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Hi guys i'm 23 and i feel like a loser and everyone around me thinks sorry this has nothing to do with my ocd but i just feel like i need to share this with you

Anyone else with contamination OCD find it WILD that people can carry on with their daily lives during the pandemic? Like, there's actually TONNES of people out there who don't wipe down their groceries or shower when they get home. What?? Or like, theres people who can wait to for a few days with symptoms before they go for a covid test. That blows my mind. At the same time, thoughts of those people help me remember to calm down and trust I'm doing things safely.

Can someone please help. I'm struggling with severe anxiety and depression. I'm very depressed and feeling like I'm hanging on by a thread. It feels completely real and I think there is truth to it. I'm am so sad. I'm sorry, but I just dont want to be gay. Sometimes I feel I would rather die. I have no issues with anyone else being gay, I just dont want it. I feel aroused when I see random women fully clothed. Old women, and children sometimes too. I LIKE THE FEELING. I feel a strong urge to act sexually.I feel like just sinking into the Earth. I want the pain to stop. I am in so much pain. It is getting to the point where it is unbearable. I don't have any fucking money and I can't get help. What do I do.

I am terrified to take a step towards exposing myself to my compulsions. I need everything to be clean for me to be clean so I don’t want to touch anything that I view not clean. I’m stuck and I am working with a therapist on my own, but I am still struggling with several thoughts and weird behaviors.

One of my exposure homeworks is to watch comphet videos or read about comphet. But I’m struggling with compulsions. It’s probably the hardest exposure for me since I’ve never been in a relationship and a lot of the things it talks about is women who are reluctant to have relationships or inexperienced women but for me it’s just a relationship was never a huge part of my life. I would often imagine my life with this “perfect guy” I guess when I was younger and I always had a “type” of man I would want to be with. Again my ocd says this is all brainwashing from society. But anyway, how do I go about doing this because I’m really struggling to just sit with the thoughts and try not to analyze what people are saying. Like I tend to “look for clues” to see if anything relates to me or if someone says something that doesn’t relate to me I say almost automatically “oh great that isn’t me then” It’s so hard to stop it. Does anyone else here find comphet triggering? And how do you do response prevention because I’m having a really hard time.

Well, after a day and a half of nearly no bad OCD thoughts... BAM, I think horrible one and I’m making myself mad because I didn’t feel any anxiety over it. It makes me feel like a disgusting human. Like I don’t want to do anything like my thoughts suggested! I want to be known for the good I can do for this world, I want to help the homeless, my goal is to one day open a homeless shelter! But like my “insidious” thoughts are making me mad. I don’t want my name to go down in history as someone who did bad! I want to be good.

what are your guys thoughts on just trying to make through each day, day by day. This seems so hard and its exhausting with all ot the thoughts.

I’m like trembling and shaking thinking about starting therapy on this app. It almost feels more comfortable to wallow in misery and the fear of even sharing my awful thoughts is too much to handle.

The following text will be a bit stronh.... I'll talk about certain things that are sexual. Please proceed with caution. (tw sex and mastutb-) (23, F) I'm so sorry for talking about this here but I am losing my mind... I saw a law and order episode and I was disgusted.... It was about r-pe. I hate that show. It makes overly exaggerated stories in my opinion My pocd started because I started masturb- (which happened by accident but the details are meaningless). And my former therapist agreed with me. I don't think Ive ever had disgusting (non consensual) fantasies but I've had a few that ashame me greatly. The man on the show filmed himself while masturb- and I felt like a monster... I never did that but this word "masturb" is a huge trigger for me. I was never addicted to it because it never consumed my life. I only had urges to do it if I was at home, bored (at least I hope I have false memories about this.) but I sometimes over did it (4 times in a day) because masturb for me was always unsatisfying... Im still a virgin, but I also believe that it will be unsatisfying too, since I have poor libido. (which is something good for me) Since I started masturb- my brain made me feel like a pervert and I started thinking about sex more and that's why I have false memories about touching a child inappropriately... I hate myself so much... I should kill myself. Masturb- was my biggest mistake. Most of the times I tried to quit only to get strong urges from my body asking for it weeks later. One year ago, I successfully stopped. It was hard but I did it... However lately I have been having stronger urges to do it again and it has been poisoning my dreams. I'm so close to cut down there to stop it. I used to do it a few months ago. I'll restart it if I need to

Has anyone on here gotten engaged / been married while struggling with OCD? If so, I would love some tips on how to enjoy life’s big moments through OCD. ??

How do I know if what I’m going through is HOCD or internalized homophobia?

Hello there, I was diagnosed with half OCD and OCPD by my psychiatrist last month but I've been experiencing intrusive thoughts for 4-5 months since quarantine started. Back then before I was diagnosed, every single week the theme of my intrusive thoughts kept changing to the point I am stuck with Harmful violent thoughts. Since I was diagnosed, I took two medications for 10 days but it helped me for a short while till I decided not to continue my second therapy session because my mother's chemotherapy matters more than my OCD (which my mother's condition matters more) Now I kept having loops of unwanted thoughts about my morality of doing good or bad, and having lots of anxiety tension/pain from my back, making me feel uncomfortable almost everyday but I tend to let it pass through. Any advice?

Hey guys,just wanted to ask a question.Are you all diagnoised with ocd or do you think that you may suffer from it?I have been having a lot of intrusive thoughts,they belong to different types of ocds and cant figure out if its ocd or the thoughts represent me as a person.Im honestly tired of it,its like i have two personalities completely different from each-other.The real problem is that even though i can feel fear in the beginning,after some time,its like i start enjoying them(a part of me enjoys them).Anyone else?

Would like some advice whether or not I should get covid tested... thanks! In the last two weeks, I’ve been three places outside my home, and in all of which I obeyed social distancing guidelines as best as possible: my grandparents’ house (outside), my father’s house (outside), and the grocery store. However, my roommate just went on a camping trip with nine of his friends last week. In the last two or three days, I have a little bit of trouble breathing (which I attribute to throat dryness and lack of hydration in general), a tiny bit of a sore throat (same reasons; I get a sore throat every morning for some reason), and I’ve had jaw/earaches. I’ve also been sneezing a bit, but that’s neither here nor there. I want to get tested because I feel like I’m morally obligated to (with my roommate still visiting friends and going to work and whatnot), but I am concerned about whether or not I am taking away a test from someone who needs one. Plus, I’ve been tested twice since the pandemic started already, most recently 2.5 weeks ago. What’s most concerning to me is that, while I’ve had dry throats and some trouble breathing since March, the jaw/earaches just started, and I’ve been quarantining in my room since then, wearing a mask any time I’m outside my room. If I wanted to, I could make an appointment to get a test in an hour in my town, and so I feel like they have enough, but I’m just not totally sure. I did an online screening with a RN, and they said that while I seem extremely low risk for having the virus, testing would be an appropriate measure. Suffice to say, I’m a bit conflicted and am open to any advice that can be given. Thanks again!

I now have this obsession with getting closure from traumatic situations in my life and I always think I need to message or find people who have hurt me from years ago. I did it for a sexual assault that happened to me in London and it didn’t do anything because I was blocked with no answer. And some people probably won’t respond nicely and it would make my “closure” much worse. I get filled with rage and it consumes me. I always think exposing myself back to the situation and tackling it head on is gonna make me feel better. But once I tackle one thing I’ll just obsess about another. Unfortunately I’ve been wronged or taken advantage of more than I would like. Is this OCD just wanting reassurance or just my pride wanting the last word to reestablish some power back into my life? Why do I feel weak and afraid if I just forgive people and move on with my life?

Have one of you guys already been owned by an ODC like "I touch something then I'm afraid of curse someone I love or like the moment I touch it". Then the more I'm scared the more it is hard not to think about it and the more the "monster" grows up inside my brain. So I finally expose myself by doing it then I culpabilise, and the circle is made! I also have this while I'm reading something. If I come over a word that triggers a bad thought I'm 100% doomed. It's bothering so I do my rituals (""whising"" death to people I care of and so) then I culpabilise). I still wanna stick on the exposure because from experience that's the best way to get rid of this but sometimes the exposure gets worsened. What a pleasure to live with this shit I swear ? but lest stay strong ?, there's a message behind each OCD.

nervous and anxious for tomorrow. still trying to sit with the uncertainty. my brain is telling me terrible things and i’m scared so scared of losing my person. also everyone is tired of me. my sister yelled at me and basically i’m told me i’m too much for to handle and i understand she’s younger than me yet the only one i can talk to freely. she blames this all on me and so do they and i don’t even know what to believe anymore. even when i try its like things go wrong. i just want to feel close to myself again ): i want to feel like i have control over my mind. i don’t want to feel like i’m at risk at losing everything just because these stupid thoughts jump into my head and torture the hell out of me. i was trying to be stronger but at this point i think i’m losing my strength and there’s no purpose. and tomorrow’s another day. i wish i could just sleep for the rest of my life.

Hello anybody willing to listen/relate to me and my given situation, I appreciate your time and kindness! So, I've been seeing this guy for a few dates at this point. I think he is super nice and attractive to me (normally, I wouldn't let myself dream of dating anyone I found attractive-this is a big change for me). There are tons of things I like about him, anytime something comes up that I don't like he's willing to change things (like communicate more effectively), as I always try to change and become better (i say what I'm working on). I'm worried that I may really really like him and that he only kinda likes me. He did recently invite me to meet his friends, which went pretty well! We spent time together and it felt great! I'm just unsure if he likes me though... I keep worrying that he doesn't like me anymore. I don't know why... I'm wondering if I'm self-sabotaging this situation. He says he wants to take it slow, and once he said I was different and special, but I have no clue if his opinion has changed. I'm super expressive and open about exactly what I feel and think... he isn't as much and sometimes this hurts me [though, I'm not entirely sure if it should]. I'm struggling with feeling like I'm not enough and I'm belittling myself in front of him (OCD Perfectionism) and being too worried what he thinks about me. With myself doing these things, I'm absolutely petrified if I've been ruining something I super badly wish for. I'm not sure how to not obsess about my appearance and my lack of career/university situation at this time (which triggers my OCD Perfectionism). I'm also not sure how to literally HEAR what he says sometimes, like if he says something positive about me I second guess it, which must really bother him (because I accidentally put him in a defensive position). I REALLY want this to work because I think he is magical and wonderful, but the very last thing I want to do is scare him away. I'm worried that he may not like me because he is slow with progression with me, like not interested in labeling, but at the same time, he wants me to meet his parents and he gave me a absolutely heartwarming gift that he made in childhood--which this makes me feel like he may actually like me... but I am so so so scared to mess this up! I just super want this to work, but I'm worried that my lack of practice in dating (having not dated in many years and only dated people who were toxic and abusive) and he is not at all like that!!! I feel like there is probably a lot more to say, but I'm definitely unsure how to approach this and feel comfortable with the unknown, sitting with the discomfort of NOT knowing what he thinks, and not having a label to pin onto the relationship or whatever we are, as we agreed to just being exclusive, but not dating others. I guess I'm worried he is taking his time because he doesn't like me enough to move forward, if I knew he actually wants to make me his girlfriend then I think I'd feel much more at ease. But until then, I feel uneasy and nervous about literally anything I say or do. I appreciate your support, in advance!

I’ve been having an ongoing panic attack for the past few hours. I went to bed calm and then I suddenly thought “I’m bisexual” and I jumped up in a panic because it felt like a sudden realisation. It feels so real, it feels like I’ve realised that I’m bisexual even though I really really don’t want to be. I’ve written down evidence like my therapist told me to of reasons why I would be gay and reasons why I’m not, and the reasons of why I’m not gay are far longer than the reasons why I am (there’s only three and it’s that I find girls pretty, and then ones about urges and checking). Right now, it feels like I’m hanging onto nothing and I’m just in denial and trying to find anything to say that I’m straight when it just feels like I’m bi. I’m scared that it’s internalised biphobia. I can’t stop the panic, I hate it, I hate the horrible feeling that makes me feel like I’m about to be sick every couple of minutes. I can’t tell what’s real anymore, all I know is that I’m in agony and I can’t stop this attack, and I can’t stop the feeling of sudden realisation of my sexuality, especially since my brain has been making me think that this whole time I’ve just been trying my hardest to suppress my true identity instead of proving that I’m straight. I’m terrified. A few years ago when this started, I used to say that I wouldn’t mind if I was bi because it meant that I could still be with men like I wanted, but now I definitely don’t want to be bisexual since I don’t want to be attracted to women at all and I’m panicking so much. Can it mess with your memories and your feelings to make you believe that you did in fact have crushes on girls and that you were always attracted to them? Because it’s just taking parts of my memory and overanalysing it to the point where I’m convinced I was actually attracted to a girl instead of just admiring her and wanting to be her friend. It’s also making me think that the only reason I crushed on guys was because that is the societal norm, despite me being incredibly head over heels for some boys and hating when they got girlfriends.

I cried really long and hard today, after getting triggered one too many times during this pandemic. I really felt like I wanted to die and hopeless about life. I can’t let past events go and I’m haunted like I have to hide or move away. The old me full of life is no longer. Shivering in anxiety and not being able to concentrate on work at all. Like I can’t even do basic tasks it’s paralysing. I already feel tired and aged at 27.