spiral because I don’t know what she means by that! Am I supposed to be talking about the wedding to my therapist? I don’t know? Anyways, I don’t know yall. I don’t want to leave and I want to see this through and marry the man I’ve loved for so many years, but sometimes I get wrapped up in the mess of all of it. It’s hard to see the light at the end of the tunnel, and sometimes I don’t want to even leave my bed because I’m so bummed and sad. Thanks for reading.

Has anyone else ever struggled with if they liked their husbands friend in the past? Actually a mutual friend. He’s got qualities I would go for in a different life in different situations, I’m sure I’ve had thoughts about it. But never wanted to pursue anything or leave my husband. So now with confessing things to my husband I tell him this but also say I “don’t know” if I actually liked them or just liked qualities like you woulf with anyone. But, I have this guilty feeling in my stomach, is it ocd doing that or is it bc I know I liked him more then a friend. My husband says I should know, I know what it’s like to like someone. But I really feel like I can’t tell the difference so I just want to assume I did and clear the air. But my husband says I can’t just assume the worst all the time.

I’ve been recovering from my recent TOCD flare up. For a week, I did not let my intrusive thoughts win or let me panic. Recently, my girlfriend has been super busy, distant, and stressed. For some reason, ever since she’s been like that, I have been falling into the darkness of TOCD. Not like I am blaming her at all. I was just wondering if the two were connected.

I don’t need reassurance I need someone to hear me and talk to me . I’m 20 years old and I have been in a relationship for 5 years with my boyfriend we have been through a lot and still manage to be together . Recently I saw him look at some random lady’s butt at the fair . I don’t know how to let it go and I feel like my ROCD has a little bit to do with this . Anyone’s opinion ? I’d appreciate it .

Hi all, I’m having a really hard time recently because I’ve been having major life changes in the last six months (new relationship, graduating college, ending a very close friendship, moving, new roommates, going long distance, new boss, bad boss, unemployment, and now a new job) and with them major flare ups. I love my boyfriend, and he’s very much willing to learn about OCD and how to help me / us. He’s been a huge help recently. However, sometimes things that happen with us or our friend group send me into giant spirals and I can’t seem to focus / get out. I think one of the biggest things is that the majority of our friend group and my boyfriend all have ADHD, and a huge part of their ADHD / coping brings parts of my OCD out in big ways. (My Timeliness / their lack of timeliness. My Schedule / their lack of schedule. My not-feeling all of my emotions / their ability to directly tell me their emotions). How do I become a better girlfriend and friend and also still keep my own mental health a priority and in check?

So my parents used to fight a lot because my mom didn't like what my dad was doing. She was a yeller, and pack up the kids and leave in the middle of the night. She swears it was once or twice but I remember several different tines that she had done this. I remember waking up and hearing her yelling at my dad. My dad was the type who rarely yelled back, he would just go silent till my mom got over herself. I almost wonder if watching/hearing what she did is a cause to my own relationship problems leading to rocd. Sometimes I yell like her and sometimes I shut down like my dad. But is she correct on it being twice or is this like a real event ocd?

I am really struggling. I love my partner, she's wonderful, highly compatible, we have a lot of fun and she's beautiful! However, in the midst of a flare up, I keep being triggered by attractive women. Making me doubt my feelings. Or worry I a missing out on my 'dream woman' physically. My girfriend is genuinely beautiful, and she really knocked me over when we were dating. When flare ups subside I feel exceptionally lucky to have someone beautiful inside and out. But flareups give me serious fear of missing out, or making wrong choice. I try to remind myself than women on TV or dressed to impress don't look like this 24/7. My partner is a knock out with makeup, but I see her comfortable and content, in sportswear with no makeup. That illusion of perfection has been broken - I see the reality of a naturally beautiful woman. But those strangers I see... the illusion is still there. At that moment they're perfect, and for all I knoe, they're perfect all the time (although I really know thats not true). This triggers me really bad. Any tips on curbing it? I don't have desire to act on my attractions, the mere realisation of feeling attracted is what triggers me! It's awful.

cheating has been always against my morals, most of the people i love the most got cheated on, including my boyfriend in his past relationship. i never wanted to cheat on him or hurt him. i have this classmate that i really wanna be friends with, she's fun to be around with, everyone in the class likes to tease her bc of her personality, and she's pretty too. she's one of the unproblematic person in my class that's why i wanna be friends with her so bad. fortunately, i became her friend, and we will be classmates for upcoming school year along with my bf. on the last week of may i started having thoughts about being attracted to her but i just ignored it. on june 3, she messaged on our gc jokingly wanting us to get her a boyfriend, i felt jealous that time but i never wanted to feel that way. i ignored it until june 5, we went to the university we will be enrolling for along with my bf. i acted normal around her, i always tease her a lot. june 5 at night the thoughts took over me, i felt so guilty thinking i cheated and my energy went from 100 to 0, my bf even asked me if i'm fine. i convinced myself that it's just a false attraction, but maybe it is a real attraction. now i'm wondering if i'm a cheater or not, because all this time i thought it's just a false attraction that's why i still treated her the same despite having those thoughts that i like her. i am still not sure if i am really attracted to her but the jealousy feeling is making me believe that i'm really is. i'm terrified that i am attracted to my friend while i'm in a relationship, i don't have any control over this feeling and i know to myself that i will forever choose my boyfriend over anyone. i just couldn't get the guiltness out of my head, thinking that maybe i cheated on him because i thought it's just a false attraction so i just continued to be friend with that girl despite having the thoughts, but as soon as the thoughts got severe i put a boundaries between us and my bf knows about it. all this time i believed that it's just a false attraction but i read in reddit that it's normal to feel attraction to others while in a relationship, but freaking out and worrying about it means OCD, that's when i realized that maybe i am really attracted to her and i'm just terrified that i'm cheating. i just want an answer if i cheated for not putting boundaries as soon as i got the thoughts, because i thought it was just a false attraction at first. send help pls.

I am almost 18 right now and when I was 16 and under I did some horrible things I regret and make me feel like a bad person. I won’t go into detail but stuff people would find weird/hate me for. I am quite popular on social media and I see people getting cancelled so much on TikTok for things I used to do. It scares me. I acknowledge that what I did was bad and don’t do it anymore/havent done it again but the things still haunt me :(. I imagine scenarios of being cancelled and being infamous and everybody hating me. The stuff I did was because I was immature/didn’t really know it was wrong but I still feel like such a shitty person. I really want to be a good person and try to and whenever I try to think “I’m a good person” my ocd cancels it by reminding me of all the stuff I have done and I can’t call myself a good person. It also affects my boyfriend as well and my ocd latches onto him being imperfect. He has done things wrong/ things that have upset me, but my ocd takes this and uses it to show me “he’s a bad person” and we are both “problematic” I’m currently obsessing over it.

About 7 months ago, I went through a very stressful episode of ROCD centered around cheating. I essentially dissected every single even remotely questionable interaction I’d had in the past 2 years of my relationship (and even before it) and confessed them all to my partner. I was basically going through a nonstop panic attack. However, never did I ever think that I physically cheated with ANYONE. I only obsessed over incidents where I worried that I might have emotionally cheated, or cheated online, or crossed into a morally gray zone. Eventually my thoughts cleared up and I started feeling normal again. I was free from ROCD for months. Then a month ago, I had an image flash into my mind involving me kissing a male friend a year and a half ago. This turned into an obsession that lasted over 3 weeks. I was genuinely and truly convinced that I had cheated on my partner with this person. I was ruminating and obsessing and panicking 24/7, and I finally ended up caving and texting this person and asking if anything ever happened between us. He confirmed that nothing did, and I finally was able to relax. Now it seems like this incident opened the floodgates for countless more false memories of physically cheating. I have imagined myself cheating with another mutual male friend, with a coworker 2 years ago, and now with a guy I met at a party almost 2 years ago. I don’t know what to do anymore. I just went on a once-in-a-lifetime trip with my partner and our friend group for 2 whole weeks and I literally spent the entire trip panicking and ruminating. I was luckily able to give the illusion that I was doing okay, and I was able to have fun on the trip. But the thoughts would never leave my head. Most of my obsessions were centered on the coworker during the trip, and now I’m obsessing over that guy from the party. Each obsession feels more ridiculous than the last. I mean I never found this guy attractive and I remember feeling really grossed out during the party because of how much his B.O. reeked. There is no way I ever touched him. But I have crafted this scenario where I went into a bedroom with him and we did something. I’m having such an easy time imagining that scenario and it’s freaking me out. Thoughts like “if it’s so easy to imagine it must mean it’s real” are running through my head and ruining everything. I just want it to end. I’m finally looking for a therapist. I’ve realized i can’t do this anymore. But until then, how do I deal with these thoughts? My go-to instinct is to just replay the “memory” in my head a million times and try to discern whether it’s real or not but this just makes it feel more familiar and realistic. I just want to go back to living life happily. But it seems like that happiness only transitional between OCD episodes, which are like the real landmarks in my life.

Hi 10 years ago when I was 12-13 years old I used to own a pet rat. And I really liked her a lot. I never thought about it until now. When I had a “do u remember thougt” that I used to let this pet rat go in to my mouth bc she wanted to. And I can’t get it out of my brain how discussing that was. But back then I didn’t think it’s was discusting. I realiteten regret it. And now I think that imagine all the boys u kissed how discussed they would be of u if they knew that they kissed someone that had a rat in there mouth. Can someone help me I feel like I deserve to die how discusting I am for doing that. If I could go back and undo it I would in a second. Now I feel like I can never have a partner bc I’m disgusting 💔 is this ocd am I discusting?

I have talked to my girlfriend about how important sex is to me… multiple times, nicely and politely. I have been very patient with her and very patient waiting. I have held my composure for so long. Again I bring this issue up to her even more direct and even more serious. Sounds like she’s listening and finally acknowledging but still lack of Intimacy and it’s really starting to sexually frustrate me to the point where I feel so much physical pain in my chest and stomach. My mind is racing. Im laying in bed next to her and I pretend everything is fine but inside I’m literally on fire. I hate porn but that’s the only damn thing I could do for a release but it’s not the same as real intimacy. Porn could be addictive and numbing too but I don’t want to go out and cheat and I don’t have it in me to go do that, so I’m in this dilemma that really is making so sexually frustrated that my entire mood is changing for worse, I’m a lot more agitated and aggressive than normal. Im losing sleep I have so much emotion inside and I can’t even cry it out or even let off steam. I feel drained from the inside I keep telling myself to let it go. Let it go, talk about it tomorrow again for god knows how many times but I can’t shake this feeling off of me. It’s 2 in the morning and this is probably the third night in a row where my sleep quality has been trash and so wide awake. I can’t even play games to drift my mind away from this because everyone is sleeping and now I’m wide awake stressing over this.

Feeling like a bad person has always been one of my reoccurring struggles with OCD. I’m working through trauma therapy at the moment and recognizing a lot of stuck points, and connecting a lot dots in relation to my OCD. But I feel like even if I make a small mistake or mess up, I can’t give myself grace - and I assume I’m an awful person. Obviously, my realistic self reassures me I would never intentionally hurt someone or have malicious intentions in situations. But sometimes I go round and round, and even think the only reason I think or want to be a good person is because I’m scared of being a bad person? I know that doesn’t make sense but it fucks with me and I’m sure only this group would understand. Anyway, today for example: I got sorta mad at my bf because he was trying to smack my butt and accidentally hit my back. And I said “ouch, stop - you got my back.” - in literally the least menacing way. And we laughed it off and he felt bad. And then I just couldn’t help myself from apologizing to him because I felt like I overreacted somehow. He seemed very confused and was so sweet about it. But I just felt like I overreacted, and I told him that I felt gross - I was trying to prepare food and it caught me off guard. And he was like “no yeah, that makes total sense - you literally don’t have to explain yourself or apologize at all!”. But I just got into this weird mood now, where I’m convincing myself I’m a bad person and a bad partner. And he should be with someone who is truly the sweetest person ever and beautiful to add on to the obsession. Sometimes I just don’t know what’s wrong with me. I know I’m not a bad person but sometimes the OCD itself is very annoying. I feel like this wave has passed, and I’ve worked a lot on grounding myself and bringing myself to reality. Which is great! But I would really love to know if anyone else struggles with this kind of thing and what helps them in these times?

I feel so anxious lately I have made so much reassurance seeking through the AI online to reassure myself that I live my partner. I’m terrified of the idea it might just be attachment and denial. I have this “gut feeling” that tells me I don’t truly love him because I don’t consciously care about his happiness and well being when it is said that the difference between attachment and genuine love is that you deeply care about your partners happiness. The thing is that I don’t think about it very much or at least not consciously and I don’t do things “because it will make him happy”. This annoying feeling that I don’t truly love him and that something is wrong plus this thing about caring about his happiness stresses me out sm but I don’t want to break up with him. The idea of breaking up terrifies me and makes me so so sad. I’m with him because he makes me feel good, I enjoy spending time with him, his arms are the place where I feel the safest, I love spending my time cuddling him, we are long distance this year and I count the days before seeing him again, I wouldn’t mind spending the rest of my life with him (sometimes I feel excitement about it or I feel nothing but I don’t feel much negative feelings even tho I can be a bit worried about some aspects because we have different personalities in some aspects). I’m just good and happy with him. The idea of breaking up literally makes me stop wanting to eat, stresses me out so much and makes me want to cry. I cannot accept to break up. Please help is this even really ocd ? Am I just in denial ?

Have you ever dealt with a lack of feelings in your relationship? Lately I've been less anxious but I still ruminate a lot and when I spend much time alone I'm kinda depressed. Today I spent a beautiful morning with my boyfriend, I was calm and happy, but it felt like something was missing, like I don't have all that "in love" feelings. It makes me wander if I even ever had them in the first place. I'm trying not to ruminate on it and to give it time, hoping things will get clearer soon, but I feel very selfish. He gives me his all heart and he cares so much about me, while I feel like I'm not able to do the same. It sucks

first and foremost, i have not been diagnosed with OCD. about a month ago now, i had an intrusive thought about suffocating my boyfriend after watching a news story about a man who did that to his wife. i freaked out, and when i got to his house i was physically sick. i made him take me home to get away from him because i was so scared. well since this thought, it’s like i can’t shake this fear that i actually want to do it and i keep feeling like i “need” to do it. i’m so scared im going to do it, what do i need to do? i’m panicking at the moment.

I’ve been struggling with what i think i’d SOCD for the past 2 almost 3 years. It has fluctuated at times and it has become almost like a second way of thinking that it doesn’t phase me as much anymore. When i first started experiencing it i was in my first healthy relationship in my first year of uni. I was going through a great patch with my mental health but i did spend a lot of time on my own because i struggled to make friends. One day i woke up and i was just spiralling in thought of oh my god im gay and i have been this whole time. I couldn’t be around anyone and i wasn’t coherent. i was living in my head constantly and nothing made me feel better. My relationship began to crumble as my mental health deteriorated so badly. Then i stumbled across a reddit post after constantly searching google for answers of how i could feel so strongly for my partner both mentally and physically and now i could feel nothing at all. I came across something about HOCD and it gave me the first wave of relief. As someone who was in relationships since they were young and i was both mentally and physically attracted to them, there were other things that were validating this spiral of thought. After losing my relationship my distraction was attached into the relationship i was mourning and i would ruminate about how upset i was over it. The relationship didn’t fully cut ties and i still felt all the love. Fast forward 2 years and we have gotten back together. But now the relationship is more stable again, i find myself spiralling and checking myself to see it i am a lesbian and i’ve been in denial this whole time. I don’t feel as anxious about jt as i recognise my thought pattern but i am really stressed about it. I don’t wanna ruin this relationship again as it destroyed me the first time. I constantly check if i’m attracted the a women eveytime i scroll in my FYP and feel as though i’m convincing myself to be attracted to the men i see on it. I feel like i’ll never know the truth of how i’m feeling and it’s debilitating. i feel like i’m a fraud and that i’m faking everything but it’s also all i’ve ever known. I’ve tried to come to terms with bisexuality, that doesn’t scare me but my brain keeps saying ur a lesbian ur a lesbian and i cant settle it. I don’t wanna come out jusst to realise it wasn’t real. what do i do?

I feel like I have been spiraling lately because all day every day I’m scared to do something wrong in my relationship. I can’t be near men because I’m scared that I kiss them If something touches my lip like my hair or sweater or even a rain drop tbh I think I kissed someone Just today i was getting out of my car and I was on the phone with my boyfriend and I think I turned my head and my hoodie hit my lip and right away I started freaking out bc from a distance I saw a man so I was already anxious and I convinced myself he was near me and that it was him just bc what I think was my sweater hit my lip and I was on the phone with my boyfriend and I still think it was another man I feel like it’s getting out of control but I can’t help but to confess everything all the time because then I feel like I’m hiding something and then I start feeling guilty and then it turns out to be for nothing But I can’t sit with the uncertainty especially if something touches my lip, I can’t stand it I hate living like this tho because I lose all motivation for everything tbh 😭

Hey, I know this is kind of farfetched, but sometimes when it feels like its soo true and im just in denial, even if I just try to “sit with it” if feels like my whole future with my bf is a lie and that when we’re gonna have to face challenges with our kids or if life throws us problems if feels like I would feel hopeless and sad and will leave him in a second but if I imagined it with a women if feels fine? Like I feel strong and that we can beat anything? And this triggers me sooooooo much because it just adds to the denial part. Also I’m re-watching ghost whisperer and its all about tellinng you secrets and being true to yourself before you die and it feels like I’ll just say “yes immgay” and feel at peace. Idk whats going on… everytime I feel a little better its not as strong as what my ocd (or so I think) makes me believe. Like I would be fine not labeling myself and enjoying my life with my bf and then the next day my mind would say “ yeah you feel fine but you would feel a hundred times happier with women” or “he’s just an exception or so you think because you’re trying so hard to make it work and if you tried with any other guy you would hate it and be bored and not attached at all” and it truly feels this way because I could never get attached easily with guys but with women it feels like I would get attached in a second. Ughh just wanted to take that off my mind.