Welcome to
the NOCD Community

What do I do if I don't feel as triggered as my ERP was meant to be? I wrote everything that would trigger me. My real events, my false memories, the shame, the guilt, and images of my related obsession. Why didn't it work? What's wrong with me?

Last night I completely broke down. I was sobbing in the car for a straight hour. I feel like OCD is taking everything away from me. It’s so debilitating and I can’t even do basic things such as make a peanut butter and jelly sandwich because it involves using a butter knife. I couldn’t drive me and my husband home because I had intrusive thoughts. And I can’t do any hobbies or watch my shows because I never know what will trigger me. I’m so sad and angry because I don’t know what I did to deserve this illness and it’s not fair. I just want to be normal and think normal and act normal. I’m just really mentally exhausted and need a break 😞

Anybody else start to feel less anxious but still very uncertain and confused about a theme?

CAN SOMEONE PLEASE RESPOND :’( I’m getting really strange unwanted thoughts. Is this normal. Whenever I want too draw I get thought about I can’t look at colours it bothers me. When I’m stressed about money I get weird thoughts about what if I steal something and that everything is free in the world so I don’t need to work. I get thoughts about harming my self or others. If I want to save my money I get thrn weird thoughts about what if i give it to someone to harm someone else. what if I overdosed a lot and end up dying cause i have tried to end my life 7 times by overdosing already and now I have this fear. I Really hate this how do I get rid of itt

I have contamination OCD especially related to covid. I’m afraid to touch things other people have touched for fear of being contaminated. This evening we had people over to our house, my wife’s brother and his girlfriend and his son. It’s the first time we’ve had guests or anyone in our home other than workers in over a year. Her brother and his girlfriend have been vaccinated. His son tested negative 2 days ago (we insisted that he get tested before allowing him in the house for the evening). We spent the entire evening (5.5 to 6 hours) with no masks on. I was fine all night in terms of being anxious - I touched things the guests touched and was breathing the same air and I was not anxious because I felt it was safe - they were vaccinated or tested negative. Then at the end of the night, 5.5 hours after he arrived, I found out that the son works part of the day in a big indoor space with tens of other workers and no one wears masks. Now I’m very anxious. Also, they left a short time ago and my son hugged them as they were leaving and then hugged me - this was bad for me OCD-wise - I felt contaminated and washed my hands and face which had touched my son and his shirt after he hugged our guests and he and his shirt were touched by their faces. Finding out at the end of the night that the son has been working around others without a mask totally ruined the night for me and now I’m very anxious. I had a nice evening/night and then it had to be ruined and I had to find out something that made me scared and anxious and feeling contaminated. I want to know why I had to find that out instead of just enjoying the night.

Guys helppp!! I had a very bad day due to Ocd... I have been betrayed by both of my parents, they completely ignored me as their child after they broke up and never ever showed me love or help in anything since then. Then my father suddenly died last year of a serious illness and now I feel more lonely and hurt than ever. Because of these traumatic events i cannot show trust to anyone whether its a friend or my husband. I am having a terrible time in my marriage because i cannot trust my partner, i doubt everything every day i think "what if he is lying?", "what if he doesn't really love me?". It is so awful and i cannot enjoy anything now. No matter how stupid or fake my thoughts are i believe so much in them that it is like i am experiencing these fears. Today i cried and felt extremely bad because of these thoughts...any advice would be helpful! Thank you all!

I read an OCD story about a girl who had OCD and saw demons/possessed family members and in the end got electric convulsion therapy. This is freaked me out since then that I could end up like that. Two things...I’m scared to take any medicine/drink (like upping my antidepressants or sleep aids, anti-anxiety medicine, any alcohol) for fear of all of sudden losing my mind and seeing my infant baby girl be possessed that I’d harm her. Two, I’m afraid I’ll end up like her and need electric convulsion therapy or deep brain stimulation because I could be treatment resistant. I just feel like doing my exposures and trying to accept uncertainty has my brain on stubborn mode and not really accepting the uncertainty. Like it feels like a desert in my brain in that. Have any of you dealt with being afraid medicine would make you lose your mind/get you out of control? Any of you worried you were treatment resistant?

i think ive ruined my life genuinely. im a sexual violator/maybe even a molester and so many other horrible things. im so mad at myself. ive fucked myself up so bad so quickly and i cant even do anything else useful.

Hey ladies I just wanna have a girl talk with y’all. I’m 15 and every girl at my school has boobs and I’m have small boobs. I want body confidence and accept my body ever since I was a kid my mom and her friend would always tell me I should eat more to grow my breast for me to be worthy of guys cause they said “you should get big boobs so guys want you” obviously I know they’re judgemental and have confronted my mom about this. That was in 5th grade ever since that day even when it was hot outside I still wore a jacket cause if I wore a t-shirt I was insecure of how my boobs were mind you I WAS 10 years old worrying about body confidence. “It takes a second to call a girl fat, and years of starvation”- Harry Styles I’m still slowly recovering from this words any tips to wear t-shirts when it’s hot out so I don’t need to cover with a jacket

when you’re on meds does the emotional numbness go away?

I’ve already posted this once but I only got one response so I’d appreciate it if someone could offer some advice :) also possible TW (I mention eating disorders) I’m aware you can get OCD about pretty much anything but I’m wondering if I have OCD about this- I am quite skinny and tbh I’ve not had the best relationship with my body image in the past BUT recently I’ve decided I love my body. I genuinely love how I look and I’m finally happy with my weight and body shape. This is great but I’m also scared that it’s going to change and that I’m going to get fat ( I don’t think there’s anything wrong with being fat, I don’t mean to be hurtful but I guess it’s just an irrational fear of mine). I’m pretty sure I don’t have an eating disorder because I eat all three meals and snacks every day, I don’t want to loose any weight and I rarely restrict but I do weight myself a lot and because I spend a lot of time on tiktok, I’ve become very aware of calories (because it feels like that’s all anyone talks about right now). Basically, I just want to stay at the same weight I am now because I love how I look and I’m scared I’ll randomly gain weight (even though the logical side of me knows this is very unlikely). The reason I think this might be OCD is because I keep getting thoughts telling me that I have an eating disorder or that I’ll get really fat in the future. I try and reason with myself and stay logical but the thoughts don’t stay away for long. If it’s OCD I know it’s pointless trying to reason with it but I’d appreciate it if someone could share their thoughts on whether this might be a theme of OCD so I know how to deal with it instead of answering back to the thoughts. It just feels obsessive and it’s annoying because I love my weight and I want it to stay the same but there’s these thoughts always telling me that I’ve got an ED or I’ll get fat. Thank you for reading all of that, I’m sorry it’s such a long post. I hope it all made sense :)

I was able to have sex with my partner. It was amazing.But then I started asking myself if I enjoyed it enough. Then I started asking if I am attracted to him enough. I should be if I was actually able to make love. My anxiety is peeking though... I had thoughts saying I wanna break up. I told my partner what I’ve been feeling. I told him I was worried I didn’t find him sexually attractive... I started crying. I need therapy... 😞 now I am worried everything was right....

i am quite prone to feeling envy which i hate. and there’s one girl in particular who i put on a pedestal and feel so ugly to in comparison. she obviously has flaws but i still see her as perfect and a million times better than me. and i hate this! i hate the way it makes me feel. i hate the resentment towards her it breeds in me. i love women and don’t wanna be angry towards them. but i literally don’t know how to not feel this way towards her. like i’m so envious of her it’s awful! she’s like a ‘queen bee’ at my school. and of course she’s very pretty, but there’s other girls equally as pretty as her who i don’t feel envious of. i don’t know why it’s always HER. does anyone else experience this or have any advice?

CAN SOMEONE PLEASE REPLY TO THIS? I’m so scared that a memory I once thought was false is real and I keep getting evidence that I’m really a child molester? In grade 8, I’d often put my hands on my sister while we were sleeping to be warm . Nothing sexual , id just touch her arm or put my leg on her leg , normal stuff cuz house was cold . I have this memory of touching her innapropriately during then but it doesn’t make much sense . It randomly popped into my brain once because when I was playing with her her clothes were loose and I saw skwnfjijg and then freaked out wondering whether seeing that was sexual assault and this memory popped up . What if I’m remembering the sequence wrong ? Now the evidence that it may be false is that I later developed false memory ocd and ocd in general . Except idk if this is even good development of ocd , like in grade 8 I’d ruminate on this but it didn’t take up my life , grade 9 I’d get groinals if I touched my friends accidentally innapropriately and wonder if I sexually assaulted them but the worry dissipates in a few minutes , if I ever had a fantasy my best friends face would just pop up , but it didn’t make me too anxious just irritated and annoyed . Then I had an obsession over whether I ya HIV and ruminated on that but then that worry dissipated tok after a few days and I would do compulsions for that one . In the summer later I got POCD since I worked on a children’s summer camp so never let them close to me , then in grade 10 I had pretty obvious ocd . In grade 9 I was also randomly worried that I liked my friends little brother who was 12? I’m so scared that grade 9 wasn’t ocd and that I’m actually a molester because I had the obsessions just not the compulsions . Is this evidence im a molester ?

I was wondering if anyone uses medical marijuana or CBD oil and what your experiences are like?

Just gonna rant a LOT. It’s so hard to navigate a regular relationship when every little “thing” feels like it means something huge about the relationship when it doesn’t and that every time something is a little off I feel like running away or examining the relationship from every angle. It also doesn’t help that in the back of my head I worry if I’m a lesbian in denial that’s gonna wake up some day and realize I never truly was in love with my partner. It’s been 5, almost 6 months since I’ve seen him and honestly I’d kill just to have him hold me again. I hate this long distance and even though we fall asleep on the phone each night, I wish I could fall asleep by his side. I miss his bright smile and how patient he was with me before he joined the military. He’s still patient with me, but we don’t the same kind of time we used to. I don’t know how to balance yet as we’ve only been able to call for about a month. On one hand I feel like exploding to him about everything he’s missed, but on the other we just don’t always have that time to catch up and some days we just want to relax and play video games together or look at memes. I wish I could do more for myself but I can’t right now. I used to look forward to classes, band, hanging out with friends, school and club events, etc but now I don’t have access to any of it due to the pandemic and it sucks. He’s on the opposite end of the spectrum, he gets to go to class every day, has roommates to always talk to, liberty to go out on base on weekends and I’m so happy for him I really am because he was going crazy being cooped up at home but I wish I had the opportunity to do more for myself so that I don’t drag him down and so I don’t drag myself down. I was exploring hobbies back in November but then in mid December my so-ocd hit and I lost so much motivation and time. Now it’s hard to get back to where I was because of how much time I wasted ruminated and being anxious. I shut myself off a lot and I’m still scared to go back to “normal” because I’ve been on the defense from the thoughts for so long that I forgot how to do anything else. Sometimes I feel like me finding out about my ocd just made me way too hyperaware of my thoughts. I’m going to start trying to do more for myself, but I’m scared. Scared it’s going to mean my thoughts will manifest themselves into the things I fear. If anyone could give me advice or words of wisdom for exposing myself to normal life again that would be so amazing and needed right now, I can’t keep laying in bed all day on my phone. Not only is it dragging me down, but also my connection to my amazing partner and to my friends and family.

I have question for y’all, not really sure if this is ocd but it is definitely obsessive, I have always had a problem with my self esteem but lately it has seem obsessive and I’ve been try to fix it but I feel like I’m making it worse! Seem familiar to anyone? If so any tips?

does anyone else ever wish they had ANY other theme but pocd? I feel like society is much more accepting of all other themes, but this one. I suppose I understand, I often see people yelling "Stop trying to normalize pedophilia!" online which is far from what I'd want but.... i just think pocd sufferers deserve compassion.

What if when I get to my first session they decide that I don’t have OCD and I’m sent back on the quest from therapist to therapist to find out what’s wrong with me, desperately hoping that one of them will figure it out and I’ll finally get the treatment I’ve always needed

Trigger warning !!! I’m just tired So from my previous posts about this thing that I feel isn’t pocd anymore or whatever im just tired I’ve tried to convince my self that it’s just thoughts but they are becoming more graphic and worse,different images are popping in my head and i do not want to think them .I try to think about NormaL attraction but for some reason kids pop up and it scares me .I’m 26 female and always wanted kids .but now not so much anymore ,when I see kids or kids are mentioned now I get like anxiety and Start to wonder I’m I attracted The feelings are feeling very real and the attraction are .I try to surprise them but I’m like maybe it is true I have never watched cp or desired an child ever and the very thought makes me sick or make me uncomfortable.I have masterbated To taboo Things in The past.I have been battling this for a month now it started after I was watching a show or a music video and it’s been heck every since the Intese anxiety isn’t There like before but I’m too The point where I’m feeling maybe I am just accept and I cannot Live like that. I try to avoid looking at kids or even thinking about having future kids it scare me I don’t know who I am.I don’t have money for a physicatrist.it’s to the point where I’m having dreams about kids and what not I read somewhere that your dreams are who you are deep Down ,everyday all day from sunup to sundown the thoughts are there