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I’ve almost just accepted that I’m a bad person. All i can think about is my intrusive thoughts, at this point I’m literally obsessed with them. I’m almost not even anxious anymore because I’m accepting it

Hey everyone, I have been diagnosed with OCD at the start of this year however I have been struggling with for most of my life. An incident happened at the start of this year where my neighbour house got pulled down and the asbestos fibro was being put/dumped near my fence very close to my house and right next to my bins. It was done by professionals however ocd has convinced me it got on those bin and because they were rolled to my front door to fill up with recycling rubbish I saw a cloud of dust come off the bin when the lid was opened and worried others members of my household have walked it inside the house causing an ongoing stress about everything in my house becoming contaminated. Has anyone also had a similar experience with ocd relating to asbestos?

I’ve just started my final year at uni and I’m terrified my OCD will ruin it for me, I’ve had a massive OCD flare up this past summer so coming back to uni has been a lot harder than in previous years. I just want to be close to my family and now I’m over an hour away from them. I’m really worried that if it carries on it’ll massively impact my degree, like what if I’m just a mess all year and it end up ruining my ability to study. I hate this feeling and I just want to feel settled, I’m hoping within a few weeks I’ll feel more comfortable. But my harm ocd is acting up and just anxiety and homesickness in general. I just want to be home with my mum lol. Any advice?

This is very heartbreaking. I don't know what to do. I have recovered from ocd well, and i am in the later stages of complete recovery i believe, but now i am constantly sad. I don't know when was the last time i was genuinely happy. Combined with my romantic side failing to get in a relationship, and my friendships slowly getting distant, i am always in a state of anger and sadness. I feel like breaking down, but that won't do any good for my ocd, so i manage that.

I spent the entirety of my childhood trying to figure out what was wrong with my brain. I crossed out multiple personality disorder, schizophrenia, and even autism (anything that could explain that second consciousness that I felt in the back of my head). It wasn’t until I was 16 that my compulsions and obsessive thoughts got so out of hand that it was undeniable that I had OCD. That year I made the self diagnosis of OCD (I know self diagnosing isn’t good but getting answers felt necessary). I’m a first gen kid with immigrant parents so mental health was not talked about or even really believed, sometimes I feel like it was even discredited:(. Because of this and the many other problems my dysfunctional family had I felt like bringing up my mental illnesses would be seen as a plot for attention so I pretended that everything was okay my whole life. I didn’t let anyone see me struggle, not my friends, family or coworkers. I would feel like talking about my issues especially to my mother specifically would just be burdening her with extra stress that I know she didn’t need. Also talking about myself and my problems requires a level of vulnerability that has always made me so uncomfortable (so much so that no other person can attest to seeing me cry in almost 10 years because of how weak and uncomfortable it makes me feel for others to see me hurting) so I would always depend on myself. Cry to myself, struggle completely alone, and hide from anyone else. After a certain point hiding your struggles gets exhausting, mentally draining, and on top of that my OCD does everything in its power to remind me that I am completely alone in this (even though in a way I’ve made it that way). So, when I was 18 I decided I would tell my physician at my physical since this was the first year my mother wasn’t in the room with me. I told my physician some things that were going on and she gave me a loose diagnosis of OCD. That day I went home with a paper saying my diagnosis, more confident because the paper sort of proved that I wasn’t conjuring up these fake problems like my mother assumed, but had an actual medical diagnosis. I told her what the doctor said at my physical and my mother responded with “You don’t look like someone who has OCD.” That comment made me so angry. It took me years to feel like I was ready to tell her and she shot me down so quickly. A big part of me blamed myself though, I had realized that I’d been pretending like everything was okay so well, and for so long that now no one would believe me. This made me feel incredibly alone, like I didn’t have anyone in my life to talk to because they probably wouldn’t believe me. But that’s unfair, being vulnerable and talking about your feelings isn’t easy for everyone especially when your own brain is telling you your pathetic for it. And that’s the thing about OCD, most people are so uneducated or MISeducated about it. They have the idea that OCD just means your super clean and organized and that’s it. And that definitely plays a part in it but it doesn’t define the disorder as a whole. My room is messy most of the time and I’m not super organized (about things most people would notice anyway) but that’s not what OCD is. OCD is the loss of control of your own brain, that “second consciousness” that starts off as dark thoughts when you’re a kid but evolves into a full blown parasite that fights over control for your own brain and for the most part wins. This parasite creates all these rules that don’t really mean anything but forces you to live by them. It also forces you to think about these obsessive thoughts, the most horrible things your brain can conjure up and forces you to think about them so vividly that it starts to feel real. This disorder can be all consuming, it has taken away so many parts of me including my mental health, affects my school and work, my social life, my ability to have relationships and friendships with a lot of people because it makes me terrified of change. Any non-constant or routine in my life scares me beyond belief to the point where I am unhappy with the life I am living because of all the experiences my anxiety/OCD is preventing me from. All these obsessive thoughts lead to compulsions, mine happen to be multiples of 3 aka “3-ruled” most people with OCD have a number or series of numbers that run their compulsions such as even numbers, numbers that end in 5, etc. For me it is 3s and multiples of 3s. The obsession with 3s started when I was about 11. At the time I was obsessed with this show called Once Upon A Time. The show was about how magic was hidden in the real world, and I wished more than anything that the show was more than a fiction. I noticed that the number 3 was very significant in the “magical world” (for example “3 magic wishes” etc.) that running my life by 3s would in some way bring some of that magic into my real world. Now it’s gotten to the point where almost every action I do is in 3s. Light switches, opening bottles, pen clicking, almost everything. If not the 3 rules my OCD creates other compulsions that make me feel at a lack of control of my brain and life on a daily basis. The constant thoughts and worry of anything and everything make it impossible for me to turn my brain off because it feels like it’s not being run by me. This is why I’ve struggled with insomnia since I was a kid. Sleep has always been something that has come difficult to me which is why I value it so much. The second something or someone would wake my brain up the thoughts would awaken also almost like a crying baby. There’s so much more I could ramble on about but I don’t think there’s enough space in the world to explain everything. Now I’m 19, have just started ERP (Exposure and Response Prevention) therapy which I am hoping will give me a glimpse of what a normal life can look like.

I’m having a tough time falling asleep with my OCD thoughts. How do you all fall asleep with OCD thoughts and images? I close my eyes and try to fall asleep but unwanted pictures(mainly) and thoughts pop up. Even memories from the past. I used to dissect every part of the memory but I realized that it started to make me obsess over re analyzing it every time I had it. I’ve never done OCD therapy so idk how to stop this at night. If I lay down at let’s say 11 I won’t fall asleep till 3 just cuz I’m over analyzing and ruminating. And at that point I just get up and stay up till I am tired. I also have a lot of childhood trauma, ADHD(hyperactive), anxiety, & Tourette’s. Sometimes I can’t identify if it’s ADHD rumination, OCD, anxiety, trauma. I dread sleeping for these reasons. Any tips from anyone who has these problems? It would be appreciated a lot ty.

So I tend to think about the fact that I may have ocd a lot. That alone is enough to give me major anxiety. I usually will try to talk to somebody about it when it makes me feel anxious. I’ve noticed though as soon as I try to talk about it, I forget most of the obsessions that I’ve had. Is that normal? It makes me feel like I’m crazy sometimes

I’ve always had intrusive thoughts for as long as I can remember. I have had suicidal intrusive thoughts, I have had harmful intrusive thoughts about others. I want to act on none of these. I always feel guilty right after and like I’m crazy. Sometimes I really scare myself. I know at times when I have an uncomfortable thought I will repeat things in the back of my mind. I never really noticed until a few days ago because it was something I hardly ever paid attention to and I just thought of it as normal. When I have an uncomfortable thought or I think about something that I have done I often say “can I kill myself?” out loud or in the back of my mind. Even if I don’t want to. Even if I am not suicidal. I tend to tell people things that I shouldn’t share out loud but I don’t know how to control that impulse. I know that I over share but I feel like I have to. If I don’t it gives me so much anxiety that it feels like I’m just going to curl up into a ball and die. I know as a kid I used to do weird little things like if I’m walking on tile one foot can touch one single tile but not the other because if the other touches it doesn’t feel right. I would walk one foot in one tile. One foot in the next tile. If you step on the crack your mom will die. If you step on the crack something bad will happen to your family. I struggled with eating habits starting at an early age. I started to obsess over how much I ate for a while. What my body looked like. I was only 12. Growing up when I would try to eat healthy I would tell myself “you can only eat this much or else you will gain weight and you’re going to be fat forever.” I always checked to see if I looked smaller every single day for months on end because it was something I was obsessing over. My parents deemed me as a “worry wart” or a “hypochondriac” because I could never seem to worry about normal things. I always convinced myself that there was something wrong with me. I used to do an excessive amount of counting. I would always be looking down while I walked on tiles so I could make sure that each foot touched only one tile at a time and that I could count them. I used to count how much I blinked but I could only blink so many times because “if they see I’m blinking too much they’re going to think that I am weird.” In my little mind everyone hated me. I had intrusive thoughts of everyone talking bad about me all the time. Certain textures used to bother me a lot. If I touched anything too rough that didn’t feel “right” it would send shivers down my spine and make me feel anxious. I would touch a smooth surface just to get rid of the feeling. At times if I didn’t say something right I would repeat it so that I wouldn’t say it wrong next time. I think that’s why I speak so properly at times. Everything has a specific spot in my own space and if it is taken out of that spot it gives me anxiety. It makes me upset. I have convinced myself that I have every single disorder that there probably is and I always check myself for symptoms. There was one point that I had completely convinced myself that I had cancer to the point I had a breakdown. I really just wanted to post this so I could get a little bit of insight to see if this sounds like ocd or something else?

Does anyone have the problem where when they try to expose themselves to something scary, it doesn’t feel scary? Like if I know that I’m trying to do ERP, I don’t actually get scared. How do I get past this?

Hello, I’m Valentino, I use they/them pronouns just for a heads up, I would want to say that I’ve been struggling with my ocd for a while now and having ADHD and high functioning ASD does not help at all, along with depression. These things have caused a whole lot of stress to my life along with the fact I can’t clean my room at all which spiked my depression. My depression has gotten to a point before where SH was involved but I’m doing better now, but I’m mainly struggling with my room due to me being neurodivergent. I cannot for the life of me anymore to clean my room, and it’s like triggering my ocd, BUT I have no idea where to start cleaning or what to do anymore and I really need tips, so that way I could get my room and ocd in control, I’m so sorry for this being like my first post and I’m already asking for help, but if I could get tips for my room it would be very much so appreciated 🙏 Please have a wonderful day or night.

I have recently found this group and it has been so validating knowing i’m not alone. I experience OCD in my romantic relationships. I have found someone who is everything I want in a partner yet still drown myself in doubts. When I am with them it feels so right yet I get my head thinking “am i even attracted to them” “is this really my person” and then it feels like I should just avoid dating in general because the anxiety of my own thoughts drive me crazy. Im not even sure if I actually have OCD but reading on it made me cry because it described everything I feel. I was on the phone with a friend telling them how I think I may have ROCD and they told me i just haven’t found the right person yet. This drove me even more into the ground because I feel like no one can see what’s happening in my head and it’s so frustrating trying to explain it. When my friend said that it made me spiral again and has been all I can think about. I am struggling to know what thoughts are real or intrusive. Does anyone have any advice or can relate to this? I am going to start therapy to see if I can get a diagnosis but it feels like if I don’t have this I will be so lost. My brain hurts

Hey guys. Looking for my ROCD peeps who have struggled with fixating on past arguments and constantly feeling the need to open that can of worms again and figure it out. Or fixating on your partners flaws. How did you do it?

I have moments of relief but other moments of extreme anxiety, stress and heart raising. I’m really tired of worrying about “what ifs” like I’m scared I’ll give up and be locked in a loony bin or in prison. existential OCD and constantly worrying about what’s real and what’s now, or who is and who isn’t is exhausting and scary. I’ve dealt with this in the past but it doesn’t make this round any lighter. Like sick and tired of not essentially knowing what to believe, combine it with dpdr it’s really tiring and physically exhausting Anyone going/went through this and have any tips or in-site. Open ears, I just wanna go back to how I was before these intrusive thoughts didn’t come up again. Would therapy or medication help and what can I do to help it.

I think I legit defeated hocd. I confronted the fear stopped caring and got a huge feeling of “what are you doing you don’t like this thing” I felt ridiculous level of freedom and got back to who I was before all this Then in the back my secondary obsession ( trans ocd) hit me in the most violent way. The thoughts were as intense as ever, it truly felt like torture, overwhelming and so intense I wanted my Brain to fucking EXPLODE and leave me alone Anytime I am enjoying myself in my skin and gender it would come back with doubt, in such a vengeful and like…I don’t know how to describe it. It’s almost like bullying, punishment, as if my own psyche wants to legit fuck me up for DARING to move on I did some breathing exercice and I am trying to calm down. I hope one day I get over this

I’m wondering if I’m alone I have harm OCD I get intrusive thoughts of hurting my mom but when I tell her to hide the knife I get this urge to find a knife I hope I’m not the only one I’m getting very scared of OCD

I feel like I wanna kill myself sometimes and it’s been popping up in my head for a while but I’m also scared of the thought of doing that but I really just feel like not living anymore :( im scared of life

Can I handle it alone??

This is more for teenagers I guess. So I'm a 17 year old girl and I have harm OCD. And lately I've been feeling really sad that I don't get to enjoy my teenage years. Or I guess not rather enjoy but just experience. Me and my friends were chatting and they were talking about heartbreak and boys and just regular teenage girl stuff. And meanwhile I'm here sitting alone on a Sunday night with intrusive thoughts about what if I'm a murderer or fearing of developing schizophrenia. Like I wanna go out there and date and go to concerts but I'm stuck here with my intrusive thoughts. I started therapy but the fact that I need to put so much work just for my brain to function how it's supposed to function is exhausting. I just want to go have fun and enjoy life. Can anyone relate?

I keep having this what if thought that we’re not real or in a coma and it’s followed by DP/DR. To make it worse it’s followed by harm OCD. Thoughts coming up such as “if nothings real then you can k*ll someone or yourself” or “only way to escape this feeling and dream is to k*ll yourself.” Even thought deep down I would never do anything to hurt myself or family. Just can’t seem to shake this thought and then combine that with DP/DR it’s crippling. I’ve dealt with this a while ago but it’s back and has consumed every waking moment. I’ve cried myself to sleep for a week now and I just want to go back to how I was a little while ago. Anyone else had this and how have you gotten through it or have any advice. I really really need some guidance and help. PLEASE RESPOND IF YOU HAVE ANY INPUT AND HELP!

I’ve been crying since last night because im afraid to talk to a therapist, im not diagnosed and I’m scared I’m lying to myself, sometimes when I notice I’m not anxious and my brain isn’t throwing the thoughts at me, I’ll start getting anxious abt the fact I’m not anxious and that im in denial, im so scared and im scared to voice my thoughts. Last night I was with my friends out @ a restaurant and I couldn’t even focus I kept shaking and shaking and I got so anxious I started puking I nearly cried and I’m scared to go to school or work now, because my brain feels like it’s screaming at me sometimes I’ll see images of me harming myself because I’m scared I’m running away from the truth, I WAS LITERALLY FINE 3-4 weeks ago, but now I’m throwing up I’m not sleeping and I’m constantly checking my thoughts or my body for any feelings and I’m scared to let things just BE because I’m afraid. I’m afraid I’m in denial and I don’t want to be I’m scared i have this fear that if I don’t get over this I’m going to reincarnate into the next life with this same issue and I’m feeling like I’m mentally tortured i constantly have chills or goosebumps and I just want to cry my eyes out. I lost so much weight, I miss when I used to eat food but now I go the entire day without eating AT ALL and I’ll only drink water to feel full, I miss who I was before I suffered so much, I constantly have a headache, im scared this will haunt me forever or it’s going to come back years later and I’ll have to face things and I don’t want to, I want to live in the present not the future i hate this sonmuch i was in class and i started plucking at my hair and pulling it because I was so anxious, I don’t want to say it’s OCD bc im afraid it’s not, fuck this is so hard im so scared to seek help, I tried to do ERP and I feel immediate relief or I feel more at peace because I feel like I can breathe and the fact that I felt better worries me because what if that means I don’t have OCD and im just lying to myself? I’m stressing my poor mom out she had to go to the hospital and I STILL couldn’t stop thinking and thinking and thinking about this problem and I hate that so much, I want to fucking cry and I’m scared that I only wanna cry because I’m running away, not because i actually feel stressed. Sometimes I will claw at my arms or my body because im so anxious, just the fact that I’m in class right now and the thoughts aren’t triggering me like before is triggering me because idk if I got used to them and I’m letting them pass or bc im running away from the truth. I feel like taking medicine is wrong too because I feel like I’m running away, im on antidepressants at 5mg and I feel like it’s not worth it to be on medicine because before this, I was fine-ish, I was miserable about something else but I wasn’t as bad as I am now