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Someone please help I feel so sick right now over this

Has anyone taken hydroxyzine for anxiety or sleep. I took a small chunk of one of my 25mg last night and knocked me out. Then I woke up feeling a little drunk. Has anyone had that happen?

I know that the whole point to exposure therapy is to eventually except and tolerate your OCD but what do you do when it feels like you’re betraying yourself and there is no point if you accept your OCD thoughts? if I accept that I don’t know what’s going with my relationship and maybe it will work out and maybe it won’t and maybe he’s the right one for me and maybe he’s not and why am I putting through so much effort to try and make it work why am I putting through so much effort to celebrate anniversaries? should I even celebrate an anniversary at this point because if I have accepted that it may not work then that means I have accepted failure? and why would I continue to pour love and energy and effort into something that is obviously broken and won’t fix?

I’m still having rumination but I’m not doing anything about it. It’s uncomfortable, but I know the price I pay for checking :( instead of checking I’m taking deep breaths and practicing my coping mechanisms. I know eventually this trigger will pass, I just need to hold out ;;

We need more solutions on NOCD! A lot of people are suffering and venting and sharing their experiences and a lot of "me too's" - which is great, which is needed for support - but we need MORE REAL WORLD SOLUTIONS! Especially for people (probably most) who haven't done ERP yet. I understand there is also a business model at play on NOCD. "Don't give them the milk unless they buy the cow." Some gate keeping going on. Some specifics and key details and in-depth knowledge that I feel is being gate kept (I could be wrong but idk). We're left on our own to fix ourselves. Which is fine, but OCD-ers are not mentally lazy, they are the opposite. They've tried everything under the sun and still need help. Along with questions and shared experiences, real info helps, real tips help, real solutions help. etc. So the community itself needs to try their best to give practical solutions and that could just be their own experiences. So I'll start. Off the top of my head, these are mine. Not saying they're the best or will work 100% for you or that they're rocket science or that' they're not already common knowledge, but I'm just sharing what's *helped* for me and maybe it's new info for one pereson. By "helped," I mean made this OCD hell a little less hot - but not cured. MY OCD TIPS: - Delay rumination (although this can become a problem on its own because in a way it keeps the habit of delaying a daily thing) - Get to the Core Fears - Stop drinking all caffeine, only do decaf - For anxiety, try magnesium glycinate and vitamin B. This calmed down my nervous system but it didn't stop the OCD - Ban rumination - Exercise - Recognize "oh this is probably an OCD thing going on right now." Just knowing that gives perspective, even if the theme is something that he feels he *needs* to do *right now.* Even if something is an issue or dilemma, even if something is super scary, even if something is triggering, there is NO MANDATE that says we have to FREAK OUT about it. We can choose how to response, we can choose to try to calm our nervous system down and "fight or flight" response. You have more control over these things than you realize. In my opinion, it's not rocket science, OCD begins and is continued by an addiction (to certainty), fueled by fear and doubt. But in the end, it's still an addiction. We need to proactively do things to stop fueling and propagating the addiction.

Hello, my partner has been suffering badly with his ocd for 2 years now. There have been ups and downs but the last week has been really down again. He has the tools he needs to disengage and not look into thoughts, but his fear is too great at the moment and he can’t seem to do that. He’s even worrying about how to disengage and is he doing it right. He has a therapist but I feel he doesn’t listen to him at times because he is too scared to stop doing compulsions.

Recently I’ve been ruminating and fearing that I might be trans and I’m living my life in the wrong body. I’m a gay male so I’ve always been drawn to more feminine things which is what I think is triggering this possibly. I also had stopped taking my medicine for a month or so recently and that’s when this idea of me being in the wrong body had started. Im back on my medicine now and the feeling is definitely dulled but it’s still coming up. I keep imagining if I woke up as a woman one day and I feel like it’s something I don’t mind? Could it be possible that I am trans and just worried of the consequences and life changes that would come if I chose to transition? I’m nineteen and my whole life I’ve identified as a male and have had no issue with it. However I’ve always wanted to have more feminine features so that brings me back to thinking the trans idea is not just OCD. I’ve been constantly checking on things like talking with my voice higher to see if it feels better, imagining myself as a woman to see if it feels like that’s something I need, imaging my life as a woman, looking in the mirror to see if I would pass as a woman if I do in fact need to transition, etc. It’s a really uncomfortable thing for me and having OCD definitely has made this a lot harder to get a true read on what’s going on. I guess what I’m trying to understand is the difference between actual gender dysphoria and gender ocd. If anyone has experienced something similar or just has any advice please share, it would be very helpful and much appreciated!

This diptych was written during a period of frustration with obsessive-compulsive disorder and the exhausting cycle of intrusive thoughts and compulsive rituals. Writing these poems became a coping skill: a way to give shape to experiences that often feel invisible and difficult to explain. The Phantom Vigil reflects the tightening grip of compulsion and rumination, while The Morning Reprieve explores moments of relief, resilience, and self-compassion. Together, the poems are less about recovery as a destination and more about enduring the cycle, loosening its hold, and finding moments of light within it. "The Phantom Vigil
 A phantom legion claims each chair,
And casts microscopic shadows there.
A heavy coating, thick and gray,
That water cannot rinse away.

You sanitize to make it clear,
To wipe away the phantom fear.
The hands repeat the frantic chore,
Through stinging burns and open sores.

The scald is hot, the soap is raw,
Submitting to an unseen law.
The skin turns red beneath the stream,
Trapped inside a silent scream.

You stand beneath the pounding spray,
To scrub the stubborn ghost away.
The friction burns, the water slips,
While silence locks your heavy lips.

No words are spoken, nothing said,
The raging war inside your head.
Yet phantom patterns start to grow,
Where simple water cannot go.

A word you said, a future dread,
A maze built deep within your head.
The skin is dried, a brief reprieve,
A fragile truce you want to weave.

The gears lock tight, the mind spins fast,
The phantom thought repeats the last.
The trap resets, the loop stays tight,
And back to the tap you go tonight." “The Morning Reprieve
 The phantom legion slinks away,
Dismissed beneath the morning rays.
The sunlight spills across the floor,
To soothe the sting of raw and sore.

The basin stands in quiet view,
As morning builds the world anew.
You pause before the silver rim,
And hope the phantom thoughts will dim.

The scald is gone, the water cool,
You strive to break the rigid rule.
The skin is pink, the water clear,
You breathe against the lingering fear.

You look down at the heavy tap,
And wish to leave the midnight trap.
The friction fades, the shadows part,
A prayer for healing in the heart.

No words are spoken, none required,
The raging war is only tired.
You trace a path that might stay clear,
Where simple hope can venture near.

The future dread you try to ease,
Replaced by early morning breeze.
The hands are dry, the air is clean,
You linger in the space between.

The gears unlock, the wheels run slow,
You wait for softer tides to flow.
You keep the loop from pulling tight,
And wish this strength would last the night."

Lately things have been so stressful and my life has been less than satisfactory because I have a huge fear of bodily fluid contamination (s3m3n mostly) and 2 weeks ago I had a w3t dream which triggered this entire spiral because I was rushing out of the house and I did not shower correctly so I was convinced I was spreading bodily fluid everywhere and I bought a new backpack because of it and new spirals and even then things went wrong and I would have to wash my bag again and buy new spirals I would have another w3t dream and have to wash my Bag but new spirals and now I am here I need to clean up my house because I am convinced I spread bodily fluid everywhere and my house is not clean at all since my parents are old and do not clean often so it has a lot of stuff piled up and things just feel terrible because the times I did go to school while feeling contaminated (I probably was) I borrowed peoples things touched stuff my friends stuff so now all of that is contaminated and even if I get clean I will still sit in the same seat and be touch the same things I touched when I was dirty so I will stay dirty. And my friends trusted me to be clean and now I contaminated their stuff. And my car seat needs to Be cleaned for the same Reason since I was sitting there while dirty and my shoes came into contact with something that had bodily fluid on it from my clothes I threw out and now my shoes are dirty and need to be cleaned and they touched my bag and my desk and other things so now it is dirty too. On top of this my house being dirty is the bathroom since I was laying somewhere where I had a wet dream previously and I think I cleaned it but it was a couch so there are a lot of Crevices I probably could Not reach and I have never had these dreams before so idk how to clean up without spiraling and after laying on the couch I went to the bathroom so my clothes contaminated the toilet and stuff and my family used it so now they are contaminated. I feel like I am forgetting something I need to say to properly handle this fear I want to ignore it but it is so gross I can not even bear the thought of making friends being this filthy and I want to say it does not matter but it does because it is disgusting I am disgusting.

I need advice from those who have experienced heartbreak and struggle with their own mind like I do. How do you genuinely get over a heartbreak? Needless to say that it’s already difficult to handle a heartbreak under “regular” circumstances. How does one get over this when they’re at war with their own mind? Also, I can’t help it but to think that my real event themes have to do something with all of this. It’s weird to explain, but I feel like it’ll worsen my spike. It’s been nearly two months and I’ve recently found out new information that’s absolutely shattered my heart into a thousand pieces. I can’t help it but to think that I’m not enough, that my overthinking ruined everything and that I’ll never find anyone who’s able to bear up with me. Please any advice, I feel like my friends are already tired of hearing my overwhelming venting ;(

Good afternoon folks! I wanted to make a post to talk about the difficulties of processing new information, new people, and new places while still battling OCD. My story: I’ve had OCD since I was a small child. I can remember the fear of the thoughts I had, even now. As a kid, I didn’t know what was happening to me… which is a common theme that trickled into my adulthood before I was diagnosed with OCD. I spent a lot of time in childhood thinking about death or causing accidental harm, both emotionally and physically, to those around me and myself. As I got older, my OCD got smarter. It learned everything that made me tick. It learned its way into my thought patterns and became a part of daily life. Since I went undiagnosed for so long, I really did think that there was just something wrong with me. The way I processed information, the way I interacted with others, all of the tension and feelings of urgency consuming me… these things took a toll on my ability to socialize and put myself into the world as a functioning member of society. I found myself leaving social interactions and feeling as if I needed to double check, and triple check, over and over and over again to make sure that I hadn’t said something weird, or that I hadn’t offended anyone. My OCD diagnosis has changed my life. Upon being diagnosed as a young adult, I realized I didn’t know a lot about myself and my disorder and how those two things collide. After stating therapy, I began to dig deeper into the different subtypes of OCD, and somehow found maps to my brain that I didn’t even know existed, nor did I realize others experienced what I was experiencing! Now that I’ve told you how I came to be here, let’s acknowledge this fact. OCD is extremely difficult to manage, especially when it goes unchecked for so long. Starting ERP is just the beginning, but putting in the work yourself matters! School has now begun for a lot of folks, including myself. Now that I understand my triggers and themes, I have been able to combat intrusive thoughts about starting school. The funny thing is though; OCD will always try to find a way to get to you, even when you squash your biggest theme. School was a huge issue for me because of all the things I couldn’t be certain about. I actually dropped out last year because of my OCD. Now I’m starting fresh and excited! And what does OCD do? It trickles down into my other themes since it can no longer get to me about school. This has definitely felt like a set back in some ways, however it’s important to acknowledge growth and progress. I know I have made major progress. In times like this, when OCD tries to fight back, remember how far you’ve come from how big it was before, and remember that you don’t have control of your thoughts, but you do control your response to them. Good luck to everyone starting school with their OCD blazing, and don’t let it knock you down! The excitement and anxiety of new experiences is what makes us human and connects us to one another. NO AMOUNT OF ANALYSIS WILL GIVE YOU 100% CERTAINTY. Take it one day at a time. Be proud of yourself, because what you’re dealing with is one hell of a fight!

Hi. I'm a freshman moving to college on the 28th. I was diagnosed with OCD/Pure OCD at 14, after having suffered since I was six. My themes fluctuate constantly, and my compulsions are almost entirely mental, with some exceptions. The severity of symptoms flucuate, especially since I have Premenstrual Dysphoric Disorder (PMDD), and my triggers are rather specific. Right now, my Real Event and Harm OCD, are at an all time high. I also worry that my OCD diagnosis is inaccurate, although I know, rationally, it is not. My Real Event OCD relates to actions I made in my childhood which I have since realized were morally incorrect, and my past dishonesty regarding schoolwork. I feel like I don't deserve any of the good things I have, or any of the opportunities I have been offered. I am feeling sick, anxious, and depressed. I do not feel comfortable sharing what I did to cause my Real Event OCD, but I am eager for any advice.

I am thinking about getting discord. Ive heard of it obviously but really dont know what its all about. It could be a way to make some friends. What do you all here think of it? Have you had good experience on there? I am scared even to put myself out there online never mind in person. But I need some friends. Life alone is not good and there is only so much that cats can do company wise. They are great dont get me wrong but im starting to go mad

*positive comments are welcomed. I feel so defeated and it would be nice to hear some comforting words. Not reassurance but positive words. I haven’t heard anything positive in a long time. I just started school after being on break and am pretty much solo parenting my 3 kids with their school schedules along with them being sick. In the midst of this all, I can’t stop spiraling. My thoughts race so fast sometimes that I get tunnel vision. I feel like I’m never going to get better and that I won’t be able to finish my program. I’m halfway there but this summer was the absolute worst ocd flare up I ever had. Like to the point where I can’t think straight for days or sleep/eat. Idk why it’s gotten so bad but maybe because I have a lot on my plate? My thoughts are distorted and sometimes don’t make sense but when I’m spiraling I feel like I’m believing them. I’m so sad because it feels like this is how I’m going to be for the rest of my life. It’s like everytime I find a “solution” to help with my ocd, I purposesly check to make sure that it’s safe for me to do this exercise and I forcefully make myself think it’s not and that I need to worry. Why is ocd like this?

i know this sounds insane but let me start by saying i have always been an extremely sentimental person with teddies etc+if anyone's watching the lindsay clancy trial that's not helping this particular anxiety. Anyways recently i've realised just how long ive had some of my teddies and comfort items, and just how long ive been so attached to them, ive taken them everywhere since i was a tiny kid (im now 19) They've been there in my good and also really bad days so i had the thought of "what if they've seen too much and dont like me" which im fully aware sounds ridiculous because they're not aware, they're toys. I found myself getting anxious over figuring out what teddy had seen what. As soon as i realised i felt that i then thought shit, i'm worrying about a non sentient thing disliking me, i must be in psychosis and believe they are real. Im now freaking out fully because im convinced i have it. im so terrified. I feel guilty about how i used to pretend they were hurt as a kid so i could play doctor and make them better, i know thats normal as a child but im 19 and still feel guilty. Im sinking into pure panic

Hi everyone, It’s my first post on here. I have been a silent reader for quite some time and it has been a helpful part of my recovery to know I’m not alone. I have had a number of themes which have circulated. I want to give a bit of background, without making it an essay (sorry 🫣!) I am a teacher. I began working in education 7 years ago and I fell in love with the job and the environment. Unfortunately about a year into it, my OCD began attacking the job. I had severe worries about the children and whether I was a danger to them. The intrusive thoughts were so intense, it was the worst time of my life. I thought I’d have to leave the profession I finally found that I loved. I got diagnosed, began medication, took part in support groups and my life really turned around. I’m so glad I didn’t let it ruin what I had worked hard for. Fast forward to today and unfortunately I have recently experienced a huge family trauma. A very close family member is under investigation for something very closely related to my theme. (I won’t go into detail but I’m sure you can gather what I’m talking about.) Of course this has caused a huge trigger in my previous theme. Something that hasn’t impacted my life in almost 3 years. I’m really struggling. I’m trying to navigate the feelings of grief, sadness, shock, anger… all related to the sudden trauma. And I’m also trying to navigate my sudden spike in OCD. Something that has absolutely nothing to do with me has managed to twist in my mind to be about me. And it’s a whole new swarm of thoughts: ‘if I’m related to someone that can do that, that must mean I will’.. ‘I’ve just been hiding this whole time’.. ‘it’s obviously not just OCD, it’s something else’.. I feel so deflated and like I’ve gone 100 steps back. I’m so anxious about my job. Any advice is welcome. Thank you ❤️

I’ve had a really difficult last 2 weeks. I had a really scary panic attack yesterday, the worst I’ve ever had. I can’t seem to shake that anxiety, and keep coming up with all these reasons in my head of things I’ve done/said wrong the last few days. I really struggle with people-pleasing in general, and often get stuck in an OCD loop about if someone is mad at me. That seems to be the fixation right now. My mom has been in the hospital and she’s okay! She is coming home today, but I’ve been a few hours away from home and staying at her house for the last 2 weeks to be there for her/care for her cat. My partner stayed with me for several days and was so incredibly supportive and helpful during this time, but I haven’t seen him in over a week because he has to work. Of course, this is all making my mental health worse as I was worried about my mom, missing my home/my partner, spending a lot of time alone, etc. I’m trying to attribute my OCD flare-up to the recent stressful events I’ve gone through. I’m thankful I’ve had support from friends and my partner during this, but I tend to feel worse when I’m alone. Once my mom is back home & settled, things will get better. I really just needed to get all of this out, and I don’t have the energy to physically journal right now. So if you read this, thank you and sorry it’s so long! I feel better.

this probably a very silly post, but i still feel like i need to ask. so i find psychology really interesting and i like finding out how people work inside of their heads; it's just really fascinates me. recently though, i've stumbled across a lot of posts about how people's bullies (present or past) for some reason often choose career paths within psychology and therapy, education and healthcare. now, this brings me back to how in the past i had this friend i was mean to when i was around 9-11 years old (i'm 16 now). i didn't BULLY her, but i was not nice to her either and wrote some really dumb things about her in my diary. at the time i wasn't entirely at good mental health either, but that didn't excuse my attention seeking and victim mentality. since it's been a while this happened i don't know how much i remember wrong or exaggerate, either, so memories aren't a reliable scource either which feels unsafe. i really despise this version of myself and how i used to be, but i feel like because i don't have a clear moral slate i don't deserve to work within psychology, and especially within therapy as i'm scared i might not be the best with patients. the concept of controlling and/or manipulative people seeking out professions among vulnerable people, like in therapy, because they like the power and control worries me a lot, because what if the reason what if that's why i'm interested in psychology? i like to try and help people with their problems, but what if it's solely because it validates my ego and i like the sense of control or something??? i'm super scared of lacking empathy and secretly being controlling and malicious, so now i'm wondering if my past traits and mindsets (some of which still exist and i want to work on), and especially my wrongdoings, make me too bad to work in psychology,and if i should consider another path. ik this probably sounds dumb, but i don't know what to think anymore and i want to be on the safe side; i don't want to take the risk of putting myself in a line of work where i can accidentally cause harm or do something bad.

hello.. I have the following problem and would really appreciate a neutral outside perspective. I was on my way to a museum with my partner. I was driving and he was sitting in the passenger seat. During the drive, my partner had already noticed a woman before we drove directly past her. As we were passing her, he turned his head as far to the right as possible, toward his side window. He did not actually turn his head beyond what was physically possible. I simply had the impression that he would have liked to turn his head even further to the right if he could have. Of course, that may also have been my interpretation of the situation. From my perspective, it looked like he was looking at the woman. The whole situation probably lasted no more than about five seconds. I didn’t say anything about it at first. Later, after we had left the museum, I decided to bring it up. My partner said that he had not been looking at a woman. I initially accepted that and then asked him where he had been looking instead. At first he responded with “Huh?”, then there was a brief silence, and afterwards he said something along the lines of: “You don’t know either when or where you’re looking around in the world.” I interpreted his explanation as meaning that he simply didn’t know exactly, or didn’t remember, where he had been looking during that brief moment. In other words, he doesn’t consciously keep track of when and where he looks, so he may genuinely not be able to say afterwards exactly what he was looking at. Of course, there is also the possibility that he was lying to me. I will probably never know for certain which explanation is actually true. We have situations like this fairly often. I sometimes perceive my partner as looking at or checking out other women, while afterwards he says that he wasn’t looking at a woman. At the same time, my partner also doesn’t want me to look at or check out other men. I have talked to my therapist about this issue. My therapist advised me to stop monitoring where my partner looks and to accept that we apparently perceive these situations differently. Since I have been trying not to pay attention to or control his looks anymore, things have actually become significantly better for me. However, when I happen to notice something like this by chance, it still upsets me. What I find particularly difficult is that when I personally perceive something happening, it is hard for me to simply let it go when my partner subsequently says that it didn’t happen that way. I generally trust my partner. I am not trying to automatically accuse him of lying. My therapist also pointed out that ultimately I cannot know whether we genuinely perceived the situation differently or whether my partner was simply not being honest with me. That uncertainty is what I find difficult. I would therefore really appreciate an outside perspective on this situation. How would other people handle something like this? Is it better to accept that we may have different perceptions and not investigate it further, even though seeing a look like this by chance hurts me in the moment? Or is it understandable that I feel unsettled when I personally perceive something and my partner afterwards says that it didn’t happen?

I keep asking that everything be ethical & God fails to answer, leading to ne spiralling. So I've drawn the conclusion He doesn't exist. I'm not asking for big things. Not money, not a partner, not all the big ticket items...I'm prepared to suffer on that front. Just small requirements of ethics. Zero answer. My 24 hr spiral. So? He can't exist...but I'll continue the Bayesian study for certainty & science. One simple prayer. One! Morality. Anyone who challenges me, the pastor, my parents (esp dad), my sister etc. It's simple, tell Him to answer the prayer. It's easier test than Gideon's fleece experiment. It just requires God to exist & God to care...