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How do I know if my thoughts are real or just ocd

I'm not drowning in overwhelming anxiety anymore after starting medication, but I feel... off. There's still this lingering anxiety, but it's like it's blocked or something. I hate the sensation of it. I don't really feel like I'm living, just existing. I'm afraid internally, but I can't express it anymore or experience physical symptoms of that fear. I can't even cry, but I feel like I want to or need to :( Maybe things are just worse right now because I'm on my period, but I'm genuinely so tired. I don't know how recovery is going to be for me, and what if it's not enough? What if this doubt and guilt that surrounds my life doesn't go away? I'm just afraid because I enjoy living and I love my family, but every time I think about having to deal with this for the rest of my life, I get bad thoughts of ending things. I just want peace. I just want to be confident in my own identity for once.

Today at lunchtime, my friend and her boyfriend came over to sit with me like usual. Her boyfriend is almost always silent and we usually are the ones talking. Today, there was a point where he spoke and I felt a sense of attraction. Like I wanted to to touch him. So I made sure my legs were as far away as possible from his the whole time. Yet, I was speaking and trying to get his attention. After I left the lunch table I felt really guilty and I don't know what to do. I didn't say anything inappropriate it was just conversation and I didn't even speak to him directly but I was speaking in a way to get his attention and impress him, to make a move on him. Yet, moments earlier i was thinking of marrying my girlfriend and imagined how the ceremony would be. It made me feel so happy and just imagining it made me want to cry. Literally moments before, I was avoiding looking at others and making sure I didn't touch anyone. So I'm not sure why I did that, considering I don't like him and deeply in love with my girlfriend. I'm scared and feel really guilty.

Please read this. I’ve had ocd pretty much a lot of my life but never knew what it was until my senior year of highschool. I’m 21 with 2 kids and i believe i’ve had pocd a little bit before my daughter was born (which was 8 months ago). It made me start looking at all kids differently and i hate it. But it really started triggering me about 3 months ago. I’ve been thinking if i’d intentionally touched or harmed my kids the wrong way, or any kids for that matter. This started giving me false memories (or at least hope they are). I’ve been having panic attacks, yelling at myself, punching walls, praying, and even thoughts of ending my own life. I grew up in a severe toxic household throughout my childhood and teenage life. I’ve never wished that on my kids since i became a dad. I wanna give them the life i never got. I look back my photos of my children and i feel like i’m a complete fraud of a dad. I cannot look at my kids or be around them a lot of times. I can’t hold my daughter right. I can’t change their diaper when they need it. Even my son came and was hugging on me the other night while i was watching tv and i acted like a stranger to him. I can very little do this stuff sometimes because it’s either i get relief or i push my thoughts as far back as i can. I get scared if i did something to not just my kids, but any other kids in the past. I have such a a great life and such a beautiful family. It was hard and stressful at first being young with a family but i couldn’t be more thankful at all for them. I’m just so lost and stressed right now that i just don’t know what to do anymore

Ive just found out the girl i have a crush on has a girlfriend that she is currently dating. Of course i will support them together and i can continue to be friends with the girl i like, but honestly... im heartbroken... and the fact that my OCD will always make me think I unknowingly explicitly cybered with a minor... and i cant get any sort of reassurance about it... im in a state of hopelessness that will never recover anytime soon... Im done trying to hope. Im done trying to convince myself that anything can be done to make me happy... if people want to call me an incel for feeling this way... think that im a creep... they can... im so hopeless and alone... and no one cares about me... no one...

So, I'm going to share one of my most triggering memory or experience of mine. What I did was, I was reading a sensual story/experience of man on reddit in which he shared his experience that how he got physical with his own teacher when he was 13-14. I then became arosued by reading it and then pleasured myself by putting myself in that scenario. I made such kind of fantasies in which I'm getting physical with my students, sometimes they're over 15 and sometimes over 18 and so and it has happened a lot of times. Now, such things triggers me because I'm going to be a teacher soon (I'm 21), and when I remember about this, I feel disgusted by myself. I feel guilt and this also triggers my POCD sometimes that once I pleasured myself thinking of a 13-14 boy. This makes me feel very disgusted and anxious that how can become a teacher because whatever I did was so ridiculous. I feel like a horrible person. Please someone help me. Am I actually a very horrible person?

This is gonna be a lot about sex cuz idk what’s happening. I have a bf and sex is new as of mid august. But since I’ve been on birth control since end of august sex feels different? I’ve been on 2 types, a patch (forget the name rn) till October, now im on nexplanon. I have no period atm so that’s a nice bonus ig. But mental health is…. Uhhh not wonderful! I feel numb I feel like I’m not horny enough. Or I’m not feeling enough. I feel him inside me and everything but it’s not the same feeling as before And also: eye contact, I don’t get this intense sense of connection but it’s nice to look at him. It doesn’t turn me on more tho Neither does watching his head roll back. It’s hot but I don’t feel anything change down below and I don’t get butterflies anymore My mind wanders. I’m wondering if im enjoying it. If im playing an active part in the sex cuz im very…. Bad at it? I think is how I’d put it? I let him take control cuz it gives my brain a break but my brain is now saying that me not being able to be on top or don’t really like it means I don’t like him and/or im a lesbian depending on the day. Even before this I wasn’t a huge fan of being on top cuz I get embarrassed really easily and I don’t wanna ruin the moment ;-; Like it still feels good but it doesn’t feel as intimate as it used to when we first started dating/before ocd hit/in backdoor spikes (honestly we had some good times and I felt good). Is it just a “im used to his body” thing or am I just not feeling it? I don’t get turned on by seeing him shirtless or naked anymore. But don’t get me wrong he’s still hot I just don’t get aroused unless we start making out Also making out lately- no butterflies, I feel things in my groin but not my stomach or chest and my brain isn’t in it. It feels like im partially not present if that makes sense. I feel out tongues sliding around but it’s not as hot as it used to be and idk if that’s cuz im gay or if that’s cuz im in a depression hole cuz of my birth control and it’s made the ruminating worse and worse Also dirty talk isn’t doing much anymore, no butterflies as well. Maybe we need novelty? Maybe we need to be adventurous? Cuz rn all we really do is missionary lol. I should maybe communicate more as well 😅 Also: I find that when I’m waiting for him to either go to the washroom or get a condom or tie me up or smthn while we’re not touching or doing anything flirty, I start to lose steam and I start panicking which then makes it worse 💀💀 In summary: what am I meant to feel during sex? I know most women don’t orgasm from penetration, which is why a vibrator is always incorporated. What else am I meant to feel? I feel sweaty when he enters Idk it’s driving me nuts. After he and I finished up yesterday I found myself wondering if I liked it. It felt nice in the moment and I did finish. It was kinda uncomfy cuz I was laying on my own ponytail and it was being pulled by me lol😭😭

I’m stuck between wanting to try medication again for my ruminating or if I should not put anything in my body and only continue therapy. Health anxiety is completely new to me and has grown more and more severe over the span of about 5 months now, and it’s made me feel like I’m going to die at any moment and that my heart will give out on me. My mind has completely fixated on my heart and I’ve been to the cardiologist about 4 times within the 5 month period thinking that there is something wrong with me. My test results and MRI results came back fine, but I’m not completely convinced even still that it’s healthy and I second guess my cardiologists opinion and feel like there must be something else, and something was missed. It’s drastically changed my day to day life, as I feel it’ll end any day which terrifies me. I took Prozac in the past, only a few years ago, for generalized anxiety and had no reactions to it, but that was before the health anxiety started, and now I feel like I am going to be the “unlucky” one who dies from it or goes into cardiac arrest even on only 20mg. It also plays into my whole fear of having bad luck or doing something “wrong” or something I’m not supposed to (can be as small as putting the wrong socks on in the morning) which will then lead to catastrophic and fatal consequences that will be my fault. All I want is to get better mentally, but I feel almost as if my thoughts telling me to not take the Prozac and that I’m going to die from it, are actually there to protect me and that I shouldn’t ignore them. I feel so conflicted and wanted to reach out to others who have been in a similar position.

I don’t have much of a support system outside of my bf, so I find myself here a lot. I think I just need to vent, so forgive me if I do this too often. It helps to have a community of people who truly understand. I haven’t felt this debilitated by mental illness in months. There has to be some explanation, maybe it’s hormonal, because I feel like I’ve completely lost myself. The panic hits in waves, sudden and overwhelming, like my head is submerged in lava, burning and suffocating. Then, for a brief moment, I feel almost normal and wonder what all the fear was about. But it never lasts. The chaos always comes back. I even considered going to the ER because I’m not sure I can trust myself anymore. Something has to be wrong, because this isn’t me. My life isn’t perfect, but it’s not unbearable either. Since I withdrew from school, I’ve been so much less stressed that even my cycle, which has been irregular for years, has somehow regulated itself. But even with that, I feel like a failure. I was one semester away from finishing, so close, but OCD hit me harder than it ever has. It felt like drowning, gasping for air, reaching for something solid, only to be dragged under again and again. Now, I feel like that again, but worse. I feel hollow, like something is wrong with me at my core. I don’t just feel sad; I feel broken. I break down into uncontrollable sobs every few hours, and I don’t even know why. I just know that whatever is happening, OCD is taking full advantage of how vulnerable I feel. Is this what MDD feels like? Everyone tells me I have it, and it’s been confirmed by my psych, my pcp, and my therapist, but I still can’t seem to fully see it. I don’t know how to separate what’s OCD from what might be another disorder. I’m sorry to anyone also going through such a hard time, my heart goes out to you 🤍

Hey, this is my first time on here so I’m sorry if the story is long. I will try my hardest to make this short and sweet. About a year and some change ago, I matched with a girl on Tinder and we agreed to an FWB type relationship, but it did not last long because she decided to get back with her ex. Matter of fact, we only ever hung out twice in person, both times having or doing something sexual. Normally, I would not do anything like this, but this was at a time where I felt and still do feel like I don’t deserve a relationship or a girlfriend. Very negative way of thinking that I’m trying to work through therapy, but it was the way I was thinking and felt like I only deserved “meaningless sex” and I was lonely. During those times, we shared a lot of things that happened to us in our lives and we even shared that we were both Christian as well. I’m not sure it was one sided on my part, but it felt like we became good friends. When she told me that she was going to get back with her ex, I understood and respected her decision. Part of me did want to ask why, and almost tell her not to do it, but that was not my place and I did not wanna come off like I was “saving her for myself.” so I completely removed me from that and just wished her the best and we both kind of agreed that we wished we never hooked up because we really liked each other as friends. This is the part that concerns me and also makes me shocked with myself. The first time we met up, it was at her apartment, which was literally down the street from my grandmother‘s house. The second time we hung out, it was at a house. She was dog sitting, and that house was in my neighborhood that mom, dad, brother and sister and myself lived in. At this time, I did not live at home due to a new job, but I did live in the same county meaning that I can visit family if I wanted to. So that meant every time I visited home, I knew I could drive around to the house she said, and every time I went to visit my grandmother, I would pass her apartment complex. This information coupled with the fact I kind of missed her, led to me, wanting to check on her. Before I continue, I did not try to infiltrate her home or steal things or literally anything to cause her harm, as I had no intention of doing anything to her. It was simply driving past her apartment and the house she dog sat at. The best way I can describe it was if I was in town either to visit my parents or just was in town and impulse strike for me to drive by, I would try to ignore and or fight this feeling because at the end of the day, I did not want to do it, but I would end up doing it. This was not an every day thing. Matter of fact, it really only happened when I was visiting family. The best way I can describe my thought process was I just wanted to see if she was okay, while also slightly hoping that she would be single again but I realized it was weird. Mind you the times I would do this, I would be very uncomfortable. Anyway, I bring this up because I started being scared of being a stalker or having stalker like tendencies. I’ve recently discovered I had pure OCD and I have themes such as POCD, HOCD, ZOCD, false attractions, unwanted thoughts, images, things like that. But I also do struggle with ruminating in my past and ruminating about a lot of the mistakes I’ve made often wondering why did I do it and why wasn’t I stronger. So every time I try to remain in the present, I remember something from my past that freaks me out again and now I’m in the cycle. This is one of those things that worries me a lot to where I feel like I’m in a constant state of awareness often feeling restless. I told my therapist about this and he doesn’t think this makes me a stalker, but he’s also slightly glad that it scares me and I think that’s because if I wasn’t scared, he would be much more concerned about it. Yeah, I don’t know if that was OCD or not and I really came on here because there’s a girl named Tia Wilson, who I saw on Instagram, who apparently broke into a house because of their OCD. I can explain why I feel or hope it was OCD but I don’t wanna make this post longer than it is so I’ll just explain in the comments

Really need someone to talk to about my pocd and identifying if the memories are just false memories or not. Research tells me if it’s something you can’t remember for sure and are distressed by then it didn’t happen. Please someone help.

Its making me feel like I cant remember things properly... making me think i unknowingly explicitly chatted with a minor online... making me question every woman Ive ever been explicit and explicitly cybered with... intrusive thoughts of me "explicitly cybering with a minor" and of me going to jail because my worst fear of "unknowingly cybering with a minor(s)" coming true... im genuinely depressed... and I feel so alone... uncertainty has brought me nothing but hell... and theres no getting out... it feels like im waiting every day for my intrusive thoughts and fears to be proven right, and ending up with me going to jail... I have never felt more alone... I just keep getting intrusive thoughts that one day, when I become famous or get my dream job, im going to get a future moment of any girl I explicitly cybered with in the past, saying... "Hey, I was a minor when we explicitly cybered and while you didnt know, im going to get you arrested or cancelled." I cant even be excited for the future anymore...

For the past 3 months ish I’ve been struggling on and off with this anxiety and fixation over my relationship. To wondering if i still have feelings for an old friend, wondering if i actually love him, wondering if the thoughts are all real and im just trying to cover it up with ocd. It sucks, when im talking to my boyfriend i feel fine. The words i love you and talks about the future come naturally. I can’t imagine myself with anyone but him. But this constant rumination on my relationship is KILLING me and I’m scared it’s going to ruin what i have. It makes me numb and disconnected which therefore makes me believe the thoughts even more. They just feel so real sometimes and it’s so scary like why can i not just enjoy it. We’ve been together for a while so i know there’s periods of like feelings ebb and flowing but this is so much more. It’s just constantly sitting on my chest with anxiety. My compulsions are coming on this app, looking at photos of us and confessing it to him. He’s very understanding and helpful. I love him so much. I just need help / I’m also just starting new meds as well ..

I’m embarrassed writing about this looking back now it was all so uncalled for and down right crazy, a few years ago I was convinced I had “sold my soul” to the devil i prayed on my knees sobbing begging god to forgive me. I was scared to even say “Satan” in my head and when I did I would hit myself trying to stop and I couldn’t stop so I looked crazy slapping myself, i even looked up “how to sell your soul” to make sure I didn’t? But then got scared after I read about two sentences on “how to sell your soul” then convinced myself I really did sell my soul. After confiding in my mom she blamed it on my “phone” and I agreed cause that’s such an easier thing to say it “explains it” but it wasn’t my phone it was just me and that’s so much harder to explain. For about two days my mom was my anchor reassuring me letting me sleep in her bed, but that was short lived after three days she was over it and openly talked about putting me in a psych ward, and like anyone would be I was scared so I put on a face that i was okay but really this “episode” lasted three months and I was alone and scared, and even though it’s been a few years sense this “incident” when I think about “Satan” I have to say a prayer in my head and pinch myself.

i’m so scared serious trigger warning i’ve been dealing with this for a while and talking to chatgpt for reassurance, i was experiencing this slightly last week and then i saw a post last week that said ‘schizophrenia develops in your 20s’ and i spiralled, the intrusive thoughts become worse and worse thinking that god/special forces is telling me to hurt people worrying i’m telepathically connected to people fear of losing control thinking that the government make up schizophrenia to stop everyone from killing eachother and going outside naked (like wtf) and that’s just a few, the last one is the one i’m dealing with currently, i spoke to my doctor yesterday and he was very pissed off with me for fuelling the fire with chatGPT i have had all kinds of OCD and suffered with magical thinking/exisential for a few years, but this is something else, this is the scariest thing i’ve ever experienced i’ve been taking sertraline and everything got worse all of these thoughts come with the fear of becoming delusional and hurting someone i love ‘like my mum or my partner’

hi! i was wondering if anybody here struggles with relationship ocd. i am in an almost 4 year relationship with the best boyfriend i could ever imagine. he is so understanding about my ocd. i have obsessive thoughts like “what if he’s falling out of love with me” or “what if i cheated on him and completely forgot.” i know these sound horrible and i know i didn’t cheat on my boyfriend but i keep getting obsessive thoughts on what if i did and completely forget. i feel so guilty all the time for something i did not do. then i get worried that im trying to make myself feel better about being a bad person. i truly hate these thoughts and i live my boyfriend so much im just worried that i hurt him- he knows about this specific obsessive thought and i know it will pass eventually. i was just wondering if anybody has had a similar experience with relationship OCD and how to make it better? what meds have you taken that have helped obsessive thoughts? i have other obsessive thoughts daily but this one seems to bother me the most. ocd really attacks what you care most about.

having trouble with cheating ocd & pocd bc of some bad situations that happened w my old summer job. i was a camp counselor before getting together with my partner. camp was an overall great experience, but I'm convinced that I'll cheat on my partner if i work there again bc of the summer hookup culture. I don't want to cheat on my partner I'd never want anyone but them, but I also can't trust myself to know that. when i was working i was single and interested in a coworker who would always "joke" flirt w me. i even told him i was into him at the end of summer & got denied (which was very bad for my intrusive thoughts, i get kind of disgusted with myself for thinking sexually about anybody who isn't mutually interested). since getting together with my partner the coworker messaged me, telling me he had a dream where i was "hot and tall with a swimmer's body," and jokes about me being "hung." it made me really uncomfortable, and i convinced myself of a lot of terrible stuff: this was my fault bc i used to flirt w him it wouldn't have happened if i never did that, the conversation was basically cheating because it was my fault to begin with. few weeks ago i caught a glimpse of a different summer crush's Instagram, had a passing thought of him being attractive and couldn't stop ruminating on it. felt like i was essentially cheating and it was more evidence that I can never go back to camp. and the scariest one. mostly come to terms w this but it's still terrifying. an underage coworker rlly came onto me, they initiated basically cuddling under stars and i had a passing thought about liking it and i was so so so disgusted with myself for days. i begged an online friend for reassurance. i know now that it doesn't mean anything, i had absolutely 0 romantic or sexual intention with this person. but i can't go back to camp if they're there, because i feel like they might think im a pedophile and in those circumstances it's the underage person's feelings who matter. if they feel hurt or uncomfortable bc of how i went about that situation then it's all my fault and i must've had horrible intentions. my obsessions over these complicated, real situations (+ ocd fabricated nonsense) are ruining a place i once loved.

I have the thought of what if I lose control and do something out of my control like scream for no reason or yelling in a store or just blurting stuff out that’s not in my control and it causes so much anxiety and causes me to feel weird. I always think I’m on the edge of losing control of myself and it’s exhausting living like this. Any tips?

I was scrolling on here and now I’m having a panic attack. Someone posted resources and one of them was a NOCD article and I thought that was so great. I clicked on it because I like learning about this disorder and I love NOCD’s resources. But I read that one of the compulsions for pocd is watching cp? I thought that wasn’t a thing with POCD. I literally cannot breathe because I feel like this thing is now possible and I cant calm down. That was the first time I’ve ever seen that stated as a compulsion. I feel like I’m dying. What triggered my spiral in the first place was months ago someone contacted me and told me they watched it but claimed OCD and I felt absolutely horrified. I deleted my account and removed that person entirely. I am freaking out so bad I really can’t seem to breathe right now

Hello, does anyone know how long it takes for sertraline to work? I've just started my treatment 1 hour ago (I know I'm very impatient) but I just wanted to know, and does sertraline 25mg work? I'm afraid it won't work.