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the NOCD Community

looking for someone to chat with maybe?

Hello, I just started therapy not too long ago for my contamination OCD and happy to finally be here. Almost right away I started feeling a little better, but recently found a mouse in my house. Mice are at the very top of my trigger list & im just sad because I feel that the progress I had been making is all gonna go down the drain. I feel trapped in my room rn because of certain tiles in my house that the mouse ran on top of. My family members without OCD are constantly stepping on those tiles & spreading the germs all around the house with their shoes. They also have no problem picking things they just stepped on off the floor without washing their hands afterward & going on to touch other things in the house. I know I can’t control other people, but it’s all just making me so anxious & I’ve locked myself in my room rn. But even then I don’t feel completely calm in here because I kicked my door open with the tip of my shoe and thought to myself “what if the mouse also touched that part of your door? Now the tip of your shoe is also contaminated”. I don’t know what to do and feel so exhausted all the time thinking like this. If anyone has any advice that would be great & sorry if this post is long/doesn’t make a lot of sense.

Please someone leave any advice or similar stories. I had identified as bi and then had fears about my sexuality a few years ago, and decided on the term unlabeled to describe my sexuality to anyone who asked and it made me the most comfortable because i was confused about my romantic atraction and sexual attraction towards women vs men. Recently, seemingly triggered by pride month and people discussing comp het, while in a relationship with my boyfriend I have been dealing with fears of wondering if I'm really attracted to men at all or what attraction really feels like and being sexually aroused by explicit images of women I had seen by accident. I am worried that I am experiencing comp het or I'm in the wrong relationship or I'm going to hurt my boyfriend. I have also voiced all of this to him and he is there for me, but that doesn't mean it's easy. I have other anxieties about my relationship and worry if those are ocd related or not as well(such as worrying about limerence) but I'm just so terrified. I feel that just because I have ocd that doesn't mean I can have these experiences that other queer people actually have and it makes me worried that I coukd go years without ever knowing just for one day to know and my whole world to be flipped upside down. I'd rather die than for that to be my reality. Someone please leave advice or tips it's all so appreciated.

Is anyone else frustrated with posts on this app? Every time I log on someone is either confessing or asking for reassurance. It’s hard to see everyone struggling so much, too. That’s how it was with the support groups as well. I had to stop going because it turned into people confessing and reassurance seeking. This safe space doesn’t feel so safe anymore. I’m so lucky my therapist is amazing and therapy is going well. I highly recommend starting therapy here if you haven’t already.

ive judt been really confused lately. I dont know who i am and ive been feeling really off. I was searching stuff up and saw that alot of my symptoms align with phycosis or schizophrenic im fucking terrified and im panicking i cant breathe please help

can ocd make you feel stuck like if there is no way out and make you have the thoughts sometimes when ur with a certain friend or parent and then the thoughts will come like “what if i hurt myself and wonder what so so and reacts” then i’m like oh my gosh they would be so devastated i’m trying to sit with thoughts and sit with the anxiety and im rlly tired right now i’m trying not to do compulsions.. but sometimes the thoughts will tell me to “do it” and it’s like urges then that’s when i tense up does this happen??

i get harm thoughts and i’m also plagued by thoughts telling me hurting others isn’t wrong 😭 so basically i feel like i may start believing that and then hurt people or animals. i don’t understand my mind, i just want to know and FEEL that murder, hurting others or animals is wrong again bc this is scaring me and then my ocd tells me i shouldn’t be scared bc it isn’t even wrong to hurt others or whatever. it’s freaking me out.. even when i try not to do compulsions and ignore the thoughts and feelings it’s like i feel like i NEED to address and disprove them and i need to make sure i know it’s wrong. my mind even tests me by giving me scenarios of other people hurting and killing eachother and i check and see whether i feel it’s wrong. i’m tired, i’m scared, i want to go back to normal and understand these things are bad :/

I understand that rumination is a choice but it feels out of my control. I cannot stop doing it and I’m driving myself crazy. What’s the best advice you’ve gotten for this?

I really think I've developed schizophrenia at the age of 56 after 20 years of harm OCD. I'm so worried and the more I think of it, the worse it gets. I'm so scared. Can anyone relate? I need to get the courage to see a psychiatrist.

Am I crazy for thinking that my boyfriend watching porn is cheating?

My boyfriend used to have a porn addiction and he says that he quit and I believe him but my ocd is crazy latched on to it and I just feel like every time he doesnt respond he is watching porn. I dont know what to do and I feel so so sick. Its making me feel gross whenever I think about sex or think about him being sexual and I feel sick with anxiety. I dont jnow what to do. Can anyone relate or does anyone have any advice? This is taking up every hour of every day worrying

My father just told me that I’m a bad daughter to him, and in our religion I didn’t get my parents validation, I will go to hell no matter what, so why bother live if I’m going to hell no matter what good I do?

Any tips on how to manage Relationship OCD thoughts?

So I’ve struggled with sexual orientation ocd for a while now, along with relationship ocd. I’ve been with my boyfriend for 4 years as of yesterday (in a straight female, dating a straight male) and I was just on tik tok, and seen a girl who posted a picture of her crying and saying “me realizing I was gay and not wanted to leave my boyfriend because he’s my bestfriend” and now I’m in a whole panic attack. Because what if I’m gay and I don’t wanna leave my bf, or what if I’m in a denial, or something idk. And it feels so real. Idk what else to do anymore

Fear of psychosis ocd… For about 10 months now I’ve had an OBSESSION with developing schizophrenia or some related psychotic disorder. In the beginning my symptoms manifested as hyper awareness of potentially hallucinating and things like that but the main fear that has really stuck is the fear of having delusions. I’ve reached a point to where I can’t enjoy anything in life any for because according to my brain EVERYTHING has to mean something or is suspicious. I’m so suspicious of everything, “what if this commercial means something” “why did that person make that weird face” “what if this song has some kind of hidden meaning” “everything feels so fake and staged” “why did my cat look at me like that” “what if none of this is even real” “what if there’s more to reality than what we know” “there’s no way other people are real humans” “there’s definitely more than what the government tells us about reality” “this can’t all just be science and biology” etc etc. it’s fucking exhausting. I can’t enjoy anything anymore, everything has to have some malevolent intent or meaning. These thoughts feel real, some of them feel like they could genuinely be possible, but I don’t want to think about this kind of stuff, I’m not sure if I even care if there’s something more to everything that I’m missing, but my brain will not stop this search for delusional things to believe. It’s gotten to a point where everything just feels fake and staged like a big act or illusion. Government, politics, media, just day to day life, feels so fake and artificial. It feels like I’m losing emotional attachment to things I love and care about because I’m constantly getting thoughts like “why should I care? Nothings real anyway?” Etc. Has anyone ever dealt with this?FYI: I’ve been to NUMEROUS mental health professionals who do not believe I have anything more than just ocd and severe hypochondria.

Hey I’m new to this, I’m a 20 yo female, and I’m pretty sure I’ve had ocd since my childhood, but it’s gotten worse has I’ve gotten older. I never really understood my intrusive thoughts and always felt so sick and uncomfortable when I’d have them. They took a turn many months ago when they became more often and more intense. And I started doing some research on them and came across ocd (which I always thought was just when people don’t like to be unorganized and are like perfectionists or something) but as I was reading different websites and seeing how many types of ocd there was I noticed that I related to most of what I was reading. I still haven’t been officially diagnosed or found a therapist yet but I’m working on it. The past year has been the hardest with my intrusive thoughts. I’m mainly bothered by my pocd and I feel sick to my stomach whenever I get an intrusive thought about a child. I absolutely love kids and would never do anything to hurt them it physically makes me ill when I think about it. (If anyone has any tips to deal with this please reply😭) I think I have an idea to why I have those thoughts. I didn’t have the best childhood I was sa’d at 4&9 by 2 different people that were supposed to take care of me, and I have this horrible fear that i could be like them and it makes me feel so incredibly sick. I was also way too exposed to s3xual things as a child, my family was way too open about s3x growing up like I’m talking adults in my life thought it was okay to openly talk about it to me when I was 6/7 like it was normal. I wish I could explain more but this is already way too long. I’ve only opened up to a select few people about this so this was extremely hard for me, I’m literally fighting for my life… Thank you to anyone who cared enough to read this all the way through I appreciate it so much.🤍

I don’t even know how to explain. I don’t feel like myself anymore. So depressed. Everything seems hopeless. I can’t get out of this spiral. My brain feels weird. The thoughts are hard. I’m scared I’m going psycho. Can anyone say it will pass? 😩😩😩

I am finally meeting with a therpaist. Been really helpful. Only meet once a week but some days i get overwhelmed. Its so hard being a parent with pocd. I love my child and wouldnt do anything to hurt them. In fact im very caring and protective. I still get pocd thoughts like when im helping my wife bathe our child or dress them or chsnge their diaper and my hand moves down or in any direction my ocd freaks out saying i was trying to touch inappropriatelt or do something. Its totally ego dystonic and extremely heartbreaking. I sometimes avoid my daddy duties because of it. Tomight i was helping my wife bathe and clothe our child because theyre both sick. As i was doing that i looked away for a second and my hand moved amd i worried was i trying to touch her. Then the ocd what if and doubts and guilt feelimgs came rushing amd it makes me not want to be around my own family its so distressimg. I just want to help my partner and be a good father 😂💔

My brain is attacking itself again to the point I am sobbing and hyperventilating. I am genuinely so terrified of being a pedophile I’ve been ruminating over things from my childhood and the intrusive thoughts I’ve had. I don’t want to be a pedophile, I am a victim of CSA and do not want to be anything like my abusers. I was groomed, sexually assaulted, and harassed by adults when I was a child. What if I turn out like them? What if they were subconsciously a role model. My POCD latches onto anything. My partner is almost 2 years younger than me, I like kids shows, I like stuffed animals, etc. What if that means I’m a pedophile? What if it means I’m a monster? I am so out of my mind scared. All I can do is shake and sob violently from this fear and disgust.

Repost because someone flagged my posts again, l'm asking this because I never had an experience with intrusive images like this one, it's new for me. l've never had intrusive images so vivid and real like this one + a familiar face associating with it making the intrusive image all the more real, and feeling more guilty and horrible because of it.