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the NOCD Community

when did luvox start working for u guys? on two weeks i dont feel anything working... almost three weeks 😭

Hello! I have this fear about staring at people innapropriately. Breasts, bum, groin. This moved onto children, and it affects me greatly. I personally feel like I cannot get rid of the thought until I look. This makes me feel like I did it intentionally, which makes me worry I am a pervert. And obviously, so much worse now it's happened to children. I also get the feeling like I want it, which makes me feel worse. Like I am doing it to molest someone, but everyone knows I hate pedophilia and anything of sorts I wonder if anyone has similar stories. I feel so alone, and I don't want anyone else to as well. I'm hopefully going to a proper professional soon thankfully.

Hi everyone I hope you all are doing well . I have been really struggling with this idea , I know I have POCD , but with it I think I have false memory and real event too . I worked with kids for the first time I started working and I have a situation I keep thinking I did something wrong like something terrible if you get what I mean and it was just me sorting some cds in a room with two of my students at my old after school care camp job and my brain is telling me I did something wrong while doing it and like it makes me feel ill cause I get “ memories “ of me saying something weird or acting weird or just that feeling and I genuinely don’t know what I did ??? And same when I was a tutor it’s just making me think why did I even work those jobs I was so passionate and good at my jobs and now I quit them all because I’m scared . I’m scared of who I might be , it’s really difficult and I’ve tried ERP and I just think I’m terrible and I need to be locked away or I will be one day and it breaks my heart because my colleagues all liked me too and it feels like I’m playing a facade and mabye I really did something terrible I can’t forgive myself . It just keep looping in my head you did this and I feel so guilty crushing guilt and I can’t even try and work again even tho I need to support myself through my studies . It’s really hard and if anyone has anyone other advice or have gone through similar situations I appreciate any advice , comments and suggestions 🥹❤️

So I am doing much much better than I was. Some compulsions, but not like I used to. So I guess I have a question for other people like me: When I have a bad episode of ROCD and SO-OCD I worry that one day I will have a gay experience and then realize that I’ve actually been wrong all along and the feelings I have for my fiancee now are a lie. Then this perpetuates the ROCD cycle of do I actually love them, do I love them enough, etc. So has anyone else experienced this? How did you deal with these thoughts? For me, the “maybe, maybe not” just isn’t worked as well for this one.

I’m struggling with existential OCD and derealization. I get hyper-aware of my own consciousness like constantly thinking ‘why am I here?’, ‘how do I have my own mind?’, ‘everyone has their own consciousness and that feels scary’, and ‘life has no meaning because we all die’. It turns into rumination that makes me feel disconnected from my body and the world, like I’m looking through a fishbowl or I’m not really here. The thoughts loop and make me panic that I’ll be stuck like this forever. It spikes under stress I guess and after big periods of pushing through (like exams), and it makes me feel numb, sad, and exhausted and it’s just so fucking distressful I hate it. I know it’s OCD but the thoughts feel so real and distressing and asking if it’s OCD or psychosis is just a compulsion to get certainty that no one can ever give me. On top of this I’m trying to access therapy and it’s just so challanging and I’m scared I’ll be in this hyper awareness of conciousness and existential ocd state forever and I’ll just never get to live my life again. I feel crazy. Has anyone else had this and found ways to manage the hyper-awareness and existential dread? Looking for support and tips ):

I'm currently an inpatient on a psychiatric ward, home for weekend leave. I have OCD, along with depression and severe anxiety. This morning I was lying on the bed under a sheet while my wife gave me a face massage. My five-year-old climbed on and started "massaging" my stomach the way small kids do. Three times his hand ended up somewhere it shouldn't. I moved my hand across to stop it, but he'd already stopped on his own. Afterwards he laughed and said something like "haha I touched Daddy's willy." He was playing. My wife was right there. He thought it was funny, the way five-year-olds do. About half an hour later my wife and I were intimate, while the kids were downstairs watching TV. Here's the part that's really got its hooks in me. The thoughts were already going before we were intimate. My brain was already saying: if you do this now, it means something — it means you're only doing it because of what happened earlier. And I went ahead anyway, because wanting to be close to my wife mattered more to me in that moment. So now it isn't just "did something happen." It's "you were warned and you did it anyway." That's the bit I can't put down. It feels less like an intrusive thought and more like a decision I made with full knowledge. I can see the mechanism when I look at it straight. It's retrospective linking — two ordinary things, half an hour apart, and my brain drawing a line between them and calling the line proof. It's the same machinery that had me replaying the first moment frame by frame and then going back to correct small details so the account would be exact enough for someone to finally rule on it. I know the urge to get the story perfectly accurate is itself the compulsion. But naming it hasn't touched how it feels. It feels true. It feels like something I've found out about myself rather than something my illness manufactured. That gap — between knowing it's OCD and it still landing as evidence — is where I'm sitting, and I feel sick with it. I'm not asking anyone to tell me I did nothing wrong. I know that's the compulsion, and I know reassurance is a loan against tomorrow. I'm not going to add more detail so it can be assessed either. What I'm doing: not reviewing it further, not seeking reassurance from my wife, and telling my treatment team today when I go back — once, as a theme, rather than every time it surfaces. What I'd genuinely value: hearing from anyone who's been through this flavour, particularly the "I was warned and continued anyway" version of it. How did you hold the line when your own mind was building the case against you? I didn't want to sit with this alone until I'm back on the ward.

I always have fear that will develop schizophrenia and I have the fear of hearing voices and then it started to attack to going crazy and harm ocd and my thoughts started to sound like voices wut demabfs and stuff due to the harm ocd but I never hallucinate and I always go to into a panic and than it goes away. I’m not developing schizophrenia am I? It doesn’t run into my family but ocd does

18+ only nsfw is it bad that i saw a deepfake and it didnt immediately kill my arousal physically? like i blocked the account that posted it i think but i still scrolled a bit at other accounts. i wish i had an off switch. like it really made me anxious to see it and i wish i reported it since that stuff is illegal now. im so scared. also my cat was trying to get my attention, i just saw her in my peripheral tho and didnt look directly at her but i feel bad that it took me a while to stop feeling aroused when she was there and that should have been enough for me to stop as well as the content i mentioned

Honestly I’ve never noticed that I think about this, I just thought I was a bad person that thought bad things until I noticed people posting about it on here. I’m a cashier and sometimes customers will try to flirt with me, it’s something I’m not that used to. My current boyfriend of 3 years is my first boyfriend so I have little experience in all the dating and flirting stuff. I’m too much of a people pleaser and I’m just trying to be nice and not hurt peoples feelings so I go along with it kind of and I feel guilty. I’ve given my instagram to people and then I block them because in the moment I was too scared to say no. I’ve been learning Spanish for a few years and I love to practice with the customers who don’t really speak English. Most times they will ask me out or something even when I tell them I’m still a student or whatever. Or a guy will call me pretty or smth. and I always think, “what if I’m actually attracted to them? Does that mean I don’t like my boyfriend? What if they’ll do something to me because I’m underage?” And I’ll notice like an arousal kind of feeling. Or when a guy in general talks to me I’ll avoid them because I’m scared of feeling attracted to them. I also sometimes get sexual images of them and it makes me feel disgusted and uncomfortable. Didn’t even know this was a part of OCD until people talked about it on here. I never really wanted to talk about it I just thought it was a weird thing I did to myself that made me uncomfortable. I just thought I’d share and see if anyone else feels similar?

Recently, (for the past two three months) I struggle with thinking that I have cheated on my boyfriend or that I secretly want to. I also pester myself over interactions and small feelings. I am in a loving relationship with my boyfriend and we’ve been together for more than half a year. I care deeply for him and I love him lots. I only want to ever have feelings for him. I never want to cheat or do any such things emotionally or physically. Some of the things that made me think I cheated on him was that I had wanted my ex to notice me because we have the same class together—just so he could see I’m better off now or wtv (I actually does not want to get back together nor care about him and he doesn’t trigger me). And I had wanted this one guy who I knew secretly like me to see me with my boyfriend (it’s like “hey look too bad I’m taken”) and even me when I’m just walking by or in the same class together. One time I was crying in class and I thought I wanted him to see it but now thinking back I don’t even know if I want that, I remember I wanted my friends to see me and comfort me. Other things is me being scared if I see someone nice or have nice conversations or just think they look nice is cheating. I’m even scared that talking to one of my friend (who is a boy) and enjoy giving him lectures on how to move on from this one girl and talking about interests is cheating (although I maintain my distance and I even mention my boyfriend with him a lot). I do have boundaries but idk why there’s this looming dread that I want to cheat or that I have cheated. Does anyone have the same problem.

I’m a Christian dealing with OCD. Can Christians help me by, for example, sharing their testimony with Jesus, having OCD? Thanks 💗

Im in a hospital for help because my spiral is so bad I can’t function. I just quit my job. There’s someone at my work I have constant thoughts about, like what will he think of what I’m wearing, will he find my interesting, etc. and I find him attractive. He’s younger and I try to seem cool around him. He’s cute, and it invokes a feeling I get around most cute guys. But I’m insanely scared that I have feelings for him?? I saw him at work today and before I was able to even process or check for OCD feelings, I was like oh it’s him ☺️ and felt a little maybe flutter??? I DONT LIKE HIM like it’s not a normal crush but I swear I do and it’s making me lose my mind because I told my ex I’m trying to fix things with that I DONT like that guy but now I think I do??? I’m so broken and scared and confused and I don’t know how to tell myself it’s OCD if I might like him. It’s like my brain chooses someone to do this with and it constantly switches off but this time it won’t let go of this guy and it’s been over a MONTH. And I can’t stop the feeling when I see him but it isn’t even like a crush feeling but it’s not a normal one and for some reason I REALLY want his attention but don’t care much about him?? And the whole “maybe you do maybe you don’t” does NOT HELP IN THE SLIGHTEST. And saying I like him sounds wrong but saying I don’t sounds wrong too and I know that once I never see him again (which starts today) I’ll forget he exists and not care. But what does it mean if I care or feel that WHEN I see him?

This first week on Zoloft has actually gone a lot better for me than the last eight weeks on Prozac however, the dreaded SSRI dreams are back super strong and because of my current OCD theme, which is kind of existential ocd mixed with psychosis OCD. I’m really in the weeds. I’m in DPDR and remembering all these vivid dreams all day is really causing me stress.

I cant enjoy anything and suddenly all my emotions almost fade away, like I cant feel empathy for someone despite being an overly sensitive person for years, I dont have energy for anything, I dont want friends, a girlfriend or a boyfriend, I feel like its all just so useless, I can do things like studying, working,going to gym but I just dont enjoy anything, All i want to do is sleeping even when I'm not tired, before I would die to go somewhere new, now people tell me to go out with them but I just dont want it, i hate it, i even hate talking with my bestfriend, I just want to be alone idk why

So ive been suffering with hocd/soocd for about 5 years now, and within the last year (2026) it had become so bad and unmanageable. So before this I never actually believed like deep down that I was into women like I just knew it wasnt true. However, recently Ive started to have this feeling that deep down I actually am and just can't accept it (cause of internalised homophobia) and like scared that deep down i am a girl whos into girls. Even though I dont want to be and like I have no problem with those who are or even being one myself but these feelings disrupt the life I want for myself (bf, husband, having a relationship with men). Anyways today I was feeling just so numb and im scrolling on social media and I see this girl and i notice her body (i didnt wanna be with her in any way) and instead if getting panicked like I usually do it felt like this curiosity and relief and like genuine questioning and then I started panicking about am I genuinely questioning is this not ocd anymore, have I beat the ocd and now im just questioning for real. But can this be hocd/so-ocd? Can it make me feel like its genuine and curiosity? Or have I actually been suppressing something within me like I fear was?

(TW mention of sa/child abuse, sh, and attempted sui¢ide) This is deeply personal but I'm genuinely struggling so bad I need to hear from others. Obviously can't tell anyone in my life about this because nobody knows this. Background: Ever since I could remember I've been sexually abused by an older family figure in my life. It kind of stopped around the time I was 11? I mean the sexual comments remained for a bit but he wouldn't really touch me. Only my butt. Maybe I was finally too old for his liking. I was always scared of being left alone with him and unfortunately had to be on multiple occasions and wouldn't you know he tried stuff with me after showing me the p0rn he wanted me to copy. wow shocker. After it stopped I continued to be around this person and even though I knew those things happened I think I forced myself to forget it? I didn't really act any different aside from becoming more indifferent to physical affection but that was just seen as me being a difficult kid or something. I don't remember when exactly but I know I started getting nightmares about it more frequently after it stopped. Which always weirded me out because why wasn't it worse during I'll never know. If I had to pinpoint I'd say around 12-13 the trauma resurfaced and I started getting flashbacks almost everyday. Those times were blurry but I know for a fact the flashbacks became consistent. In middle school people started talking about bedroom stuff and figuring themselves out, I could never completely relate to it I mean fully. Even though I was hypersexual, I couldn't think about being intimate with anyone without also thinking about what had happened to me and then I'd shut down. That was a vicious cycle. One that I'm still trying to get over. I thought I was a late bloomer because that's what everyone else told me. Now me at 17 I'm realizing a pattern. Not to discredit anyone who's asexual, I do consider myself asexual but I'm starting to wonder if I'd be this way if it weren't for what I went through. Anyway that's probably enough backround to understand what I'd like to bring up the most. I struggle mostly with Harm OCD, POCD, Moral OCD, False memory OCD/Magical thinking OCD. Let me explain how those feed off each other and lead me down a never ending rabbit hole. As mentioned before someone in the past hurt me in one of the worst ways, I never was able to get help for this along with any other trauma I faced as a kid and even now. I know that something horrible must've happened to my abuser to make him do those things to me and my other family member (I don't know if there were more victims besides us that's another ordeal). My main fear is turning into the evil that had corrupted me all those years ago, ripping away my innocence like it was nothing. I was strictly religious a couple years ago and would read my Bible after babysitting and cry to not become that. I had brutal intrusive thought attacks involving whoever I was around or people in my life (friends,family,kids) and I couldn't bear the thought of hurting someone as much as I was that I would rather erase myself since I was the problem. Or would eventually be. So that did lead to me attempting a couple of times along with relapsing. I've severely isolated myself from friends, leading me to lose a bunch, and now it's getting as bad as me avoiding my family, and sometimes immediate family. I don't trust myself around anyone or myself. But I'd much rather hurt myself than risk doing something to someone else. This is where those last two types of OCD I mentioned earlier play a part in this endless torture. When I'm having a bad OCD flare up my mind tricks me into thinking something is going to take over my mind and make me reenact all the disgusting things I get intrusive thoughts of. Like it would take over my brain as I black out and by the time I wake up, the damage would already be done. And my biggest fear would have come true. I would be the new abuser. As ridiculous as this may sound to other people it's real as can be to me, I don't even think I deserve to live because I'm literally so petrified of what I'm capable of underneath. Do I want to do any of these things? Of course not, but what if I'm just tricking myself into believing I don't want to do anything bad. And vice versa. This sucks. Do you guys think there's any hope for me? Am I too far gone and the only solution is for the world to rid of me?

I’m struggling with getting motivated to do erp. I just have no desire to Idk if it’s because I think it won’t work, or if I just don’t want to deal with it Anyone have any encouragement?

hi i just wanted to share my ocd story and just see if anyone can relate. i have a few so ill start with the health one. it started when i was nine. i had never experienced depression or anxiety etc. when i was visiting my mom due to divorce she had given my brother and i a pill. not for sure why but we took it. when i took it i choked on the pill resulting in my mom doing Heimlich maneuver. after that i literally felt like anytime i would swallow something i would choke leading me to be in the hospital because i was terrified. that’s when it went down hill where any ache, pain, dull, headache, even as far as doordashing and someone poisoning my food i just feel like im going to die all the time and it’s horrible that i can’t just have a simple headache without feeling like i’m have a brain bleed. or a pain down my arm is a heart attack. google is a trigger for me so i try to stay away so i don’t get sucked into a loop. next would be religion. this sounds silly but when i was younger i would go to sunday school and they got onto the topic of the end of the world and let’s just say it scared me so bad i didn’t go back. it seems unrealistic that i would fear this but oh my gosh people try to predict all the time to the point where i had to delete tik tok because everyone was just saying it was going to end. one specific incident was around september of last year someone said it was going to end (yes im aware only God knows when) i couldn’t sleep that night i constantly checked on my daughter to see if she was still there or had been taken. anytime i hear about the end i can’t let it go for weeks. another thing but i wont get into it because its really scary to me is the thought of eternity it makes me feel like i’ll pass out when i hear about it and i can’t stop thinking about it. i do very much believe in God but im scared my fear associated with it will cause me to not be saved and sometimes idk what scares me more. i have a intrusive thought everytime i get in the car with my family i think about us getting into a car accident no one every dies but everyone else is more injured then i am i hate that my mind does that. i just hope i can be in the car and not automatically think about my family getting hurt. my biggest thing is just the constant looping with all of these things. it’s hard for me to stop and let them go. i constantly need reassurance from others so i feel less crazy but i can see its taking a toll on others who don’t understand that i can’t stop. i just recently got diagnosed and honestly it felt like a huge relief having a name to it and understanding that i can get help for it. i’m going to start ESP but i’m nervous.

A little background of me and my boyfriend relationship. This is my first real boyfriend and we’ve been together for three years .when we first dated I was so obsessed and overthink ALOT and if I leave school early for a doctors appointment I’ll cry because I was scared that he’ll leave me or love me less if I didn’t spend that 5 minutes together after school. He”ll always reassure me and I’ll feel bad for asking him for reassurance every single day. I was basically that girlfriend. Before our three years I felt a change like I was okay that he didn’t text me after he left for work and I knew he’ll text me the next day ( he has a strict mom who barely lets him use his phone so I got used to it) and that’s when I worried if I loved him( that was February when my OCD started now I feel numb and that “ I don’t care “ feeling now ) Lately I’ve been feeling so empty , and that’ bothers . It’s like I can’t access my feelings the way I used to, especially toward my boyfriend. Sometimes it feels like I can’t feel love at all, even though I still want to be with him. Recently my boyfriend came over, and I was happy to see him, but I was also extremely tired and overstimulated. My dog was barking nonstop, my parents and sisters were around, and I felt overwhelmed. I don’t even remember how I felt when I hugged him because everything felt muted. I wanted kisses and wanted to rub my face against his because he’s so soft, and I loved kissing his cheeks, but I kept questioning whether I actually felt anything. When he talked to me in a caring voice, I felt warm and protected, but then my brain immediately questioned it by asking if I just liked being loved or chosen instead of actually loving him. I also compare him to other people. I compare him to couples on Instagram and YouTube who seem to communicate perfectly, and sometimes I even compare him to my sister’s husband because he’s funny and emotionally expressive. I worry that I’m expecting Erick to be like those people instead of accepting him for who he is. That makes me wonder if I’m not committed to my relationship. I constantly worry that we are going to drift apart which is my biggest fear .I keep reading stories online about couples breaking up because they grew apart, and I think that’s made me hyperfocused on making sure our relationship is “perfect.” I realize I’ve started treating Instagram relationships like a standard instead of just entertainment. One of my biggest fears right now is not knowing myself. I keep thinking, “What if I don’t know who I am?” or “What if my feelings change?” or “What if I secretly don’t want my boyfriend anymore?” I want to know my core self before I get older, but instead of learning about myself, I feel like I’m constantly checking myself. I’m also constantly monitoring my emotions like Do I love him enough?Did I miss him enough? Did I want to hug him? Why didn’t I feel butterflies Why don’t I feel guilty enough? Why don’t I care enough? What if I’m forcing everything? I feel like I can’t trust my own feelings anymore because I’m always analyzing them. I still have moments where I naturally miss my boyfriend, want to kiss him, love kissing his cheeks, and want to build a future with him but it’s like I’m doubting everything.

I noticed that a lot of times when I talk about my fears and make a step in my journey that I will automatically become better. I’ll get reassurance basically— or advice— and I’ll think, “wow, that’s really all I needed” and I’ll leave calm and happy. But then later, the deep anxious feeling returns, sometimes even worse. When that happens, I feel really defeated. Like right now. I finally got help and I felt seen and got some good advice and insight and got prescribed meds. I felt really happy and relieved but then I get disappointed it didn’t fix all my problems. I know I haven’t taken the meds but I thought the reassurance would be enough :,) obviously it won’t be for OCD but I seriously thought… In the moment I’m baffled that I even worry about the things I do. I notice the illogical sense of it and I think the realization that it’s irrational will make me not do the compulsion again or I’ll be able to calm myself better. But it doesn’t… it’s exhausting with the hope and defeated kinda cycle Anyone else experience this?