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Am i not authentically straight if i choose to identify based on how i want to live my life and how i want to be attracted vs if i have attractions that fall into the category

I love my husband very much. I feel at peace when I’m with him and I like to make him happy. But ever since the soocd kicked in, I can’t stop thinking about whether im an imposter. What if I’m actually not straight and this whole time I was just going by what society told me was right - liking guys. What if when I was little I forced myself to crush on guys because my dad is homophobic? I had a sexual dream with another girl and it was like if I could control my actions and thoughts in the dream and I didn’t stop myself. That scares me so much. I just don’t want to hurt my husband in the future if I ever figure out if my true self is not who I thought I was. Sometimes I don’t know if it’s truly ocd or denial but it consumes my thoughts alllll day!

Let me start by saying that I am not diagnosed but I suspect I have OCD. I came out as a lesbian girl 6 years ago but lately I have very often intrusive sexual thoughts about men. These thoughts make me feel disgusted, annoyed, anxious and uncomfortable but I can't help but check every time I can whether I'm attracted or not. I don't want to get married to a man, I don't want to have sex with men or even have any kind of relationship but at the slightest trigger I start to think I'm hiding something. I know everyone has noticed that I'm slowly shutting down, I'm no longer the same but I can't say what's going on in my head. Could it be OCD? and how do I stop thinking about it?

Cause I did find masc lesbians already attractive before. I didnt want to do anything sexually but I liked their appearance because they look like men...but then I read about a girl realizing She didn't want to date a masc lesbian cause She was used to the thought of liking guys and date them and maybe I have the same problem. Cause if I like the way they look and I find them attractive what's stopping me? Just the vagina? It has to be denial.

How can to tell the difference actually being gay or hocd I’ve been struggling with this I don’t want to be gay the thought of it scares me and I’ve always liked women but suddenly I get these intrusive thoughts of possibly being gay and it scares the crap out of me but if feels so real. It’s so much lately that I feel like a certain attraction to same sex but I feel it’s like a false attraction. I’ve had ocd for a few years now it was only contamination and a bit of pocd but now it’s this theme . Please help? Anyone go thru this ? How can you tell the difference am I really turning gay or is this HOCD? I obsess about this day and night it gives me a lot of anxiety I fear it being true my thoughts

I feel like there’s two versions of me. I feel like there’s an evil version where my OCD wants me to do urges and be bad and prove I am this person and it is so convincing and it feels like me. Then another version of me where I’m like “duh that’s not me”. But I’m terrified the bad version will win. It feels like “I want” to think of these thoughts. I had a moment today where I was like “yeah I would be this person if it wasn’t illegal” and believed it. Then came out of it and was like “no that’s not true”. I also found myself feeling like I wanted to think of a bad sexual thought during sex.

Does anyone else have some “fun” ways they’ve noticed their main reoccurring thought/fear with SO OCD or OCD in general change as you’ve worked on accepting your thoughts? When I really fell down the rabbit hole of SO OCD at the start it centered around, the possibility, that I repressed my sexuality due to a past experience I may have blocked out as a child. As I got started with ERP my main fear of repression then went to that of being in denial. Eventually that moved to a main fear of being a late bloomer with OCD then to a centered fear of not having OCD at all However if the passing thought that caught me after my therapy session today was anything to go by, it may me switching now to using my comfortability of seeing gay scenes and attacking me for not acting on my thoughts if I’m so comfortable with them. Like I’m not truly comfortable with it unless I go out and act on my same sex thoughts It’s funny to see OCD switch tactics/reasons as I grow more and more comfortable with my thoughts, but also frustrating because it still got me distressed for a moment with that new thought after my session today and wishing that that thought doesn’t stick.

Does anyone else struggle with sexual orientation OCD? I am a male who identifies as straight but for awhile Thought that I was bi sexual cuz I thought I was experiencing same sex attraction, but now that I’ve become aware that sexual orientation OCD is a thing and has a name, I can see that that is what I was struggling with. Yet, I’ve still had people say to me that I am gay and this n that, and I don’t know why. Maybe it’s cuz I am not as masculine as other men? Maybe cuz I have a higher voice? Maybe cuz i don’t have that strong alpha male posture? I overthink this. Just cuz someone told me that they think i am gay, doesn’t mean I am. This is where my Sexual orientation OCD kicks in, & I start thinking oh my gosh well if this person n that person n that person thinks im gay, then maybe i am! But the thing is is IM NOT! I am attracted to women and I wanna be married and have kids, & I can see how I have been obsessing about my orientation because of what others have said about me. Anyone else dealt with this?

I’ve been with my partner since I was 20. I had one relationship prior to him and little dating experience because I was religious/ covid happened. I’m having extreme OCD that I haven’t dated enough people to see who is truly out there for me/ everyone else has more experience than I do. On top of this, I believe I am bisexual and have never been with a girl (but I have sexual orientation OCD as well so who knows.) What is the best way to go about this that aligns with ERP? Would breaking up my perfectly healthy relationship be giving into my compulsions just to go date others?

Anyone deal with sexual thoughts regarding family members? Makes me sick. I know it’s OCD and I’m constantly trying to remind myself I’ve been here with other content before but it’s so disturbing. Also has anyone had past themes resurface again? Thank you in advance to whoever shares.

This is about pornography addiction. Back when I was still greatly suffering through it, I remember watching videos I shouldn't have when I was a lot younger. It genuinely did have an effect on my well being and it made me act out in ways no kid should. No kid should be exposed to these things for that matter. I keep focusing on this one time where I made a taboo search about all something and it had the word "lil" in it. After I did this I just started crying badly because of how much of a problem this was for me but now I'm getting thoughts that are saying I did this because I wanted to see kids and that's really scary because I don't want to do that. I really don't want to believe that and I would not want to do that to myself. I didn't see anything inappropriate when that happened from what I remember but I just want stop thinking about these two sides of the event. I think I was around 18 at the time. Something like this also happened when I saw this really disgusting playlist on YouTube that had children in it and creeps saving videos. I couldn't believe it to be true so morbid curiosity came in and when I went through them they were very real and it was very disgusting. I remember freaking out about this so much and I couldn't calm down for that night. It was terrible. I hated that so much. What really scares me about that is before I found this I was watching videos that were fine but just when everything was coming to an end that playlist came up in the midst of it and it made me feel absolutely disgusting. I just hate how much porn messed up my life and I wish I could take it all back. I still get haunting memories of it every single day one way or the other and I'm never at peace with it fully. It always messes with my mind and I can't let it go because of uncertainty. I also hate that through my addiction, I've seen very questionable content without even trying to look for it, which I can't stand. I hate that shit so much. I make specific searches that I find reasonable but even still bad things show up regardless. I just feel disgusting about this completely and it's one of several things that has always kept my self esteem very low. I don't know what to do.

I’m so tired of these thoughts going through my mind. It’s like every day these thoughts are just in the back of my mind. I typically have a strong hold on these thoughts and don’t let them bother me but the past two days it’s been hard. It’s at the point where it feels like I’m lying to myself. I know deep down that I don’t ever want to be in a same-sex relationship. This thought doesn’t make me feel good. I’m just tired of the thoughts.

Can someone please tell me I’m not alone? Can you share your experience with getting intrusive S3xual thoughts please Because I feel like it’s not talked about and it’s something I really struggle with and I’m scared I’m the only one getting these disturbing and fucked up thoughts and scared I want them and that it’s actually me and not my ocd For example : I feel like I’m constantly constantly getting S3xualised thoughts of people I’m related to especially when I’m trying to have S3xual time

I just did an exposure of looking at naked women and it kind of took a turn for the worst. I did one on Tuesday and it went great with no rumination, but today I felt aroused and then started googling. And everyone said I was a lesbian or bi for being aroused. Even though I don’t want to be with any of those women 😣 feeling like I took a few steps back

18+ Sometimes my eyes rest on intimate areas I don’t know why. It’s been worse lately because I’ve been having ocd about it. Sometimes my eyes will rest on someone’s crotch of like the part of the shorts where they’re like separated from the skin and there’s like an opening. And one time I was on the train and my eyes rested on this persons crotch and they were in a dress. I looked away but then I had an urge to look again. I didn’t see anything private. They were sitting down and I was looking down because I was standing up, the dress was relatively short too. But then I realized the person was a kid. Then I started freaking out and crying. I had to be comforted by my girlfriend because I was so distraught. I’m kind of feeling bleak right now and irredeemable. I don’t like anything about myself. I’m really tired of feeling this way.

does anyone here also struggle with sexuality ocd as a queer individual? i’ve mostly seen people talk about it from a heterosexual perspective but i haven’t seen or heard much from those who identify as queer or lgbtq and such. i’ve struggled with comphet (compulsive heterosexuality) since i was a kid however have always been confident from a young age that my attraction and desire in romantic relationships is exclusive to women even after trying to like & date men. though, recently, i’ve been having so many intrusive thoughts about the men i’ve interacted with. i am okay with male friendships however the thought of being with a man repulses me and makes me nauseous. i keep going back and forth in my head to “check” how i feel by forcing myself to think about situations that include men. it is becoming incredibly exhausting and i wish it would just go away. i just want to know i’m not alone

I’m coming to terms with the fact that alongside ocd I may have a fearful avoidant attachment style. I wanted to get a better understanding of it so started searching up what it was on youtube. Under one comment section someone expressed how they really liked a guy and then something minor happened and they immediately got turned. I understood her comment and felt kind of seen. That was until I looked at her replies two comments stuck out to me. One said it sounds like lesbianism and the other talked about how the commenter may be gay. This sent me into a spiral, I haven’t flared up like this for a bit. I’ve managed to stay in a state of uncertainty till now all of a sudden. The commenter replied to one of these comments a couple months later saying that she went to seek help and found out they have relationship OCD. Surely this would also make me feel seen and put me at ease? But still I’m ruminating past evidence and among other rituals that I managed to void out before. I’m so scared this will forever be my life, I’ll have a good couple months and then I’ll fall back into an awful loop. I’m 19 right now but I feel as though because of this theme I’ll never find a partner and I’ll forever be alone because I’m unsure. My brain keeps on telling me that I’m using this attachment style as a ‘cover up’. I’m just so over this I wish I could go back to before I had this theme. I rarely come on here because I found that sometimes it worsens my ocd but I feel so alone…

My intrusive thoughts with my SO OCD have been flaring up horribly for the past couple weeks, I think due to stress. Today has been especially bad. I’ve been experiencing false attractions with every woman I’ve been seeing today and it’s making me feel so gross that I feel anxious and sick to my stomach and that I’m going to cry. I cannot shake all the feelings in the body that make it FEEL like I’m « attracted » to them even though I know deep down it’s all fake!! I don’t know if I’m dealing with it right. I’m trying my best to just ignore the thought but the minute it stops, my ocd convinces me that I am in denial because I was able to stop and then I can’t stop thinking about that this confirms im in denial and I freak out and the process starts all over again. I don’t know if I should respond to the thought or ignore it or if what I’m doing is denial or really SO OCD. I have been ruminating on it so much the past couple weeks and it’s starting to take a turn to where I don’t remember anything except my intrusive thoughts and feelings and I am having a hard time getting things done at work and showing up to things and being fully present. I don’t know what I’m doing wrong and I just want it to stop. If i was bi or gay or whatever, that’s fine!! I don’t care. But the thought of being with a woman when the fake attraction I feels makes me want to vomit makes me feel dread at the idea of dating a woman. Im currently dating a wonderful man who is a great fit for me and makes me incredibly happy. It feels like if im in denial and my intrusive thoughts are right, i will have to break up with him and that thought alone destroys me. I could go on about how I have only liked, loved and been attracted to men my entire life and have never wanted to be with a woman in any other way besides a friend but I feel like that will just make my anxiety worse. I have been dealing with SO OCD on and off since puberty but it got incredibly more severe the past couple years. Does anyone have any constructive advice about how to deal with the rumination? Should I ignore it? Should I sit with it and accept the fact that it might be true? Anything would help thank you!!

I'm in such a dark place with SOCD or HOCD, I don't know what to do at this point. It's literally the only thing that I focus on all day and I don't even know who I am anymore. Some days I worry that I'm gay and the other days I worry that I'm asexual because I want to be with women so bad. Ever since this started I've lost pretty much all my sexual attraction to girls and now have crippling social anxiety. I used to check both gay and straight p*rn to see what I got excited by and now that I quit doing that things are so much worse. This has negatively affected pretty much every aspect of my life and it's made me suicidal. There are times when the thoughts get so bad I start to hit myself. No medication that I have tried has worked at all and I'm pretty sure they just give me side effects. I feel so lost and helpless, I can't even get therapy on this site because my insurance doesn't cover it. If anyone has any tips for me or resources that I could use that would be awesome.

Help! If you can’t picture yours or your partners body parts and bodies perfectly in your head does that mean you’re picturing someone else’s body or body parts or that you’re turned on over someone else? Please let me know I worry because I would never get off or feel turned on by anyone else but I feel confused when I haven’t pictured something perfectly 100% does it mean what I’m worried about??