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the NOCD Community

It's all different, everything. Don't know who I am, what I am, why I am. I don't believe I'm capable of having relationships with people. There's just no purpose for me.

Please read, I have suffered from OCD for over 16 years but recently added probiotics again and found a reduction in symptoms. OCD also many other factors such as extra-cellular glutamate (NAC and L-Theanine can help) I flammability and building up the Myelin Sheath in the brain. Spirulina, Co-enzyme B Vitamin Complex? Hydroxy B-12 and your cholesterol actually needs to be over 170 to build up the Myelin Sheath. Eggs are good for Cholesterol plus they have Vitamin E, VitaminD and Choline which also help build up the Myelin Sheath. Under Methylation can be a factor so it is important to take Methylated B vitamins like Bethyl Folate and extra Methyl B-12 along with the Hydroxo B-12. B-12 is very important but cyanocobalminand folic acid can stunt methylation. There are other things that can help but Iam actually at my break at work and wanted to get this information out there. I had severe symptoms of POCD, HOCD, Pet OCD, Pure OCD and scrupolocity along with Fluoxetine, Sertraline, Perphenezine and possibly Clomipramine my symptoms are tremendously better. Just trying to help, God Bless.

How do I make life more livable while fighting this demon. This has been on my mind 24/7 and I don’t know what to do. I’ve been unhappy all day everyday. Do you guys have any tips or ideas to make me feel better. How does one make the thoughts stop permanently. This is by far the hardest/scariest thing I’ve ever gone through.

Staring an Intensive Outpatient Program on Monday and am BEYOND nervous. I'm so scared all my worst fears will come true. I want to back out. If you've done this and have any words of encouragement, please share 🥺

I’m having meltdown after meltdown, panic attack after panic attack. I just want to curl up and hide from everything. I feel nauseous and I’ll just from the thought of touching something. I feel like everything is contaminated and everything has deadly germs on it. I’m afraid of everything and my medicine just isn’t helping. I don’t want to become dependent on Xanax. I just…feel like I’m losing my sense of what is real and what is wrong. Reality is blurred and I can’t see the truth.

So I have had positive results with the way I have been responding to my intrusive thoughts. I have had wayyy less and less images as well. BUT I find myself a little anxious almost like I am waiting for one to pop up so I can be ready to ignore it… I know that makes no sense but I still feel a slight bit of anxiety anticipating that I will have a disgusting image or sensation or thought. How do I stop that compulsion because I would assume that is considered checking but not sure if anyone else can relate! Also, with this theme I have had groinal responses so now If I am in the mood I check to see if I’m thinking of what I don’t want to be thinking of…. which in turn makes me not want to be intimate with my partner because I can’t fully relax and enjoy the moment. And then of course when I do check my OCD kicks in and says “oh you want to think of this because you like the thoughts”😭 She’s such a bitch lol (sorry for the language). Thank you for the tips!

Hanging out with friends and got triggered because they were talking about someone who did a similar event to me that they don’t know I did. It made me basically shut down and close myself off. It’s something that I can’t tell them because it involves my gf and she wants me to keep it between us (and I want to respect her wishes). I just feel like a huge fraud. I feel like I don’t even want friends anymore because they won’t know the real me. Idk how to cope. We’re hanging out all day.

i just wanna feel connected to my partner again like i used to, now i just question everything but still wanna be with him and i also love him so very much he is the best thing that has happened to me. Like it really does suck though cause i lost my desire to even have sex due to relationship OCD

I feel very hurt inside and drained and I’m so done with everything in life at this point. I know there’s more to life than a guy but This guy made me feel like there was hope and this guy made me feel very happy when I was always at my worst. 3 weeks ago I was perfectly fine, I loved my bf so much( I knew that I did with out a doubt or questioning) everything in life was going the way I wanted to I was at my highest with school,at home, and with my boyfriend. Me and my boyfriend been dating for a year and I’m so thankful for him, I’m the luckiest to have someone like him. But all of sudden I watched something that triggered my mind really bad and cause to have an intrusive thought like”what if I don’t love him anymore” and whenever i had that thought it caused me to have a panic attack and it made me feel like my mind had a whole 360 and looked at him like if he was evil but why did I think of that. But ever since then I can’t get away from the thought and now it’s worse because every time I tell my self I love him my mind has this voice and it tells me “no you don’t” “you don’t love Michael” or “break up with him” or like “you don’t deserve him” or even have dreams of me not loving him anymore and i wake up with my heart racing because i feel like i loose him everytime but i know that there just thoughts and they’re not true but for some reason they feel so real but I know deep down I love him and I’m going to continue to love him I can’t make the wrong mistake and regret it later on and I can’t imagine my life with out him he’s a big part of my life now and I can’t let him go. He loves me so much and is supporting me troughs this whole thing. I just wish this didn’t have to happen to me or to anyone who’s going trough this. But Maybe if I was doing something different that night non of this would have happened I would be good rn. But If anyone has advice for me I would gladly appreciate it. I’ve been trying to look for help like therapy but my parents don’t really see what’s wrong so im trying to figure out on my own.

Hi idk how to start this but Im a 16 year old dude any My therapist says I have PTSD, Panic Disorder and maybe ADHD. Im pretty sure Im autistic, same with my mom and brother and many other family members. for years now ive had my friends telling me to get checked for OCD and im starting to think they might be right. anyways, for one thing, I get like really bad intrusive thoughts. Its really hard for me to be around kids, I cant stop thinking about horrible things happening wether its me messing up and hurting them or me hurting them on purpose, usually sexually. I have always been overly concered with seeming creepy in romantic relationships. Ive only dated one person younger than me EVER and its one of my current partners (polyamory) and shes a day younger than me and even that makes me feel like a creep whos taking Advantage of her, I cry if I sit with my partners while they sleep and im awake becaude im scared im going to hurt them, I wont Initiate intimate acts at all because If I do I will cry because it cant not feel like rape to me if I initate. Numbers. Holy shit the numbers. I count my steps, I count how many times I adjust my hair, I count how many food items im eating, everything. and If I dont I feel like Ive done it wrong somehow. I have to press the crosswalk the right amount of times or i feel like ill get hit, I have to wash my hands using the right amount of steps and repeating them the right amount of times or Ill get sick and Ill throw up (I have ptsd from a major sickness when I was a kid, and my triggers are almost all related to throwing up). I dont know if theyre intrusive thoughts, but I also get intense images or thoughts that are so intense I think they are real, of me hurting myself, hurting others, throwing up, other throwing up. I think it is worth mentioning that I have HPPD, and some pretty intense Halluzinations from past psycedellic and delirent drug use. My have bad memory from using but even before then Ive always thought that maybe Im not remembering right and I freak out about it and ask family if im tripping myself out or i remember it right. Idk theres definately more to this that i dont feel like typing, I just want to know if Im tripping myself out or its actually OCD, I want to know before I being it to my parents or my therapist. Help!

Before hocd i confidently identified as straight, even if i was very visually attracted to women’s bodies, and thought they were even sexier than men’s bodies. But i always wanted men and never really wanted women in that way. Now, i really think it’s proof. It sounds gay asf now that i’m saying it…even though i know a lot of women are attracted to other women’s bodies. Why didn’t i want women even though i liked their bodies better? Was it because of society? Did i hide my true desires? And now of course, i really feel like i want intimate relations with women. It’s turning my head upside down and is scary. Can anyone relate ? Or give advice?

My wife and I have been married for almost 6 years now and we have a 1 year old. Before we got married I had a breakdown and came to realize I have relationship ocd. The OCD has come and gone and come again. Sometimes about our relationships, sometimes other subjects. This past year has been incredibly hard. My step father passed from cancer and we were both close to him. We've also had a ton of unplanned for bills along with other issues. Typically we are okay but over the past year my wife has had blowups (she has her own issues that she is aware of and working on) in which she threatens divorce basically because she thinks we'd be better off without her (she has childhood trauma). This really affects me especially since my parents are divorced. My issue is, I think my OCD is attacking this now and our relationship again. I know these are issues we need to work on and work through, but my ocd(i think) keeps asking what if things don't get better, what if you do get divorced and so on. I dont know how to seperate the ocd from the real problems that we just need to work on. This is really difficult. I also just think I'm pretty depressed with all the stress this past year. What is sad is, probably 6 months ago I was thinking "wow my ocd seems gone". Ugh.

I’ve had pretty severe OCD for about 16 plus years now. Raised 2 kids and been married for 15 years. I’ve had a lot of good memories that have happened over time, but also a lot of my memories feel dark and overshadowed because I’ve been dealing with some pretty dark OCD throughout most of my adult life. Idk if the memories feel this way because of my OCD or because there’s actually something to worry about. I keep ruminating on my memories, uncontrollably it feels like, to have complete certainty of everything and I can never feel good about it. I’m scared to remember things because I fear being triggered. I don’t know how to overcome this. I’m trying to focus on the positive in my life but this is nothing new.. just a recurring event that happens to me it seems every winter. Can anyone relate? Any advice?

I finally found concrete proof for one of my biggest fears being true. So why am I not panicking? I found out that my worst case scenario can be true, but I’m only a little anxious. It’s almost like my brain is rejecting that it could be me, which feels like denial. I’ve been on this app for four years, compulsively posting every time a relapse happens every 3-4 months. It doesn’t feel like OCD. It feels like denial.

I struggle a lot recently with feeling down and slightly overwhelmed by these emotions. During those times I do get thoughts of what’s the point and it does feel sore. Sometimes I’ll get like a flash forward of what it would be like for my family or husband if I’d taken my life and they found out. Other times it’s like my brain showed me an object. Or because of the down ness in that moment it does feel like I’m trying to survive. The difficult thing is I can never tell if it’s ocd or thoughts I genuinely need to seek help for. It obviously distresses me. I’m currently about 6 weeks away from labour date of first baby, I’m not working and living in a different country with my husband so I don’t have family. I do get lonely and experience this more when my husband goes to work. I have a good network of friends and church so I try to schedule stuff in a lot. Though I feel like a lot of times I’m trying to “survive” my week. I experience good times and happy moments and exercise helps. But don’t know what’s going on. Does anyone have and insight/ advice.

My name is Josh. I'm 39 years old and I've been dealing with intrusive thoughts for a majority of my life. I was not aware of it until I was in my 20's. I come from a very negative, and abusive childhood. I didn't fully escape the abuse until 4 years ago when I decided to cut my entire immediate family off. It was liberating. Anyway, MY intrusive thoughts very much center around violence and POCD. My very first thought of random violence occurred when I was 9, when my brother was born. Our mother worked at a hospital, and one day we were there for some reason. I took my brother in his stroller over to look out a full body window. I suddenly started having thoughts that I could push him through the window. No reason for it, it just happened. Thus, began my thoughts getting worse from there. I used to really only get violent thoughts towards bullies as the years progressed. I didn't really care because they were people who hurt me in some way. That mainly started with my dad because he was the main source of abuse I endured. It was physical and emotional from the time I was born until I was 16. Those thoughts stuck with me for so long I'm not even sure if I hated them or not. It always bothered me when it would happen to people who did nothing to me. Although violence was my main theme, I was also a checker. I would get awoken in the middle of the night thinking I didn't check the doors or the stoves. I was also extremely afraid of getting STDs from things such as a scratch from a fence. Girlfriends would have to get monthly STD checks, which made my relationships pretty short. That theme made me a hypochondriac up until I was in my late 20's. The POCD is one that is very bothersome to me. I have 4 kids and 3 of them are girls. Only one of those girls are biologically mine. It made it very difficult for me to be embracing with them when they needed because I was afraid my body might react in a way I didn't want. That probably made me look like I didn't care, but I was letting the OCD win. This isn't a topic I'm super ok talking with publicly. My therapist is the only one I feel needs to know much of this one. Well, there's so much more to that story. In the end, I'm a checker. My compulsions make me check all of the time. I've put myself and people in risky situations to try and show myself I'm not what my thoughts make me feel I am. I also have functioning aspbergers, but I'm pretty low on the spectrum. Although, I may be a checker, I've never hurt anyone in anyway shape or form in the name of checking. But, this is long enough now so I'll end here. Thank you for reading!

I do not even know how to explain what I am experiencing right now. It feels like I am not even myself and it feels like the thoughts are stronger than ever before and that they are more compelling? But I also do not feel like I’m inside my body so it’s making it extra scary. I’ve never experienced OCD like this before. I’ve been doing a lot better overall but now with this, I’m feeling doomed to just be what my thoughts say. It feels like I’ve lost my mind if I am being honest and every thing is triggering me. It does not feel like OCD this time. Any advice?

I have severe OCD. My ten year old has it. Please, how do I determine if he is having TOCD/HOCD of if he is experiencing dysphoria ? We are extremely conservative and Christian and I am struggling to determine if this is OCD or not for him. It makes it harder since I have OCD myself and it’s become a new theme for me.

Everytime I feel like I have a hold on my ocd, I always get that thought of what if you just did it? What if you do feel that way? It makes me feels hopeless and delve deeper into anxiety and worry, should I ignore and stay true to my morals and self or seek help??

So I’m not officially diagnosed with OCD but I’ve long suspected that I have it. I am diagnosed with anxiety and panic disorder. I am recovering from covid and have had a few nights where I experienced tinnitus and just figured it was from the cold symptoms, but last night it was SO loud I had a hard time falling asleep and I woke up with it really early as well. It sounds like the wind blowing in my ear. A sound I wouldn’t normally mind if I could get away from it. I had this once before last year on and off for a week or two, I also had covid last year but I cannot remember if the tinnitus happened before or after covid…whenever it happened I just chalked it up to stress and anxiety and it just resolved eventually Has anyone had trouble with tinnitus and somatic ocd? Focusing on tinnitus makes it worse so I’m having a hard time this morning between my ocd and anxiety, simply because this time it is so LOUD. Our house is very quiet at night, so that doesn’t help. I’ve been playing something through my earbud just to hear something else. Really hoping this is temporary because it’s so hard for me to not focus on things happening with my body 🥴