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Hey everyone. Hope you're all having a good night so far! I have been really struggling with a couple of specific themes lately, including the two that I posted as the title. I got a new kitten the other day and she's adorable! But the Harm OCD thoughts about her make me feel so disgusted with myself. I am so scared and I don't want people to know about this because I'm scared that they will shame me for getting a pet even though I "wasn't ready." The Harm OCD invaded my dreams last night, but not about my cat. So that was also pretty spooky. I also have been battling with a lot of my classic intrusive thoughts that I have to try and fight through by doing mental rituals to even the thoughts out. I feel like I'm faking this for attention even though I know it's real. I have been carrying a lot of guilt, and now people in my life who used to want to spend time with me are avoiding me now and it's bringing up a lot of obsessive thoughts that were based around past rejection from family and friends. I am so obsessed with certain events in my life that I just can't let go of. This ruminating is killing me. Sorry for the long and scattered post, my brain is just going so fast and I can barely keep up. I appreciate this community so much.

i keep thinking that I’m using tocd as an excuse to avoid the truth that I might be a boy. I never thought that I felt this way at least not when I was younger and I thought I was normal and like any other girl. But now I keep remembering so much stuff from my childhood and it feels true and it was just something I didn’t know about until I guess I’ve gained the knowledge to understand how I felt? I’m not really sure I’m always confused and I feel like my head is going to explode, but I don’t feel like a girl anymore and I don’t feel connected to my body in the way I once was. Everything that I held as a value seems to be turning into something so morally against my character or something. I used to constantly feel like though that I was still finding myself or something as in like what I wanted to do career wise and how I wanted to dress like my aesthetic but I never felt like I was in the wrong body or that I wanted to be a boy. I of course had moments where the typical girl thing would be that boys lives are so much easier but I never wanted to be a boy or was envious of their gender. I love or I guess loved being a girl and didn’t want to change that. I’m not sexually attracted to women I really don’t want to be with a woman and I don’t want to be that masculine figure in a relationship or in any other area and life but I can’t help but think that this is my true self but I just don’t want to be a boy I loved being a girl and wearing makeup and dressing up and doing girl things but now all of a sudden it’s like I want to do every manly thing in existence idk but I know those things I don’t enjoy. I don’t know I’m so confused and can’t help but feel like I’m using ocd as an excuse and lying to myself and then when I remind myself it is ocd it just feels wrong idk maybe this is who I am and to be honest I just want to cry but even then I can’t tell if that’s real or not and that I’m crying because I still want to be a girl or just crying to cry idk

I struggle with suicidal and harm ocd, which have been unbearable and came back into my life. The whole month of July has been living in a nightmare, I'm starting to feel very discouraged I started erp but I feel like I'm getting worse. These intrusive thoughts are very scary and the urges feel even worse. I can't stop ruminating at all that's my only compulsion, and I'm worried of losing control and going crazy as well. I want to be happy but I'm focusing on these thoughts 24/7 because of how real they feel. 🥺

This may be gross to read but I can’t stop worrying about this. When I was 14 I went through many depressive episodes that included me not taking care of myself or getting out of bed. I did not have the energy to get up and use the bathroom so I would pee in glasses/ dishes. I randomly remembered this close to four years later and am so disgusted with myself because my family have since drank from these glasses. Obviously they have been washed 100s of times since I did that in them but I’m afraid thar it harmed them and I’m disgusted with myself that they have drank from something that came in contact with my private area. I’m wanting to throw the dishes away and confess to them, what should I do? Someone please help me

Dear all, I'm from Germany and am searching for an nocd therapist who is licensed to treat me. The intake team told me only 9 therapists are licensed to treat me, but I am not sure, if that's really true, given the huge number of therapists working for nocd. Anyone from Europe having an nocd therapist please tell me their names? Thanks.

Hello, everyone! I’m looking for some advice. I was recently diagnosed with OCD, which cleared up a lot of questions I had about myself over the years, and I was wondering if anyone had experienced my particular dilemma. (Content warning: discussions of unwanted skin peeling/mild self-harm) In the past, I was really addicted to self-harm, ie. cutting. I’m currently 1,180 days clean (Woohoo!) from it, which is super cool. On the other hand, I’ve been engaging in skin peeling behaviors for as long as I can remember. I never did it in the way that I cut because I got no real joy out of it. It felt like an itch I simply had to scratch, even if it left my feet bloody and in pain. I would spend hours just sitting and peeling with tweezers because my brain told me I had to. If I felt a single piece of dry skin, I wouldn’t be able to think of anything else because my foot had to feel “smooth.” I have tried a bunch of methods to stop like wearing socks and having my friends hide my tweezers, but that doesn’t stop me from getting massive amounts of anxiety when I feel a flake on my foot. If I don’t peel, I can hardly breathe. This was a pretty big catalyst for my OCD diagnosis, as my therapist recognized the behavior as compulsive and not a form of intentional self-harm. I don’t get joy out of it; it feels like I have to or everything is bad. It’s been impacting my relationship recently. My boyfriend loves me and doesn’t want me to hurt myself, but sometimes the feeling is so strong that I simply can’t stop. When he tells me to stop, I get aggravated because I feel like a) it’s not a big deal (even though it really is), and b) it feels like he “doesn’t understand.” Please do note that he is extremely patient with me and we do love each other a lot; he just doesn’t want me to hurt myself, and when I’m in that locked mindset, I feel like I have to. Do y’all have any experiences with this? Are there any tips for countering your compulsions and quieting the thoughts? How has your OCD impacted your relationships, and do you have ideas for good open communication? Any and all input is helpful; I appreciate it more than you know.

I’m honestly just so tired. Everyday feels like some sort of chore and every time I get up I feel a immense amount of pain and sadness realizing I have to deal with my thoughts today. I don’t want to anymore and everyone keeps telling me it’s temporary but it’s just so painful now. I don’t have any patience for this it’s so awful. I have horrible thoughts all day. I just get so sad remembering how I used to have interest in so many things and love life but now I don’t even feel like living it anymore. It’s so exhausting mentally and even physically. I feel so tired all day now and have no motivation to be around the people I love because I feel like a horrible person. I get terrified and anxious all the time. There’s no end to it. No breaks. No peace. Just this constant suffering that I cannot cope with. I also feel so lost with myself lately. I don’t know who I am anymore. I thought I knew who I was and what I enjoyed doing but I don’t enjoy anything anymore because every waking second I’m tourtured with horrible sexual thoughts that I hate and don’t want anymore. I’m triggered by everything and I’m crawling out of my skin. I hate this. I tried hanging out with my friend today and barely could have a good conversation with her because I was so stressed out and trying not to cry my eyes out just like I do every single day. I can’t even enjoy things that most people find enjoyable . I honestly feel like giving up constantly but I just can’t because I’m praying it will get better. I’m too young for this. Do I really have to deal with this bullshit the rest of my life? I can’t do it.

I am someone that suffers with bad ROCD and I know a lot of you guys are going with the same struggles that I am. Fearing did I fall out of love or not, why am I not longer infatuated with my partner like before, why am I getting anxious around my partner when around them but I am able to accept I love them and not have that anxiety before I see them. Trust me I am going through that rollercoaster and it has been really tough. A person that really been helping me navigate through this has not only been my therapist but a YouTuber called Kiyomi and her channel is called awaken by love. A bit of background about me is I am 19 years old, yes I am young but I am in a healthy and happy relationship with my boyfriend. I realized I was getting all these anxieties and doubts from very early on in my relationship and at first I would think is my boyfriend cheating on me and I would go through the cycle of getting extremely jealous, look through his phone, and question him about people which would cause unnecessary fights. Unfortunately in June I had to get an abortion which my partner was very supportive of and was with me along the way. But a couple weeks after I started developing ROCD and it was scary, it came out of the blue and I didn't understand why. I only experienced in my past toxic relationships and witnessed toxic relationships in my family. Now that I am in an entirely different situation I realized I went through my infatuation stage with my boyfriend which was rougher for me because I deal with bad anxiety, depression alongside discovering I have ROCD so my mind tried to interpret this shift of my comfortability and less excitement of seeing my partner. It doesn't mean I don't miss him when we are not together but I know deep down that I will see him so I no longer get the way I would before. I know I love him with all my heart but my love now shifted into a more mature love which I am getting into. I still get the intrusive thoughts and feelings but it has been helping know in the back of my mind that this infatuated love is turning into a mature love. I still have my up and down moments which has been hard but I am better knowing that no matter what I love my partner and I will not sabotage my relationship with toxic cycles because that was what I was used to. I hope my story could bring some comfort to others and if anybody else would like to share theirs. I am willing to start a zoom for us dealing with ROCD and OCD in general to just help support each other through this time. Just let me know😇

Does anybody else get thoughts like “what if I died last night” or “what if I’m dead right now”? This is something that’s really scaring me and I don’t quite know what to do…

Do you guys get "familiar" feelings as if you can see an event playing out or have a feeling an event played out not exactly but something similar ? Like you feel like you were in that same place ? Like you've been in that situation ? And now you are trying to find the details of what exactly or if what you are thinking of is true ? I'm fucking spiraling right now so I would really love a reply from others who have felt the same.

Hey all, I’ve never really opened up about my ocd before, but I’m happy to be taking small steps :) I’m wondering what peoples compulsions are? Mine include checking of light switches (especially switches for cooking appliances such as the oven, microwave, etc). Others include constantly checking foot handles after I close the door, checking my Snapchat story to make sure I didn’t accidentally post something, closing my water bottles super tight so they don’t spill, and many many more 😅 I’m wondering if anyone also experienced these things or anything like it?

I can't wrap my head around the idea of the unpardanable sin. I haven't eaten in 3 days and all I want to do is sleep. I feel completely hopeless. I'm a Christian and only want to be happy again. I can't be happy and go about my life knowing that all it takes to be condemned to hell is to say something like God is evil (thats putting it mildly because im afraid to type anything worse) and because its my greatest fear and i believe in the bible i get the urge to just blurt it out! Then bam that's it! There's no going back. I get panic attacks and sweat. I just can't go on living like this. It's like hell on earth and then real hell after this life? I just can't seem to accept anything I read or hear about it because the bible itself isn't even clear about exactly what it is. The bible makes it sound like it's just saying Jesus has an unclean spirit. I know I wouldn't mean anything bad I'd say but the issue still stands. I'm stuck. I keep watching videos online and reading and everyone has a different option of what it is and nothing brings me comfort. I want these thoughts and doubts out of my head! My fear isn't that I have committed it but that I could and it would be so easy and then all hope is lost along with my soul. *If you are not a Christian please don't bother trying to respond for it will be of absolutely no help to me.

Have a roach infestation dad wont call exterminator because he thinks im obsessing. Found another one in my room this morning after finally thinking they were dead… last week i found 8 in my room in total. Decided to look up if roaches crawl on humans in sleep. Already haven’t been sleeping so this is great . 😄

When getting false memories, do the actions playing out in them feel too real ? Like you can see yourself doing the action, you know the action could be a "possibility" you have a familiar feeling something like that happened, and playing out the action feels real. You acting out something on someone. I really feel like I'm so alone in this....

Has anybody out here ever been so depressed and anxious that you feel as if you’ve completely let your life go? For example: I haven’t gotten a haircut in months, I wear the same clothes all the time (no motivation to wash them even though it’s downstairs,) my apartment is an unbearable mess (all my life before this disease I was neat as a pin,) my mailbox is probably flooded from not checking it for weeks, I’ve been putting off projects I’d like to do that I know will make me feel better, my to-do list has stayed stagnant for over half the year, I never wear make up or do my nails like I used to… I feel like a terrible bum. Everyday I just sit on the couch and pray to survive the day and then it ends there. Oh, and I’m sure my car looks terrible, as I haven’t been the one driving it lately. I’m also always stressed about money and hang onto every penny I possibly can even if it means taking away necessary things. I feel like I’m going to explode. :( If any of you have ever let everything go before, how did you go back to normal/bring it all back together? I’m afraid I’m going to live this way forever. Any advice would be so incredibly appreciated. I would be so ecstatic to hear your story — we may be able to help each other even. Thank you so much.

Hi all - I’m wondering if anyone has ideas for reducing ocd aside from medication? I’m not looking for a perfect solution, but I have read a lot about things like yoga, meditation and other things helping to reduce stress and ocd thoughts. I try to read or watch tv, but I don’t find it mentally stimulating to where I don’t have ocd thoughts. I used to love video games, since they’re very engaging and better than mindless tv (in my opinion), but I also don’t want to turn to video games as a way of avoiding my anxieties and then have that as my go-to stress reliever. I enjoy walks and music also, but I also feel like I need to be doing two tasks at the same time to keep myself distracted (such as walking and listening to music, listening to podcast, etc). Doing just one task makes it hard for me to concentrate. It’s gotten to the point where trying to relax actually makes me stressed, which puts me in a weird loop of trying to find out how to relax - stressed - try harder to relax - more stress, etc. Does anyone have things in particular that help them relax?

TW: Tics and imposter syndrome Alright, I have tics, it started with shaking my head whenever I had an intrusive thought, because I wanted to 'shake away' the thought. Then it turned into audible tics: making high noises, clicking my tongue, making weird sounds with my voice, and still moving my head, shockish moves with my body. When I'm with a lotta people it gets worse and worse, especially when people interact with my tics. Of course this causes funny moments like when someone says: 'what did u say?' and I respond with 'F#CK YOU!' but I don't like it if people are going to see me for just my tics and however funny some comments and tics are, it would be nice if people could ignore my tics. But there's this voice in my head that says: 'Yeah well you laughed with these people, of course you enjoy the attention when people enjoy your tics, you're doing this for attention, etc.' and that sucks! I don't enjoy having tics, I feel awful that people find me weird and funny because I have these tics. And of course I feel better and good when people just laugh a little and move on, because, yeah, my tics can be funny, but I'd really rather not have them!! This discussion goes on and on in my head, especially because when I forget about my tics they completely stop, but the second someone says 'tics' or reminds me of it, it starts again. The imposter syndrome is really bad and idk how to deal with it. Anyone here that relates and can help me a little with how to deal with the imposter syndrome?

Anyone else get deeply sad and jealous seeing other people thrive life ? Meanwhile we’re here stuck struggling with our ocd and just mental health in general . I’m envious of what some people are able to do that I can’t :( and I don’t mean it in a hateful envious way , but just a more sad kinda way that I wish I could do stuff they can simply like driving . I’m almost 20 and I know most of ykk have probably seen many of my posts about this , but it truly puts me in a difficult state of mind . I didn’t have mental capacity to do things at younger age:( I missed out on a lot . Seeing these 16-17 year old kids achieve things way more efficiently than I did just makes me feel shitty about myself . Everyone having fun on weekend and I’m not . I don’t have many friends either .

I feel numb as to be expected. Idk what to do. Should I have expected to feel love towards my partner again at this point? I feel like I’m just uninterested in him. It makes me really scared. I am so lost without the obsession of if he likes me enough or something I don’t even know what I’m missing. We’ve been together 2 years this started to get super bad 4 months ago. When I say that I mean it changed from am I good enough to am I in love with him still.

I can’t deal with the real event ocd guilt. I just can’t. It doesn’t matter what I do it bothers me every single day 💔