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Makes me feel lost. I feel like I don't know who I am anymore.

No one understands what I’m going through. My husband used to be my biggest supporter but not we’re separated and I try to explain to my parents why I’m upset when I have panic attacks but they don’t get it. For Example: This morning I told my mom I was having a panic attack. And she just kept asking “why? What’s wrong? U were so happy yesterday. When I said, I didn’t know I just was having this panic attack. She did not understand one bit. She just kept asking me why why why? And I’m like I don’t know. 😭 it makes me just wanna stay away from everyone and just isolate because people don’t understand. I know it’s not their fault. I’m actually glad they don’t understand because that means they’re not going through the pain I’m going through.

Is this even Pocd anymore where I feel I want children but I don’t want to do nothing wrong to children. And I woke up good today from my sleep and I feel tired to react to this thing. I just feel hopeless and scared to get out bed. I feel like rolling my eyes and says I am tired of this bullshit.

I’ve been dealing with ocd and anxiety since I was a kid, but these recent years have been the worst it’s ever been. It’s hard to communicate with people about your mental health so I’ve been self isolating by accident lol, my social anxiety is terrible and it’s extremely stressful for me to hangout with people and my friends don’t seem to really understand even when I try my best to explain. They notice I don’t hangout as much but to them it’s “me being weird “ or “ a fake friend” I don’t know what to do and it’s frustrating

Guys, I would like help with maladaptive daydreaming and impulsivity. What would both be in OCD? I've always had daydreams. But it was something I did because I liked creating stories. But recently I've noticed that sometimes when I'm stressed, if I think about a situation, it feels like I'm going to imagine it or want to imagine it. When I say don't do it, it feels like it's basically going to happen. I talked here the other day about what if I try to create a compulsion to get out of my subject? Yesterday I was so anxious and I did this counting thing. Then it came to my mind, "put something like, if you don't do this, someone will suffer harm." And I don't want that. And I don't even want to create this compulsion because I would know that it would be worse because I would never risk it. But the thing is, even though I had a clear idea, it seemed like I was going to do it. I just wouldn't let it happen. Is that daydreaming? Is that impulsiveness? This has happened to my OCD theme before. But I had the feeling that I wasn't taking things seriously. That I was being childish. But I don't do it on purpose, it seems like I can't get out of the habit. Thanks for the help!

Has anyone ever had an intrusive thought of thinking you’ve might’ve swallowed something dangerous and you can’t trust your own mind? And you feel like you need to go in to get checked out? Any advice or reassurance?

hey guys, i’m almost fully healed in my socd journey but what’s stopping me is the false atractions. i get them almost 24/7 at this point and to every thing. they feel real and i hate them they make me feel disgusted. they also make me feel like hot and gross but then i see people saying thats what attractions feel like, but i have felt so much attraction to the opposite gender pre all of this and it felt nice and enjoyable not digustinf. i’m also getting false memory trying to show me ‘signal’ from my childhood to prove i’m gay amd i truly don’t know if they’re real. it’s so degrading and at this point i feel like govining up. pelesse if you have any advice or even if your going through the same thing just let me know. ocd is so terrible

everytime i go out with my bf, he annoys me so much, but i get easily annoyed, he is just being himself and im so so si irritated by him, and i act out and i am rude to him, today i have upset him and he stopped talking to me. i font know what is wrong with me, i dont lnow if i like him, if i still have feelings, if i only want the ideea of the relationship, what if im only attached to him. i dont know anything, i have so many doubts. im so drained, i diny even know if i care that i upset him. i dont know. what if i dont care???

Ive been struggling with really bad ROCD for a year now and im in the healthiest relationship ive ever had. I cant even go to a therapist because im a medical student and i dont have the money for it yet. My boyfriend is a really decent amazing respectful man and he has been tolerating my re assurance seeking behavior for a long time. And yesterdays fit finally threw him off and he said he isnt scared to loose me anymore because, he wants a life with me but not a life where every action he makes is questioned even when his intentions are always pure. Im always asking him, does he look at other girls does he get horny when he sees a naked woman in a movie to all which he said No. he doesnt because he has never sexualized anyone. He doesnt find anyone else attractive either other than me because hes in love with me and i believe it because i know he is genuine. But i keep asking him questions its draining me out and its draining him too because of me . I am scared that im sabotaging the only good thing i have in my life. I love this man so much. That said theres things i had to constantly ask for too for example instead of just letting me keep asking, give me a heart felt assurance when i start relapsing with the questions and when i start doing better acknowledge it. Because it will make me feel better and ill try even more to sit with the uncertainty of everything and trust him whole heartedly. And that small things matter to me. We have even come to a middle ground when it comes to movies with severely explicit nudity and he already agreed to it (hes a movie nerd). I am constantly on the brink and edge of just giving in to the thoughts and asking him every now and then . But he is so fed up of me he said Its ruining his mental health and that he knows its twice in intensity for me but its not the kind of life he wants with someone he genuinely loves even after trying alot of things for me. Guys please i dont want to loose him. I want someone to be scared of loosing me and i feel like i have taken that away from him. I dont know what to do please . I love him so much. I know he loves me too he told me if i start relapsing he will do his best to provide me with assurance but if it keeps persisting after that it wont work. Because thats not a good life to lead in the future. It has gotten so bad to the point that everytime i have to ask he reacts like hes being held at gun point. And i hate seeing him like that because of me. I cannot handle loosing him. He sound really cold now and its scaring me alot. I need proper help from some of you please just give me some advice.

Never feels like I can fully put my mind to rest. The problem with OCD for me is once I'm over one worry there's another buried deep into my mind that I'm not fully over. The two events I'm not completely over is when I tried to help a 17 year old with POCD when I was 19 and the topics unfortunately were detailed and even then I explained to them I wasn't comfortable with talking to them. I guess I just had a hard time saying no to someone needing help but it eventually made me so uncomfortable that I stopped talking with them altogether at some point. Then the other thing is being so worried that I committed a crime because my elbow touched someone's behind when I didn't want that to happen at all. I didn't want to listen to my OCD by saying move my arm or something horrible is going to happen so I didn't and then something bad actually did happen. I thought it would just be a light touch while zipping a bag up but then it was worse than I ever wanted it to be and it was so awkward and I hated it. I feel like I just won't be able to get back to the way I was before OCD started all of this. Aside from that I've just had extreme health anxiety but am too afraid to reach out to a PCP even though I need to. Something deep down is telling me I should do this but I'm just so anxious and embarrassed about sharing things to them. I can't even enjoy the things I used to do because this is constantly just messing up my life. I'm hoping I get a start of positivity next time I see my therapist. This just sucks. Feels like others around me are doing so much better than I am and I'm just kind of stuck on these same problems and feeling absolute shame and guilt from the past over and over again. I'm just so sick of dealing with this every single day so I just use escape whenever I can. Even that doesn't really work. I just wish I could go back in time.

Just gonna vent, this never happened to me before during my 20 years alive. Whether it is POCD or not, I have truly lost my sense of self and my innocence. Why of all things did this have to happen. Ive been experiencing more strong groinal responses and mixed feelings of arousal regarding specific thoughts. Its so odd, cause last month none of this happened, it was mainly just anxiety and mental breakdowns. Never did I think I would experience physical sensations as well. Acting on compulsions as well left me feeling absolute confusion, Ive stopped doing that but now I get the urge here and there, and Ive learned to sit with the discomfort. All this leaves me with more questions on whether I will truly get through this or not, or if people will understand my situation. On certain days I feel fine, on other days its sheer terror. I blame myself mainly for this all, It is scary as these images, causing both arousal and terror, only result in me feeling like a shell of my former self

About the beginning to middle of February I went into the doctor and requested to see a counselor. I’m starting to see a counselor about anxiety in a few days and I’m extremely nervous. I’m nervous my counselor is going to say I have to break up with my bf otherwise I’ll be stuck with ocd for the rest of my life. I’m nervous my counselor is going to think I’m crazy and not know anything about ocd. I’m nervous my counselor is going to tell my aunt how crazy and messed up I am because my aunt works in the clinic I’m going to therapy at, and if she tells my aunt everyone in my family may find out. I’m nervous I’m going to hell because I’m going to counseling and not fully leaning on God instead to fix it all for me. I’m nervous I’m a bad Christian for going to therapy and not believing Jesus is going to fix it all. I’m nervous that my future is ruined because of my mental health. I’m worried that my boyfriend is going to break up with me because I’m too much to handle and too anxious. I’m just scared for my future because of my ocd and because I am not as passionate about my faith as I used to be so I feel like I’m gonna go to hell for that or like my sister is going to die because of her seizures because of my ocd. Idk I’m so scared.

I’ll preface by saying he’s a brutally honest guy who doesn’t feel like there’s anything wrong with being honest. But um… yeah. He says I concentrate on the bad too much instead of all the good. I said I feel the bad is still there lingering during the good. He doesn’t compliment me like my previous boyfriends have unless I’m absolutely dressed to the nines, and even then, I can barely get it out of him. I’m a few years older than him. The other day, I asked him if he is sacrificing being with his type to be with me, and without missing a beat, he said “yes.” Basically, his type would be skinnier, younger, hotter than me (shocker, I know). I showed him a photo of myself that I liked, and he said “meh.” I tried to be confident and said, “well, I know it’s good, and that’s all that matters.” He asked what I liked about it, and I said my cheekbones looked good. He said he “only saw cheeks.” I said, “yeah… kinda hard to see cheekbones without seeing the cheeks…” He then proceeded to poke at my face/double chin, and when I asked what he’s doing, he said, “Trying to find the bones.” In the same convo, he said he hasn’t wanted to sleep with me because of my weight. Said he wishes he could see my waist more. I’m 10 pounds heavier than I was when we met, and that’s nothing. He’s gained way more in this relationship, but I don’t give him shit about it. He says “well maybe you should.” But I’m not gonna go insulting him just because he insults me. When I tell him it makes me feel bad, he says, “well I wasn’t trying to make you feel bad, so…” Anyway, I know it’s not just ROCD. I deserve better than this. But ROCD still makes me question myself. Mad af at him ngl

i'm afraid of being alone at home, of searching for C.P or of doing something wrong i have no diagnosis

I hit the SOS, and I’m just scared. If I sit with the uncertainty, then I could honestly sit here all day crying. I just can’t accept I’m not a bad person and ruined my relationship, no matter how much grace I give myself. What makes me feel better is knowing that I’m not a bad person, and trying to rationalize my mistakes - understanding everyone makes them. But then it feels like i can’t validate my good feelings because it’s “bad” and I should just accept I COULD be a bad person. It honestly sends me into a full panic. Please help!!!!!!

I've been really overwhelmed with thoughts of detransitioning even though I don't want to like thinking I'm not a boy. It's been making my anxiety go up like crazy but I've never had this problem this much before, and I've always felt so proud of who I was and stuff but I don't know why this is coming up all of a sudden and I'm scared. I don't want to detransition but these thoughts won't go away. I often have feminine interests and have been trying to get into a better mindset and I feel like those things are making me feel more feminine and I don't want to feel that way.

I currently have chronic fatigue syndrome partly from rocd, that relationship is over so it’s gone. But to get better from this I have to not worry. Anxiety is a big part of CFS for everyone. During this time I got very close to God, but lately I’ll feel He’s gone. Before that I’ve been speaking w Christian healing ministry and they basically told me most things are occult. All music, Hollywood, martial arts(I love martial arts) and paying attention to any of it is inviting demons. Also 8% of Christian’s are going to heaven due to multiple ( and his personally) near death experiences. I feel I’m seeking out therapy and coaching to heal from CFS and I feel God is completely gone. I can’t pray. I feel as though I’m going against his will and not sticking with the healing ministry and taking it into my own hands. Just in fear and don’t know which way to turn

Recently a deceased tenant was found in apartment next door to my mine. This is an extremely distressing situation and I am unable to let go of replaying the images of a funeral service removing the body through the hallway to the elevator and the super foul odor. This has made my living situation unbearable. I am hoping the landlord may allow me to relocate to another property/unit but my lease is not over for 6 months. They covered one night at a hotel while they ozone the air and hired a cleaning crew. Nonetheless I am immensely obsessed the air is still hazardous and another tenant will be found next to me again! I am compulsively holding my breath, blowing air out my nostrils, keeping the window open then close, spraying air freshener, avoiding the frequency of passing through the shared hallway, not going in the elevator, repetitive looking at the shared wall and their door, not touching the shared wall. Obsessed haunted presence. Obsessed I will get sick and die breathing in the air of the decomposing body. Obsessed with death the fear of the unknowing, what if no one found me like the tenant (7 days), how I will die, when I will die, what happens after death, being buried alive or cremated alive! Fear it’s not in my control! Fear how others will die! When others die! Especially my dog!! Fear I won’t be able to cope when my dog dies!

So i’m finally taking lessons after years of avoiding it!! However, it’s taking me a LONG time to get comfortable and learn. Each lesson is expensive and my family is graciously helping me out, but I feel regret every lesson when I know more money is gone and I’m not improving at a rate I like. My OCD/anxiety is def part of the problem. I have a hard time making decisions confidently and quickly and I hesitate out of fear of being reckless and hurting someone. But so much of driving requires confidence and quick-thinking. I fear I may never make it to a point of getting a license. I’ve been getting lessons for weeks now, and I STILL turn too wide and end up in the other lane. How can I drive in huge traffic with this!? I’m going to hit a car just by turning at an intersection!!! Any tips, guys? 🥲 It’s not my teacher’s fault by any means, he’s been patient but also encouraging. He does push me when need be. But I’m still BAD at what I do lol. Regardless of the practice.

This has recently developed into something much bigger than it originally was. When this past winter season started, i noticed more people were getting the stomach bug than usual. I was fine at first, until I was noticing almost one person in every class was saying they recently had it. I researched about it, and I found what I was looking for unfortunately. Norovirus cases were surging across the U.S because of a new strain of NoV that recently had been spreading. This immediately altered my way of thinking. Everywhere I went, I would be overly cautious of what’s around me and whose around me. The first obsessive compulsive problem I had was that I couldn’t eat at lunch anymore unless I washed my hands. One time, I didn’t have an option to wash my hands, so I didn’t eat lunch. That’s when I knew it was interfering with my daily life, and it was becoming a serious issue. There was another time where some guy threw up near me in the hallway trash can. My mind was spiraling. all. day. long. It felt like it was consuming me alive. Not a minute would go by where I wouldn’t think about it, and the high possibility of me catching this virus. There’s been so many other scenarios where I feel myself losing it. I’m not the best of explaining in detail how my mind feels when it spirals, but the best thing I could say is that I could feel myself slowly losing my mind. It takes over my life. I HAVE to act on my compulsive acts, if not, i’ll have these obsessive thoughts until it consumes me whole. I’ve had nervous breakdowns, panic attacks, anxiety attacks, insomnia, and it almost feels like it’s causing me to have an eating disorder. Most recently, I went to use the bathroom and saw what looked like puke on the toilet seat. I was already using it, so I just finished my buisness and rushed out there asap. I figured, if I fasted for two days, what’s there to puke if I do catch NoV? So, I did. I missed school because on the second day of fasting, I became very dehydrated. I was weak, and couldn’t move. I realized what this all rooted back to. That’s when I knew I needed help.