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Ever since I started ERP I feel like my OCD is only getting worse. I have more intrusive thoughts and memories and they feel worse than they did before. Am I doing it wrong?

I any taking a therapy break.. After about ten sessions i don't think I've made the progress i expected Maybe it's the therapy approach the therapist I've been paired with or maybe it's me nevertheless i need to figure out how to fight this Ocd and maybe ptsd properly for the new year I wish all of us success in this terrible affliction and may we all overcome this together Merrrrryyyyy Christmasss everyone and happy new year in advance

So last night I got very drunk, I haven’t been this drunk in a long time. I started making out with this guy who I’ve known for a while, genuinely my drink scale was insane. Basically then I started talking to these people, I knew the one guy but was talking to the other people. They were 18 and I’m 21. So me and this one guy started kissing, he was very cute, then this other boy he started kissing me as well, I at this point new he has a girlfriend but because I was so drunk it didn’t really comprehend wtf was going on. I blame myself entirely for what happens next. Basically he says he’ll drop us off, me and this one other guy in the back. So we start making out, and the other guy is getting slightly jealous so drunk me kissing him on the cheek. When we get to this other guys house he gets our days goodnight and I get into the front. Now this is where it takes a turn I wasn’t expecting. I can’t remember who made the first move but we started making out, he stopped driving at this point and pulled over into a lay-by, he gets heated very soon and basically we end up having sex. He has a girlfriend and I’m sat here sobering up a bit now hating myself Fillmore than anything. I can’t tell my friends but I seriously don’t know what to do. He said not to tell anyone because it won’t happen again, I’m sober and it won’t happen again. Not while he has a girlfriend. But I feel like such a slut. I was always scared the guy I was seeing was seeing other people, turns out he was, but now here I am and I’m that’s girl. I have to completely blame how drunk I was, but now I have to go get the morning after pill from my local pharmacy and hope nobody recognises me! I’m shitting it and I feel so bad

I am awake in the late night as I type all of this out.. I don't think I can ever forgive myself for the past m/o to l*li explicit content and other explicit comics / fanfics with adult and really young cartoon characters couple of times unknowingly when I was 12, and 14 and unknowingly when I was 17-18. (Ex. Marge and Lisa) I had stopped three years ago, and I'm 21 now but I'm getting intrusive memories of doing it and I immensely regret it and feel triggered by it… I didn't know what the content was in any way at the time or what it represented… and while I avoided most of the content, the videos of them had millions of views, both the videos and the fanfics / comics were on public sites, and some of the creators said they were 18 in some of the videos, so I thought it was safe to watch... I hate myself forever. And you people should hate me too. I'm worthless. I'm a disgusting creature who deserves nothing but the upmost anger and disgust from you all… god help me... I hate myself and you should hate me too…

In August I had received the Holy Communion after confession after a really long time. I was praying and I was feeling intensely calm. One of the things my mom had taught me to pray since a few years is for a good life partner and sometimes I do pray for that. I had just prayed that and I was trying to imagine a guy I like when all of a sudden i see a mental image of a guy who has been sending messages to me on Instagram and I had restricted him on Insta a few months ago. This disturbed me and I was reminded of stories I have read in the Holy Bible years ago like prophet Hosea being asked to marry a prostitute. The story of Tobias, stuff like that. I know these are stories and what is happening to me is just part of my magical thinking OCD. All this happened in August. After that whenever I made this specific prayer i was always hyperaware, his name or face kept popping into my head and as compulsion I have to immediately try neutralizing it with the image of a guy I have a crush on. It's weird and I know if I tell anyone they would just think I have gone bonkers. 🤷 Anyways this was bothering me today because it's Christmas and there are chances i may meet this guy in the church and I'm worried if he asks me out or something. I always disliked him and because OCD has latched on to him i almost hate him now. But my OCD makes me think I have to accept him and try to love him. That's my mission stuff like that. All I can say is the things OCD makes you think just keeps getting weirder and weirder.

I just feel like no matter what my fear is going to end up true.. I have been diagnosed with OCD but still so hard.. I’m scared no matter what, I’m gonna lose. Help

I’d love to know your experiences of telling friends and family that you have OCD? Who’s decided to open up about it and who is still hesitant to? No one knows I have OCD and I have no idea whether I should tell people close to me!

I know this sounds absolutely horrible, but does anyone else hyperfixate on their partner’s weight? Or other forms of physical appearance? I KNOW it’s my OCD because we’ve been together for 6 years and I used to not worry or care about this stuff. It’s the newest theme my OCD has picked up this past year. Like I’ll stress when I think he’s overeating or drinking too much (he only drinks 2 nights a week). I repeatedly sneak glances at his abdomen area. And sometimes I’ll look back at old pictures when he was a little more fit to remind myself that he is very handsome and that he COULD get back to that weight if he tried. I know this sounds horrible. I do NOT want to obsess over this, but I cannot seem to get it out of my head. 😔😖

Does anyone else experience memory hoarding OCD? I feel like I’m the only one.

Comment below with some of the strangest intrusive thoughts you've had - if it's too hard for you to do, just like and let others know they're not alone <3⁠

Everything online says distraction is bad and makes OCD worse. I’ve found that when I’m really busy for a week straight my OCD is 1000 times better. Even if I play video games for a few days in a row to break the rumination from my thoughts, my OCD is actually better. Can someone help me understand? I’m getting so confused with all the different stuff online about compulsions vs not compulsions vs distraction vs rumination vs mediation etc and what’s okay and what’s not.

I keep checking things to see if he still loves me or isn’t cheating. I’m so scared. We just booked our vacation so it is going well between is I keep reminding me that when I think about this. But I’m still anxious if he really likes me or isn’t tired of me. How do I stop this constant fear?

I won’t lie; living off your baby-step progress is really hard. It’s not easy to achieve this in the first place, as it takes a lot of strength to do it. And knowing that these are just the most menial, basic things that a person does and are so difficult for you can be so hard at times. Life really does become quite small when you’re so consumed by this. Never mind the fact that you aren’t able to do the other tasks that need your attention and that your thoughts and mind are just rotting away.  Real-Event OCD has definitely been the worst of my subtypes, even though I’ve had a horrible and rough time with my other subtypes as well. They’re all really difficult to deal with, but I was able to bask in the support that I received as it wasn’t something that I sought for myself. I didn’t ask for it, but I had to deal with it, so it was definitely easier to receive support from others. But knowing with Real Event, it’s all my fault and mistake is something I find really hard to accept and move on from. The shame and guilt are overwhelming. Wishing you could change things that can no longer be changed is so painful. Like many of you, I struggle with the thought that this isn’t my OCD, and I’m using it as a coverup to move on, which has been really difficult to deal with. The certainty just isn't there. I definitely feel strongly that I’m unique in my situation, so I definitely deserve this. And no one can relate to this here since I'm the exception. But I still sit with it and try to move on, as I won’t know. I try to say maybe or maybe not to it. It’s not easy. It’s on my mind every day, and I feel miserable even if I don’t show it. But I know deep inside that I want to strive to be a better person every day and to be compassionate with others. So that I can live for myself and my loved ones and be a positive influence on society. Right now, I’m not able to help people or others in the ways that I want, since I’m not in a place where I’ve helped myself enough to be able to do that. Sometimes I wonder if I'll ever be able to reach that place since it feels so far away from me. But I will never know. All I have is my present. And while I'm not able to make huge, great changes out of it. It's enough that I exist in the now. So I want to tell all of you who are struggling and are having a hard time in recovery that it's okay. At times we won't have the greatest of moments, but it's okay since you exist and matter, and that's enough in that moment. You can pick yourself back up and carry on like you always do. These are all moments of power and strength that you radiate with. It's hard now, and maybe it won't be that way in the future, but be kind to yourself for pushing through and taking a break when you have to. Dealing with all of these things can be really exhausting, so just be kind to yourself, like you would be to others.

One time I think that I should live and everhthing is actually okay, but then I start to think again that I am so weird, crazy and I should end my life. :) and it's so weird and I have a feelings of derealization often, it's like I am not completely there and because of that I can't think about the things I need to work on and I am scared that I will be always like that.

I'm 37, been diagnosed with depression and anxiety since I was 16. I've thought for a few years now that I may have some ocd tendencies. But I feel like they are getting worse. I clean, every single day. I have to vacuum 2-3 times a day or I cannot relax. I have to vacuum every morning, or I can't concentrate on work, I vacuum later in the day, then again before bed to help me relax. I can't skip a day...if I do it nags at me. I'm also a perfectionist?!? I get highly irritated if things are out of order, or my house is chaotic. Sit on the furniture wrong and squash my pillow? My anxiety or irritation spikes until the person gets up and I can go fix that space. I also obsess over things, and seek answers/validation from others. When I tried leaving my job for another, I talked to anyone that would listen. Obsessing for weeks and weeks wondering if I was making the right choice, looking for someone to answer me. I could NOT think of anything else. I'm assuming this is ruminating? Now, most recently, I've been having awful intrusive thoughts. Every single night. Mostly about loved ones dying, and how will I go on. I work myself up, have anxiety attacks and cry. ...this makes sense as to why I feel the need to constantly clean or be doing something, so I don't have to think these thoughts. In my head if I can just make it to morning, nothing bad will happen during the day. I'm ferried my phone will go off at night with bad news. It's making it hard to sleep, I don't want to relax because my mind drifts to these intrusive thoughts. I don't know...no one had diagnosed me, but I feel like some signs are there. I feel like I'm slowly going crazy...and I'm so very tired of it.

Recently I’ve discovered I have a lot more childhood trauma than I originally thought. I have a counselling session every Monday atm, and so far he’s uncovered some shit I didn’t even know I had. But now it’s all out I don’t know how to even begin healing from it. People keep saying you have to live with it before you can heal but I don’t get that. I can’t keep living like this. Everyday is a constant battle to be perfect, to be someone I feel comfortable being but I never get there. I think constantly everyday, I never stop. I’m exhausted, emotionally exhausted, physically exhausted, I’m kinda lonely I won’t lie, I hate myself in the mirror half the time, I’ve literally lost a bunch of weight because I hated myself, didn’t do it very healthy either so that’s brilliant I’m back to who I was in high school, my life revolves around finding a guy? Why? Because I need to fill my life with someone who cares for me romantically otherwise I feel empty. I even now know why, because during my school life I never got the male teachers validation and I was constantly afraid of men. So what’s that done to me now you ask? I constantly need male validation to feel like a valuable member of society. Fantastic! As well as this I’m a 21 year old female who is extremely sexually frustrated but gets too attached to men because of that reason! So wtf am I meant to do? Because I keep crying when they say they don’t want anything with me, even though I respect them for that decision, because I’m scared of people leaving my life! Why’s that you ask? Because this year I’ve lost everyone important to me and people keep wanting to leave. Do now I’m stuck thinking if they don’t want me, then they’ll leave. I can’t have this. I feel out of control and I don’t know what to do. I want to heal, I want to feel fine. But I’m not sure how

So I’m 26 years old and for some reason my mom doesn’t treat me like I’m really worth a conversation. Let me explain the last 24 hours to give you all a better idea, Last night I was sitting in my living room with her and I was in there for over an hour trying to make conversation with her and she blatantly ignored me. To the point where I was like what’s this tv show your watching about ( mind you I don’t have any internet in the show ) And she completely ignores me. Then she starts talking to the tv cause the main character pissed her off and she yelled at the tv screen soI just walked away, And she was like why are you leaving and I just went to my room and maybe like an hour later she comes in my room and lays with my dog but my head was spinning ( currently weaning off my antidepressants )and I told her can you please leave I need to lay down I feel like I’m gonna pass out And she was like no and I said please get out of my bed I’m lightheaded and she says no. Then she’s like “oh well if your gonna make a face then so am I” (Playing the victim) Then today I asked her to wake up my dad for me so I could call him and talk on the phone about something and she refused to wake him up for me and told me to basically Handel it on my own So I couldn’t get in contact with my dad until 2 pm today cause he forgot to turn his phone on. Then earlier my head was spinning and I was nauseous and she calls me into her room and I was like yeah? and she’s telling me her stomach hurts. I’m like ok and I leave like she wants to make it known she doesn’t feel well either ( she always does that ) Oh I almost forgot, Yesterday she was telling me all day she wants the hair vitamins I’m currently on , So I was placing an order on Amazon and I figured let me ask her if she wants the vitamins and I text her but she doesn’t respond and I keep texting her and get no response. Finally I check my living room camera and see her scrolling on her phone intentionally ignoring me , So I asked her through the camera microphones if she wants the vitamins and she barley gives me an answer and proceeds to ignore me again Finally tonight my head wouldn’t stop spinning and I figured maybe if I eat something it’ll stop so I go in my kitchen and there’s nothing like nothing at all and I went to her and was like mom why don’t we have anything like I wish we at least had crackers my heads spinning really bad and she tells me to Go to the store and buy it myself and I tell her I can’t my heads spinning And she comes in my room with this condescending smile and goes “ you have a job you have money get it yourself “ When she left my room I just silently cried Like why are you so cruel? It just hurts me more because she’s not like this with my older sister at all and my mothers told me before she has a very special connection with my sister cause she’s her first born. Just a crappy feeling when even your mother doesn’t think your really worthy of her time or conversation.

My thoughts are spiralling someone please help. Feel like I’m going to end my relationship when I don’t want to lose the love of my life. Please help.

I can’t differentiate my obsessions from rumination from compulsions I’m going insane

Does anyone else struggle with being publicly shamed and cancelled for your mistakes in the future? It feels so intolerable for me and it’s my biggest fear. Does anyone have any advice?