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Honestly, I’ve had an awful week. I spent several hours googling, had a few anxiety attacks, and several breakup urges. I feel miserable. I’m not really sure what to do because I feel like I’m in too deep of a pit to recover.

I just have such an unhealthy view of God and I have these feelings of not wanting to follow him anymore but also wanting to follow him and I can’t make a decision because I don’t want to leave Christ but at the same time I do. I’ve been a Christian all my life and I just feel like God hates me, has left me, won’t forgive me again, and will pile me with a bunch of rules.. I also feel like he’s going to judge me for running away from him and ignoring him and I just feel like I have to be responsible for going to heaven and I have to work with it and I feel like I’m only following Christ out of fear! This is so exhausting!! Please any advice and tell me if this is ocd or anxiety!! 😖😖

Hey guys. I was hoping someone on here might be able to help me. I have a handwashing compulsion that I am working on in ERP but it is definitely still a work in progress and my hands are struggling. They are red and painful and everytime I look at them I’m ashamed because they just remind me of how much control OCD has over my life. Does anyone have any suggestions on what to put on my hands to help? I know handwashing is a pretty common compulsion so I’m hoping someone knows something that might help.

I've stated before I had a stint of teenage hood/up to age 20 where I was NOT my best self. I lied about serious things, did immoral things. Most of these I have came to terms with and talked about with my husband who is SO supportive. There's this one thing that happened (that was actually the triggering thing that made me better myself, leave a toxic relationship and heal from some trauma) that for some reason 6 years laterI am feeling VERY guilty about. It was a serious lie that I told my ex boyfriend and I did eventually tell him that what I said actually did not happen. But I feel like it's so immoral that I need to confess to my husband so that I can get it off my chest even though it does not concern him in the slightes Its almost like it would be easier to deal with if the world knew about what I did because it wouldn't be a surprise that could come out and ruin my life and family. I know that confessing can be a compulsion and I have noticed that for myself but how can I be for sure that this doesn't actually need to be said for me to feel better? Would the REOCD just move on to a new topic to torture me with? Really struggling.

With the current violence and destruction against American civilians, I’ve been scared shitless to leave my home. I don’t live in a major city. But now I’m just scared of getting encountered by an 🧊 agent and getting murdered on the spot. Especially as a person of color I’d just be wiped off and disregarded if anything were to happen to me. And only my family and friends would remember me and it’d devastate them. It’s hard to know whether I’ll be safe or not whenever I go out anywhere. Current world events and politics is just freaking me out and it’s been devastating to me. I guess at least my OCD is latched onto that and not my other themes. I don’t know what to do. Since the fear feels much more probable.

18+ Ive never been a good person as it turns out... because my real POCD events were disgusting and horrible... I will never love myself... and I dont think I ever will... I failed... sorry guys... (And no. Im not gonna hurt myself, but Im genuinely done thinking I'm good, and will never think of myself as good...) Right now, it's giving me intrusive thoughts of me closely inspecting a baby's bare crotch and touching it... it's making me think I did this as a child... A year ago, this intrusive thought and image suddenly popped up while I was having an OCD attack... and now over a year and a half later, its happened again... and it immediately started making me think that this was a real event that actually happened!!! and if this actually happened, Im absolutely mortified and horrified and disgusted... i don't know if this actually happened or not but its genuinely triggering me... I'm scared because I don't ever want to do that! Im scared of being reported to the police or something because of my venting... i hope this is a false memory...

OK, so I’m a Christian and I decided to start an art account just because I have wanted people to really interact with my artwork and follow, like, and support my art. My goals is to at least hit like 5000 followers or 10,000 followers. It would be really fun to have that experience. but my mind is going wild cause I can’t tell whether or not this is considered idolizing. I know that people say not to search up certain things when you’re dealing with OCD but I still did it anyways. I searched up if wanting followers is idolizing and the first thing that popped up was yes this could be a form of idolization and I’m just sitting here thinking about the ways I could be idolizing social media, cause I’m not putting it before God. I also searched up if hoping you get likes idolizing social media and it said yes it is. like I still make time for God so read my Bible and pray every day. I just have that goal of hitting a certain amount of followers and having my art being liked. the one thing I just wanna do right by God and I don’t want to do wrong that’s why I’m looking into idolizing. I’m a little bit confused I can’t tell whether or not it is or isn’t. I don’t tie my worth to the likes that I get I’m just happy when I do get them. I guess I’m also a little bit worried about this because when I was a bit younger, I made like a little TikTok account and posted. When I didn’t get a lot of likes. I would be disappointed and would kind of tie it to my worth because I started to feel like oh what I’m putting out isn’t good enough. So now I’m afraid of going down that mindset again and my mind is like OK so like maybe I should delete all of my social media art accounts and to stay off of them because you’re idolizing it like. I also have thoughts like what if God wants me to delete all of my social media accounts because I’m idolizing it. I don’t think I’m gonna do that because I’m pretty sure this is an obsession. I low-key been fixated on idolization for like quite some time and that’s why I feel like it’s an obsession because I’m always so worried about idolizing things that even when I get achievements like on this account I ended up getting like close to 600 followers in my art blew up and instead of being happy and grateful I cried because I started to think about if I’m idolizing this if I should delete my account if God wants me to delete my account if I’m doing wrong by God because I wanted legs and followers and I finally got those legs and follow like this whole obsession cycle and I wasn’t even able to be happy about it because instead I tried to figure out God really wanted me to just delete what I had worked hard for. I guess I’m just coming here for advice and just to feel a little less alone.

I hate how real the fear of losing control is for me. The dpdr is so scary and the intrusive thoughts of going crazy just send me into a panic. The rush of adrenaline/ hot flash I get scare me so bad into thinking that I will lose control and just go crazy. I am so defeated and depressed because of the thoughts/ the intensity I feel when I have these thoughts are always the same the anxiety levels are always the same when I have them idk what to do anymore im so scared of myself and im terrified to be alone in my own mind due to the thoughts and how loud they get. How can I get better when your mind is always with you? You can never escape ur own mind which is so scary

Although this inst related to POCD it may as well use the same advice. Basically in the past when i was younger i have watched porn. Alot of people do. I personally dont agree with it now but thats not the point right now. My OCD has made me stuck on certain stuff ive watched in the past. I fall into the trap of trying to remember why I exactly did and that whole spiral/mess. This affects me to this day because it makes me worry I am into that type of stuff I watched even though I am obviously very disturbed and uncomfortable with it. I watch porn less and less due to me trying to quit for years at this point. I havent touched the stuff I am speaking of sense that point. But id also like to add my emotions and porn "addiction" were at a way worse point at that time. Now it makes me very scared and diffucult to even think about relationships or anything now due to that fear. I know i shouldnt think about porn until im even in a relatiobship first but its not like i can just control what my ocd thinks about. Plus ive already heard it from my therapist. 😅 I have tried ERP so much but this seems to be one of my worst themes of all times. Any advice would be greatly appricated and not reassurance.

Hi all. I’m kinda losing my marbles rn I don’t feel very anxious I just keep constantly googling lately and overthinking things I see online and wonder if someone else’s story is mine. As a kid, maybe like 10-12 ish yrs old I liked being called he for some reason but idk it kinda faded. Idk why. It’s blurry. I don’t remember anymore. And after I graduated elementary school I became more comfortable in being a woman and finding my style, etc. idk maybe I was looking for words to describe smthn. Idk. Eventually I stopped. When this happened I told my mom I was bigender, I still liked being a girl, but I don’t think I fully understood the term I’ll be honest. I don’t think I felt like a boy. What does that even feel like? I liked hanging out with the boys cuz they were the only ones who actually liked the same things as me (video games, playing in the snow and dirt and writing cool stories to play at recess) and in most of my interactions before and after that I was a girl. So idk what happened in that point of time and yknow I thought it was just a normal part of growing up etc cuz it happens for some people. Maybe I was curious. I kinda left that part of me behind knowing it was there but I grew out of it. I’m worried now that the past is the real me and this version of me is a liar and a fake and I don’t actually like being a woman etc. I’m worried I’m suppressing smthn. I’m worried I don’t like how I look in the mirror. Even if I say ooo I look cute in this and I love this dress or smthn it feels not genuine. This was causing me a lot of physical anxiety over the holiday break when I was at home with family. Now I don’t feel anxiety but I keep googling ahit like “How do I know if I like my AGAB” “Does gender euphoria have to be intense as a cis person?” “Is it ok and normal to feel neutral about being my AGAB day to day but have it change when I dress up in a different outfit?” “How do I know if I’m suppressing being trans” “Trans ocd vs genuine questioning” “I was a tomboy growing up but I’m not anymore does that mean I am secretly trans and hid that?” “How do I know if I like my AGAB and my pronouns or if I’m just very used to them?” Idk anymore I’m so tired I don’t feel anxious at all. I’m just scrolling and scrolling. It did keep me up about 2 nights ago. Had the worst sleep of my life Idk. I like being a woman. I like being referred to as she/her I’m pretty sure?? I’m used to it yeah, but I love being called princess or his girl by my bf or pretty or beautiful, even if it is a little cringe sometimes lol. It took some time to warm up to but now I’m worried that me being a little anxious and put off by the nickname is evidence. (idk I’m not used to pet names, the last time a partner gave me a pet name it was smeagol. From lord of the rings. Yeah. Nah.). I like having female friends and being seen with them. I like being one of the girls after being ostracized for so long as a kid cuz I liked dragons and video games and playing in the dirt. But what if I’m lying and deep down inside I don’t want to be a woman? Idk I’m scared I’m worried I’m stressed. I like to switch up my style now and then and trying new styles makes me happy cuz I like to try new things. Smthn punk ish one day for a concert or a protest shirt another or a cardigan and jeans all give me a little happy tingle and that feels right cuz that’s me, I’d like to try more tomboyish styles so I’ve saved some on Pinterest but I have no funds lol. I feel good in those but I’m worried it’s a lie. What if I just like being seen as an attractive woman but don’t actually feel that way? I think I feel like I’m an attractive woman. I feel really pretty and confident. A little anxious cuz I don’t usually get done up for classes or anything so it’s a bit odd lol. I feel good in how I look and my style. All of it is me. So I don’t usually have those happy tingles unless it’s a new thing for me. I didn’t have the tingle with my prom dress but I loved it. It was gorgeous and I felt like a princess but I’m worried I’m now lying to myself and I don’t actually like anything I’ve ever worn or my style and that everything I have saved in my Pinterest boards isn’t me and is just a lie cuz I’m forcing myself to deny something. I have my insecurities sure. My breasts are too small, I have some stress acne that I’ve been picking at that I hate, I feel like I’m too skinny and want some curves and some weight, I’m worried my face is too masculine, does my hair look right? What about my eyebrows? My makeup? Yknow that stuff. I don’t hate my body. I love it. After years of being insecure about it sure. But I got there and the thought of being a liar to myself and the thought of changing it freaks me out a little. I don’t think I want that like ever. I don’t want anything. I’m happy for trans people obviously but I don’t want what they have. I just want my body to change as a woman. But I’m scared that when my frontal lobe develops and locks in I’ll change my mind and actually hate being a woman or smthn. I feel like k need to figure out now if I’m trans, non binary or whatever the fuck. I don’t think I’m either or a secret third thing. Sorry for the long ramble I needed this out. I’m tired.

Pure OCD: Hello members of the NOCD community! I feel I have pure ocd because I used get these thoughts of the devil, and images in my mind of it, I used to have to go out to wash my face with light. I fear I have pure OCd and want to know if I do. Perfectionism OCD: When I was a child I used to have to check my room to see if everything is the same, and having to check if the lights were turned on. A lot of repetitive thing. Yes, many of you aren’t therapist, but some of you do have OCD, so please let me know if these are possible signs of OCD.

For the past 3 years of my life I’ve been having phases of me obsessing over my breathing. At first I thought I had a lung problem or some type of health issue, I always knew I had OCD but I didn’t know it could spread to my physical body instead of my brain. I would feel short of breath, almost like I can’t get a good amount of air in. I’d constantly think about my breathing night and day all the time. I’ve done every test, I’ve always been told I’m fine which feels worse when you’re drowning. I’d take prednisone and think it was fixing my breathing and it would go away then I’d find something else to obsess over and basically my brain would get tired of my obsession and it would come back to obsessing over my breathing again. I’m starting to realize it’s my OCD. I’m on Medicare and it’s hard to find a therapist who specializes in OCD. Does anyone feel like this? And what can I do to fix it? I want to live again and not just survive. ❤️

Sorry if this is long. I really need advice. I can't stop ruminating over someone my sister and I cut out of our lives several months ago. I don't think she was a bad person, but... I don't know. I'm so conflicted over everything. I can't stop thinking about whether I was right to end it, whether I ended it correctly or not, whether I'm a bad person because of it, etc, etc... I didn't want to be friends. I didn't want to keep in contact. I suck with boundaries, which is one of the reasons we were probably even friends for so long. That sounds horrible to say, but I think it's true... It got to a point where my sister didn't even enjoy talking to this person. They were always passive-aggressive towards us, but if we called them out on it, they'd deny it and say we were just reading it wrong. Or they'd just avoid having a conversation about it, insult us, and call us dramatic if we expressed hurt over their comments. I decided one night after talking with my mom about everything that I didn't want to have anything to do with this person anymore. I have so many bad memories connected to them. I didn't appreciate them mistreating my sister, either. The next day, I wrote out a message. I didn't go into a bunch of details or list every single reason why. I kept it brief, initially. She was hurt, which I expected. I felt so much guilt. But then she wrote five pages in reply, gaslighting and insulting us. She misconstrued everything we said, and I tried to re-explain, but it just led to worsening the situation. After it was over, I felt so much relief. My sister and I cried a lot, though. I feel like it was okay for us not to want to talk to this person anymore, but months later, I still feel so guilty. It's gotten to a point where I get thoughts like, "What if I'm manipulative somehow?" Because there were so many points throughout us knowing each other where I just didn't want to. I know I cared about this person, but I can't think of them now without feeling guilt and nauseating anxiety. I'm trying to remind myself that while not every single moment was bad, my decision to cut them out of my life was still valid. But I get a lot of thoughts telling me I made the wrong decision, or I should've ended it differently, that I should have talked it out somehow, etc, etc... I'm so tired of these thoughts. I just want to be happy :( Everyone in my life has told my sister and I that it was the correct decision, so why can't I just move past it? I'm scared I'll never stop feeling guilty about this.

Well this vent turned into a long story… so buckle up if you’re interested. Group projects have always been a struggle… frustrated by the quality of work turned in by others that negatively affects my grade. I used to pair up with kids who didn’t care & just do the whole thing myself. In college, I thought it might be different. I had a group in my undergrad who was so rude to me, but I showed up and did my best anyway. My part of the presentation (that I made completely on my own) got the full # of points. At the end, we all gave each other a score from 1-5. I gave them all 5s even though I didn’t think they deserved it, and I got a score that was 4-6 points lower than 100%. So, someone or several people rated me poorly. Our professor bought us beer at the school brewery to celebrate finishing our capstone, and I ordered a large. Everyone else got small drinks, but I didn’t know until I sat down. I got attitude from them about ordering a large drink. This memory has haunted me for a long time. The scores my group gave me knocked my GPA down to a 3.0, which is the cutoff for graduate school. I’ve questioned if I deserved that. Was I a worse group member than I realized? Was I selfish and rude for ordering a large drink? Was it too expensive? Why was my GPA dropped that much? Was it karma? Would I still be accepted into a grad program? I was healing from a major life-altering, near-death experience car accident and concussion at the time. I vaguely told the group I had disabilities, but since my medical issues were invisible to them- I don’t think they believed me. My dog wasn’t service trained back then… after she was, people were nicer and seemed to believe me more when she was with me. I hated that I felt like I needed strangers to believe I had medical problems… and now I can see how that was related to OCD. I still feel like I have to prove myself. People used to come up to us and start petting her without asking and bombarding me with questions about “how to get one” …it seemed like people still didn’t believe I had disabilities even though she was a clear physical representation. It was so frustrating… especially if I was symptomatic or trying to catch a flight. Eventually when people approached us, I learned to start with, “well, you need to have a qualifying disability and paperwork to prove it” …that usually forced people to check themselves. Although, I had a lady scream and wave her hands in my face at the airport. She was yelling asking if my dog was an epilepsy service dog. We were on our way to our gate, so I didn’t stop and she kept yelling as we rode away on the moving sidewalk thing. I don’t understand why people think I owe them any explanation or lesson on service dogs. It’s so bizarre. I slowly started to give up, and was letting people touch her when I didn’t want them to because they would go away faster. My dog loved the attention, but it messed with her focus and training. I started getting frustrated with her too. It wasn’t her fault but I wanted it to stop. I think she started appearing like a “fake” SD because of her attention to/from strangers. So then I worried about appearing like a fraud even more. I felt trapped like once someone had permission to pet her… coerced or otherwise, I couldn’t change the expectation. I got in a bad habit of letting grad school classmates pet her… which felt impossible to undo because I had classes with the same cohort for years. I started being standoffish to people, wanting to be left alone. I was constantly running late (also connected to OCD- checking locks, compulsions, etc). Then I was worried if I was being mean to my dog because I was annoyed and always rushing her around. We were constantly in a frantic hurry. It was more difficult for people to stop us if we were rushing, but I was stressing us both out. I had a grad party recently & found out a classmate who also has disabilities thought I didn’t like her. She was forced to sit in the front because she was in a wheelchair and I wanted to disappear in the back, so I always rushed past her. She asked me about the SD process at some point too, and I wasn’t in the mood so I was probably rude. She’s the only person who actually did deserve an answer… I feel bad about that, but it’s also not my job to educate every single person about service dog training. My service dog is retired now due to getting older, and I’ve started getting nasty looks from people again as I’m adjusting to existing in the world without her. Usually when I park in the handicap spot… even though I have a state issued placard from the DMV and my medical issues are real. I have stacks of documents proving it. I think the desire to be believed might be a validation seeking thing… but it never goes away because there are always new strangers. I also had to literally prove myself and the legitimacy of my medical issues in a court case against the person who ran into me with their car. My brain was still developing when it happened, and then it was seriously injured… so I think there are some strong neural pathways related to proving myself and not feeling safe. The car insurance company we were suing was aggressive and tried to challenge my credibility. It’s their job, but still hurt because they were attacking me personally. I became obsessed and paranoid about my medical records. Worried if I said the wrong thing, I wouldn’t win the case or be able to pay off the stacks of medical debt that came from the accident and recovery. I became obsessed with safety, and never felt safe- in the world, in my body, etc. We won the case, but the money didn’t go very far. That’s a story for another time. I applied for disability benefits a few years ago when things were bad, and gave up after they denied it the 1st time. I’ve heard they commonly deny the 1st app, but I didn’t have it in me to jump through hoops to prove myself to yet another entity. It seems like I’ll never be able to fully prove myself and feel relief. I have regret for how all of these feelings built up to me completely shutting down and being unwelcoming to anyone and everyone. My personality changed… to the point my doctor thought I had a personality disorder. I was angry at the world for years. Why me? It’s all so unfair. I was seriously hurt by a careless driver 10yrs ago, and have been suffering ever since. It’s not enough that I’m forever physically injured, have permanent medical issues, and I’m in debt. I’m also being socially tortured, questioned, shamed… I just want to live in peace. I want to be left alone unless it’s a mutual connection. This injury created a metaphorical gaping wound that never healed and gives people access to my most vulnerable parts. I just want to be treated with basic respect and kindness. I want to be believed. Why don’t people believe me? Why do I care if they do?!😵‍💫

Have any of you ever had a bad trip off of delta 8 gummies or THC in general? If so how long did it take to recover from the DP/DR afterwards? For context I’ve only smoked a couple times in life which was all over 7 years ago. My OCD has been pretty debilitating lately so my significant other said let’s go to the local CBD store. They recommend some delta 8 gummies which I took in 3 1/4 bites spread hours apart. Then suddenly I was hit with the most HORRIFIC paranoid, panic attack high I could have ever imagined that kept me up all night shaking and pacing… For hours it was as if my OCD themes were being actively played out vividly in front of me and I was incredible paranoid. Now the next morning I’m doing better however still feeling the aftermath of DP/DR and worried it will last a long time… Curious as to if anyone else has experience with this!

Last night, my boyfriend said that with how often I tell him I'm having thoughts of not loving him he's starting to believe it too sometimes. He even wondered if some space would be helpful, and when he asked me if I'd ever thought about that I couldn't say no. I got home from my trip to see family in Sweden and my flight was delayed for 5 hours. I'd had a stressful day and typically I would worry about it, but I didn't. Not much at least. And during our conversation TYPICALLY I would be very emotional and crying. But I wasn't. Which makes me believe that I actually don't love him and don't want to be with him. I wasn't certain of my feelings and whether I wanted space or not. In the back of my mind and heart I don't want space. I want to be with him. But then my feelings (or lack thereof) contradict that. After nearly 3 weeks apart in which my issues got so so bad, I can't do so many things anymore. I can't visualize his face, I can't feel happy when he sends me cute things, when he tells me he got me a gift, when I think about him I don't feel excited. Outside of our relationship I also feel numb to many things, but the focus is definitely on him/us. I wasn't excited about getting home, but not necessarily depressed about leaving either. I barely greeted my dog that I usually love so much. Everything feels so disconnected from me, I even feel disconnected from me. The only thing that I truly want when I'm in a very anxious/depressed state is to be in my boyfriend's arms but I can't feel love for him. It's so so so difficult. During/after that conversation last night, I did slightly come to my senses and said he was mine and I loved him. And when I woke up today, I felt kind of neutral but it's slowly getting more to the state of numb.

i think im getting paranoic i dont know if its a part of ocd but i have catastrophing scenarios. i had a big argument with my friends and we are in no contant. in the beginning of my relationship with my boyfriend i used to have doubts and i told my friends horrible things. my boyfriend know about it because i told him few months ago. i wasn't also fully over my past relationship. it was not about the person but about the whole situation. it was months into relationship when i used to tell my friends that it still hurt me what that someone did and i said some other bullshit. i used to text them about it. i also told them about arguments with my boyfriend ect. my boyfriend know about all this stuff because i had a need for confession but know im scared that my friends would send my boyfriend screenshots of all these messages and things. i had changed and we talked about everything but he didnt want to know what i texted them. i told him about it in general not in details and im scared that if he saw it he would break up with me. i regret all of my past mistakes but now im really stressed that they might send him these messages to ruin my relationship. idk what to do or to tell my boyfriend about this fear.

Hi so I have a huge fear of being delusional having schizophrenia and losing touch with reality so I've had crazy thoughts like what if clouds aren't real and stuff like what if nobody else are real and crazy thoughts like that however few months ago I had a thought that went like this what if I believe in lizard people that are hiding as people crazy right and just to make clear I DO NOT AND HAVE NOT BELIEVED ANY OF THE THOUGHTS AT ALL! But it feels like I do I've had thoughts like what if I believe this what if my grandma is one... I hate it I love my grandma and it breaks my heart having thoughts like this because I went to go see her for the second time in person I want to El Salvador to get some help you know I went to a mental hospital I didn't stay there or anything I just wanted to get diagnosed they told me I had health anxiety and not OCD at first it was OCD then health anxiety so I'm kind of confused but I know this got to be OCD anyway every time I was over there I kept having the thoughts like crazy thoughts like oh what if they can read my mind and stuff like that all kinds of crazy crap and at some times it feels like I actually do believe it or even worse feels real but deep down I'm like no this isn't real this isn't real I know these thoughts aren't real this isn't reality and it would feel so real I remember one time I was in the car it was late at night and I was with my aunt and a friend of hers and we were going home cuz in El Salvador everything is like far away obviously and she lives somewhere else from my grandma and it was like I don't know what it was deep personalization or something I don't know but I was just I felt like I feel weird I feel crazy like it felt real and these thoughts got here after the whole what if everyone else around me are not real just calm down and then I was watching YouTube and I thought came up of conspiracy theories and it came to lizard people for some reason and the movie like I don't know if y'all know a movie where it says obeying like buy stuff and it like some dude puts on glasses and he can see aliens and all that stuff I think that's what made it worse as well because I saw clips of that on Instagram obviously I know it's fiction but it's like oh my gosh and here's what I'm actually worried about and it kind of just like makes things worse for me I would get anxious right as if it were real and this is what f**** me up a lot and my anxious because I believe it or think it's real or I'm anxious about believing it and thinking it's real and that's where I get confused I mean I don't believe this but sometimes it feels like I'm lying to myself I feel like a liar but I know deep down when I'm calm and the anxiety isn't there I've got some ssris that really help like take away a lot of my anxiety but the thoughts are still there it helps me calm down and yesterday I had like the best day of my life I was calm I was able to do everything I had the thoughts but I just kept ignoring them it's like once I don't give it attention it goes away and I don't freak out but when I'm looking for the thought okay dude am I okay I just want to know am I am I okay am I schizophrenic I mean when I went to the mental hospital I explained I explained them my thoughts and from the beginning how I had hocd pocd and all that kind of OCD themes and then I want to help OCD while I was afraid of having cancer then schizophrenia then then believing delusions and that is my fear I am very afraid of believing delusions that would mean insane I don't know what to do anymore they told me I don't have schizophrenia thank God but like I just it feels horrible having intrusive thoughts about my family and other people I hate these thoughts so much I don't believe it but damn they feel so real and maybe because I try to avoid of giving myself reassurance and once I do give myself reassurance like this is not real this is not real then I thought comes up am I just saying this is not real because I actually think it's real or or something else and then I questioning wait do I believe this it feels like I believe this but then sometimes my worry isn't like what if I believe it it's almost like if I'm actually worrying it about if it's true and then I started getting more anxious because then I stopped my like whoa no no no I'm so scared of losing touch with reality and I am sorry for the long post I'm using this voice thing cuz it's so much to type I tried erp in the plane once it got really bad and it worked it really worked I sat down with the anxiety and the thoughts and then the anxiety just went away then the for the rest of the day once I landed your back in the in the states I felt good and then I took my medication that really helps me and it's in the medications for OCD when they told me that it's not OCD and it's health anxiety hypochondriac I sort of didn't know what to think at first but I know that this is obsessive compulsive sort of judging from I have mental I have compulsions and mental rumination and of course the obsessions I looked so many times in Reddit and on this app if someone has the same stuff that I am where they're actually like afraid of believing it and then again they're also afraid of going crazy or heck even if they think it's true even though deep down they know it's not it's just like these moments where I'm like really anxious in my head I feel disconnected but I know that there's a part of me and there is a part of me saying that this isn't true that this is OCD and that I know it's not true I know it's not deep down I know it's not true no matter how real it felt no matter whatever I've never actually believed it even though it felt so f****** real I've never believed the thoughts and I still continue to be on my way and be with my family has anyone else gone through something like this or something and if so what should I do

I don’t know if this is ocd or maybe I have a messed up view of who Jesus is.. I just always have resentment, fear, and anxiety around Christianity.. never peace or happiness. One of my biggest triggers is knowing free will exists and I have the choice if I want to go to heaven or hell. That triggers me so much because I don’t know who to follow, myself and the world or Jesus Christ. I’ve been a Christian all my life so I don’t know if I genuinely want to stop believing or not. I don’t even know if I want Jesus anymore or not. This is so exhausting and I ruminate on this so much.. does anyone else experience this?..

Hi everyone, I’m new to this app. My reason for downloading is mostly to combat or find new ways to deal with my relationship OCD. I was in an abusive relationship at 17 that triggered this line of thinking for me. I’m now 19 and my girlfriend and I have been together for over a year. She is patient and committed to helping me heal from what was done to me. I didn’t notice this trauma start to creep up until after I met my gf for the first time (we are long distance). When I got home I started having intrusive thoughts that she may leave me, that she’s angry with me, etc. She gives me zero signs of this, it’s purely my own brain and trauma telling me this. I try my best to not constantly ask for reassurance because I know that’s not healthy. Lately though, I’ve been unintentionally starting arguments. I will obsess over a thought about our relationship and when I bring it up to her nothing she says calms me down and it leads to a fight. I don’t ever want to make her feel that way and it’s not intentional nor is it fair to her. Does anyone have any advice on how I can better myself for my relationship? I’m trying my absolute hardest. I love her and I want to be the best version of myself for the both of us. My trauma has nothing to do with her, yet she’s been so willing to help me through all of it and still love me.