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the NOCD Community

Honestly I can’t handle this anymore, someone tell me that it gets better at some point because I feel like I am losing it and going absolutely crazy mentally

Does anyone on here ever wonder if the thoughts are really ocd,or am I really twisted,or do people with ocd ever act on their thoughts?im trying to get the concept that the thoughts aren’t true through my head.

I've noticed my OCD flares up most over the holidays when people I haven't seen in a long time start asking personal life questions. What makes your OCD flare up the most over the holidays?

In the thick of the holidays, we understand what a triggering time this can be for Relationship OCD. It's hard not to notice all those people on social media getting engaged and not ruminate on the "what ifs" and fears of our friends and relationships. I would love to know how your ROCD is doing this time of year? Do you have any tips you've found to be helpful as you prepare for this season?

I feel so defeated. Im 21, I have had a few serious long term relationships since 15 years old. Since 15 i have experienced what im assuming is rocd. I have never made it to 2 years with a partner before, they all walked away! The spark in all my relationships died down fairly early in. And even with the "spark" i had thoughts and feelings (anxiety.) up until the partner left. My boyfriend and i have been together basically 2 years now, and from the moment we actually made it official the anxiety started, but i chose to stay regardless. Back in August his family suffered a really bad motorcycle accident and i did not leave his side at all! Now i was fine, no spark, but i felt like i was in a good place mentally. Then i offered to go 8 hrs away for about 2 weeks to take care of his family. I cried for a brief second when he left, but i felt absolutely nothing. I was barely sad. When he left, i wasn't sad, i felt like i didnt miss him. That made me panic for a few days but eventually the panic stopped. This entire time (August to now) I've been feeling like i dont love him? But that's odd, i always have. We broke up twice (he needed a break the longest was a week.) i wasn't even sad, when we spent a week apart i was fine. I am so triggered that I didnt miss him or cry, or feel anything. I am so triggered i dont feel the physical anxiety over this rocd (if that's what is is) Im not looking for reassurance, but im also not sure why im posting this either. 😅 Just the i wrote his Christmas card, and had to google what to write because im not in that honeymoon phase and literally had no idea what to write. I used to hate time apart, i used to get jealous and now absolutely nothing. I wish i had feelings, or could feel happiness.

Before I started therapy here, I had no idea I was performing mental compulsions 24/7 - it's the unseen battle. My mind felt like a constant war-zone, and I didn't know I was fueling the fire with these different compulsions. I think there are a lot of us who are still unfamiliar to what these types of compulsions may look like. Please share your experience so others can understand what to look out for! What are some mental compulsions you have identified in yourself?

sometimes i ruminate without realizing i'm even ruminating until it's too late and the thoughts have already taken hold of me. how do i fix this? i feel like i have become my disorder. i'm so lost

Hi everyone! I live where the California earthquake hit yesterday morning and it was right when I was flying home from college on the east coast. The quake was bad, and we finally got power back but no gas. Ofc no gas = no stove, no heat, etc. they are going door to door to try to get gas working in homes and make sure everyone is safe, but my OCD is freaking out. I’m already so “just right” about Christmas and this adds a terrible layer. What if we can’t have our normal Christmas dinner? I feel like everything is totally ruined. I’m so worried and anxious. On top of it all, my cat is dying and he keeps peeing on everything and so we can’t have presents under our tree, or the sitting room organized for Christmas because he keeps accidentally ruining stuff from peeing on it. It doesn’t feel like Christmas and it’s not perfect and oh boy I am FREAKING out.

I’ve been trying to experience my anxiety rather than pushing it away. But I feel like it resets at the start of the day. Like everytime I wake up I go through it again, with the same intensity. I’m back with my old therapist, I dropped her because I wasn’t able to afford it for a while. I don’t know how long this will take, but everyday it’s the same intensity, I feel discouraged when this is the case. What if I can experience it much longer? Like I can feel super anxious for long periods of time? I remember, 2 years ago, I was constantly worried for 1.5-2 months straight. Without a break. I’m scared I will go back to that place.

My son has ocd and Social anxiaty and He strouggles with both. Now he is in a position when he can’t go to University (architecture) because he has to have some kind of tactics where the anxiaty doesn’t overwhelm him and he feels good so he is able to hang out with his friends. Is this pushing the anxiaty of some kind or a compulsion because it exhausts him?

I have a problem regarding OCD false memories. Therefore, whenever there is something that might be trigger me at the future, I always write it down in notes or voice notes. but sometimes these notes or voice notes actually become a new kind of ocd for me. sometimes when i listen to my old voice note again, i feel why am i talking like this, am i being denial on this note, etc I’m so tired.

I tested myself by deliberately imagining suffocating someone with a pillow and I did get a surge of anxiousness but for some reason it felt like I liked the feeling of doing that horrible action and stopping someone from breathing. I have been having so many break downs and crying so hard and I’ve just started believing that I like the feeling of doing that and now I feel like I don’t know what to do. I feel sick and it’s just disgusting I feel terrible, was I a good person but now I’ve imagined doing that and suddenly Like doing that now? I really just want to be normal I’m scared I don’t want this to be my reality I just wanted a normal life, I just want to be happy and do things I enjoy but now I’ve got this disgusting feeling and I don’t even know if it’s true or not, is this ocd tricking me? But how can I misunderstand my feelings? And I keep having disgusting thoughts now that it feels good to do that and I feel terrible, I can’t live my life like this I don’t want to be bad or crazy, please say that ocd is tricking me, I don’t want to like the feeling of suffocating someone or hurting someone, I’ve always been a good person, I’ve never wanted to hurt anyone, I’ve always wanted to help people and loved helping people, what is this horrible thing I’m dealing with? Have I suddenly Discovered that I like doing this horrible thing and it makes me feel good?? Please I don’t want any part of this please

I’m just gonna call it schizophrenia OCD because why not since that’s all my ocd revolves around right now!! This is by far the most annoying theme I’ve had so far I’m sick and tired of thinking I’m going to go mentally crazy! I legit make up scenarios in my head that have to do with seeing things and hearing things and things coming after me and also stuff controlling my mind which I know isn’t true but my ocd of course is making it so believable 🙄 I’m just soooo afraid I’m going to get this mental disorder it’s not even funny… I can say this theme seems to be more difficult to manage because I have alot more what ifs I feel like then I did with my harm ocd which is weird ughhh well on the bright side I start my first erp session tomorrow so wish me luck also I don’t want to tell them what I’m going through because what If they say that’s what I have but I know I’m going to have to open up my best this is just so hard 😓😭

Hello, Everyone. I feel as though I’ve maxed my ability to control my OCD beyond the point I’ve reached and am now interested in trying some medications. Any recommendations? Thanks.

I’ve been struggling pretty bad the last few days but yesterday, I decided to refuse compulsions, though I’ll admit, I had slip ups of little self reassurances. It’s like they come to me naturally or automatically because I’ve done it so much. That’ll take some time I guess. Lol But, after I suffered through hours and hours of intense anxiety and tried to allow it to be background noise (which was super loud so it didn’t always feel like background noise) rather than front and center, I felt this crazy release and was able to do something I wasn’t able to do all day—namely, be around and enjoy someone without any fear. The clarity did come. I was so thankful to Jesus. Today has been a better day but I started struggling really bad again to where I feel that magnetic pull to compulsively pray and get reassurance from God and everyone else so I decided to try the SOS app. It did help me to get grounded and focused. I actually focused on the thought I was having and oddly felt relief from just being like “I don’t know and I don’t really have to know. I’ll just wait it out and wait for clarity.” I never ever thought I could feel relief from just being like “who knows?” Uncertainty literally scares the daylight out of me and makes everything feel a thousand times more real!! I mean, I still feel/felt anxiety but in a much more manageable way because I just allowed it to be there and felt like, “who knows?” Hoping this helps someone. I know this is so hard on all of us. I am praying for all of you. We can do this.

I had a question about OCD, how do I know when it’s something I have to heal/process as a normal human being going through struggles in life vs when it’s an OCD thought that I have to not engage with ?. For example, I broke up with my boyfriend a couple of months ago, every-time I try to sit with the situation and process everything that happened I can’t help but ruminate and obsess about it for weeks. So when the thoughts pop up I don’t know if I should ignore them completely, or actually engage with the thoughts because I haven’t healed yet which means there’s a lot of cognitive reconstruction to do.

I’m sick with COVID and I dunno if it’s because I’m sick or what but I had the most intense dream about my “ex” and in the dream I was like begging him for an explanation as to why our situation went down so fucking bad and why he cheated. He pleaded that he still loved me and always will and some other things that may not make sense to non religious ( Jehovahs Witnesses ) people, but basically that he couldn’t do it and I said sort of the same but that I couldn’t do it and I don’t remember mentioning my current boyfriend (his ex best friend) but I swear in my dream I was like “I love my current bf”. I hope this isn’t confusing but it’s INTENSELY triggered me and this isn’t the first time it happened. Please tell me I’m not alone.

Is it possible for a memory to feel like an actual memory like a realisation like it happened and then later on it feels false?im scared that I’m just trying to convince myself it’s false because I don’t want it to be real.I’m absolutely terrified.

I believe I want freedom from ROCD… I’ve been testing myself over and over again to the point… I believe it… Doesn’t seem like I have the symptoms anymore but I know that can be a trick. I know I’ve read people thought they knew they didn’t love their partner but realized ROCD fooled them… I can’t tell if I am numb or not anymore… But sometimes it genuinely feels as though I wanna end the relationship. It feels like I don’t care anymore… But I know there is something deep down that is fighting to keep the relationship. Bc if breaking up was what I truly wanted then why haven’t I done it yet. I don’t know if I am going thru denial or not.. but I just want my relationship back.. I just wanna be able to cuddle at night again.. 😢💔 I just want things back to normal again…

Anyone did erp successfully if so how do you feel compared too before I just want too feel normal I hate my brain?