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I woke up to an intrusive image this morning, and then when I checked when I went downstairs there was a tiny drop of some fluid in my urethra, idk what it was, prostate fluid pre cum or pee but my ocd is seizing on it and making me think it was precum because of the intrusive thought because this is the second time this week that this has happened after an intrusive thought😭 is this a good time to accept uncertainty and say maybe it was maybe it wasn’t because I cannot stop ruminating 😭

Quick explanation: I get stuck in mental checking and ruminatiom for hours, and it's to the point where I feel nonconcordant arousal to intrusive thoughts. It feels ridiculously real and I'm horrified. My brain has learned that normal, desirable thoughts get replaced with intrusive ones (causing anticipatory anxiety), and once those appear, it forces checking, which leads to arousal, which leads to rumination and feeling like "oh my god, I may want these taboo thoughts, what the hell" even if I know I've never been attracted to such things. It really feels like there's a real issue, it feels so disturbing, and I feel like I'm not the same person anymore. I feel like there's no way this is only OCD even though I rationally know it is. I also kinda feel like I may be reassurance-seeking, but how am I supposed to not do that if it feels as real as it does I don't expect reassurance, in fact don't give me any, I just want to know what's going on or why. I just want some sort of help, support, anything

Hello! I've been trying to help out people earlier today, which I love to do. But damn, I'm feeling the flare-up super bad today. The thoughts, the sensations (mainly groinals and somatic; nausea and throat tightness, the urges, and feelings were non-stop today. And I probably reinforced that through compulsions of checking, testing, and reading forums. It really felt like I was back at square one ever since September started. I had a really bad and short episode of health OCD, which exposed me to my triggers. Now it's come back SO-OCD and ROCD have come back to bite me harder plus the pressure of taking the nursing board exams this November. It all just feels too overwhelming. I kept getting thoughts like "What if I'm lying, What if I acted a certain way, which where other people might think you're another orientation, What if I'm using OCD as an excuse, Why did I dream about this, Why did my body react like this, why did you move like this, maybe you don't love your gf" it's just all what ifs, the whys, the doubts and it became too much today that I actually broke down. Prior to these themes, I really was happy, I just wanted to live life with my gf because she brought color to my world and she made me genuinely happy. For once, I was really happy. But then these themes came and ruined a lot of things. I still want to live life with her, to be able to see her smile every day. I just love my girlfriend so much, and it hurts me just thinking about not being with her. I hate this disorder so much, and how much it took things away from me ever since I was little. The doubts, the distress, the trauma this caused, I grieve for my past self. I find myself constantly breaking down, and it still hurts that I'm robbed of my identity, my life, my love for my partner. I know these are just intrusions, manifestations that feel so strong. I know I can still do the things I want together with my girlfriend. But damn, I just wish I could catch a break and enjoy the things and people I love. Sorry, I had to let it all out.

i live in a multi generational style home with my partner's parents, my partner, his sister, her husband and their 2 year old. we have separate bathrooms and when I moved in, the house was filthy. not just contamination filthy, more like no one has picked up a cleaning tool in years. I had to deep clean caked pee and dust from behind our toilet and walls. there was expired shampoo bottles from 2014 with mold on them. The bathtub was black with grime. like someone cleaned off motor oils off themselves. but really it was just soap scum mixed with years of dirt and human grime. I spent days cleaning the bath tub with multiple scrubs, using power tool brush heads and even a high pressure steamer. i finally got it to the point to where i felt clean to be in there. i did not clean their bathroom because doing mine was hard enough and I never planned to use theirs. they came home from their month long vacation and decided they no longer liked the state of their own bathroom and decided to use mine. They said their tub had black grime and did not want to bathe their baby in it. that grime was there in all of the tubs when they left and it didn't seem to bother them before? i know babies pee in the tub, its a natural reaction that I don't fault. i have a strict no pee in the shower rule. i can immediately tell when people are shower pee people when i use someone else's shower because the smell permeates from the bottom of the shower curtain and the shower drain. Now i am laying awake unable to sleep thinking about how i will need to scrub the tub in the morning and put the shower curtain in the wash (cuz it touched the pee water) before i can shower and start my day. they also left a huge mess of water on the floor with redish mud? i dont know but i had to clean that up before it settled. i want to set a boundary that they clean and use their own tub from now on, but I am worried I will be perceived as precious, rude, insensitive or unaccommodating they also dont know about my OCD and I am sure they already think of me as a bit off, it doesnt feel safe to disclose it to them. i cant lay awake every night upset and i cant start everyday with a deep clean. my shower and my bed are my non negotiables with OCD habits. they also put a bunch of amazon packages on my bed when i wasnt home that didnt even belong to me and i cant stop thinking about all the dirty things those boxes touched before touching my newly cleaned sheets. so i also have to deep clean that in the morning. currently i am in the one corner of the bed nothing touched and i have sanitized the rest but not enough to sleep well. help!! this cant just be an ocd problem, but an inconsiderate family member i have to learn to live with. any tips? ALSO my husband is gone on a work trip, leaving me to have to figure this out on my own if I want to survive the week without him. its extra hard because i feel like i have less of a say since this is not my family home.

I’ve only posted here once and deleted the app for a while, and I still struggle daily with my OCD. In the past two years or so though, I have improved a significant amount despite oftentimes still finding it hard to feel the significance. One thing I have realized, is that unplugging from social media completely other than apps I can easier curate like substack and Youtube has helped tremendously, along with journaling. Keeping my screen time low and avoiding things like ChatGPT (which I had a big problem with for a while, that thing is a reassurance vacuum) has allowed me to better fight against my compulsions and/or Pure O. The one thing I’m lacking is a support system, but I am finally more comfortable with leaving my house and I’m taking steps to get myself back out into the world in hopes that I can get a job with adequate enough insurance to get proper treatment and maybe make some friends. I just wanted to vent I guess in a positive way, because I’m more prone to pessimism by nature. Don’t give up on yourselves, a small win is still a win. Reminding myself of that too.

I desperately need some advice or tips. Now that I’m having a horrible flare up that feels sooooo real it’s hard for me to feel good around my man anymore. The feelings and attraction I felt for him turned into numbness and OCD constantly makes me feel like a liar and question everything. I’m trying to stop checking and ruminating whenever I’m with him but it’s so hard especially when I feel like a full on rock again. I have no libido (haven’t in years actually), barely any attraction to men anymore (been happening ever since this theme started which was a long time ago but I think it’s from the years of feeding the OCD cycle,depression, and anxiety), and I’m feeling emotionally numb again. I don’t know if this is asking for reassurance but I really just want to know how to continue my relationship that I was so excited for. I was so happy to feel genuine attraction and to have a crush again after years of numbness 😭 I was so excited for this new chapter. All these missing emotions were waking up again, and I was starting to feel happier and normal. But ofc OCD had to make an appearance again. Any tips will be greatly appreciated!! (how this flare up has me feeling)

I am deeply weary of succumbing to fear and the pervasive sense of inadequacy that gnaws at my self-worth. This emotional turmoil has led me down a path of profound anguish, perpetually plagued by self-doubt and the constant fear of abandonment. To be candid, my childhood was marked by significant neglect and abuse, leaving me without the essential support that fosters personal growth. As a result, I am now 24 years old and grappling with the devastating consequences of these past experiences. My mental state has deteriorated to the point where I find no motivation to engage in any meaningful activities. Despite this overwhelming sense of despair, I find myself inexplicably compelled to continue. The most formidable challenge I face lies in the process of letting go of the past. These painful memories persist, casting a shadow over my daily life and relationships.

are not random burdens; they are mirrors reflecting the meaning you attach to your thoughts. You suffer because the meanings you create are rigid and absolute, dividing your inner world into light and shadow, saint and sinner, worthy and unworthy. This split produces a double-mindedness, a divided psyche struggling to reconcile its opposites. Imagine your thoughts as figures that rise from the depths of the unconscious, much like waves emerging from the sea. They are not moral or immoral in themselves; they simply are. Yet when they reach the shore of consciousness, you label them good, evil, holy, or profane, and in that act of naming, you give them life. The moment you judge the thought, it gains substance, and what was once a passing wave becomes a tidal force crashing upon your inner shore. Consider the person with OCD who calls themselves a bad person for an intrusive thought. That judgment, born of fear and moral expectation, gives the thought weight and reality. It becomes a living symbol of guilt. But pause for a moment and ask yourself, can anyone prove their goodness? Who among us stands pure when the full contents of the unconscious are brought to light? If all humanity examined itself as the scrupulous mind does, we would all drown in despair. For the obsessive, this process happens instinctively. The psyche, in its fear of chaos, clings to moral order, even if that order imprisons it. Each thought is measured against an inner ideal that can never be met. The more one tries to be pure, the more the shadow resists, demanding recognition. This is why the thought feels so real: you have projected meaning onto it, fusing it with the moral energy of your inner archetypes. To free oneself, one must begin to deconstruct the foundation upon which such meanings rest. Morality, viewed psychologically, is not an eternal law written outside of man but a tapestry woven by the collective psyche, shaped by religion, culture, and fear of the unknown. It is a structure born of humanity’s longing for order amid chaos. To see morality as a human formation does not abolish right and wrong; it allows you to see that the moral code itself is symbolic, a language through which the soul seeks wholeness. When you loosen the grip of the meanings you assign to thoughts, you begin to see through the illusion of time and identity. The past becomes a myth retold by memory, and the future a projection of hope or fear. What remains real is the living moment and the conscious act of choice. Peace does not come by silencing the thoughts or purifying the mind, but by integrating what has been split apart, by seeing both light and shadow as belonging to one and the same Self.

(Sorry this isn’t ocd related)Does anyone else hate public speaking? It’s like one of my biggest fears. I’m like an 18-year-old with a fear of public speaking. I just get so much anxiety about it. I have the toughest time speaking in front of a big crowd. I have a major that kind of requires me to have a good speaking skills at some point cause I have to put myself out there and also market myself, but it’s so hard for me to the point where like I actually hate it. This week I have this project for my identity and it’s so hard for me to stop overthinking about it, I’m just so nervous to go up in front of 20 people and talk about what I think contributes to my identity. I just don’t know how to have a more positive outlook on it. I get told that I think very negatively about it. I just don’t know what how to think about it any other way, especially since it’s something that I really dislike doing. If you have any tips feel free to reply

i feel like im dissociating, when i am with my boyfriend and i look at him i am hollow , when i think about him and being with him forever, and tbinking about the 2 year and a half together its like i cant rember how it was to feel in love pr to love him i feel like… i have no feelings and i dont know what i feel and nothing makes me feel better … i tried not posting here but i just want someone to help me. i dont know what i feel i feel disconnected from myslelf , from him… like i dont love him and im just existing with him (we dont live together, he stays at my place at weekends and we dont sleep together at night my partents still dont allow it even if im 18) , i dont know what i feel my chest is so tight… i look at him and feel so hollow… i even have many many moments when he annoys me, or i get the ick, or think he is stupid making me think its the end and the thoughts i once feared became true and i dont have rocd… maybe all this time… all these 2 years of me gaving thoughts was just me not accepting the truth… i cant remeber how it is to love… im not feeling anything… seeing people in love witj their partner and being happy makes me so sad… bc im not happy, even though he loves me.. im horible… am i trully like this? why? it feels so real. why. im tired… i cant acces therapy or meds, i have to heal alone, the problem is that i cant even stand talking to him vc hearing his voice, seeing him, talking to him, imagining a life with him makes me want to cry and be alone bc my mind tells me i dont live him that i cant stand him anymore and i have changed, that my feelings are gone and that is why i cant see a life with him, i dont understand why i have so many negative emotions towords him when he loves me so much, im thinking this isnt ocd and in just forcing myslef to love him and to stay bc i have this expectation i put on us from the start that he is the one. i keep thinking i want to break up but i dont have a solid reason, just how bad i feel , i havesi much anxiety and i fee si stressed its making me go crazy. Some people told me on nocd once that maybe i just matured and my feelings and preception changed. I feel like i lost myslf i used to be so loving and carring and daydream even though i had thoughts about me not living him but it just got worser and worser and went to a psychologist a while ago, hoping I’d get some clarity about what I was going through, especially with my constant relationship doubts and emotional numbness. But instead of feeling heard or understood, I was told things like “maybe you never really loved him” or “maybe you’re just not being honest with yourself.” That experience didn’t help me — it made my thoughts worse. It planted seeds of even more doubt, and I left that session feeling more broken, more confused, and even more alone. Now, I can’t go back to therapy because my parents don’t believe I need it. They won’t support me emotionally or financially with it, and that makes everything feel even heavier. I’m stuck with these thoughts, with no professional support, and I’m trying to hold on I’ve been like this for almost 2 years and it only got worse. I feel hollow and numb, like I lost myself. When I look at old pictures or read old messages it feels like a completely different person wrote them — not me. I can’t remember how it felt to love him, I can’t imagine a future with him, and even when I’m next to him or kissing him I feel fake, uncomfortable and anxious inside. My mom told me things like “maybe you only put it in your head that you have to be with him” and her words are stuck in my head, making everything feel even more real, like it’s the truth. My chest feels so tight all the time, and I’m scared that there’s nothing to heal because this isn’t OCD but just me realizing I don’t love him. I want to heal, but I feel like I don’t have the strength to do it alone and I can’t access therapy. I feel trapped inside my own mind and I don’t know what to do anymore. It’s like my fear became reality.

Damn I hate the intrusive dreams so much. Ever since my OCD flare-up this month, the dreams have gotten worse. I always wake up having thoughts like “why did i have a dream like that” and I feel anxious and distressed. I was doing really find a couple of months ago, the thoughts were tolerable to say the least but they get bad from time to time. But ever since September, it’s been non-stop bad. I get intrusive dreams, thoughts, feelings, urges and sensation that’s been distressing to the point that I always get somatic symptoms of anxiety. I always wake up with my heart rate so elevated and feeling nauseous and my throat tightening. It sucks. Does this happen to anyone else?

I am reaching out because I haven't been diagnosed with ocd but Im hoping it's the case. When I was 14 I started having harm intrusive thoughts almost fully surrounding my little brother. Later they progressed to sexual. At first being i was afraid i had done something sexual and couldnt remember. Then they turned into actual sexual intrusive thoughts. They have only progressed and I get extremely strong groinal responses. Sometimes I get them about other people. But its mainly my brother. Someone pls tell me what u think.

Been dating my boyfriend for 3 months now officially and worried I'll take to long for sex. He doesn't seem to care but idk society is weird. I know he wouldn't tell anyone or anything but I'm worried 6 months or even longer would be abnormal and uncommon. Idk in TV characters have sex on third dates. I know it's also a TV show and stuff but still. And it seems like most people my age don't take that long. (Age is 18 if it matters). I don't do drugs or drink or go out partying so I already feel a bit different then them. Is it that uncommon and or does anyone have an advice to keep the worries surrounding sex more manageable atleast. Idk how to help them.

If anyone who's had experience with sexual OCD can answer, please do Like actually, why am I no longer sure of my preferences. Why am I not sure whether I'm not attracted to something wrong. Why am I actually considering that may be the case, and why do I have moments where I feel neutral about these thoughts? The thoughts don't scare me as much, they do disturb me but they're not as scary - what's more scary is their possible meaning. At first, Sexual OCD feels like pure torment - intrusive thoughts and images looping in your head forever. But now? I still have the thoughts, and I've been told that anything from the thought itself to even a groinal response can be OCD related, and the more I go into ERP/ACT the more I feel like the fear is becoming real, even if it eases my anxiety somewhat. I'll put it briefly: I still don't want these disgusting thoughts to mean anything. I still don't wanna be a person that would act on them in any way. But OCD has made me even doubt this: "Do you really not want to act on these thoughts? Are you sure you aren't attracted to this? Are you?" and then that triggers checking, which only makes things worse because "Wait... would I say yes? Why would I ever do that? Did that reaction mean yes? Oh God, what if it did" I've been told I'm not actually who I fear and I can live with these thoughts and feelings, and I kinda do. But that hasn't stopped the doubt from creeping in, and feeling more real with every passing day. In fact, the lack of anxiety and panic makes it feel even more real, like I'm not actually having OCD symptoms. The less I fear, the harder the doubt hits. Picture this: 1. You're told to treat the thoughts as just thoughts, the feelings as just feelings 2. You do that, and you slowly start feeling better 3. But when OCD inevitably goes "but what if?", it seems stronger than before. All of a sudden you're panicking "maybe these things actually do mean something, oh no" ..that's my reality. It doesn't even feel like OCD anymore because it's nothing like the constant panic and dread I experienced in the beginning. But the dread and panic are still there, just more in the background - which doesn't make it any less distressing. And when you start falling into doubt, the rumination, checking, all the compulsions feel much more rational and warranted, they're automatic at this point. Also I tend to get thoughts like "but what if this is real", "but what if that thing that happened means something", "but what if this isn't ocd", "but why does it feel like you're denying it", "you're denying a real issue" - all of these basically keep me in the cycle. Is this meta-obsession? I do actually think that the thoughts, feelings, all of it could be pointing to a bigger issue, even if that's unlikely and the worst case scenario. I don't know if this just isn't poor insight, probably is (I've had poor insight since the beginning). If anyone could give any support or feedback, I'll greatly appreciate it 🙏

Idk if this is OCD related or if this makes me a bad person but it feels like it does. It just clicked that I lie ALL the time. I don’t make up big elaborate stories and I don’t tell lies to purposely hurt anyone but I seem to lie so much. Idk why - I don’t feel like i consciously do it but I’ll lie about what I’ve done in a day so my bf doesn’t think I’m boring or I’ll say I have/haven’t watched a film depending on how I want people to perceive me. I wish I didn’t do this. Is it really terrible? I feel like a bad person. Last night my bf called me at half 2 in the morning and asked if he woke me up and I didn’t even think about it I just said “yeah”. I wasn’t asleep, I was trying to go to sleep and possibly about to but I wasn’t asleep and I told him he woke me up. Why? I said I had a dream the other night about me and my bf bowling when in actual fact it was a daydream that I was purposely thinking about. Any advice or opinions on this would be really appreciated. I just feel like such a bad person because of it.

I know that ERP is the gold standard and it has worked great for my anxiety, but if depression is really bad, I don’t understand how exposing myself to “I’m a failure, I won’t get better, I’m truly horrible” for moral OCD is helping me to not do compulsions. It’s just convincing me it’s true because my depression already says these things

Just imagine a man teasing u for a kiss his hands rapped around u I love men but idk why these thoughts of girls come in ma mind

I have had a boyfriend for officially 3 months today. We only kissed for the first time on the lips like 2 weeks ago roughly. We do it once or twice when we hang out each time lately usually, it's a bit awkward but it's cause we haven't really had a relationship before. I'm not ready right now for sex and I don't think he is ether, we are both quite awkward people which is fine. I keep trying to live in the moment but I'm worried about sex a little. A little less lately but at the very least right now im worried how long I'll take to he ready and that I'll take longer then a normal person. Personally I'd like to wait atleast a few more months (if he is cool with it too, I want him to also be ready) but I'm worried that it's uncommon to wait for like 6 or more months. It feels not drastic to me. But idk. My mom asked me if I want to get birth control yet, she asked cause I've been staying out with him very late she said, but it's just because we watch movies and stuff. I know she had a reason but what if she just assumed I would by now. I don't think my boyfriend would care much if I took long and he was ready before me, he said to me that sex was just a bonus in relationships. But what I'm weird? What it I take 6 months or more then 6 months, would that he uncommon? Would it be weird? Part of me wants to just not worry about when I'll be ready and focus on the now. But ocd won't let me because I have nothing else to worry about lately. Please give me advice

Question: There has been an OCD “what if thought” that is a question within a question if that makes sense? It’s been very hard and frustrating when it pops up. The compulsion is to look up the what if question online, and there is fear and worry with that. It has been such a headache and scary! Any suggestions? I have OCD.

Happy Friday! It's time for our first weekly wins thread. This is your space to share any victories you’re proud of this week—there's no such thing as a win that's too small to celebrate.