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the NOCD Community

No ‘what ifs’ anymore- just direct statements sometimes ‘you don’t love him’ sometimes ‘I don’t want to be with him’. I can’t see any hope of feeling better- I don’t even know if this is OCD. This isn’t how love is supposed to feel- how do I know if my partner just isn’t the one? I did have really intense anxiety but could still feel that love and desire to be with my SO but now- it seems to be fading away. No more anxiety, intrusive thoughts feel a bit muddled up rather than loud, aggressive, specific thoughts. Help :(

Dose anyone else feel embarrassed that they take medication for they’re mental health? as a little kid I used to think it was cool cause it made me different but now I’m ashamed of it. it makes me feel like I need meds just to feel normal . It makes me feel like I’m a crazy person and kinda upset with myself for not knowing how to control my OCD enough so I need meds to help.

I feel like I’m starting to deny my sexuality. Before this I never really thought about girls that way. Now I am and it terrifies me. It feels like I just don’t wanna accept that I’m lesbian. I’m so damn lost. It feels like I know I’m lesbian. But I just can’t be. Anyone feel this way? Probably reassurance but if any of you think I am or it seems like I am please tell me.

How open are you about your OCD?

I just spent the whole last two hours watching YouTube videos like „how to know you‘re lesbian“, „signs you’re lesbian“ and I‘m panicking right now so much like I can barely breath. HOCD, what did you do with my life ?

Hey guys ..I’m new to this . Had OCD since I was about 10 . I’m now 31 . Never ever have I ever admitted it before .but I’m a mum now and I’m terrified she will pick up my traits.i recent told a close friend of mine but that’s it .no one else . I dunno what I after really . A good start would be to know I’m not the only one out there .my OCD isn’t cleaning ..it’s the way I do things .. like how I turn a light switch impacts my whole day if “ it doesn’t feel right “ I do it over and over till it does .but the problem is .it never does !

I’m off on holiday with my boyfriend for our first trip away together on Friday. I should be really excited (and a small part of me is) but another part is worried this might be the thing that pushes me over the edge and into ending the relationship. From past experience with friends, I get quite irritable and just switch off. Does anyone have any similar experiences and how did you deal with them? I’m also no longer ‘what if-ing’- just statements ‘you don’t love him’, ‘this is over’ and last night got some physical ‘dropping’ sensations in my stomach which made these thoughts feel real. I’ve found him generally really annoying this weekend which has made me sad because really, he’s not done anything. I had such fight and determination in me 2 months ago that my relationship was what I wanted but now I’m really struggling to feel this. Tips?

About to send this to the love of my life: I don't think I'm healthy enough to be with you Jack. You deserve the best, and I may of been that at one point but I'm not now. I feel like I'm holding you back from so much you should be exploring/doing and that's selfish and unfair of me. You shouldn't have to worry about someone that is not in touch with reality, and feels crippling guilt for things she hasn't done. You have been so great, and supportive (more than anyone ever would in this situation). I know you love me, and I'll always love you. You have been the greatest joy in my life, but this isn't fair to you because the truth is even if I get better this may never go away entirely. You have done nothing wrong, but I can't live anymore like this. And you don't deserve to go through this kind of stress. You've had more darkness then anyone our age should go through already. You need light right now, and I don't think I can be that. If any part of you agrees with this; you know I'm right. I'm doing the right thing right?

Does anyone have an eating disorder and OCD?

Therapists make reassurance seem like the most horrible thing ever. When in reality for me...that’s the only thing that makes the thoughts stop for a very long time. Like months or sometimes even years, in a way ocd helps me get rid of it. Certain compulsions make me feel okay and safe, that’s why I do them . So I feel calm

i just want to cry. i literally had a meltdown in my room earlier today and another one in the car and i still just want to cry. everything is getting to be so much. everything around me feels so big and i’m just so tiny and helpless. my parents don’t know that i’m going through this and that’s making everything so much worse. they keep asking me why i’m so quiet and why i’m so down today and i just say that i’m fine and that it’s just a weird off day. it hurts me so bad to do this by myself, lie to them about why i’m sad, and cry by myself in my room because they don’t know about anything. i practically tear up every time they ask me why i seem so down. i’m just so sad. i don’t think i’m depressed or anything because this is the first time in a while that i’ve had a slump like this. i just think it’s an off day.

PLEASE HELP. I’ve feeling so low. Last night when this guy was hitting on me as I worked in the bar I had thoughts about being single etc. Afterwards I felt so guilty and horrible because I LOVE my boyfriend. He is amazing to me and an incredible person! But during the time the guy was flirting with me the thoughts didn’t ‘feel’ intrusive. So now I’m thinking if that happens again and I get those intrusive thoughts (if they are intrusive thoughts?!) I’ll do something to ruin my relationship and life! I should say before as well that before working my shift I do compulsions so that I don’t betray my boyfriend. As I have that massive fear that the OCD circles around. So I was scare to act the way I did, and during it I ‘felt’ like I didn’t bother etc and then afterwards I go back to feeling guilty and absolutely horrible. I know I’ve ranted but I really need some rationale. I don’t know what to do

OCD is draining me. Everything thought I get feels more and more real ?

(tw: pocd) ive spent the whole morning obsessing about accidentally becoming okay with the content of my intrusions that now ive stopped feeling anything when i think about my obsession. it's like. i know pedophilia is wrong. there's literally no reason it's not wrong. i also know know that im not a pedophile (i can't explain how...i just feel certain.) but now ive like,, accidentally condoned the content of my intrusive thoughts? like some part of my head has gone all philosophical and is going "yeah you aren't attracted to kids, but you used to masturbate when you were a child, and studies prove that everyone has, so why is the idea of kids being sexual bad?" (but obviously it is!! i know that!!!) is that also an intrusive thought? it's not something i personally want to believe, although i almost don't feel enough anxiety to convince myself i don't. so now im like intellectually freaking out, almost like this is my ocds last ditch attempt to throw me back into it

Why does it feel so real??

Lately I’ve had a pretty weird coping mechanism, whenever I feel overwhelmed by the anxiety my intrusive thoughts bring me, I’m imagining myself in therapy with my psychologist. She’s not even speaking or anything, I’m the only one having a monologue on how I feel about those thoughts. Is this a compulsion? Or I am just compensating for something, or even just a very imaginative person tbh?

(tw: pocd) i read on an ocd support blog that it's possible for people to become pedophiles after having pocd if the map community gets hold of them, and it's been a really big trigger for my ocd. not looking for reassurance, just to vent :/

❗️❗️❗️❗️Today I found out about compulsory heterosexuality and I think this is the biggest trigger I‘ve ever had for my HOCD. I read this: „Here are some examples of how compulsory sexuality may manifest itself and look for girls who feel unwanted and ungenuine attraction towards men: * I‘m too young/busy to have a boyfriend * I just have high standards, that’s why I don’t have a boyfriend * Everyone must feel attraction to girls or think that girls are hot, the way I feel towards other girls is normal for straight girls ... and so on...“ There were so much more that sounded horrible for my HOCD. These three sentences are exactly what I sometimes say, but I really mean it so, but now this „compulsory heterosexuality“ destroys all of my believes, now I believe I‘m lesbian and I‘ve lied to myself all my life long... I just want to cry and this to end Some even wrote on twitter „If you feel confused now write be, I will be happy If some found themselves in it and understand that their lesbian“ Who am I? Why cant this just stop

It’s so confusing when I hear lesbians say how they used to force themselves into having crushes on guys. What does that even mean?

how do people suffering with HOCD go in public? i get so nervous bc if i notice a woman is pretty i just use it as evidence to prove i’m gay even tho i would never ever want to actually be with them. i just had a mental break down at a farmers market and idk where to turn any more this just feels so real and i want it to end.