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Legit all ^ How to get rid of them or ignore them

I’ve never been on birth control but I’m thinking that I might soon. I’m a little worried because I’m not sure how it’s going to affect my ocd and my hormones. I also get depressed so I’m worried it will affect this too. Can anyone share their experiences on birth control and how it’s affected both their ocd and non-ocd parts of their lives? Right now I’m leaning towards the implant so any advice on that would also be helpful. Thank you ❤️

so I've been trying to do what my therapist said while she's on vacation for a few weeks and do some of my routine exposures. One of them is watching tv and not looking away when there is children on screen. I tried sitting through a preview of a shows first episode that featured a young girl in a Victorian outfit with blonde hair, and he had very ghostly white skin and powder pink lips. It was a ghost show, which is the kind of genre I usually like, so I wanted to try and enjoy the clip. And my therapist always told me to "not appraise the thoughts, our goal isn't to avoid them, but to let them pass" but as I kept watching, I kept getting mental voices telling me that "she's pretty you want to kiss her" and I felt almost frozen in my seat? I felt a kind of anxiety I haven't felt in years, but I tried to continue to watch the clip and let it pass, but I couldn't. I felt this mental need to go back and "check" to really be sure if I was attracted to her, I pictured kissing her and idk if it even counts as an intrusive thought atp? I felt like if I were to have the thought and then prove myself I was grossed out by pushing it away I would feel better, but it didnt. My brain just kept telling me that I wanted her and it was very much on purpose to test to see whether I felt that way or not and it did and I kept feeling that horrible form of anxiety that makes your face hot and I don't think I was really TRUELY attracted to her but it's like a fucked up twisted form of attraction that's false but feels real at the same time? Idk if that makes sense... idk, I'm trying my best but I feel like I NEED to think the thoughts, letting them pass isn't enough. Or like the thought will stick in my brain and it'll keep going like a mini movie playing in my head and it feels like almost like I'm fantasizing even though that isn't what I want to do. I feel like I have no choice but to push them away or else I'll have a horrible realization... idk... I've been struggling with this for 5 years now. I don't even know how to properly articulate how I feel in those moments it's so confusing that I don't know how to describe it to my therapist. How do people just lable their feelings on things so effortlessly? Why is it so hard for me? Idk I don't really want reassurance bc it won't help but I just want to feel like I'm not alone in this.

Hi all, Five years ago my ex partner of 4.5 years ended our relationship. He was my first everything. We went to both high school and college together and it was devastating when it ended. That said, I have since realized he treated me very poorly (some may even classify it as narcissistic abuse) and that, at best, we were a poor match life values wise and at worst it was toxic bordering abuse. By the end of the relationship, my self-esteem was in the dumps. Since then, I have managed to pick up the pieces. I have lived in two large metro areas, am pursuing a PhD, run several half marathons and a marathon, and been in a 2.5 year relationship with a partner I adore and see a future with. My current relationship is much healthier and I am so, so much happier than with my ex. And yet…I still continue to obsessively ruminate on him, stalk him on social media/internet, and probably still talk about him. Things have intensified this year after he got engaged to a girl and their wedding is this weekend. It’s hard to admit but I have gone down deep rabbit holes on them both (and stuff related to them) since the relationship in a compulsive way. I am currently in exposure therapy for health-themed OCD and it has worked wonders for me. But today, my Mom caught wind of the fact that I knew some info that I wouldn’t know unless I had looked for it about them. I was embarrassed and it finally dawned on me that this may be relationship OCD. I feel almost dirty or creepy. If you asked my ex, he’d likely have no idea so my social media rabbit holes wouldn’t be detectable to him at least. That said, I still feel shame and embarrassment about this theme. I also think there is a bit of residual trauma from my ex’s treatment of me. Like I also find myself comparing myself, my appearance, etc to his fiancé. He often criticized my appearance and body and it still affects me to this day. I love my current partner and don’t know if I have the heart to bring up this theme to him. I do want to bring it up to my therapist but even that feels hard and uncomfortable. With the wedding this weekend, I’m worried about managing social media. Like it’s starting to become very clear just how much I ruminate on him and the resulting compulsions. I don’t know if anyone has found exposures that help for theme or even just been in my place. I just feel bad and a little bit like I’m letting my ex win by being so obsessed with him😔

i have a classmate that everyone in the class likes to tease, so i do too. our friendship is not that deep. but in the month of may before the school year ends, we became friends in a same circle. so i was really happy, because i've always wanted to be friends with her. we share the same interest (ex; college course) so i encouraged her to apply to the same university that my bf and i will be enrolling for, and she did. now, the three of us will be classmates for the upcoming school year. before i got rocd, i really found myself seeking attention from her, i posted a picture of me and my bf and she liked it and i was so happy (i don't know if this is normal). i gave plushies to my whole circle including her and she posted on instagram "thank you my baby" ofc i got flattered, because i feel like the girl i wanna be friends with is finally acknowleding me as her friend, i was really happy in that moment, my bf also liked the post, bc i reposted it in my story. everything just seems normal, but i could feel that out of our friends, she is really the one i wanna be close to, she's fun to be around bc of her sense of humor, she's also pretty and i admire her body shape (not in sexual way, i just really appreciate it), the feeling of wanting to be friends with her did not feel ok to me, because when we're having lunch with my bf, i found myself teasing and leaning on her while laughing and my bf pulled me back bc i'm close to falling on her back bc of laughing hard, i felt guilty right after my bf pulled me back bc i feel like, i'm too focused with my friend and he's feeling left out, i didn't realized it that time and i know i was wrong for that. and then the day i got rocd, i was reminded of everything that we did like interacting, teasing, laughing, and joking around, and that it is cheating. i've fully convinced myself that time that it is just a false attraction bc i would never feel okay that i'm attracted to someone else and i never wanted to cheat. but the thoughts didn't stop so i had to tell it to my bf because it's making me feel so guilty, he was so sweet and understanding of my ocd. i searched a lot of solutions to cope with this and i found ERP therapy, so i did it and i'm scared to do it bc i feel like it's cheating and not just asking telling your partner for assurance that it's okay. i didn't actually did it but i just acted casual with her, not like before when we are close. i thought i was getting better, but then i got reminded of the feeling i felt back then that is not a big deal to me before bc i am not aware of rocd yet. this friend likes to talk about finding a bf because she's jealous of us having bfs, when i read that message of her in our gc about bfs, i got this feeling that i am jealous, that time i didn't freak out or overthink about it i just let it pass bc i know i have no inention to cheat with her. as soon as i got reminded of that moment that i've completely forgotten but had to show up when i was getting better. i got scared realizing that it might be a real attraction and that i just don't want to admit it because it doesn't feel okay to me that i am attracted to her even though it's actually normal. i keep ruminating about the past events to make sure if i really have no idea that i am attracted to her and still interacted with her. i feel like i cheated bc i was in denial of the attraction, i really thought it was just a false attraction that's why i keep fighting the trigers before including going back to our normal friendship, but i was totally wrong and i really regret for not realizing it sooner and so i could avoid her sooner. i get triggered everytime she chats me about school, even though it was just a casual message i still feel like it's cheating so i show it to my bf, so he won't overthink. but in personal, i don't feel anxious with her bc i have my bf beside me, i'm with him the whole time at school and didn't approach my friend unless she approach me first. i'm taking medicine for my anxiety, depression, and panic attacks. i am really terrified to cheat i ruminate everything in my past to make sure i didn't cheat with my bf i love him so much i will never hurt him. did i cheat? does anyone have advice how i should act around this friend without hurting my bf's feeling? it will be really hard to avoid her bc we're in the same school and same class, i'm totally screwed.

A week ago I moved into my "new" apartment. I got paid a bit early so I had the money for the move in cost, so I decided to take the last few things I had while crashing at my parents and head to the "new" one. I had got to the place and started seeing all these "red flags" from my old apartment that I had hoped to get away from. I had been in communication with the landlord for a month about things I would like to have fixed and when I got there and saw they weren't, my heart started racing. I catastrophized so much I started crying and breathing heavy, so I grabbed my notecards with my tools on it and read "ride the wave" which I tried saying out loud but cried more. So I called my mom. Talked to her for an hour before I headed to the gym. I'm in a transition period and it's hitting me more than I thought. It's a bunch of things that weigh on my shoulders. Three years ago, I was fresh out of the hospital, just started seeking counseling with a therapist trained/Knowledgable in ERP. In the snap of a finger, I made the decision to move out on my own. That was scary. I was worried about all these thoughts I'd have but with the work of my first counselor and being led to NOCD, I persevered. I had to move out of my first apartment because they jacked the price up another $100 and I just couldn't swing it on my own. Moving out is a stressful experience, even more so when it's just yourself. So during that time, my ocd through all the subtypes at me. Suicidal ocd, POCD, Harm OCD, ROCD, and whatever else. I was taken back because I had really gotten a grasp on a few of them but I was made aware that OCD could be stirred up as I was moving, so it had a new opportunity to "attack". I was blessed to be able to crash at my parents for a couple weeks until I got the last of the money for the "new" apartment and that was a bit stressful as going from being on your own to living with others is a change. Even felt triggered that I was back in the hospital just by the lightning of the room I was in. You'd think I would've been excited to get out right? So did I. But the drive to my new apartment, I cried. While it was a tad stressful, I wasn't alone. I had home cooked meals. I was around family. Change is hard, especially for me. I am 28 and lost as far as where I'm "supposed" to be. Most people my age have kids (which aren't for me but okay if that's what others want🤍), houses, wives, great paying jobs, or careers. So moving to this apartment that isn't the nicest got to me. I've always let comparison take over me. Which then allows my OCD to send me into rumination, or catastrophizing. It's hard when you live alone, go from living alone, to staying with others, to back out on your own all within a month. My parents did come over this past Sunday to looknar my place and help unpack a box. I truly am blessed by God. I know this post seems "negative" and you may even ask how can you say you're blessed? Tbh, I have to remind myself a lot because I let doubt Creep in. Despite all of this, I am alive and breathing. While I am stressed about finances, this "new" place, and mental health...I am getting up each day. That is a victory in itself that I feel we who deal with OCD and mental illness should celebrate. I'm sitting at my apartment alone and bored. Which has me feeling a little depressed and I don't want to just bombard myself with comment to escape that feeling because as we all know with OCD, temporary fixes just keep the cycle of OCD spinning. So I wanted to make this post. To talk to y'all. I know I may not know any of you personally but we all share a common struggle, so honestly you could say we're family. Whatever the sub type, or mental illness you deal with, keep pushing. Keep working with your counselor and like i say and have to remind myself, show yourself grace. My NOCD therapist tells me a lot, how would you react to a friend who felt how you feel? You wouldn't condemn them. You'd uplift them. No matter what we have to keep going and doing the things we enjoy. That, to me, is the true victory over OCD because OCD hates to see us do things we like. Let's keep going! Much love. 💚

Guys I’m still have these ocd thought there soooo bad . I can’t find peace I keep offending the Holy spirit . And life hurts. Please pray for me I’m crying.

Hi everyone my name is ysabelle and I am 16 years old. I would like to share my on going battle with OCD, DPDR, depression and anxiety. About a few months ago I had a intrusive thought that sounded similar like “what if I kill myself, would I be normal again?” (Going off of my DPDR) for those who don’t know what DPDR is, it is basically feeling fake, Truman show, out of body. There is depersonalization which I have 24/7 with episodes of derealization. I’ve had this for 3 years and on going. I immediately went into fight or flight mode and started having a panic attack. I couldn’t be around knifes because a thought would pop up into my head like “what if you cut yourself”. I was so terrified of these thoughts. I was thinking am i suicidal?? Am I depressed?? Eventually I stopped eating, talking, taking care of myself, long story short I fell into depression. Now today as I am writing this my depression has sadly worsened and now I have no hope to get better. I developed existential thoughts so with that being said I have both DPDR & existential thoughts so sadly I question myself if I know my mother, grandmother, brothers, family members and myself. My mom used to be my comfort person with anxiety attacks, panic attacks anything I would feel safe in her arms. Now I feel debilitated and alone because my fear of “forgetting” or getting dementia latched onto my DPDR. I still have suicidal intrusive thoughts but when they pop up into my head I just feel more defeated and depressed. I’m writing this to find someone who’s going through the same thing as me hoping to find some type of comfort & relief. I used to be terrified of these thoughts but I’m not anymore and this makes me think am I getting to that point? Thank you for reading if you’ve made it to the end. Thank you.

Hey Everyone, I have been recently diagnosed with OCD within the past year. Finding this information out gave me an answer to so many years of struggle and feeling alone. I have had ups and downs and have been successful for a long time along this path of my own. Unfortunately, I experienced a massive panic attack 3 years ago that hospitalized me and has left me feeling at the 'start' again, but this time it feels worse than it ever has before. Anything that puts me potentially by myself or having to do anything by myself I cannot fathom, I can barely make it to the gas station at the corner of my house alone. I have been in therapy, went through EMDR/ACT and CBT. I was doing great for a little bit and even made one appointment about 10 minutes away from my home all alone by myself (also note I am in a new area completely that I just moved too). I was on medication at this time *lexapro 20MG*, I am no longer on it due to my bloodwork being extremely abnormal for my age. Now that I am no longer on it - I have fear creeping in that the lexapro kept me sane and that I cannot cope without it. I understand this is not the case entirely but there is something in me that believes that to be true. Long story short, I am looking for individuals who have had the same experience as me and could give me some hope into getting back to my normal routine (even knowing I have OCD now). I just want to be independent again and not burden my loved ones and learn to be okay with myself. Thanks in advance!

Please pray that I can be happy without punishing myself and stay happy. I know that I’m not always going to be happy but I would love to stay happy when I do get happy

Can OCD make you feel like it’s not really OCD? Like you’re just acting or using it as a coverup to not admit you’re a psychopath?

I’m new to this community and I have been recently struggling with suicidal ocd. I’ve never experienced these thoughts before and I’ve been pretty good at handling tough situations. But recently it’s been the only topic on my mind. Images and statements like I want to die. Which I really don’t want to. I’ve been seeking reassurance from my family asking if they believe I would do it. And also non stop googling about people who have ended their lives. It’s been extremely scary for me. As I don’t want to but your mind really convinces you that you do. I even questioned whether I have ocd and if this was possible or if I really wanted to end my life. I’ve been considering medication but have also been afraid of the side effects. Can anyone relate?

This is not a political post at all but just an honest question (without giving too much reassurance). Is anyone else triggered by the incident that happened with Donald Trump?. I want to explain what I’m dealing with and if anyone could relate I would gladly appreciate your reply. Donald Trump was shot over the weekend and thankfully survived. I haven’t been bothered by things like this in a while but here’s how it panned out for me …. At first when I saw it I was in complete shock (no anxiety though), then I felt bad and then I started getting visual images of the shooter in my head (like fully aiming at Trump). From that, it went to having thoughts of “you like it”, “you would do this”, “you could do this to your own family” , “he deserved it”, “you don’t even feel bad you’re not having anxiety over it “. I had a therapy session and we spoke about this and I was assigned an exposure to do based on this content. Now my brain is trying to convince me that I’m a psychopath and that I actually enjoy things like this. Can anyone else relate to this? Anyone else experience this?

For the last three years I’ve been dealing with OCD, I’ve definitely had it all my life but up until now I was completely fine. This deals with some sensitive topics so read at your own discretion. I knew I had POCD way before, as I would just glance at a kid and my mind would conjure up the worst, most evil things imaginable. I would brush these off because I had a vague idea of what an intrusive thought was, even now I’m not sure if it’s POCD or if it’s real. I’ve dug deep into things I did as a child and in my early teens, even stuff from about a year or two ago. I can’t tell what’s real and what’s not anymore, I think I’ve become completely delusional and am lost, unsure of who I am. I could deal with the HOCD, I’ve sought professional help and have been in and out of the psych ward. I haven’t gone back because they told me they couldn’t be of much help and to do outpatient treatment, which is therapy, but even that won’t begin until two weeks later. I’m F18, a girl should not be dealing with shit like this, that’s what I’ve told myself. I couldn’t believe that I myself am a monster, I can’t cope with this…I don’t know what to do, when you’ve dug deep in your past and found things that can serve as “proof” I feel sick, disgusted, and I feel like the only way to get rid of these thoughts and to take back the things I did as a child is to just die. The second thing I wanted to post about was that I would frequent Omegle and other anonymous sites. This lasted up until a month or two months ago, I remember that I would often seek out older people than me, but during the time I was 16 I found that it was difficult to do so and decided to just talk to people my own age, my preference was to talk to people two years older than me but I remember one time I spoke to someone two years younger than me. This has raised many questions in my mind, “what if you sought someone younger and don’t remember” I do remember I’d encounter kids on there but I’d skip them, sometimes I’d warn them to get off the site because it was dangerous. I’ve been dealing with this constant “what if what if” for weeks now. I would go as far as having my phone be checked just to gain some fucking certainty about my situation, I wanted a career in art, but there’s this sense of doom following me everywhere I go and I cannot have any peace whatsoever. I don’t care about whatever happened to me, I could care even less. But what if I’ve done something I don’t remember, I’m scared to face that monster I’ve thought myself to be for so long.

My life has changed so much in the past 2 months due to an interaction I had. 2 months ago I was outside of a comedy show venue waiting for my brother to arrive. He was running late so I was trying to kill the time by scrolling on my phone. Then this security guard walks up to me and starts a conversation with me. He was asking me questions about the comedian I was gonna watch. He then asked me if I was planning on going out after the show was over. He was asking for suggestions about cool stuff to do around town (I guess he had recently moved to the area). It was then that he asked me for my phone number. I then told him that I had a boyfriend so that he could piece together that I wasn’t interested in him that way. He then assured me that he was “not trying to get at you that way.” He said he was just trying to grow a social circle since he had just moved. He then just started asking me for relationship advice. He was impressed that I have been with my boyfriend for 5 years now. Then I started to tell him that my boyfriend and I are involved with the rave community and this seemed to peak his interest. He mentioned that he had always been interested in the rave community, but didn’t know much about it. I then told him that there is an upcoming rave in the area and that maybe he could come with my boyfriend and I if he was interested. For added context, my boyfriend and I have been talking about making new friends recently since some of our friends have moved recently. We then exchanged instagrams and at the moment I was comfortable with this since he assured me that he wasn’t interested in me romantically. Additionally, my boyfriend and I have no problems with having friends of the opposite gender. My brother finally made it to the venue and we went inside to go watch the show together. The guy sent me a message stating “it was nice meeting you today” and then I replied “Yeah meeting new friends can be cool” (I wanted to reiterate that I just wanted to be friends). He then replied with “Yeah definitely want to make new friends this time around.” These were the only messages we sent to each other. I felt okay and pretty neutral about the interaction until the day after. The day after, I noticed that he had liked an old picture I posted on Instagram. The picture he had liked was one where I had some cleavage showing. This was when the negative thoughts hit me like a ton of bricks. Looking back I think I may have overreacted, but I took him liking one of my pictures as a flirtatious advance. Then the thoughts started attacking me: “Did I say something that made him believe he had a chance with me? Did I accidentally cross a boundary with my boyfriend?” These thoughts have been on reply 24/7 and I don’t know how to make them stop. The day after these thoughts started, my boyfriend came back into town from a trip. Since I was filled with doubt, (and I was planning on telling him about the interaction regardless) I decided to tell my boyfriend about the interaction to see what he felt about it. I kept the details pretty brief at first. I let him know that he had asked for my number, and that I told the guy I have a boyfriend. I said that the guy told me he wasn’t interested in me that way. I also told my boyfriend that the guy was interested in the rave community and that we exchanged instagrams. I then let him know that the guy had liked an old picture of mine and that I blocked him after that. My boyfriend was not freaking out whatsoever. He didn’t show concern, and said he didn’t think anything was wrong with the interaction. I felt some relief, but that didn’t last long. About 2 weeks after the thoughts wouldn’t stop, so I felt the need to talk to my boyfriend about it again just to make sure everything was okay. I was more direct this time. I asked him, “do you feel like I crossed a boundary by initiating a friendship with a man?” He immediately reassured me that he did not have a problem with that whatsoever. He told me that I could be friends with whoever I wanted. Additionally, he said that he would be a hypocrite if he did have a problem with that, because he has friends who are women. He has never made me feel insecure about this and I also do not have a problem with him being friends with women because we trust each other. This provided me with relief… but again not for long. Another week or so passed and the thoughts weren’t going away. The thoughts started having more of a negative impact on my life. I started eating less, sleeping less, and socializing less. Crying everyday. The panic attacks were frequent. I began to see the negative impact the thoughts were having in my professional and personal life. Not only did I notice this, but my boyfriend did as well. He started growing concerned about me, and on a particularly hard day for me, he asked me what was wrong. This is when I finally broke down to him. I started crying inconsolably. I told him that I couldn’t stop thinking about the possibility of me leading that guy on. I asked my boyfriend to be 100% honest with me and tell me if he had a problem with the interaction. He assured me that he did not have a problem at all, unless the guy was pressuring me to share my Instagram. He asked me if the guy harmed me/harassed me in any way. He was concerned for my safety. I then told him that in the moment I didn’t feel like he was harassing me, and that I genuinely thought he wanted to be friends with me. My boyfriend gave me the biggest hug and just let me cry. He was really there for me and told me I didn’t do anything wrong. He assured me that he would let me know if he had a problem. I let him know I was starting therapy, because at the bottom of my heart, I really do believe my mind is giving me irrational thoughts. My boyfriend said he was proud of me for starting therapy and that he had noticed recently that my “spark” was gone. I felt relief, but again, not for long. I asked for reassurance two other times with others. I asked for reassurance with two close friends, and with my sister on a different occasion. They had similar responses that my boyfriend had. They stated that they didn’t think I cheated or that I messed up in any way. This was when I realized that asking for reassurance wasn’t helping me in the long run. I talked about this with my therapist. She asked me about other symptoms related to OCD and that’s when she told me that she suspects that I have OCD. I have only seen her for two sessions so she has not given me a formal diagnosis. She challenged me to no longer seek reassurance. It has been super difficult to resist, but thankfully I have been able to not ask for reassurance. This is the hardest thing I have ever gone through, and I feel so alone. I feel like my mind is playing tricks on me, and the thoughts feel so real to me most of the time. I genuinely feel like I am going crazy. I just want to feel normal again. I’m so scared that this will ruin my relationship with my boyfriend. He is the kindest and sweetest soul and I don’t want to lose him. Thank you in advance to anyone who read all the way through… I’ve just been feeling so trapped in my mind and felt the need to write this whole thing out. Any advice would be much appreciated! I just feel so lost.

Hi everyone, i’m writing this for a bit of advice or guidance as I have worries about my new therapy. So i’ve been put on CBT for my ocd however cbt has never meshed well with me & this therapy is through the NHS. Now my therapist told me that apparently CBT is the best for ocd but through research i’ve done myself most of the time exposure therapy has been proven as the gold standard? I’m really confused… personally I would have liked to receive exposure therapy, but unfortunately it’s not offered on the nhs in my area… The therapist herself I do not feel comfortable with, ocd is a sticky topic as we all know and it’s very difficult to open up about what actually goes on in our head. I feel as if I do not trust her to be able to open up and really get help. I could hear people in the background on the zoom call which spooked me as I don’t want anyone else hearing what I have to say and she wasn’t wearing headphones… She was also not very warm and welcoming, little to no interest and she was yawning and rubbing her face as if she needed to go for a nap… now my mental health is very important to me as i WANT to get better, due to my ocd and other health conditions i am unable to work and ocd has stripped me of who i am, so this therapy is super important to me so i can get back on track with my life. I don’t know whether this is me asking for too much, but in therapy I feel more comfortable if the therapist is friendly and warm, as if i’m having a chat with my friend, someone who i can make jokes to and trust. I did not get that from her, so I don’t know what to do. Next session she wants me to tell her all my obsessions and compulsions currently but i feel i just can’t, i don’t trust her. I want to try but how can i be so open and vulnerable when i can hear chit chat in the background and the therapist looks like she wants a kip? Is it selfish of me to want the therapist to gain my trust? Like work with me and try make me feel comfortable? is that too much? It’s either carry on with this or pay for my own therapy… Any advice or people’s own experiences? :,)

Madina is a phenomenal therapist! I recently finished my discharge session, and I can say, without a doubt, that working with Madina has drastically improved my quality of life! I have become more comfortable with uncertainty, imperfection, and the unknown. She pushed me outside my comfort zone, which is exactly what I needed!

I had a fight with my mother today it was about my ocd. We began to fight because I was mad at her because she didn‘t want to drive me to a psychologist then (I don’t know exactly how we came to what) she came up with „I always make things up“. I told her to read something about OCD to understand it. And after she read the first Wikipedia article she dared to say it‘s nothing „horrible“ and that she „also has it“. It hurt me so much because I stuggle so much with it right now. Can someone help me how can I explain it to her because I want her to understand it.

Just need to rant a little bit. I’ve been dealing with SOOCD for a LONG time now and every time I see a super masculine lesbian where they literally look like a man I feel like idk what it’s called but it’s like the giddiness and the attraction i used to feel for guys all the time before this started. I was on instagram 20 min ago and i was like “oh wow HES cute im finally getting my attraction back” n then it’s a fucking woman. Then i begin to spiral but since i’ve been dealing with this for a long time im better at managing my anxiety. It just annoying because i feel like im losing hope in just want this to end. I feel sad ab it but now im just annoyed bc WHYYYY THE FUCK AM I STILL THINKING AB THESE THINGS. When this started i was a boy crazy teenager and one day on instagram fucked it up for me. I immediately got flashbacks of all the “gay” or “experimental” things i’ve done, said, thought, or felt in the past. fast forward to now, I have no libido, i don’t find anyone attractive, i get the groinal response thing all the time still, im still depressed (but doing way better), and the fact that i’ve been dealing with this for so long makes me panic even more. I’d do anything to get my brain to stop doing this to me im so tired of this. Short and boring rant but that’s all i had to say.

Hi, please be kind, this is quite a lot for me to open up about. I’m a 31 year old womanwith OCD and have had it for most of my life. Partly due to OCD and other things, cultural upbringing etc I’ve never been in a proper relationship, and as a result not had sex (not wanted a one night stand etc) but have always seen myself as eventually marrying a guy and having kids. My main obsession is worries about my family and harm but also for most of my life I’ve also been questioning my sexuality. I have never kissed a woman but seem to be obsessed with boobs and feel I am sexually attracted to women more than men, who I don’t tend to feel sexually attracted to but instead romantically I want to be around them, however I’ve only ever felt that with a few guys. I’ve only kissed a handful of guys and enjoyed only one of those experiences. Due to my confusion about whether it is OCD or whether I am queer I’ve identified as bi for a while, which seemed to fit. However the last few days I’ve been convinced I was a lesbian. I do compulsions, the am I gay quizzes, on the internet, looking at pictures to see my response etc which is characteristic of OCD but I also enjoy being around women and it doesn’t fill me with anxiety like my OCD symptoms around other themes. Is there anyone here who has had SO OCD but also discovered that they are queer and has trouble pulling apart which bits are ocd and which aren’t? I keep trying to sit with the uncertainty and tell myself maybe I’m gay, maybe I’m bi, but that doesn’t seem to bother me like statements with my other obsessions. I’ve been doing a lot of research on sexuality and think that also if sexuality is fluid which I think it is how does anyone commit to a stable relationship? I had a really bad mental health day last week, suicidal thoughts, extreme PMS where I looked through my life experiences and thought ahh it makes sense im actually a lesbian, eg. All the times ive wanted to hug my female friends or stared at them and the times ive been on dates with guys but then my interest just seems to fizzle out or I feel bored or felt uncomfortable with. Im not looking for reassurance just would like to hear from people who have questioned their sexuality and thing it’s is more than OCD or queer people with OVD who have similar experiences. Thank you