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it feels like im drowning. i feel trapped. ***rocd vent*** my rocd has made things difficult in my relationship with my boyfriend, and i’m frightened that it’s the end i cant breathe without thinking it’s the end of him and me, i cant eat at all and i cant stop living with fear it’s been rocky lately with him, but i’m determined to keep going i want to because i truly cherish him, and love him yet my brain keeps asking me if i really do want to keep going, if i really do love him, and if i’m really okay with spending my days just dreading the end im obviously not, i want things to be okay again, but my ocd keeps haunting and haunting me and i’m so scared that these thoughts are my real ones, that these are my true feelings ive been open about my ocd with him, and this has contributed to the rocky patch it doesn’t help that i’m not formally diagnosed, and it also doesn’t help that i’ve been doubting whether or not i have ocd. (i have what i believe are a lot of the symptoms, but even then i doubt myself) i just feel like i’m drowning. i want peace in my head and in my heart. i want things to be back to normal with him and me, and i want to be happy. it just doesn’t feel the same, and i feel like it’s my fault for starting us on this rocky path. the last thing i want is a breakup, yet my thoughts tell me that i’d like freedom. they chant that i need to escape and run far far away. they make me feel like the only way out of the way i feel is by ending it, and i don’t want to end it. the only things moving me forward is the knowledge that i’ll get to speak to a professional soon (in two weeks), and the hope that things get better in time. thank you to whoever reads my rant, and i’m sorry if this is triggering. i just needed to write how i feel somewhere. reassurance has been driving me downhill, so please don’t reassure me. if possible, just give me advice on how to cope with feeling this way.

I am struggling a lot with guilt regarding my relationship. When I have intrusive thoughts regarding my sexuality, it feels like I am considering leaving my boyfriend. This makes me feel unfaithful because we have always been so committed to each other. I feel like such an awful girlfriend and accepting uncertainty only makes it worse for me because it feels like accepting that I might not love him. I hate this so much, and I want to go back to my old self. A few years ago I would’ve laughed at you if you told me that I’d go through this because I was so boy crazy and never considered that I might not be straight. I miss my old self. I feel like my brain is telling me I have to be someone I don’t want to be, and I have no control. I would really appreciate any advice anyone can give.

Anyone else get scared they don’t like the sex they like for the right reason? For me: I fear I don’t actually like men, I just think I like them because I am male-validation oriented / men are the default to be attracted to as I’m a woman etc

I feel terrible because a set of memories have been on my mind since march. i used to watch a lot of pornography. that included lolicon, shotacon, and even toddlercon. at the time i had been watching it, i didn’t think much of it. i don’t want to blame it on hormones even though at the time i had watch that stuff, i was very hypersexual and watch all kind of pornography (not including animals or real children). on top of that, i had watched that stuff up until before i turned 15 (16 now- started watching it when i was around 12 ish). It felt normal watching it and thinking about it now it was NOT normal. i feel gross and i’ve been panicking about it everyday. my sibling and my mom tell me that i was a kid and i didn’t know any better and i don’t listen to them because that would be reassurance. i don’t know what to do anymore because some of the intrusive thoughts i have are associated with the things i’ve seen. i really don’t wanna remember what i’ve seen and what i’ve done. can anyone give me advice on how to deal with reoccurring memories or what to do with it because i really don’t want to feel impeding guilt all the time. it makes me extremely suicidal. since my dad finally got out of my room and my parents are starting to feel better from sickness i’ll have to go back to my room and it reminds me of the things i’ve done and i’m scared i’ll end up driving myself crazy and killing myself because i’ve tried multiple times over and over again everyday before my dad was in my room because of the memories and i just wanna know how to deal with them.

For the past one year, I've been dealing with HOCD. So, that brings us to the problem at hand, which is that, last day at around 5 pm, I impulsively decided to bring an ultimate end to this problem and come out as bi. And I did that pretty publicly, I took to twitter, to tweet about it, I posted a screenshot of that tweet on my WhatsApp status and literally told my mom about that too. Everyone, who cared enough to respond was pretty supportive which makes the whole thing worse. So, I've got a bi friend of my own, and her and I got to talking about how she discovered her bisexuality or how she got reprimanded by her family members, after getting caught with a girl. Well, honestly, I just couldn't relate to that story at all. I just didn't understand why I couldn't find the same level of enthusiasm that the others were feeling for me. So, I thought to myself "could I just be gay?" but that felt weird to even think about. I am most definitely not gay, I've always liked guys and been attracted to them, imagined a future with guys, but HOCD just made me feel like I didn't and that there was a possibility for me to be gay. I don't know how to get out of this mess that I've created, I really could use some advice. I just can't for the life of me take any more decisions for myself.

just saw that one of the internalized homophobia symptoms are obsessive thinking and compulsive behavior. LIKE WTF? ISNT THIS OCD? so u are telling me my hocd is internalized homophobia??? oh gosh

Anyone else struggle with an addiction to p*rn?? I watch it a lot and I feel like that’s the reason my sexual performance isn’t the best, in terms of been able to reach the point of orgasm I mean, and this triggers my POCD because I’m wondering why I can’t get excited to the point of orgasm with someone of age and it makes me so nervous and anxious to the point where I don’t even want to have sex or engage with anyone to avoid the anxiety?

I've noticed that it's so hard texting people back. I see they text me but I'm too emotionally and mentally drained to respond. I haven't responded to a few of my friend's messages in days or weeks. A friend and I made plans to hang out. Haven't talked to him in months (because of school/life). We had a date and time set. But he canceled on me the day before because it took me 2 days to respond to one of his messages. "Whatever I'm making other plans, because obviously you aren't interested in hanging out". No, I'm just struggling! Other friends text me repeatedly, and give sassy remarks when I finally respond. "Well I prefer my friends who ACTUALLY take the time to message me. I don't need people who don't care in my life". I still care about you, I'm just struggling!! After awhile I become embarrassed that I didn't respond sooner, so then I ignore them further. I've been ignoring a long distance friend for 6 months because I'm so embarrassed, he texts and calls me at least 4 times a month. I've made plans to lie about losing my phone, or having it hard reset. Something stupid like that My therapist (former, he was an intern and had to move. Miss him!!) Said that I am allowed to take time off of texting, and to go back in and explain that I wasn't ready to text yet. But not a lot of people understand that. Texting and calling are very stressful. It leads to guilt, annoyance, anxiety, and frustration. But this is one of the things I plan on working on!!

NSFW 18+ I feel disgusting. I went to tik tok and there was this video exposing leaked videos in his link. It was malu on there and a censored video being played. There was this other girl named Mckenzie apparently her video was leaked. Comments saying shes 16. People were also saying check Reddit... didnt see anything it was all removed but still what the hell i feel like i can't be on tik tok or at least read comments first.

How did it all start for you guys? I see a lot of people scared of the possibility of being bisexual but I think that possibility depends on how you got it and what your worries actually are. I think a lot of people also come out as bi to nullify it, I even considered it extensively but I never felt like I fit in with it, how can I be bi if I don’t like men right? For me I thought I was gay for a couple days before finding out what SO OCD was. Even days after I didn’t know if it was even a real thing because people say it was homophobia or something. But I feel like it was a bit different because I was 90% convinced that I was gay just by precedent. I was in distress and I would go to the bathroom at work and hold in my tears, I didn’t wanna cry cause I felt that that would be me accepting it. It was a really confusing time and now that I’m a bit more sure in my sexuality I still get annoying thoughts. I saw that people in denial are classified as people who are just hiding the fact that they are gay from other people and that became one of the the thoughts in my head after reading that, I don’t worry about it while talking to family but everytime any topic regarding sexuality comes up I get pretty uncomfortable, not because I feel like I’m hiding something it’s just I feel like I don’t really want anything to do with the topic anymore, I am not a social person, I have social anxiety but I always had crushes on girls. Hell I even have a crush on a girl right now and that was enough for me. There’s one thing though. Not that convinces me that I’m homosexual but one that makes me wonder if I’m asexual or lack a preference of anyone. I always wanted to have a kid but in my mind I never imagined raising a kid with someone else. I always imagined it just me and the kid going about life, I even looked up solo adoption when I was 17. But there were also scenarios where I imagined myself completely alone, I constantly think that if I were in a relationship or have a kid then that would completely stop my life in its tracks, it prevent me from moving forward. Even so I still identify more with being straight because I’m the end of the day because I am sexually attracted to women and I try to put on my best look for all the girls I’m ever around.

Its like i can think of other girls and guys together and be like “awwww i want that” but then when i think of myself with a guy it feels like i dont want it and i get like a wave of disgust and it makes me so sad :( And then with girls my heart rate literally spikes and i freak out that i want that when i dont, but that i’ll like it more than a guy and it feels like i would and im just so so scared:( omg even rn typing this it feels real:( Anyone else experience this??

Hi all, First time posting on here but wanted some insight to see if anyone has experienced this themselves before. So, for starters, I have not be medically diagnosed with OCD. However, I had experienced intrusive thoughts pertaining to POCD and HOCD in the past 3 weeks. As a result of that, I have learned what is could possibly be- me suffering from OCD. Not only have I been on/off coping with my intrusive thoughts about those themes, I have also been obsessing over what OCD actually is. I have been fixated on the disorder and the word “impulses” and “urges?” Can OCD make someone do something even when they believe they can distinguish between good and bad? I don’t know if this is making sense, but I have gone through periods of not feeling like I know myself or my true character because of my capability to have these thoughts. Sometimes, I even watch movies, with obvious fiction events, and I sometimes have thoughts about me commuting *insert crime. Has anyone else had a similar experience? Any suggestions? Disclaimer: I have not done any type of therapy.

Hello all, I was diagnosed with OCD in 2012 while I was pregnant, at first the therapist/Drs I was seeing made me feel like I was losing my mind and totally had judgmental reactions, I’ve been on and off medication during my OCD journey, I currently see a psychiatrist and recently decided to go back on medication due to how severe my intrusive thoughts have gotten. Of course I question if my thoughts/ideas lately are even related to my OCD diagnosis, I’m struggling more due to stress I can’t avoid unfortunately. I’m wrapped up in my head with ideas or scenarios that feel desired in my head. I’ve never had OCD manifest in a way it currently has.. It’s taken part of my personality and is using it against me on this “theme”. I hope there’s hope to live life without worrying if these scary thoughts/ideas are truly who I am or what I desire.

now why is it that whenever i try imagining scenarios with women, not even sex just cuddling and stuff, i imagine myself happy and liking it, and there's no anxiety. like what if i really want it? what if it's true? i can't even tell if i want it or not anymore. is this even hocd at this point? someone please reply it feels like i want it :(

Im crying rn and my head is telling me its because im gay and trying to force myself to be straight, and that thought makes me puke and i just wanna cry and scream and i hate this so much and it feels so real rn

I have these intrusive thoughts that I know are morally wrong. The thoughts say that I want for a certain bad to happen to someone. Such as rape. I know that I do not hope or wish such a thing on anyone, but it feels like my mind is trying to force me to agree with hoping or wishing whatever bad thing on a specific person. After the thoughts have been there for a while, I feel ashamed and feel like a psycho.

Does anyone else feel almost constantly on edge around your partner and not want to have sex even though you know they are amazing? I think I am still going back and forth between believing that I have rOCD and bring able to recognise that this is a symptom. But how can a relationship last if you don't want to have sex?

I dont think i can continue no more, i feel disgusted With myself, ever since i came back from vacation i couldnt stop thinking if i did someone to some kids in that hotel. And then after that me and my family went and visit another family that they knew and there was a child there and Im scared that i did something to him to, TWO CHILDREN. I cant wake up everyday anymore, its hard cause i HAVE TO BE 100 PERCENT SURE NOTHING HAPPENED, and then what if i did something to my grandfather. AND THEN When we came back home to Norway i was scared i was gonna do something to my sister while everyone was asleep, so the next day i asked my mom did i wake up in the middle of the night or something and she said no, i asked her because she hears everything and wakes up as soon as she hears someone walk. And im scared i did something to my sister yesterday too. I cant live like This anymore. If i did those things i dont deserve hapiness. I am for real i have to commit suicide. People can tell me how much as they want that it didnt happen but HOW CAN THEY BE SO SURE. Im scared, im worried. Imagine if i didnt go to that trip at all. I knew things were going to Get Worse. Im scared i will do something to my sister later too (everyone is asleep) i Get so paranoid its like what if i did something to someone 1 MINUTE AGO, HOW CAN SOMEONE FORGET IF THEY HURT SOMEONE OR NOT 1 MINUTE AGO.

i literally cant take this anymore it's too much

Does anyone else get triggered by people doing things you think are wrong but they think are normal? (I already posted this once but there were a couple typos and it was confusing)