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I keep having thoughts that i don’t want and i feel guilty for them but the more i try not to think about them the more i do and its so hard i feel so guilty, what should i do

The need to remember everything is really difficult for me. My friend told me a funny story last night and it made me laugh because the thing she told me about ALSO took place in a book I’ve read. I mentioned it to my husband and was like “you’ve done that!” And he was like….”no I haven’t?” So I’m triggered by the idea that he doesn’t remember. Is my memory that wrong? Did it happen and he just doesn’t remember? This isn’t the first time this has happened - it happens all the time. And I get lost in the rabbit hole of “am I crazy” or “did it happen with someone else?” Or anything like that. I know that no one remembers everything but this part of my OCD means that I have to verify my memory with everyone. I know this is OCD and I have to sit with the feelings but it also sucks.

Should i admit my intrusive thoughts?, i have had quite a traumatic month my relationship nearly ended because i thought about another girl and admitted it cos i felt guilty and disloyal, but i seem to be getting these thoughts of this girl sometimes again while with my girlfriend, i used to like her but I definitely do not anymore and i love my girlfriend to the moon and back but i don’t want these thoughts but they just pop up and make me distressed, i hate them i don’t want them there and they go against my morals, and i never think of them myself they just come up in places i don’t want them and i feel guilty for them all the time, i feel like i want to tell my girlfriend but that would end my relationship i think she would freak out, but the guilt is killing me what should i do?

I love my fiancé so much, but ever since getting engaged I’ve been just looking for red flags of emotionally abusive behaviors. He has made mistakes in the past, and we’ve talked through everything and he has been so good (not saying his past mistakes were even abusive, it would be things like he used to want me to talk to him during my lunch breaks since we haven’t talked all day rather than sit with my coworkers which we’ve talked about since and hasn’t been a problem at all). He is super caring when we talk about things, but I just can’t help but keep looking for things. For example, today he was angry because the pay meter was giving him a hard time and I went to help him and he said “wait stop” in an angry tone. I brought it up with him and he apologized and told me he didn’t even know I said that and that he is so sorry. I just keep googling signs or a toxic relationship and I’m scared like what if I’m in one? All my friends and family say I’m fine (and trust me, I tell them EVERYTHING for reassurance compulsion purposes), but idkkkk. (Also, this is one of my many ROCD themes. I used to worry I didn’t love him which I now am not worried about). Can someone please help me

I’ve been struggling with Pocd/Harm Ocd/Real Event Ocd intensely for the last 3 months and I don’t know what to do anymore When it first started I felt so anxious all the time and so I got into counselling for it pretty quickly (although my counsellor wasn’t a specialist in OCD) but I recently got discharged because they believe my case is too severe. I’ve had to phone different crisis hotlines multiple times in the last few weeks and I’m severely considering suicide. I’ve never wanted to hurt anyone or anything and I know that’s why my thoughts hurt me so bad but my thoughts keep saying it’s just a matter of time before I act on them and I would rather die then act on them. My brain keeps telling me that I secretly like the thoughts and that if given the chance I’d act on them so I can’t even reassure myself by telling myself that I control my actions because my brain tells me that I would WANT to do it even though the thoughts feel like they’re killing me but it feels so real I’m scared to leave my house and I can’t even talk to my sister on FaceTime because she’s just had a baby and I keep getting intrusive thoughts about harm befalling her. I feel destroyed, my poor baby niece I love her so much and I haven’t even been able to look at a picture of her because I’m so scared I would rather be dead and everyone be safe then carry on like this. I’m not the same person I was a few months ago and it makes me so sad, I had so much love for everyone and was so excited to finally be finishing school and starting my life but now I just feel like a potential danger to everyone. I can’t find any specialists in the UK that are close to me and I’m currently unemployed and unable to pay for the NOCD counselling and I’m just really at the end of my wits I’m so sorry for being so sad on here but I guess I just wanted some words of encouragement or any advice on how to start feeling better or anything that you guys do to feel better when in times of distress - it would be much appreciated :D and sorry again if this is triggering I’m just so sad right now

Hi, I’ve really been struggling lately with my OCD and depression. I’ve been wanting to talk to my parents more about what I’ve been experiencing, they have always been great sources of support in the past. They understand that I struggle with depression and some sort of anxiety but I don’t think they really understand what ocd. I am very bad at explaining these sorts of things and was wondering if anyone has any advice about how I could explain this to them, or if they know of any good educational materials that do a good job explaining what ocd is. Thank you for reading.

how can i go on like this? how is it possible to just keep going day after day feeling like this. i feel so hopeless and i just want to feel better and it feels like there’s nothing i can do and nothing that will work. i can’t keep living like this day after day it’s actual torture and i feel so so so trapped. how tf does anyone keep going like this?

I keep having this what if thought that we’re not real or in a coma and it’s followed by DP/DR. To make it worse it’s followed by harm OCD. Thoughts coming up such as “if nothings real then you can k*ll someone or yourself” or “only way to escape this feeling and dream is to k*ll yourself.” Even thought deep down I would never do anything to hurt myself or family. Just can’t seem to shake this thought and then combine that with DP/DR it’s crippling. I’ve dealt with this a while ago but it’s back and has consumed every waking moment. I’ve cried myself to sleep for a week now and I just want to go back to how I was a little while ago. Anyone else had this and how have you gotten through it or have any advice. I really really need some guidance and help. PLEASE RESPOND IF YOU HAVE ANY INPUT AND HELP!

Terrified I’ve emotionally cheated on my husband I (33M) have been married for almost 9 years. I’ve had online interactions, either on social media or DM, which I believe were mostly appropriate/friendly, but I found sometimes I was talking to someone because I thought they were attractive and liked their attention. Not flirting, but just talking about shared interests, like talking about films or TV shows. I often mentioned having a husband in my interactions, to make it clear I wasn’t available, but I felt excited by the interactions. I don’t have any IRL friends, so online interaction is how I talk to people. I’ve spoken to my husband who said what I did doesn’t count as cheating, but I should be careful it doesn’t go any further. Now of course, my OCD is endlessly mentally reviewing things I might have said or done to check whether I went further than I should have done, or said anything inappropriate. I deleted all my chat logs with people so I don’t have them to check anymore. I’m terrified I’ve cheated, and ruined my marriage by being an unfaithful cheater, and that I should never talk to people I find attractive. I feel consumed with guilt for my actions. I suppose the best thing to do is sit with the uncertainty that I might have cheated, and to move on from there? But I feel like I need to be sure I *didn’t* cheat? It’s really incredibly distressing. Thank you for reading this.

Trigger warning: my existential thoughts about ,,Solipsism" After having a stressful phase two and a half years ago I researched about the meaning of life. In a forum somebody wrote ,,what is the meaning of life when I don't even I know if other people are real". After that I made up the theory that many eternal sadistic gods or only one evil god chose to only create me as a sentient/real being, making everyone else an unconscious robot. I am deeply scared that one day those higher beings will reveal themselves to me that I am indeed the only sentient being. I am also afraid that I will exist for all eternity by myself (because those higher beings/gods want me to suffer due to their evil nature). They purposely give me love now (through my parents, sister etc.) so that one day they will take away everything (they will tell me everything beautiful I have experienced was an illusion.) Only I and these gods exist (no biblical god additionaly). Furthermore, I would like to say that I don't believe in it 100%, but I have a great fear of it because it could theoretically be true. I have been dealing with depression for two and a half years and as a result, I quit work and social activities. Is it still considered OCD if I don't constantly obsess over it but still find myself unable to move forward in life because my fear prevents me from doing so until I have an answer to that question? Does anybody know a therapist that is familiar with topics like existence, philosophy etc..? Best reagards, Betty

Whatever it is you want to do with life in recovery- we want to help you get there. ❤️ What’s ONE reason you hope to recover? ⬇️

I’ve been crying since last night because im afraid to talk to a therapist, im not diagnosed and I’m scared I’m lying to myself, sometimes when I notice I’m not anxious and my brain isn’t throwing the thoughts at me, I’ll start getting anxious abt the fact I’m not anxious and that im in denial, im so scared and im scared to voice my thoughts. Last night I was with my friends out @ a restaurant and I couldn’t even focus I kept shaking and shaking and I got so anxious I started puking I nearly cried and I’m scared to go to school or work now, because my brain feels like it’s screaming at me sometimes I’ll see images of me harming myself because I’m scared I’m running away from the truth, I WAS LITERALLY FINE 3-4 weeks ago, but now I’m throwing up I’m not sleeping and I’m constantly checking my thoughts or my body for any feelings and I’m scared to let things just BE because I’m afraid. I’m afraid I’m in denial and I don’t want to be I’m scared i have this fear that if I don’t get over this I’m going to reincarnate into the next life with this same issue and I’m feeling like I’m mentally tortured i constantly have chills or goosebumps and I just want to cry my eyes out. I lost so much weight, I miss when I used to eat food but now I go the entire day without eating AT ALL and I’ll only drink water to feel full, I miss who I was before I suffered so much, I constantly have a headache, im scared this will haunt me forever or it’s going to come back years later and I’ll have to face things and I don’t want to, I want to live in the present not the future i hate this sonmuch i was in class and i started plucking at my hair and pulling it because I was so anxious, I don’t want to say it’s OCD bc im afraid it’s not, fuck this is so hard im so scared to seek help, I tried to do ERP and I feel immediate relief or I feel more at peace because I feel like I can breathe and the fact that I felt better worries me because what if that means I don’t have OCD and im just lying to myself? I’m stressing my poor mom out she had to go to the hospital and I STILL couldn’t stop thinking and thinking and thinking about this problem and I hate that so much, I want to fucking cry and I’m scared that I only wanna cry because I’m running away, not because i actually feel stressed. Sometimes I will claw at my arms or my body because im so anxious, just the fact that I’m in class right now and the thoughts aren’t triggering me like before is triggering me because idk if I got used to them and I’m letting them pass or bc im running away from the truth. I feel like taking medicine is wrong too because I feel like I’m running away, im on antidepressants at 5mg and I feel like it’s not worth it to be on medicine because before this, I was fine-ish, I was miserable about something else but I wasn’t as bad as I am now

Does anyone else find it hard to read with intrusive thoughts

Y’all I need some help processing this. Will probably delete this eventually so it doesn’t circle back around somehow. I don’t think X is on this app though. I don’t want reassurance, but advice. Sorry this is so long. so I was talking to a friend who’s going through it on Snap. I know I’m the asshole in this situation. They, we’ll call them X for privacy, were a bit drunk. They got some bad news and was drinking at a buddy(?)’s house. I hadn’t talked to them since like maybe late night/early morning yesterday. I hadn’t opened the message yet, but I get one at 5 AM yesterday. I respond later around 1-2 AM ish today (when I’m writing this). The 5 AM message was that a mutual friend just suffered a loss. Me and this mutual friend had been through some tough dark shit that took a toll on me mentally, so I’m keeping my distance until mutual friend reaches back out (hopefully when they’re better mentally). There was another snap at 9 PM yesterday of the typical picture of our face that we send each other- kind of like a streak on Snap but not. I express my condolences to X, since I had seen this mutual friend’s post about the loss and chose not to respond for the aforementioned reasons. X was torn up about it and had already been drinking socially (maybe just one drink or two), but had cut themselves off so they don’t overdo it. They kept saying that they needed to stay quiet so they don’t say something they regret. They promptly followed up by saying they’re annoyed (via snap picture), so I ask what’s up. They weren’t going to press into it, so I wasn’t going to either. They said they were just gonna listen to some music, so I let them go for the night, say my goodnights, and so on. I had already had music playing since I was about to play a video game and like music in the background. Once the convo started getting to where X sounded kinda sad, I turned the game off and left the music playing while we texted. The band is pretty depressing, but I love their music. I thought we were done talking, so I post a song from this band to my story. It’s not a one off, I post songs to my story almost daily. I knew it might trigger them some, but I didn’t expect them to swipe up and respond. I genuinely love the song and had posted it to my story several months ago as well (before I even knew X to begin with). Because, like I said, I thought we were done talking. They respond by saying they almost un//alived to this band’s music. I didn’t respond because how tf am I supposed to?! I don’t know when this incident occurred or if it was when we already knew each other. We’ve only been talking for a few months, so we’re still in that getting to know you phase. I knew X struggled with mental health, namely depression early on in our friendship. I couldn’t bring myself to play the video game I wanted to. It didn’t feel right. I might’ve gotten the intrusive thought (maybe that’s what it was) to trigger them on purpose and did it anyway. So it might of been intentional. I’m such an asshole. I don’t know how to deal with this and I can’t believe I did this. How do I process that???

Hi everyone 😊 I hope you're all doing well. I wanted to share my story and seek some advice. For the past seven years, I was misdiagnosed with bipolar disorder, and it's been quite a journey. Recently, I finally discovered that I have OCD, and it has shed new light on my experiences. One significant aspect of my struggles has been sensory issues. I often found myself overwhelmed by environmental factors like being too hot or too cold, bright lights, and even loud or annoying sounds. These issues have been a significant source of distress in my life, and they were not well-addressed under my previous diagnosis. I've started exploring these sensory issues with my new psychiatrist, and it's been eye-opening. It now makes complete sense why my angry outbursts were related to sensory sensitivity. However, I wanted to reach out to this supportive community to see if anyone else has had experiences with misdiagnosis, especially when it comes to conditions that affect sensory processing. When I met my new doctor, they were genuinely surprised by the high dosage of antipsychotic medication I had been prescribed. It made me realize just how important it is to have the correct diagnosis and treatment plan in place. I'm curious if anyone here has faced similar challenges, whether it's related to misdiagnosis or managing sensory issues. Any advice or insights you can share would be greatly appreciated. Thank you all for being a part of this community, and I appreciate you all sharing your stories.

Here are a few intrusive thoughts that I’ve had today. But that’s all they are: just thoughts. I didn’t do any compulsions when these thoughts popped up; I just let them be as I went about my day with 2 of them and 1 of them I trolled my brain because it needed to be put back in its place (see #3). I remember them because they’re funny to me. I’m so used to my OCD’s silliness that I can remember thoughts and images without issues. First, I’ll share the thought and then what I did. Let’s gooooo: 1. Image of stabbing my hand with a butter knife (because that totally makes sense) and I continued to put butter on my bagel, then eat it, 2. Images of stabbing my foot with a steak knife (come on now…) and I laughed out loud as I ate my bagel, 3. “You can’t go outside because people will look at you!” So, I went outside and got the mail and waved at no one in particular.

I want to beat ocd anxiety so I can be a better mom. This hinders my life so much… I’m struggling so hard tonight. I’m tears. Hate my thoughts. Can’t control my thoughts. They make me feel like an awful person.. I’m struggling so hard..

Has anyone else experienced wanting to commit suicide because of harm OCD/false memory OCD when you’ve never been suicidal ever before in your life? **currently in treatment and not a risk to myself or others**

I would like to beat OCD because I was never diagnosed with OCD type disorders until I became a teenager. I can stay in a major state of depression for years and never get admitted because I used to say to myself, “ Fake it til you make it “. I also went down to 90lbs in college due to not eating and the the nurse practitioner on campus made me see a counselor all throughout college and a nutritionist. I learned to cut myself for the first time in middle school due to a stressful move from Southern NJ to NYC. I can’t believe it but I am still, “faking it til I make or escape it.”

If anyone is willing to talk, I'd like that