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the NOCD Community

First, coming here and admitting the things that go on in my head is daunting. I often fear I won’t be loved by my boyfriend or family and friends if they knew the extent of the intrusive thoughts that come into my brain. Picking a OCD subtype felt strange.. it’s almost like my brain was trying to think of a way to categorize myself into every subtype. I know for sure I have/had harm OCD. When I was a child I was terrified I would one day wake up and hurt my parents. And they are some of the most important people in the world to me. I remember my 8 year old self hysterically crying at night and my parents coining the phrase “bad thoughts”, then of course I didn’t understand and I thought I was a bad person. It seems like my OCD evolves with me. I’m of child bearing age have a partner and can see us having kids, now when I see kids I instantly have images of something bad happening to them and them. To call it POCD might not be accurate (but then as I type that my brain says “but what if one day it was accurate” “what if you’re just lying to yourself”). This is a cycle my mind frequents. I noticed this is triggered by stories online or on the news about terrible things happening to children. Not to mention… my current therapists husband was arrested for CSC on their young child.. It seems like my OCD tackles the vulnerable populations. I notice I do this thing where I constantly second guess myself. I’m in healthcare and I’ve been in healthcare for a few years now, enough to know what I’m doing. But I have this fear when working that I will do something wrong or upset someone or get yelled at or hurt someone by accident. It’s caused me panic attacks at work. Did I place that line correctly? Was that medication the right one? When I’ve checked multiple times… I’ve found myself seeking reassurance that I’m a good human in the people I love the most. I wish so desperately I could find that within myself. Typing that makes me tear up a bit. Sometimes I wonder if I’ll be like this forever or I wonder what my OCD will latch onto next, as it seems it comes in cycles. (As a child I had contamination OCD, people would call me a germ freak). I just want to know it gets better and you overcome things. Thank you for reading and thank you for allowing me a safe place with trustworthy folks that can relate.

Hi guys! Really need help and guidance. I am having this one absolutely evil and horrible thought on replay in my mind ALL THE TIME. And I can’t even describe it but it feels so beyond real like it feels like me. It feels like I want it, I feel calm now, and that terrifies me. What if I act on it? On the thought? What if it’s not intrusive? What if I don’t have ocd? What if it’s my heart and what I want? And the most terrifying ones are what if over time I choose the thought and decide on it? Please help I’m so scared. I’m trying to hold onto Jesus but I genuinely dont know how I’m going to make it

Have any of you ever had a bad trip off of delta 8 gummies or THC in general? If so how long did it take to recover from the DP/DR afterwards? For context I’ve only smoked a couple times in life which was all over 7 years ago. My OCD has been pretty debilitating lately so my significant other said let’s go to the local CBD store. They recommend some delta 8 gummies which I took in 3 1/4 bites spread hours apart. Then suddenly I was hit with the most HORRIFIC paranoid, panic attack high I could have ever imagined that kept me up all night shaking and pacing… For hours it was as if my OCD themes were being actively played out vividly in front of me and I was incredible paranoid. Now the next morning I’m doing better however still feeling the aftermath of DP/DR and worried it will last a long time… Curious as to if anyone else has experience with this!

Last night, my boyfriend said that with how often I tell him I'm having thoughts of not loving him he's starting to believe it too sometimes. He even wondered if some space would be helpful, and when he asked me if I'd ever thought about that I couldn't say no. I got home from my trip to see family in Sweden and my flight was delayed for 5 hours. I'd had a stressful day and typically I would worry about it, but I didn't. Not much at least. And during our conversation TYPICALLY I would be very emotional and crying. But I wasn't. Which makes me believe that I actually don't love him and don't want to be with him. I wasn't certain of my feelings and whether I wanted space or not. In the back of my mind and heart I don't want space. I want to be with him. But then my feelings (or lack thereof) contradict that. After nearly 3 weeks apart in which my issues got so so bad, I can't do so many things anymore. I can't visualize his face, I can't feel happy when he sends me cute things, when he tells me he got me a gift, when I think about him I don't feel excited. Outside of our relationship I also feel numb to many things, but the focus is definitely on him/us. I wasn't excited about getting home, but not necessarily depressed about leaving either. I barely greeted my dog that I usually love so much. Everything feels so disconnected from me, I even feel disconnected from me. The only thing that I truly want when I'm in a very anxious/depressed state is to be in my boyfriend's arms but I can't feel love for him. It's so so so difficult. During/after that conversation last night, I did slightly come to my senses and said he was mine and I loved him. And when I woke up today, I felt kind of neutral but it's slowly getting more to the state of numb.

I know part of the treatment for OCD is to resist performing compulsions or to sit with your OCD but I'm having a really hard time doing that. For me, one thing I struggle a lot with is chemicals and fear I'll ingest it somehow or get them on me and contaminate myself or others. So whenever I see chemicals (Clorox wipes for example), I feel the need to go wash my phone, change my clothes, and take a shower (all of these actions include their own sets of rituals so that I feel clean). I struggle really hard not to do these things because I feel like if I don't do them, I'm spreading the contamination everywhere and my negligence in not washing will lead to my and/or my family's/others' deaths either immediately or some point in the future. Because the fear linked to the obsession is so intense, I feel like I absolutely cannot resist the compulsions because in doing so I'd be directly harming others and myself. Has anyone else experienced these kinds of compulsions and been able to move past them and if so, do you have any advice for me?

this has been irritating me for a very long time.. is my reaction warranted? or am i overreacting? i have bawled my eyes about this multiple times, i've called several hotlines in tears, and i dont know if that's normal considering this isn't on purpose. this has bothered me everyday since august. i was hanging out with my sister the other and we were playing and my hand accidentally touched her chest. it wasnt my intention at all or sexually motivated, and ive been freaking out. i pulled my hand back but didnt say anything, but mentally i was freaking out and was mortified. ive been doing things like replaying the event in my head, cuz i still cant remember how exactly it happened. i dont remember if it was before or after i was jokingly arresting her, like putting her hands behind her back as a joke. it might have happened when i was trying to grab her arm to "arrest" her but accidentally hit her chest. i dont recall if it was before that or after that, but i know for sure like 110% certain that it wasnt intentional and had no sexual purpose. this has been pissing me off and bothering me every day since it happened and ive bawled my eyes out and cried multiple times over it. but i dont know if me feeling guilty about this and crying and stressing about it from morning to night is an overreaction or not considering i know its an accident. i wish i said sorry but in the moment i was too shocked too speak so i said nothing. this was 2 months ago, and it has been bothering me every day since, BADLY. ive cried about it multiple times and thought about it from morning to night non stop, and called many hotlines. sometimes i feel something weird in my chest and it gets hard to breathe. since around that ive noticed similar things have been happening over the last few days, but they have never been intentional. never at all. idk why it keeps happening but im not doing it on purpose, idk whats wrong with me.. i keep thinking im doing something illegal and things like that and ive just been freaking out. i keep thinking what if this is child m*lst? or sexual interference? or csa? am i a child mlster now? i mean i know im not a p or child pred, and its an accident by why does it keep happening even if it isnt intentional? what if this really affects her in the future?i know in my heart of hearts that genuinely it was an accident and not sexual. but what if she doesnt know that? what if she remembers this in a few years and thinks i did it on purpose or something? or for sexual pleasure which ofc i didnt. what if she think its on purpose and i go to jail? im panicking bad now, should i leave it alone or bring it up. i asked some other people in other subs they said its intentional or im creepy or its a fetish and i know that genuinely none of those things are true, or "dont touch people without consent but its not like any of that, they said keep my hands to myself but i know its not intentional. some of the other times its happened are like this:the other day, we had to go out to get her hair done so i had to hold her hand as a safety measure. so bc of that we'd have to be close to each other and alot of the time we would bump into each other ,or for example the other day i wwas trying to push move her away with my arm but part of my arm ended up on her chest which i didnt mean to door another time i'd walked behind her and i think my hand brushed by her skirt, which was again unintentional. or we were arm wrestling and i was pretending to let her win so i'd kinda shake my hand aggressively to make it look like a struggle, and in doing so it touched her chest for like a half second she slapped my hand, and it jerked my other hand and it hit her somewhere i didn't want. i didn't even think of moving my hand, i believe it just happened cuz of the original slap even tho it didn't hurt or the other day we were at a store and i was standing by a shopping cart that she wanted to push, so she aggressively grabbed it as a joke. and then i did it back, but when i did it back part of my hand or arm or whatever incidently touched her chest. again unintentional. or we were arm wrestling and i was pretending to let her win so i'd kinda shake my hand aggressively to make it look like a struggle, and in doing so it touched her chest for like a half second these are some of the ones that are causing me alot of distress. this was months ago and i was very on the fence about apologizing. and just stayed silent about the entire thing. on the one hand, i thought if i didnt apologize then maybe she'd remember it in 10 years and maybe think that it was intentiional or sexual, when it genuinely wasn't and it'd negatively impact her life which is the last thing i want. but on the other hand i thought if i did apologize then it'd plant a seed of fear or doubt in her head about me, and maybe she wouldn't trust me or something. i chose to apologize. the first time i brought it up, i asked if she remembered when we were playing cobs and robbers and i tried to arrest her(since that was the one that bothered me the most), she said no. i didnt ask any further but then the next day i asked her the same thing, and she said remembered us playing it 2 months ago. i said i think i accidentally bumped her chest that day, and said sorry, and that it was an accident. she said "mhm" a couple times cuz i kept repeating myself, and that was it. but i still think it'll bother me internally maybe? im not sure. and im not sure if apologizing was the right move to make or i should have left it alone? and idk if i should bring it up with my mom and say i apologized for it, or if i should just shut up. was apologizing the right move? could there by any cons to me apologizing? another thing is i asked other people, and they called me a chomo, and that fucking HURT. i know that it can't be that. i had no intent, and i know that it isn't premeditated, and i KNOW that it isn't thought out. but i dont understand why it feels like it keeps happening and i fucking hate it so much. and what if what they said is true? or my thoughts are true?? and another thing is. i dont know how to deal or cope with how what people said is online forever now, and that hurts. and i also recently started a new chapter of life. and now i feel like whenever i think about the beginning of that chapter, i'll just think about this situation and how its bothering me, or how those comments about me are out there forever, even though they aren't true. it hurts, and i dont know how to cope with it. i guess my main reason for posting is asking if there could be a con to apologizing? and how i can deal with the comments. also if u respond to this saying im doing it on purpose, but passing it off as an accident, or i wanted it to happen, or saying its an "accident" you're getting ignored and blocked because those things are just simply not true and isnt helpful.

I have been working through my rocd while being a married woman. I am figuring things out and learning to accept my thoughts. But i have a lot of anxiety about past spouses. Anyone who is married out there, is it bad to think past spouses are still attractive today and/or be sexually attracted to them? I would never talk to any of my past partners at all, or think about cheating on my spouse. I have always been the type of person to romanticize my life and now that I’m married, does that need to stop? My husband says it’s okay because maybe that’s my brain and I can have whatever thoughts because it’s my life and brain, he just says they are normally inside thoughts (I confess my thoughts a lot to him. He’s really awesome about it, I just have a lot of guilt when I get thoughts and need to confess). I think where a big part of the anxiety comes is, one of my past spouses was his old friend & I originally turned my husband down for this person & I talked to this person for 3 years, and me and my husband were just friends. I feel a lot of guilt I didn’t like him then and beat myself up for it. I had that crush feeling more for his friend. for me and my husband our relationship feels more safe. My relationship with the other guy was, I thought he was super cute. He was popular, I was a loser. I got out of a relationship and couldn’t believe a cute guy was talking to me. He used me for 3 years and I gave him things sexually (and he never returned). I was very much played and I kept thinking if I did this, we would be together. I eventually realized this was never going to change or happen & why would I keep talking to this guy who isn’t worth my time. He wasn’t how I envisioned love for myself. Then me and my husband got closer (we were friends the whole time I was talking to the other guy) and eventually started dating. I spent most of our relationship comparing them and i got to miss out at so many good times between him and I because I let my ocd drain me. Our whole relationship has been a daze , & I don’t remember anything or ever got to feel that giddy crush feeling, like i did for the other guy. I try not to judge myself with that because our relationships were stemmed in very different ways. My husband is a man and I never knew a person like this could exist. He’s so perfect. So I think I get a little bothered when I have thoughts of the other guy or past spouses; because I love my husband so much, but I don’t want to feel like I’m disrespecting him. And with all my past spouses I felt the giddy crush feeling, with my husband I haven’t. I also do want to mention I have been smoking weed every day , all day , for our whole relationship. So I really feel like with the weed, I stoped working out/eating healthy, and my ocd is so bad. So I really think if I created healthier habits and allowed myself to be more present, that I would feel those giddy feelings for him too.

Me: I'm so mad at little me for making crazy faces, then there was rare adorable ones. She was so cute nontheless haha. Sibling: That's why I tell you to try to smile in photos, try to show yourself and not hide your face. (And more.) Me: Ew, no. The difference is that I'm no longer 5. I'm not as cute anymore. I'm too old. Sib: And that doesn't mean you're still not cute?! You always act like you're older than you are. You're still a kid. You think you're so grown but you're really not. Me: ... Huh... anyways- --- That was a short conversation, moved on quickly but that did sort of stick with me. I never realized how much of an impact Existential OCD has on me. I'm no longer a "young kid" nor just became a teen. Basically one more year until I'm "legally" considered an adult- not for drinking age but you know. But I'm still young and what my sis said was true. There's many times where I now considered myself "expired" and I jokingly tell everyone that I'm on my deathbed. Etc. (They think I'm kidding, but I'm not.) I find other adults young, I always see people in their 40's and I get MAD whenever others say "old", or "uncle status" and anything by those words- I always encourage all adults either 30 or 55+ to contintue doing what they love and they are still so young ! (Hypocrite much I know) but the idea of adulthood towards MYSELF is what's so horrifying, but because of that I try to overprepare myself by treating myself as how I'd feel like an "adult" would be treated as. How they're treated by others. "I'm too old for that.", "Why does it matter? I'm no longer young.", "I remember back then when I was young..." and ect. Examples on things I'd say. Funny thing is that I love being childish, I draw comics, I love watching cartoons and many have mentioned that I act childish in a positive way. I love that. But I guess due to Real Event OCD, I was trying so hard to act grown up at such a young age- I did things I regret now and even at a MUCH younger age I discovered adult things that messed me up. Now the idea of aging scares me. I keep childhood as a really touchy subject and I don't know how my age is supposed to act like truly. But time going quickly freaks me out that I rush into things trying to make the most of it at a "young age" but at the same time being afraid to do so. The whole subject itself is complex, and I have a lot to learn from it but for now what I DO know is that my idea of the whole thing is nuts ! But the other side of me thinks it absolutely true so... that's that . :")

After a long time of keeping my life moving on and never processing anything from my childhood/ many other traumatic instances from my life, I decided to start NOCD. I have been out of work due to nearly constant anxiety and panic attacks that have prevented me from working, also because of one of my recent traumas involves my career/ workplaces. I have suffered from agoraphobia for a long time, which got worse in 2020, and then again after I experienced a long time stalking situation, as well as emetephobia which I’ve had for my entire life. I have been on an anxiety medication for years but after starting NOCD, a lot more things have made sense to me and I am realizing my meds have never been treating my OCD, just my anxiety symptoms that were most noticeable to the people around me. After basically screaming for help in front of family, friends, and even coworkers on several occasions, I had once again pushed away more symptoms/ trauma. With that all being said I am having a lot of issues with my wife because of all of this. She tells me often that it isn’t my fault, and yes I believe her, but my guilt consumes me. She has been supporting us and our animals, as well as several medical and financial stresses that are not necessarily CAUSED by me, but I am not able to do anything at the moment because of how hard it is to simply get things done every day. My meds have been making me physically ill pretty much since I started them, and I am not able to just quit taking them due to them having pretty severe withdraw effects, hence why I am becoming physically ill nearly every day. This morning for example, after not being able to sleep all night, I finally drifted off to sleep around 9:30AM. I woke up suddenly at 11:30am, to which I was extremely nauseous, shaky, and dizzy, all even though I had just woken up and was still laying in bed. So ya I am having a rough time, guess I’d just like to vent bc my wife has suggested maybe I try posting on this group so I thought it’d be worth a try.

i think im getting paranoic i dont know if its a part of ocd but i have catastrophing scenarios. i had a big argument with my friends and we are in no contant. in the beginning of my relationship with my boyfriend i used to have doubts and i told my friends horrible things. my boyfriend know about it because i told him few months ago. i wasn't also fully over my past relationship. it was not about the person but about the whole situation. it was months into relationship when i used to tell my friends that it still hurt me what that someone did and i said some other bullshit. i used to text them about it. i also told them about arguments with my boyfriend ect. my boyfriend know about all this stuff because i had a need for confession but know im scared that my friends would send my boyfriend screenshots of all these messages and things. i had changed and we talked about everything but he didnt want to know what i texted them. i told him about it in general not in details and im scared that if he saw it he would break up with me. i regret all of my past mistakes but now im really stressed that they might send him these messages to ruin my relationship. idk what to do or to tell my boyfriend about this fear.

Hi so I have a huge fear of being delusional having schizophrenia and losing touch with reality so I've had crazy thoughts like what if clouds aren't real and stuff like what if nobody else are real and crazy thoughts like that however few months ago I had a thought that went like this what if I believe in lizard people that are hiding as people crazy right and just to make clear I DO NOT AND HAVE NOT BELIEVED ANY OF THE THOUGHTS AT ALL! But it feels like I do I've had thoughts like what if I believe this what if my grandma is one... I hate it I love my grandma and it breaks my heart having thoughts like this because I went to go see her for the second time in person I want to El Salvador to get some help you know I went to a mental hospital I didn't stay there or anything I just wanted to get diagnosed they told me I had health anxiety and not OCD at first it was OCD then health anxiety so I'm kind of confused but I know this got to be OCD anyway every time I was over there I kept having the thoughts like crazy thoughts like oh what if they can read my mind and stuff like that all kinds of crazy crap and at some times it feels like I actually do believe it or even worse feels real but deep down I'm like no this isn't real this isn't real I know these thoughts aren't real this isn't reality and it would feel so real I remember one time I was in the car it was late at night and I was with my aunt and a friend of hers and we were going home cuz in El Salvador everything is like far away obviously and she lives somewhere else from my grandma and it was like I don't know what it was deep personalization or something I don't know but I was just I felt like I feel weird I feel crazy like it felt real and these thoughts got here after the whole what if everyone else around me are not real just calm down and then I was watching YouTube and I thought came up of conspiracy theories and it came to lizard people for some reason and the movie like I don't know if y'all know a movie where it says obeying like buy stuff and it like some dude puts on glasses and he can see aliens and all that stuff I think that's what made it worse as well because I saw clips of that on Instagram obviously I know it's fiction but it's like oh my gosh and here's what I'm actually worried about and it kind of just like makes things worse for me I would get anxious right as if it were real and this is what f**** me up a lot and my anxious because I believe it or think it's real or I'm anxious about believing it and thinking it's real and that's where I get confused I mean I don't believe this but sometimes it feels like I'm lying to myself I feel like a liar but I know deep down when I'm calm and the anxiety isn't there I've got some ssris that really help like take away a lot of my anxiety but the thoughts are still there it helps me calm down and yesterday I had like the best day of my life I was calm I was able to do everything I had the thoughts but I just kept ignoring them it's like once I don't give it attention it goes away and I don't freak out but when I'm looking for the thought okay dude am I okay I just want to know am I am I okay am I schizophrenic I mean when I went to the mental hospital I explained I explained them my thoughts and from the beginning how I had hocd pocd and all that kind of OCD themes and then I want to help OCD while I was afraid of having cancer then schizophrenia then then believing delusions and that is my fear I am very afraid of believing delusions that would mean insane I don't know what to do anymore they told me I don't have schizophrenia thank God but like I just it feels horrible having intrusive thoughts about my family and other people I hate these thoughts so much I don't believe it but damn they feel so real and maybe because I try to avoid of giving myself reassurance and once I do give myself reassurance like this is not real this is not real then I thought comes up am I just saying this is not real because I actually think it's real or or something else and then I questioning wait do I believe this it feels like I believe this but then sometimes my worry isn't like what if I believe it it's almost like if I'm actually worrying it about if it's true and then I started getting more anxious because then I stopped my like whoa no no no I'm so scared of losing touch with reality and I am sorry for the long post I'm using this voice thing cuz it's so much to type I tried erp in the plane once it got really bad and it worked it really worked I sat down with the anxiety and the thoughts and then the anxiety just went away then the for the rest of the day once I landed your back in the in the states I felt good and then I took my medication that really helps me and it's in the medications for OCD when they told me that it's not OCD and it's health anxiety hypochondriac I sort of didn't know what to think at first but I know that this is obsessive compulsive sort of judging from I have mental I have compulsions and mental rumination and of course the obsessions I looked so many times in Reddit and on this app if someone has the same stuff that I am where they're actually like afraid of believing it and then again they're also afraid of going crazy or heck even if they think it's true even though deep down they know it's not it's just like these moments where I'm like really anxious in my head I feel disconnected but I know that there's a part of me and there is a part of me saying that this isn't true that this is OCD and that I know it's not true I know it's not deep down I know it's not true no matter how real it felt no matter whatever I've never actually believed it even though it felt so f****** real I've never believed the thoughts and I still continue to be on my way and be with my family has anyone else gone through something like this or something and if so what should I do

Hello everyone! I haven't been on here for a while, but I've been doing better. While I'm far from being healed, I've come a very long way and I feel like my OCD is almost dormant now (thankfully). Holidays, which I used to dread ( because lots of free time + staying at home = recipe for disaster when it comes to OCD ) went just fine, I even had a good time. I'll share down below the tips that have helped me the most during my journey and that I hope will be of some help to you if you're struggling: 1. Understand that the goal isn't to not listen to OCD because it's "wrong", but because going about things in an OCD way is unfruitful: This sounds terrifying, but is ultimately what's going to free you. If you go on with the belief that you shouldn't listen to OCD because it lies, you will always, in your moments of weakness, seek reassurance, analyze, try to disprove the thought because you assign meaning to the content. If you refuse to engage in OCD because you recognize that OCD-style solving is unfruitful, endless and will NEVER make you reach an answer, you will resist OCD no matter the content, because you're not trying to beat the theme, you're trying to beat the process. Once you short circuit that process, the OCD subsides. 2. Avoid ChatGPT/any equivalent COMPLETELY: as a general rule of thumb, avoid talking to conversational AI about your personal feelings completely. You just get sucked into this weird dependency and not to mention, AI was what fed my OCD in the first place. AI can't be your therapist, it is not trained to diagnose/help you navigate OCD even if it might seem like it, and even if it claims not to "give you reassurance", in reality it will most of the time. As I said ChatGPT is not a trained therapist. 3. Avoid OCD communities: I know this might sound counter intuitive and ironic since I'm posting on NOCD but I think this was what helped me the most. You're already suffering and you're not equipped to deal with people's heavy stories, everyone needs support but you need to recognize that most of the time we're not equipped to handle that additional load, and it's okay. Not to mention scrolling through OCD subs and communities can be compulsive, and I found that for me it put OCD at the fore front of my life. Once I stopped logging in, life went back to "normal", OCD no longer felt like a defining part of my character. I think it's reassuring to know that you're not alone out there, but I don't feel like logging on here daily/often is very helpful to us. 4. (If possible) Avoid staying at home/being sedentary: of course, ideally we'd want to be able to just stay at home and relax without having the OCD threat loom over us but when you're in the early stages of OCD, being sedentary will not help you at all. Of course I recognize that not everyone has the luxury to go out for various reasons, but if you can, take your daily activities outside: instead of studying at home go to your local library/cafe (this is what helps me the most). Also, avoid doomscrolling and bedrotting as much as you can. They're not good habits in general but it's even more important to kill those habits when you're an OCD sufferer. 5. Living by these: Even if accepting them feels hard at first: thoughts are just thoughts, the content doesn't matter when it comes to OCD and your values manifest through your actions. Of course, I don't live by them in a compulsive way meaning, I don't need to repeat them to myself when I get anxious, but they're beliefs I just live by. They're on the back of my mind. I know them to be truths and I hold on to them but I try my best not to turn them into compulsions. Also, as someone who only got OCD recently, pre-OCD "me" serves as a benchmark whenever I feel like my thoughts mean significant things about me. I recall having weird thoughts and not assigning any meaning to them back then and I strive to go back to that state of mind, or at least get as close as I can to it. 6. Sleep and diet: I cannot STRESS this enough. I had a couple of days post-op where I couldn't get much sleep because of the pain (wisdom teeth) and where I couldn't eat much, and I noticed my OCD flaring up especially bad during that time. As soon as I went back to my normal sleeping/eating habits, my anxiety levels went down significantly and I was back to normal, my pre-op self. So make sure to not neglect these two please. 7. Not neglecting yourself: I know this isn't easy for a lot of us, especially those with comorbid illnesses like depression, and I don't want this to sound tone-deaf, but if possible, don't neglect yourself. Don't give up on the things you love to do, keep your little routine, dress up, take care of yourself, even if you feel undeserving, even if it feels hard. Don't let OCD take that away from you. 8. Don't run away from discomfort, trust yourself to handle it: I know this also sounds obvious of course, but even if you do understand that, it's not always easy to put it in practice. Even if I knew that my goal wasn't to kill the anxiety, I still did it because I felt terrified. But I think ultimately, what OCD takes away from you and that you need to reestablish, is self trust. Trust yourself to ride that anxiety wave. Trust yourself to know you don't need to answer the OCD question. Even if it's hard, try to trust yourself as much as you can. That's all I have in mind for now, these are the tips that really helped me fight OCD with all of my might. And I wish you the best of luck too, OCD is tough but you're tougher, and it can get better. If you have questions don't hesitate to ask. Cheers everyone!

I frequently keep myself up at night thinking of all the worst things about him, like him cheating on me, and who he would do it with. During these sleepless nights, I’ve done things like make excel documents keeping track of his followers, and who he’s following, even when I know he’s committed to me. I know he cares for me, and when he isn’t alone, I’m the one he spends most of his time with. He’s also shown no sign of cheating or even wanting to cheat. Sometimes I can manage these thoughts by repeating his reassuring words to me in my head over and over, but most of the time it doesn’t work. He’s also been actively trying to get better for me and I can see it. He hates to see me hurt, and me getting caught up in my thoughts doesn’t help. I want to get better for him too, so I can be a better partner who can be there for him.

I wanted to share an experience that triggered a lot of anxiety and OCD for me. I was on OmeTV and matched with a guy who said he was 24. I’m 17, and I told him I felt the age gap was inappropriate. He disagreed and then said he was live streaming. He asked his Twitch chat if the age gap was bad, and they said no, which felt like a red flag to me. He then told me that people in his chat were making rude comments about me and repeated some of them out loud, including calling me ugly and using racial slurs. He said there were around 50 people watching, but I don’t know how many people were actually commenting. Since then, I’ve been stuck in an OCD loop of ruminating and checking social media because I’m afraid the stream could have been recorded, posted somewhere, and go viral, and that I could become a meme or be publicly mocked. I know others have told me it was likely just trolls and to move on, but my brain keeps going to worst-case scenarios, and the fear feels very real. This obsession has been hard to let go of, and I’m looking for support on how to stop ruminating and checking.

Hi, this is my first time posting anything so sorry if I accidentally trigger someone. I've been with my boyfriend for almost 6 months, and we've had a lot of ups and downs but good times too. I love him very much, but lately it's been harder to enjoy the relationship because I feel like I emotionally cheated. There was this guy in high-school that I grew close too over the course of a year, and quickly developed feelings for him. Fast forward, during our last month of high-school I started developing feelings towards my now boyfriend, and it was great. But, over the course of us dating whenever something bad happens I think "the guy I liked in high-school wouldn't say or do that" and it bothers me a lot. I ended up blocking him and I told my boyfriend about my lingering feelings towards him, and after a couple months I unblocked him to apologize and wished him a marry Christmas (which I told my partner about and he was good with it). But, one night when I was on Instagram I saw his story and it was pictures of him and I felt anxious and flushed to the point where my heart started beating and my thoughts felt intense. After that, I blocked him again and told my partner that I wasn't ready and ultimately decided to not talk to him or have a friendship with him anymore. Throughout our relationship, I just kept thinking and questioning whether I liked him or not and other various thoughts. It's so confusing, I love my partner. What should I do?

I don’t know if this is ocd or maybe I have a messed up view of who Jesus is.. I just always have resentment, fear, and anxiety around Christianity.. never peace or happiness. One of my biggest triggers is knowing free will exists and I have the choice if I want to go to heaven or hell. That triggers me so much because I don’t know who to follow, myself and the world or Jesus Christ. I’ve been a Christian all my life so I don’t know if I genuinely want to stop believing or not. I don’t even know if I want Jesus anymore or not. This is so exhausting and I ruminate on this so much.. does anyone else experience this?..

Hi everyone, I’m new to this app. My reason for downloading is mostly to combat or find new ways to deal with my relationship OCD. I was in an abusive relationship at 17 that triggered this line of thinking for me. I’m now 19 and my girlfriend and I have been together for over a year. She is patient and committed to helping me heal from what was done to me. I didn’t notice this trauma start to creep up until after I met my gf for the first time (we are long distance). When I got home I started having intrusive thoughts that she may leave me, that she’s angry with me, etc. She gives me zero signs of this, it’s purely my own brain and trauma telling me this. I try my best to not constantly ask for reassurance because I know that’s not healthy. Lately though, I’ve been unintentionally starting arguments. I will obsess over a thought about our relationship and when I bring it up to her nothing she says calms me down and it leads to a fight. I don’t ever want to make her feel that way and it’s not intentional nor is it fair to her. Does anyone have any advice on how I can better myself for my relationship? I’m trying my absolute hardest. I love her and I want to be the best version of myself for the both of us. My trauma has nothing to do with her, yet she’s been so willing to help me through all of it and still love me.

I’m dealing with HOCD where it’s not just thoughts, but it’s very strong feelings and bodily sensations that feel completely real. Warmth in the chest, tightness, fuzzy “attraction-like” sensations, and an overall sense of this being true show up before thoughts even do. In short the feelings and sensations make me feel "gay" like "this is who I am and it's the truth' Because of that, it doesn’t feel like “what if,” it feels like a state of being, which makes ERP really hard. When I try to let the sensations be without engaging, they often get more intense and convincing, and my mind tells me I’m lying to myself by calling it OCD. this phase feels especially convincing and hard to sit with. Just wondering what exactly am I supposed to do in this situation and maybe some good erp montras for this situation.

I'm a naturally curious person who sometimes likes to ask big questions and think philosophical ideas about life, but it's really gotten to the point where it's almost all I can think of and it's pretty distressing. I feel like my mind needs complete reassurance about questions that don't have answers (like why are we here, is there life after death, if life meaningless, is meaning even real, etc). Another thing my mind does is constantly deconstruct things just to protect me or something (love is just hormones, we're just atoms, paintings are just pigments, etc). I also sometimes wonder what the point is of anything (like work or exercise) if we're gonna die anyway? I don't mean to ask for reassurance, but I'm curious to see if anybody who reads this has/does struggle with existential OCD and what you did to overcome it. I feel like I'm struggling.

Does anyone ever get the feeling that the universe is intentionally fucking with you? Like you’ll be really nervous for something, and you keep telling yourself it’ll be okay, it’ll be easy, but then some insane unforseeable roadblock just falls from the sky and completely messes everything up. And sometimes it’s just one thing after another, it’s almost comical. When it rains it really pours. And sometimes I get this delusional thought that the universe is crafting this on purpose because the chaos is just too ridiculous. I don’t believe that’s true, not really. I think things just happen randomly and as humans we feel the urge to assign meaning to everything. But with OCD I can really get myself convinced that it’s all a plot just to torture me specifically.