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I’m just so sad that it will never be the same again. No more fun without this constant doubt in my head. No more enjoyment without ocd... I don’t think I’ll ever be as doubt free as before.😣

Worried my emotional connection is gone with my partner…

i have a big exam on thursday and i havent started yet. i have to study a LOT but i cant focus. any tips? i would really appreciate it

Hi all. I hope you're doing well today. For context, I'm 17 (about to turn 18 in like 6 months). I've had OCD symptoms for a while (it used to be primarily moral scurpulosity) but after trying in-person school again I because incredibly obsessed with COVID and contamination. I'm talking long showers, half and hour to an hour long cleaning sessions, being unable to sleep before school, etc. Since stopping in person school and staying home more, my compulsions havent really gone away. I still shower and wash my hands a lot, struggle with near constant anxiety over contamination. It has been super difficult to deal with. When I first noticed my contamination symptoms I thought that maybe the only silver lining in it (because we all know OCD is awful) would be that my parents would finally understand that my OCD is serious, because previously I had brought up my moral scurpulosity OCD (which I had been diagnosed with) and my parents literally laughed when I asked to see an OCD specialist. But it didnt turn out that way. My parents, mostly my mom, yell at me if they notice me doing "too many" visible compulsions. They put a lot of emphasis on me having to "act normal" in public, not necessarily my wellbeing. And by yell I mean scream at me for hours on end, followed by days of the silent treatment. They say horrible things to me, too, like how "they cant stand to look at me" and that I'm a "horrible daughter and sister." They also have said multiple times they will kick me out once Im 18. My mom also once said that "she just wanted a normal kid" when she was having me. It hurts so bad and sometimes it makes me cry so hard that I cant even sit up straight, so I'll end up on the floor crying. After 2-4 days things usually go back to "normal" and sometimes (emphasis on sometimes) my mom (never my dad) will apologize (but usually the apology is vague like "sorry for yelling"). But even when things are "normal" I am constantly jumpy and stressed out because I have to do my compulsions in secret, and I have the threat of another round of yelling hanging over my head if I get caught. My parents refuse to get me therapy because they dont believe in it. I really do not ever want to bring it up again because I know they will react with more screaming. I will have a doctors appointment soon (just a check up) and I feel so sad about it because I know I cant bring up my OCD with my doctor because he will talk to my mom and the screaming will start again. I wanted to post this because I was wondering if anyone had any tips? I am trying to plan for me to be fully independent by the time I'm 18. But I was wondering if people have any idea to cope with this? I'm just at a loss because I feel like my entire concept of "unconditional love" is shattered. And I also feel like this stress will be never ending, even though logically I know that one day I will be independent and on my own and just able to exist in my own space without being judged or yelled at.

Anyone adults here believe porn messed up their lives in comparison to before they watched it? That's the only worry I have in my life and I can't take it back due to how addicted I was to it many years ago. Its all a pain to deal with today

I read the article posted by NOCD about talk therapy not being the best for OCD due to trying to interpret the intrusions (and other things), saying ERP was best. But I’m used to talk therapy, and I appreciate it greatly. More importantly, I have a host of other issues (assuming OCD was diagnosed correctly) that do benefit from psychotherapy, or at least I’m certain they will. Depression, an anxiety that seems more like social anxiety than just OCD’s, family and culture issues, LGBT issues especially need to be talked with. (I’ve been prioritizing an LGBT specialist in my current search.) It makes me worry if I am sabotaging myself by seeking a non-OCD specialist. By not seeking ERP. I don’t know if my OCD is worse than the others/I should prioritize it. I go through long periods of time where I think I was misdiagnosed because I’m not showing any symptoms. My most pertinent issue has changed a lot as I’m in a transition stage of life, just moved living space, and am looking to do so again. My OCD symptoms have changed before as well, first being intrusion about hurting others, more recently being a kind of contamination-order combo that involves imagery. I’m sure that I don’t parse these symptoms perfectly. I’m sure I might say “so my depression makes me think this” and then say what is actually some OCD symptom, which is then dissected and challenged like a depression-induced cognitive distortion, which is counterproductive for OCD. With these issues that have seemingly contradictory cures, am I hurting myself in terms of OCD by seeking a talk therapist? I really just want someone to talk to a lot of the time. Recently anyways. Tagging health concern in case this triggers someone else with comorbidities. Don’t think this is my OCD talking here, I’m mildly concerned at most. - If I’m using the phrase “talk therapy” wrong, let me know. My CBT experience involved homework as well as talk, so I grouped it in. -

Trigger warning!!! 18+ only!!! Mentioning of POCD and paedophilia. I watched a show about different kinds of prisons today. In one prison they interviewed a man who worked as a tutor to get access to children in order to rape them. That man seemed to have no problem with what he did. He said he had a talent to convince the children he raped, that they wanted it, too. He seemed content and totally fine, apart from complaining to be in prison longer, than he got sentenced, because he is still deemed dangerous. I can't wrap my head around how someone who did something so horrible can be so calm and content and okay with the crimes he committed, where as I beat myself up and hate myself for having POCD... I deep down know, I am not a paedophile, I deep down know, I never harmed a child in any way, but my OCD makes me feel like the monster that guy is... I really could have smacked the smug expression off his face, so disgusted had I been by his demeanour... Calling it a "talent" to be able to manipulate children like that... becoming a tutor for the sole purpose of harming children... How is it possible, that OCD sufferers have a heightened conscience, where even only 0.00000001% doubt is unacceptable? Where we have a heightened feeling of responsibility, even for things we have no control over / we can't influence? And other people, like that guy, commit the most horrendous crimes possible and seem to have no bad conscience and seem to not even feel the tiniest bit of guilty? Don't get me wrong, I'd rather feel guilty and horrible for the rest of my life, than being someone like him, even if being like him would mean no bad feelings anymore, but just the fact, that I feel horrible and he doesn't, really upsets me. Rant over...

I’ve a memory and i can’t figure it out. Idk what was the situation and my emotions and stuff and I’ve been ruminating for it for the pas week.. for hours a day and now I am so tired that I can’t think and like it feels like i giving up and don’t fight, it feels like ocd is now telling me “see, you don’t think about it cause you are a monster”

So I went on vacation about two weeks ago to the beach with my family including my 11 year old niece who at her age is much different than I was at 11. She wouldn’t leave the hotel without makeup on, she was saying she looked “dumb” or “stupid” every 5 seconds and was just so insecure which I understand but I was about 14 or 15 when I started caring about my appearance or started having insecurities. So I kept telling she looked fine nothing was wrong she didn’t need to wear makeup and act like a teenager because she’s not and trying to be a good role model for her but of course, OCD attached to that and made it worse. POCD is my worst theme besides another one and it attacks her a lot. She’s the only thing I have left of my brother because he passed away when I was 14 and I just want to be there for her because she has a very traumatic childhood. I want to be the aunt she can go to when she feels like somethings wrong and she has someone to go to who understands and gets it because I didn’t get that growing up by my mom. She shut down every emotion I had. If I was sad I got yelled at. If I was happy I would be looked at as being annoying. Later on I had a childhood stolen from me by trauma and I don’t want her to have to go through what she is going through alone because I know it all too well. So now 2 weeks later after vacation is over and I’m dealing with OCD flare ups again, I keep having very real feeling thoughts saying that I looked at my niece in a creepy way and that I was attracted and I know for a fact I was not. For some reason red is very triggering to me with pocd and she had a red swim suit top. I kept getting intrusive thoughts the entire time but at the time I was able to let them be. Now they are coming back stronger and I don’t know if it’s because I have more stress in my life than I did then a couple weeks ago or because I’m on my period (girly things). I don’t know but I’m scared to death because it feels so freaking weird the things my mind is trying to tell me and I don’t want it to be true. I’ve been dealing with pocd for about a couple years and I finally felt like I was finally starting to get to a place where I could handle it better and now I’m stuck again on these horrible icky intrusive thoughts, intrusive feelings or whatever they are and feel much worse because I feel like all my progress is gone and I’m back where I started. I really hope to God it’s not real because it feels real and it’s scary as hell 💔

I'm stuck in a bad spiral right now. I have OCD with PTSD and depression as comorbidities. And I can't do this anymore. How can I find the motivation to keep struggling through each day when I know that, if I'm lucky, I might feel "normal" again for a week, maybe two if I'm lucky If there's no permanent solution to my OCD then I don't know what to do. I don't know how to explain it but I can just feel it--the next time I hit this point in a spiral, I'm not coming back out of it

Anyone else feel like ocd robs you of your sanity and tries to convince you the lie is a truth that you are just avoiding … making it feel so real? Xx

It’s strange how this obsession leaves you for years and then it makes an unexpected comeback… Truly horrifying, I can’t stop “testing myself”, checking my reactions, and thinking about becoming homosexual. My urge to put things in a symmetrical way also increased. If someone has some advices, please help me❤️

What do you do when your partner with ocd says something that feels unforgivable to you? They justify with their diagnosis and saying that they are in treatment for it. But it is something that is beyond hurtful. They say they were not thinking and were blinded by their spike. But they are always saying how impeccable they are with their word and how precisely they speak and how honest they are. Sorry if this is hard to follow but I can’t believe what my boyfriend just said to me.

Feeling totally and utterly alone. My compulsions are only getting worse.

Does anyone else feel like bc they have OCD, they have attracted narcissistic partners in the past. I guess the best person to manipulate and gaslight would be a doubter (I think it’s safe to say anyone with OCD has a doubting problem lol). I literally can look back on events and doubt if the person was “as bad” as I have it in my mind. My biggest fear is ever being the corrupt one in a relationship and not getting things exactly right. I downplay the other persons actions and obsess about what I did wrong. I’ll blame myself and think “well maybe it wasn’t that bad and you can’t remember it correctly”. I feel like I never even know how I even feel about an ex or what happened/who’s fault it was that it was a breakup. As much as I’ve been gaslighted, I guess I gaslight myself just as much now. It’s exhausting.

basically i was reassurance seeking online and saw it may be possible i could “lose control” or “act out” and im really scared because my thoughts and urges have been more intense recently and i’m scared ive reached that point i really don’t want it to happen how do i tell my therapist this

i really need some help rn. an argument with my boyfriend has really triggered my intrusive thoughts about how i’m not good enough and how OCD has taken everything from me and i have no purpose. to put things in short, my boyfriend and i went out with another couple who we are friends with and i had a good time. i had banter with my bf and said a comment about how he has memory of a goldfish which i didn’t realise he didn’t like at the time. on the way home he was super silent which put me on edge because i know it’s when he has an issue with me. then around the corner from my house he told me i didn’t talk to him with respect in front of people. and i genuinely didn’t understand why he felt like this. but i was annoyed because i asked him multiple times what the matter was and he said nothing each time. and then an argument started and he said some really hurtful things. such as i’m a nobody, i’m nothing special, i think i’m above people, how i’m a piece of sh*t, called me ugly too and how he can’t do this relationship anymore and he’ll get with someone else. this triggered me so much and i burst out crying and screaming bc i’m so sick of hearing these comments made towards me especially over something so minor. he made me feel like i was being aggressive for reacting the way i did and by screaming but my head was just not in the right place. my ocd and intrusive thoughrs are all over the place. i keep thinking i’m not good enough, if i was different he wouldn’t be like this. i’m so upset and sad. i try and be good enough. my ocd has taken so much from me. i dropped out of uni because of it and with his comments i feel even more worthless. i feel so lost.

Anyone know a diet plan I can follow for 2 months at least . I wanna lost fat . Plz let me know. Thank you. I know it’s not ocd related but it’s been on my mind a lot and I feel very stressed over it . I think doing this will eliminate part of my stress factors.

Sometimes I feel as if I want to act on these thoughts and I will one day because I won’t be able to handle my thoughts and I’ll go insane and hurt myself. right now I feel a lot of pressure in my head and stress and anxiety along with some depression because I can’t seem to find the fun in things anymore also any type of semi stressful situation I go through on a day to day basis is 10x worse after getting this thought I’ve been dealing with this thought that I might not be able to handle my ocd thoughts and compulsions for years and years to come and one day I’ll snap and the last few days I’ve been feeling so down that I’m scared that I’ll act on them and I’ve had this thought for about two weeks now and before that I use to be fine i don’t know what happened I really just want to go back to how I was feeling two weeks ago I honestly don’t know why I got this thought and why it’s stuck in my head now and I can’t seem to shake it off I feel like walls are just crumbling in on me slowly and I can’t seem to get out of it I just keep wishing I went back to my normal self literally two 2-3 weeks ago I just don’t know what might have happened I know I was dealing with a great amount of stress before I got this thought so maybe it was building up to this one thought that I had two weeks ago. I usually am able to shake some of my ocd thoughts off and disregard them and continue about my day but this one thought got me into a hyperventilating state when I got it two weeks ago and it caused me to panic so much because it was such a bad thought that I can’t get rid of it now i feel as if I’m in a episode and Ill never get out of it and I’ll be stuck like this forever and I can’t feel like this because how should any human feel this type of way forever it’s impossible and then I might snap one day because I can’t take it anymore it just scares me I want to go back to my old self a few weeks ago

I hate the fact there is no cure. Just to accept a life of having these gross ass thoughts is as good as it gets. It’s a miserable existence. It’s bull shit. There’s nothing. Constantly thinking if I were only more spiritual. If I were only not doing this or that. If I just did this. Yoga, meditation, quit using pot, exercise more, run away to the woods. There is nothing that I can do to make these thoughts go away. I don’t even give a shit that there there sometimes anymore. But then I remember that that’s as good as it gets. That’s it. That’s the best I can hope for. And so I find no meaning in anything. And everything I do in my life will always have gross horrible thoughts just around the corner. And well that’s all I get. I really can’t get in board with this. But I guess I have to.