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working to conquer OCD
Hey guys need some support, have a serious life decision coming up and ocd is rearing it’s head. I’m down bad and seriously considering ending it all. I just could use some support.
I do not even know what’s going on in my head at the moment everything feels so busy up there I can’t even think straight. I’ve struggled with ROCD for my entire relationship. It’s switched around from being linked to SOOCD and just simply thinking I’ve lost feelings for my partner. He is great and the kindest person but I’m struggling to feel any connection when I’m so concerned with my OCD. I can’t remember the last day it didn’t ruin. What’s making it worse is he works a very demanding job where he travels and works long hours often across weekends too. I was made redundant and am job hunting atm meaning I have so much time with myself and my thoughts. 💔 it’s difficult spending so little time together, and when we do he’s exhausted and I’m an anxious mess. I speak openly with him about this but frame it in a more hypothetical way, I.e I’m scared I will lose feelings, rather than that I literally feel like I have lost feelings. Im really scared because as always it feels so real and I haven’t had much clarity recently. I also feel as if I’ve taken on such a caring role in our relationship, looking after him more so than he does me. I’ve always done this and it’s not something I complain about but I’ve got it in my head that I love him like I love my family or friends rather than in a romantic way. This thought is really bothering me at the moment as our intimacy has suffered due to my meds & his schedule. I’m so scared I’m experiencing another case of platonic love & that I’m just leading him on. I know my ocd mainly stems from me believing I’m a shitty person but I just want to be present and enjoy life. I’m just so confused.
I am horrified. One of my worst fears is possible. Whether it is true - I don't know. How possible it is - I don't know. But I have proof to confirm it is possible. The fear that is actually possible is about harm coming to other people. To make sure this possibility is erased and no harm comes to those people, I should report to the police. But if I do report, I believe I'll go to jail because I'll have to share how I know this fear is possible (and I know due to something I was told during a real event in my life about which I have OCD - and I believe in that event I committed a serious crime, at least I'm afraid that's the case). I'm stuck. If I don't report the actual possibility of harm, people may be harmed, that possibility will continue to exist and I will feel guilty, scared and ashamed forever. If I do report, however, I believe I'll go to jail (due to the connection to the real event about which I have OCD - the event which I fear is a crime by me) and suffer forever. Please help me. It's agony.
Hi friends I haven’t posted in a while which is perhaps a good thing haha. I live in an apartment with 3 other girls who I’ve known for many months now since we are all at the same school, and they left for summer break but I still live here. I dropped a spoon on the kitchen counter and licked the spoon cause it had some ice cream on it. Then I had an intrusive thought: “what if there was cocaine on the counter and I just licked it?? Now I can’t take my meds (birth control for hormones, Zoloft for ocd) cause I’m worried that it could react with the cocaine that may or may not be there even though I don’t do drugs and my roommates have been gone for just under a month.” Any suggestions on how I can set this aside so I don’t have to skip a day of meds cause I’m scared?
I’m just so sad that it will never be the same again. No more fun without this constant doubt in my head. No more enjoyment without ocd... I don’t think I’ll ever be as doubt free as before.😣
i have a big exam on thursday and i havent started yet. i have to study a LOT but i cant focus. any tips? i would really appreciate it
Hi all. I hope you're doing well today. For context, I'm 17 (about to turn 18 in like 6 months). I've had OCD symptoms for a while (it used to be primarily moral scurpulosity) but after trying in-person school again I because incredibly obsessed with COVID and contamination. I'm talking long showers, half and hour to an hour long cleaning sessions, being unable to sleep before school, etc. Since stopping in person school and staying home more, my compulsions havent really gone away. I still shower and wash my hands a lot, struggle with near constant anxiety over contamination. It has been super difficult to deal with. When I first noticed my contamination symptoms I thought that maybe the only silver lining in it (because we all know OCD is awful) would be that my parents would finally understand that my OCD is serious, because previously I had brought up my moral scurpulosity OCD (which I had been diagnosed with) and my parents literally laughed when I asked to see an OCD specialist. But it didnt turn out that way. My parents, mostly my mom, yell at me if they notice me doing "too many" visible compulsions. They put a lot of emphasis on me having to "act normal" in public, not necessarily my wellbeing. And by yell I mean scream at me for hours on end, followed by days of the silent treatment. They say horrible things to me, too, like how "they cant stand to look at me" and that I'm a "horrible daughter and sister." They also have said multiple times they will kick me out once Im 18. My mom also once said that "she just wanted a normal kid" when she was having me. It hurts so bad and sometimes it makes me cry so hard that I cant even sit up straight, so I'll end up on the floor crying. After 2-4 days things usually go back to "normal" and sometimes (emphasis on sometimes) my mom (never my dad) will apologize (but usually the apology is vague like "sorry for yelling"). But even when things are "normal" I am constantly jumpy and stressed out because I have to do my compulsions in secret, and I have the threat of another round of yelling hanging over my head if I get caught. My parents refuse to get me therapy because they dont believe in it. I really do not ever want to bring it up again because I know they will react with more screaming. I will have a doctors appointment soon (just a check up) and I feel so sad about it because I know I cant bring up my OCD with my doctor because he will talk to my mom and the screaming will start again. I wanted to post this because I was wondering if anyone had any tips? I am trying to plan for me to be fully independent by the time I'm 18. But I was wondering if people have any idea to cope with this? I'm just at a loss because I feel like my entire concept of "unconditional love" is shattered. And I also feel like this stress will be never ending, even though logically I know that one day I will be independent and on my own and just able to exist in my own space without being judged or yelled at.
Anyone adults here believe porn messed up their lives in comparison to before they watched it? That's the only worry I have in my life and I can't take it back due to how addicted I was to it many years ago. Its all a pain to deal with today
I read the article posted by NOCD about talk therapy not being the best for OCD due to trying to interpret the intrusions (and other things), saying ERP was best. But I’m used to talk therapy, and I appreciate it greatly. More importantly, I have a host of other issues (assuming OCD was diagnosed correctly) that do benefit from psychotherapy, or at least I’m certain they will. Depression, an anxiety that seems more like social anxiety than just OCD’s, family and culture issues, LGBT issues especially need to be talked with. (I’ve been prioritizing an LGBT specialist in my current search.) It makes me worry if I am sabotaging myself by seeking a non-OCD specialist. By not seeking ERP. I don’t know if my OCD is worse than the others/I should prioritize it. I go through long periods of time where I think I was misdiagnosed because I’m not showing any symptoms. My most pertinent issue has changed a lot as I’m in a transition stage of life, just moved living space, and am looking to do so again. My OCD symptoms have changed before as well, first being intrusion about hurting others, more recently being a kind of contamination-order combo that involves imagery. I’m sure that I don’t parse these symptoms perfectly. I’m sure I might say “so my depression makes me think this” and then say what is actually some OCD symptom, which is then dissected and challenged like a depression-induced cognitive distortion, which is counterproductive for OCD. With these issues that have seemingly contradictory cures, am I hurting myself in terms of OCD by seeking a talk therapist? I really just want someone to talk to a lot of the time. Recently anyways. Tagging health concern in case this triggers someone else with comorbidities. Don’t think this is my OCD talking here, I’m mildly concerned at most. - If I’m using the phrase “talk therapy” wrong, let me know. My CBT experience involved homework as well as talk, so I grouped it in. -
Trigger warning!!! 18+ only!!! Mentioning of POCD and paedophilia. I watched a show about different kinds of prisons today. In one prison they interviewed a man who worked as a tutor to get access to children in order to rape them. That man seemed to have no problem with what he did. He said he had a talent to convince the children he raped, that they wanted it, too. He seemed content and totally fine, apart from complaining to be in prison longer, than he got sentenced, because he is still deemed dangerous. I can't wrap my head around how someone who did something so horrible can be so calm and content and okay with the crimes he committed, where as I beat myself up and hate myself for having POCD... I deep down know, I am not a paedophile, I deep down know, I never harmed a child in any way, but my OCD makes me feel like the monster that guy is... I really could have smacked the smug expression off his face, so disgusted had I been by his demeanour... Calling it a "talent" to be able to manipulate children like that... becoming a tutor for the sole purpose of harming children... How is it possible, that OCD sufferers have a heightened conscience, where even only 0.00000001% doubt is unacceptable? Where we have a heightened feeling of responsibility, even for things we have no control over / we can't influence? And other people, like that guy, commit the most horrendous crimes possible and seem to have no bad conscience and seem to not even feel the tiniest bit of guilty? Don't get me wrong, I'd rather feel guilty and horrible for the rest of my life, than being someone like him, even if being like him would mean no bad feelings anymore, but just the fact, that I feel horrible and he doesn't, really upsets me. Rant over...
I’ve a memory and i can’t figure it out. Idk what was the situation and my emotions and stuff and I’ve been ruminating for it for the pas week.. for hours a day and now I am so tired that I can’t think and like it feels like i giving up and don’t fight, it feels like ocd is now telling me “see, you don’t think about it cause you are a monster”
So I went on vacation about two weeks ago to the beach with my family including my 11 year old niece who at her age is much different than I was at 11. She wouldn’t leave the hotel without makeup on, she was saying she looked “dumb” or “stupid” every 5 seconds and was just so insecure which I understand but I was about 14 or 15 when I started caring about my appearance or started having insecurities. So I kept telling she looked fine nothing was wrong she didn’t need to wear makeup and act like a teenager because she’s not and trying to be a good role model for her but of course, OCD attached to that and made it worse. POCD is my worst theme besides another one and it attacks her a lot. She’s the only thing I have left of my brother because he passed away when I was 14 and I just want to be there for her because she has a very traumatic childhood. I want to be the aunt she can go to when she feels like somethings wrong and she has someone to go to who understands and gets it because I didn’t get that growing up by my mom. She shut down every emotion I had. If I was sad I got yelled at. If I was happy I would be looked at as being annoying. Later on I had a childhood stolen from me by trauma and I don’t want her to have to go through what she is going through alone because I know it all too well. So now 2 weeks later after vacation is over and I’m dealing with OCD flare ups again, I keep having very real feeling thoughts saying that I looked at my niece in a creepy way and that I was attracted and I know for a fact I was not. For some reason red is very triggering to me with pocd and she had a red swim suit top. I kept getting intrusive thoughts the entire time but at the time I was able to let them be. Now they are coming back stronger and I don’t know if it’s because I have more stress in my life than I did then a couple weeks ago or because I’m on my period (girly things). I don’t know but I’m scared to death because it feels so freaking weird the things my mind is trying to tell me and I don’t want it to be true. I’ve been dealing with pocd for about a couple years and I finally felt like I was finally starting to get to a place where I could handle it better and now I’m stuck again on these horrible icky intrusive thoughts, intrusive feelings or whatever they are and feel much worse because I feel like all my progress is gone and I’m back where I started. I really hope to God it’s not real because it feels real and it’s scary as hell 💔
I'm stuck in a bad spiral right now. I have OCD with PTSD and depression as comorbidities. And I can't do this anymore. How can I find the motivation to keep struggling through each day when I know that, if I'm lucky, I might feel "normal" again for a week, maybe two if I'm lucky If there's no permanent solution to my OCD then I don't know what to do. I don't know how to explain it but I can just feel it--the next time I hit this point in a spiral, I'm not coming back out of it
Anyone else feel like ocd robs you of your sanity and tries to convince you the lie is a truth that you are just avoiding … making it feel so real? Xx
It’s strange how this obsession leaves you for years and then it makes an unexpected comeback… Truly horrifying, I can’t stop “testing myself”, checking my reactions, and thinking about becoming homosexual. My urge to put things in a symmetrical way also increased. If someone has some advices, please help me❤️
What do you do when your partner with ocd says something that feels unforgivable to you? They justify with their diagnosis and saying that they are in treatment for it. But it is something that is beyond hurtful. They say they were not thinking and were blinded by their spike. But they are always saying how impeccable they are with their word and how precisely they speak and how honest they are. Sorry if this is hard to follow but I can’t believe what my boyfriend just said to me.
Does anyone else feel like bc they have OCD, they have attracted narcissistic partners in the past. I guess the best person to manipulate and gaslight would be a doubter (I think it’s safe to say anyone with OCD has a doubting problem lol). I literally can look back on events and doubt if the person was “as bad” as I have it in my mind. My biggest fear is ever being the corrupt one in a relationship and not getting things exactly right. I downplay the other persons actions and obsess about what I did wrong. I’ll blame myself and think “well maybe it wasn’t that bad and you can’t remember it correctly”. I feel like I never even know how I even feel about an ex or what happened/who’s fault it was that it was a breakup. As much as I’ve been gaslighted, I guess I gaslight myself just as much now. It’s exhausting.
basically i was reassurance seeking online and saw it may be possible i could “lose control” or “act out” and im really scared because my thoughts and urges have been more intense recently and i’m scared ive reached that point i really don’t want it to happen how do i tell my therapist this
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