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Still got loss of attraction. Kind of bored now, but still scared at the same time ? Maybe uts because im desperate to become attracted again. Not sure. Anyone relate? X

Hello Im looking for some support/maybe people who have had similar experiences, but anyway, leading up to this fear/new set of symptoms, I was having panic attacks daily over another health anxiety theme, I feltlike I was going to have anaphylaxis from anything that late (despite me not having any confirmed food allergies), it got so bad that I would sometimes eat my lunch in the parking lot of the emergency room. Then I started developing agoraphobia, I started getting lightheaded in public and a general sense or being unwell even unrelated to food fears. Then suddenly I became easily overstimulated /getting sensory overload and when I looked up my symptoms and I saw that this can be one of the first symptoms of schizophrenia prodrome. It's been ALL downhill from there. I now feel spaced out (dp/dr) 24/7. I feel like l'm afraid of everything sometimes, I'm almost too afraid to watch tv because I'm afraid I will believe their talking to me or something. I'm constantly monitoring my own thoughts/listening out for voices. I feel like I'm not thinking the same anymore, I feel different, I feel like my thinking is slower, I feel like I'm constantly focusing on trivia nonsensica shit rather than the task at hand.sometimes I get extreme racing thoughts, yet at the same time sometimes I feel mentally slow. Im having really bad disorganized thoughts all the time, I have random phrases, words, songs that don’t make sense pop into my head all the time now, almost like the kind of random thoughts you get just before you fall asleep. I'm over analyzing every single thing. Any background noise that I immediately do not know the origin of triggers me until I know what it is and can confirm I'm not hallucinating. I just don't feel like myself at all, I feel a giant cloud in my head and feel heavy headed. I'm sometimes completely unable to think concentrate. Sounds stupid but I feel like I can't even play video games normally anymore, ill catch myself just running around aimlessly doing stupid shit, focusing on trivial nonsensical shit like I've never played a game before, I get distracted by random details now in a game l've played forever. Point is I feel like I'm not thinking normal anymore. I'm having EXTREMELY severe panic attacks multiple times a day now revolving around thoughts like "this is the lead up and im going to lose my mind", have to live in a psych ward, lose my wife, never be myself ever again, not be able to function anymore. I can barely leave the house at all, I feel almost afraid to be around people while I feel like this, I ALMOST can't even go to work anymore, but I HAVE TO because I get my health/mental health insurance through my employer, it's the only way I can see a therapist and psychiatrist and if I lost my job my insurance would be gone. Everytime I have a panic attack now I think "this is it!! I'm about to have the psychotic break!" Hoping this is just a result of extreme stress/just another health anxiety OCD theme. I was prescribed .25 daily klonopin to get me out of this episode but it doesn't really work, it takes away the panic but the brain fog/slow thinking/nonsensical thinking and inability to think clearly feeling still remains, and the worrying/obsessing about it still. Really need some support/kindness. I've been in tears over this. Extremely stressful and debilitating.

Hello everyone, I'm new here and have severe contamination ocd that has been happening the past four years since I was 20. I'm 24 now and it seems to be getting worse. I don't want to be around kids because I know they're germy little gremlins and carry the main thing I fear that caused my ocd to worsen. I shower whenever anything above my chest has been touched (neck, face, hair). I wash my clothes after one wear because they feel contaminated after the use. I refuse to let people touch my bed or clean clothes. If I hear that anyone in my family is sick I freak out intensely and have to stay away from them. I also shower if I've been in public and people were coughing near me. If I don't feel like showering and that my above triggers aren't contaminated I just wash my arms up to the elbow and go to sleep because I sleep in short sleeve shirts and my arms touch everything all day. I refuse to touch my face, neck or hair after touching my phone or anything else. I bring a travel blanket with me but have to wash it after every use. I use my shoe to open doors and press the cross walk button. If I can't use my shoe I use my pinkie and immediately handsanitize sometimes twice just to have my hands feel clean. I have to use a utensil to eat when in a restaurant and would ask to change it if I see it touch anything. I work at a place that requires me to use a phone so I have to shower and wash my ear. I hold my breath when walking past people. I can't sit back in the car or on the couch because it'll contaminate my neck and hair. I also have to do a double wash with my hands to feel clean. I used to do it for 20 seconds but I do the hand wash for 20 the 1st time then 30 for the second. I can't wear purses with straps that touch my shoulders, same with back packs. And I use so much soap and lotion that don't help keep my hands moisturized. And if I get triggered by anything I sit there in a quiet rage and ramble in my head because I know saying anything out loud will have me look crazy. There are times though that I get angry and close to tears when it feels like I've been contaminated and when my family makes fun of me for things I feel I have no control over especially the intrusive thoughts, emotions, anger, fear, and tiredness I feel on a daily basis. I'm scared of doing exposure therapy because I know they'll have me touch something contaminated and have me touch my face and not wash it how does that help it'll just make me angry.

What does a person without OCD think like? Is it much more freeing?

I visited a psychiatrist for the 1st time about my problem. I knew it had hocd, but still wanted a professional diagnosis for confirmation, and so did i get. But after listening and diagnosing, she said there are a range of people, and mentioned being an effeminate men. I was dumbfounded. I never mentioned anything about it, and it felt like she was making indirect claims. She also said to experiment if you feel like it, which is clearly a compulsion and we shouldn't give in to them. There is a difference between erp and experimenting. Saying be your own self isn't a wrong thing, but it doesn't seem to be helpful to the problem, specially coming from a psychiatrist. Even for therapy or something, she mentioned nothing but rather prescribed me meds. I didn't feel like continuing at all and the session got over after 15-20 minutes. I feel i have gained more knowledge and insight on my own through research.

today is the 6 month anniversary of my first real serious relationship and i might be having an anxiety/panic attack. i’ve talked about my issues, to a comfortable extent, with my partner before but i feel like a burden when i do because it doesn’t really help anyone it feels like; idk if i’ll feel like this with every major milestone. sometimes it feels like i have to let this relationship consume me to feel like im doing something right. idk if it’s ocd or just me but i find it hard to know if what i want is want is true sometimes; when she’s around i feel better but when she’s gone the thoughts come back. i feel like i should just get out of her way, im scared i’ll never truly be happy

feel deflated today i a haas such bad anxiety about a past event and my anxiety has gone now but the memory of the event is still on my mind what else can i do it's bringing me down bewcause it's still there and i want to move past it

Does anyone feel like ‘anxiety’ is what makes the thoughts feel like you ‘like them’ ? Yesterday I made a point of not having any caffeine and I was able to ignore the thoughts and ‘feelings’ all day no matter how they were I just it irem them but today I don’t know what I’ve had that had caffeine in it but I started feeling this anxiousness in my chest and now it’s back to feeling like I ‘like the feeling’ of ‘smothering my cat’ like my cat came near me and rubbed his nose on me and the anxiety made it feel like I ‘like the feeling of smothering’ (even though I have obviously never done that’ but through having the thoughts and ‘testing myself’ by deliberately imagining them it feel like I know how it feels to do that and ‘enjoy/like the feeling’ and it’s been so horrible experience but feels really real like I enjoy the feeling of squashing someone’s face with a pillow and stopping them from breathing (sorry that’s graphic) but that’s what it feels like I ‘like the feeling of doing that’ and just now it felt like that with my cat and then I start deliberately imagining the smothering thoughts about my cat to ‘test myself’ to see if it feels like I actually ‘like’ the feeling and I think maybe that ‘urge feeling’ is making it feel like i like it and I’ve gotten use to it that’s why it don’t feel alarming anymore but maybe I’m taking the urge feeling as ‘I want to do that and like the feeling’ or that ‘acting on it would feeling good’ and it’s horrible and feels real then I keep imagining it till it feels like I get anxiety or screw up my face or my body feels tense so I know I don’t like it 😞

As someone trying to close the door on Protestantism, Catholicism seems to make more logical sense. Unfortunately, OCD rarely bows to logic. I’ve believed since I was little if I prayed to anyone other than God I’d go to hell. Even though I know understand the confusion between Protestant and Catholic interpretations of prayer and worship, my old childhood beliefs seem almost cemented in my brain. I’ve been attempting to pray the Rosary every day for a week in an effort to start a relationship with Mary. I’ve also found another prayer that I like that’s directed to Jesus asking for help in this area. Every day it’s become a little easier. I even woke up excited to pray the Rosary after having a dream about it last night. But this time I tried to allow myself to participate with the Hail Marys which I had previously been skipping. I say allow because several times I wanted to, but held myself back. Well, first one or two weren’t so bad. But as the rosary continued, so did my anxiety. I think I bit off more that I could chew because by the end of it I had to go straight to the SOS section of the app. I am trying to resist the urge to figure out if this anxiety and chest pains are God saying he’s displeased with me or if they are natural physical responses to stress. I look forward to being able to pray the Rosary without this distress, but I’m hesitant to attempt it again. Which is a bummer cause I thought I was on a roll.

I know that I have OCD, I can trace incredibly obvious behaviors of it back to when I was 4 or 5 that, in different ways, have continued onto present-day. I wasn’t diagnosed until last year after an incredibly intense and difficult time of panic disorder and suicidal OCD overlapping. I was having panic attacks 4-5 times a week about obsessions with self harm and if i actually wanted to hurt myself and it just became so intense that I started to just totally spiral. One night I had to call a suicide hotline because I just couldn’t understand what was going on and none or my compulsions (checking, avoiding, hot showers, etc.) made it go away. Explaining to them that I knew I wasn’t going to end my life but thinking I wouldn’t be able to stop myself from doing it felt so dumb and embarrassing. I eventually got diagnosed and I began to see how all the pieces fit together. What I was always experiencing never fit any diagnosis of anxiety or depression like I was given in the past. I cried in relief sometimes whenever I’d research OCD and see more about how I just wasn’t alone in this. In the present-day, I’ve just now finally gotten insurance that will allow me to begin ERP but I keep psyching myself out of it. I keep checking my thoughts around previous triggers to see if I feel the same and if I don’t, I feel certain that I’m completely better. Like, if I go a few days without noticing any problems, I tell myself that I’ve been lying about having this and that if I started, I’d be taking someone’s spot who deserves it more. Even after *everything* I had to go through to get diagnosed I can’t shake the feeling that I’m lying about everything to do with my mental health. UGHHH I don’t know what to do about this anymore or if this even makes sense :’(

It feels so terrible to doubt whether he’s “good enough” and stuff like that. I hate fighting with my thoughts. I love him and want to stick with him and I am getting immeasurable guilt to the point I’ve harmed myself :(

Hi..idk where to start but I feel like I’m ruining my life so maybe somebody on here can relate maybe even give me hope. About 3 months ago maybe things started to change. It all began very small and harmless. Double checking that I put something down in its correct specific spot…making sure the outlets were unplugged before exiting a room…being positive that I shut or locked a door. I didn’t think too much of it as I have other family members in the house that have similar small habits. However, mine did not seem to stop there. Mindlessly and subconsciously, they got worse. Not only was I double checking locked doors, I was now pounding on them and shaking the door handles violently without reason. Just “making sure” they were shut. Flicking light switches on and off multiple times, usually in a set of 3, just because I had to. Putting my debit card back in my wallet only to open it right back up because what if it somehow isn’t in there anymore. I couldn’t understand why all of a sudden I was so unsure of my own actions. Always so anxious and so afraid I was going to do something wrong and that somebody might get hurt because of it. At this point in time, daily tasks become debilitating. I stare at things and just start to cry knowing that I have a struggle in front of me all of a sudden that shouldn’t even exist. A new and very annoying one for me would be turning sinks off. I have always washed my hands an excessive and unnecessary amount of times daily but now I refrain for the fact that if I turn a sink on, shutting it off becomes a 5 minute ordeal due to be feeling like the water is still on even tho it is clearly not. I doubt my own senses constantly. Even if I can see something perfectly I think “what if”. At this point, my family and friends have begun to notice and get quite annoyed with my involuntary actions. Me myself, also. I don’t want to be this way. So many road blocks in my day that don’t need to be there. Typing this even I have had to reread it several times searching for typos and imperfections. I don’t want to have to shut and press down on the fridge door 3 times in a row anymore. Any advice or kind words would help please & thank you for your time.

Has anyone had a success story with beating relationship OCD? Please share. Feeling a tad hopeless.

I’ve identified as a lesbian for about 2 years and now I am rethinking everything. I do not know why. And in my time identifying as a lesbian, I’ve felt the happiest, most liberated, and most free I’ve ever felt. I’ve learned the history, I’ve learned to accept myself. I’ve felt so much joy and happiness toward it. My fear is that I’ll go back to therapy and discover that I really am attracted to men. I haven’t had any trauma regarding them. I just don’t want to be attracted to them. I’ve never really shown interest in them In my life. But now I have terrible SO OCD that keeps me up at night, has me waking up with anxiety, gives me multiple panic attacks a day, and has me rethinking everything I’ve grown to love and know about myself. I have nothing against anyone else’s identity, I just don’t want to be anything other than a lesbian.

I can't do I really wanna be poly? Why why why why I don't understand. I just want me and my boyfriend it was always the two of us. I don't wanna share my boyfriend with other girls. I don't wanna be with other dudes. It doesn't stop! It keeps saying things in my head. Ik in my heart I will never EVER be poly. I'm happy just the two of us. But my head, my stupid twisted head just wanna make me question that. I had not one not two but 4 ANXIETY ATTACKS just because I was scared of manifesting my boyfriend to be poly or these poly thoughts in general. I even confessed my boyfriend about being poly just to see his answer and he said "that's not us babe" and I was so happy! But now it's questioning me. It keeps questioning me. Making me picture another girl. It keeps forcing me to be poly but I don't wanna be. I can't I don't even know what I want. Why do I feel bad for a girl WHO'S NOT EVEN REAL. Like first of all he's mine :,3 second of all me and my boyfriend BOTH said we are not sharing each other. I can't keep repeating the same words every day. I can't keep doing this. I really don't wanna share my boyfriend. I do NOT want a open relationship. No no. I don't like it. It's like I don't even know who I am. I should be happy that it's just the two of us. Is this ocd. Can ocd trick you like many many times to the point your like feeling crazy. I tried sitting with my thoughts. It ain't working because I'm scared of it coming true I feel like I have no choice. It does want me to know what I want. It's like making me view everything completely different. I can't even remember anything. I feel like shooting my head. Help me. please please help. Someone help. I can't do this. I can't even think of my boyfriend without thinking of another girl. this is so unfair. Why not the two of us. It has always been the two of us. It keeps making me rethink everything that me and my boyfriend had done together. Please help me please anybody please. I can't do this alone. I can't.

Hey everyone, My name is Sonia Sanabria. On this day marks 2 months & 7 days of OCD. & here is my story; I’ve recently moved in with my grandparents because of issues with my biological mother. Ever since I moved to the place & accepted I needed to start my whole life over, I got symptoms of OCD. I have to wait 2 more weeks for help & by then I’ll be starting school & I am so worried about how am I gonna act in school with OCD. if anybody has a say about anything please say anything. This is my first time ever dealing with such thing. Symptoms: Intrusive thoughts, anxiety attacks, compulsions to hurt a loved one or anyone in public ( I obviously do not follow through. ) , I could say the complete truth & my mind will make me think I just lied, major headaches that don’t go away with pills, can’t sleep at night, Anything I hear such as music, words, noises .. my head constantly repeats over & over, I wake up with anxiety & go to sleep with anxiety, false scenarios, I constantly do research about OCD, extreme depression! , thoughts that I’m never gonna get out of this, & for one most disturbing thought is to sexually assault someone. I get depersonalization & now currently suicidal OCD. I keep imagining myself dead & how will my loved ones grieve after it. & I am so scared because the feeling almost feels genuine. I even search to see if OCD controls your feelings too. I am far known that I need help, but unfortunately from the place I live in .. people constantly move job to job. So I have to wait 2 more weeks.. what does anybody have to say about this 🥲?

sometimes when things get bad, i feel like everything is wrong, everything i do, everything i feel is wrong. everything just feels off. and it feels like there’s no way to fix it. for example, “if i leave this thing in my purse, later i’ll see it and i’ll associate my purse with that negative feeling and event”, so i move it but that also feels wrong so i move it back, etc.. but nothing feels right. it’s overwhelming. or everything in my room is wrong and there’s nothing to do to fix it bc i’m so overwhelmed and confused with things in the wrong place and my emotions have associations with every item. i feel like their placement will impact my life in huge ways. there’s a blanket feeling over my life that feels traumatic, like i’m tainted and dirty with feeling avoidant and like nothing i do is right. in my opinions, feelings, thought, actions, choices. i see perfectionism ocd with this feeling but i feel like my symptoms are more feeling based, i’m not sure if i’m experiencing ocd or something else, or a mix. does anyone have an opinion or similar experience?

I feel like for years I’ve never really been ‘here’. I’m just the little character in my head that’s always arguing with my brain. I try to be in the moment and enjoy things but all I can think about is how my time will run out soon and this will all be a memory. I feel like I can only live in memories. Like if I go to the beach and it’s a great day, I just think ‘this will be a great memory later’. And then I try so so hard to ‘live in the moment’ and feel (I’ll close my eyes and think of all the sensations, I’ll stare at things like a pretty flower or the sunset, I’ll just try to do things that make me feel) but I still am kinda numb. I feel emotions really strongly but don’t feel like I’m here really?? My brain tells me I shouldn’t be caring ab things bc I don’t rlly feel all that present, but at the same time I feel things too hard?? I also need my disassociation sometimes to cope with things. For example, I think I have ADHD and I have this thing where I’m really sensitive to sensations (my clothes are really uncomfortable and I get compulsions to ‘fix’ them all the time) so I kinda zone out and it helps. It also helps if someone’s mad or me or I’m going thru smthn difficult to kinda just not be there or just think of the future when everything is going to be okay. But using that to deal w the negatives also affects the positives. But even when I try to stop it doesn’t work, no matter what I ruminate about how little time I have left. Even now, my thought process is that I have to fix this problem while I’m still young before I waste my youth not enjoying things fully, but I’ve never really known how it feels like to not be “floating”, so I don’t know when I’ll even get there. Thanks if you read this all.

:/ i swear. i spiral so bad. i think about one bad trait and it leads into any bad interaction i've had with anyone. and it makes me feel so bad. i can't stop replaying it and the guilt starts to eat my alive and i ruminate so much and it just makes me want to spill my guts to someone- repent or something, even if A. i already apologized B. i can't do anything about it now C. it might not even be that bad in the first place this kind of shit was REALLY bad last year but i started taking celexa and i ruminate less, but when i do spiral it's really hard to get ahold of myself. it feels like i'm just putting a blanket on it. like if i don't ruminate in guilt i'm a bad person- or until i "confess" or apologize, or get a second opinion. i really wish i could take control of this

I’ve got into an obsession with deliberately imagining intrusive thoughts and it’s become a big problem, to see if I hate the thought or get shudders from them. Sometime last year I imagined a ‘smothering’ intrusive thought about my mum on purpose and for some reason it felt like I knew how it felt to do that and it ‘felt good’ to do that now I’ve got that In my head that I ‘enjoy the feeling’ and sometimes that feeling comes back and feels extremely real like I would actually do that because I ‘like the feeling’ and now i keep testing myself by imagining the smothering thought about people I care about to see if that feeling will come back but even when I imagine the thought and my body goes tense and I pull a disgusted face because I don’t get anxiety then my head tells me that maybe I didn’t imagine the thought properly or imagine how it feels to ‘actually do that’ horrible thought so then I imagine the thought in more detail. Even like I was exercising and ruminating at the same time and I went to wipe my nose and it felt like when I wiped my nose my airways were blocked for half a second when I brushed my nose and then I started thinking what if that’s what it feels like to be smothered and then I started trying to put my hand over my nose to see how jt would feel and then deliberately imagining the smothering thought about my mum to test myself and see if I ‘like’ the feeling or making someone not be able to breathe and I don’t know why I keep trying to imagine the thought in different ways to see if that feeling would come back and trying to make it more realistic and feel more real or like in movies when you see people that died with their eyes open then I try and imagine that with the smothering thought and start pulling a disgusted face and I grab my face and like wave my hands about in dismay and like eww what is that and I’ve gotten use to imagining the thoughts and don’t even get anxiety and now I’m thinking is there something wrong with me? Why would I want to try and understand how it feels to do that horrible thing ? I’m worried that feeling is still there because sometimes it does come back and feels super real and like I would actually do that and ‘enjoy’ the feeling of doing that? But surely if I actually ‘enjoyed’ the feeling of doing that I wouldn’t be doubting and testing myself but it’s just because of that ‘feeling’ that feels super real in the moment that I ‘enjoy The feeling’ and ‘know how it feels to smother someone’ that makes me believe it and doubt everything