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Do you think my suicidal ocd could change my beliefs? I don’t want to die. Do you think it could change that? I just don’t want ocd to change my beliefs, I think that’s what we all fear.

I can't deal with these thoughts anymore I'm so scared its all the time every day. It's gotten to the point where the anxiety is gone and I keep on getting thoughts that say maybe I will do it. I can't do this it's so fucking scary I don't know if I can handle it until my therapy appointment on Monday

I’m so scared. I don’t even know who to talk to at this point. I started having sexual OCD thoughts recently about people that I don’t want to and I’m terrified. I recently had a psych ward stay (voluntary) for a very stressful life event and now I have this. I’m currently staying with my parents while I go through an outpatient program and they have no idea about the OCD. I live in Ohio. I’m afraid I’ll have to go inpatient again. I’m unemployed and currently am on Medicaid but have a lot of savings from lucky investments. I can’t get a NOCD therapist because I’m on Medicaid and also because I’m in an outpatient program. I’m afraid I’m too far gone and crazy now. I’m just laying in my bedroom at my parents’ house and crying. I don’t know what to do.

I love my son more than anything. Just writing that's making me tear up from guilt of these violent thoughts. Everyday for the last 2 weeks I cry. I don't want to move from my couch. He's 6 and he looks up to me and is always around me and I feel so guilty from these thoughts I want to avoid him but I can't. I feel guilty whenever a happy thought comes up or when I do anything I like. The ocd tells me why r u doing anything you enjoy remember what you were thinking earlier. My brain is constantly ruminating this specific scenario it's conjured up that makes me frozen. As soon as I wake up the thoughts start and never end. its a struggle to get ready for work and even go home or go to the gym all things I love. I haven't hidden knives around my house because I think I'm giving in if I do. I know coming on here is a compulsion but I can't help it today. I'm ready to just runaway but something in me keeps me from leaving the family I love so much. I'll get through this but had to write it out

My mind was screaming at me saying I had a thought that I wish God didn't exist and I went along with it and it felt so freaking God and I was like you know what yeah your right I do and now I'm freaking out and scared that means something about me it doesn't even feel like my freaking out is real and idk what to do

Is horrible when a thought feels so real and the need to do something feels like valid. Because I have to go against it and accept the uncertainty is really scary. I really hope that, with time, it will became more easy

Idk what to do right now I'm really freaking out I really want a relationship with God and Jesus and the holy Spirit, but I'm struggling my ocd and whatever I'm going through is destroying my faith, I really want the holy Spirit to transform me, but everytime I notice the holy Spirit I get resisting and want to push him away idk what to do anymore. I'm starting to become cynical towards faith and I'm really freaking out and idk what to do I don't want to be abandoned by God

My psych just upped my Prozac about a week ago… having some wild side effects. I responded to it really well at a lower dose, so I’m hopeful it will get better! Have any of yall experienced side effects like increased intrusive thoughts, but less emotional responses? General muscle weakness and just feeling bleh? How long did that last for you?

I get strong urges to hurt myself through ed or self harm. I try to let the bad things go but they play like a record in my head all my failures. I just want everything to stop. My boyfriend says its negativety but i feel broken like how i was before when I was hurting myself and want to do bad again.

Hi everyone. I have been struggling with OCD for the last 14 years. It really has been a thorn in my flesh for that time. But by God's grace I have been able to flourish through it and I was even able to help people who struggle with it as wel. For the last 2 years of university I have been coping very well with my anxiety and OCD. However, I have been in a relationship for the last three months and suddenly my OCD has become unbearable once again. I feel totally paralyzed at times. I am constantly troubled by intrusive thoughts like "Do I really love her?", "Do I really find her attractive?", "I sometimes think of my ex, even though I know she was bad for me and my current girlfriend is amazing. Am I a terrible person?", etc. It is really awful. And since I am a devout Christian, it feels even worse, because my OCD also constantly makes me feel unworthy of God's love. The worst of the relationship OCD is that I know with my mind that my girlfriend is wonderful and that I truly do love her. I know this with my mind, but I am still constantly anxious. I constantly feel the urge to just end the relationship, but I know I shouldn't, because that is just my OCD telling me that is the only thing that will bring relief. But if that is the case, how will I ever manage a relationship? She really is the best woman that I have ever known. Can someone maybe reassure me that what I am feeling as an OCD struggler is normal? Can someone maybe please offer some hope? I am already seeing a therapist and I am taking medication, but I still struggle🥺

Hello ! 2024 officially marks the 10th year of me being aware that I have OCD. I wanna hug 14 years old me for staying strong throughout the ups and downs, being in this alone without knowing if it will ever ends. The reason why I wanted to post today is because I’ve been doing ERP over the past couple of years without realizing it at the beginning. I’ve never consulted anyone, because I did not and still don’t feel confident enough to share my thoughts with a specialist. Although I’m still struggling with reading OCD, I’m working on it … Instead of waiting for years waiting for my anime of the moment to finish, I would just read the manga. Not to mention that I take a *5 minute deep thinking break* after reading each page. But it’s part of the processus ! Let’s keep doing ERP guys ! I started it without knowing it was an actual treatment to help decrease OCD (or even that there was an actual name to it). And after a couple research, I forced myself to be consistent with it. If I can do it, you can do it ! Let’s keep shining !

+18 TRIGGER WARNING I’ve been rethinking things from the past and one of those things was a conversation I had with someone on the chatting app yik yak about six months ago. On there, I joined the smut community and started posting stuff on there (story excerpts, writing questions, etc.) and someone dmed me about one of my posts. They asked if we could role-play a situation about a husband and wife. It got pretty graphic, too. We moved off the app and started texting but my anxiety got the better of me and I looked up their number and found their social media. It confirmed the school that they told me they went to, their major, work experience, and even their name. According to their social media, they’re 23 (22 during the time of our conversation) and I’m pretty sure it’s the same guy. Still, I DONT KNOW for certain and I’m scared that I was interacting with someone underaged the entire time. I’ve been going back through screenshots to try to decipher what I can find but it still hangs over my head. (Edit: I did ask for their age when we were texting and I remember that they told me they were 22. But I can’t find any of those texts and I’m scared that my mind is just filling in the blanks. I have had their number blocked and deleted from my phone since March of this year.)

So recently I have been doing ERP for a while now, a few months, and the results have been amazing. When I came back to school though, I got really exhausted towards the end of the week and started doing compulsions again. I ended up patching that up though and I have gotten better and more experienced with doing ERP. But I feel really really really tired trying to keep up with all my intrusive thoughts. I don’t interact with them, I don’t put meaning to them, I do what I was taught to do in therapy, notice them, and then “say alright, I agree with that” or don’t respond at all, and everything’s works out. But lately, I’ve have been feel a little woozy because I’m so out of it and it’s affecting my schoolwork, my home life, and Everything in general. I’m trying to stay motivated, trying to stay strong, but I feel so exhausted resisting compulsions. Btw, OCD affects every single part of my day. I deal with it day in and day out. From the moment I wake up til I go to bed. That’s how bad it is. My main concern is how to keep up. I am doing therapy it’s great, but I’m having trouble again because I’m so damn tired!!! I’m so mentally exhausted. I feel like I need more than just ERP therapy to manage it though. Does anyone have suggestions or advice? Please I really really need it I’m so tired

Hey y’all! I’m new to the app and to the NOCD community. I have been reading other people’s posts on this little forum. It has mostly been comforting to see that I’m not alone. However, I feel like I stepped into another spiral by doing so. I’ve been reading people’s posts with SO-OCD. I’m a lesbian. I have a long-term girlfriend. I feel very confident in my sexuality and in our relationship. BUT, these posts have me doubting everything and my whole identity.I don’t even know why I looked, but I regret it. I suddenly feel so much shame for being a lesbian after reading about other people’s shame with same-sex attraction. I’m also feeling like “what if I’m not actually gay, and I’ve just been giving into SO-OCD”? I’m also feeling overwhelmed with religious guilt even though I walked away from the church years ago. I actually feel sick to my stomach. I’m not here to make light of anyone’s experiences with SO-OCD. I just want to feel normal. Does any of the other queer OCD population struggle with this too?

I was doing so good, but over the past few months, the OCD has returned with a vengenace. I try to explain what I'm experiencing to my family, but they don't understand. I just need to hear that people get it and know that I can make it out the other end alive and in one piece I've had many themes over the years, but right now, scrupulocity is taking over my life. It takes the normal day-to-day things I do, and twists them into compulsions to feed the insatiable monster that tells me if I don't do enough, be perfect enough, that I'm not a good partner-- not a good person. I'm not working hard because it feels satisfying; I'm doing it because I feel lazy and worthless if I don't. Everything has been taken to an extreme. It's making getting in the way of eating and sleeping. I'm suffering, but I feel like I need to try and pretend that I'm fine (even though I'm terrible at hiding it) because I feel like my husband will think I'm crazy, whiny, and dramatic, and eventually, get tired of it and leave. I'm not asking for reassurance. I just want to not feel so alone.

⚠️ TW sexual themes ⚠️ I have OCD regarding sexual themes. I struggle with real event/false memory OCD, and I used to struggle with different sexual sins before me and my boyfriend were together. My OCD tells me that if we get married, and we consummate our marriage, that it’ll be sex under false pretenses if I don’t confess everything I’ve ever thought/done in regards to my past. It makes me feel like when we do end up exploring the sexual aspect of our relationship, that it’ll be SA unless he knows everything. OCD is ridiculous. Can anyone relate to this? The thought of hurting him in that way actually makes me sick to my stomach and makes me shake.

Anybody else use their lack of sexual history as a way for OCD to use as evidence? I just start remembering all the times I could have had sex but didn’t. I also had a HUGE porn addiction that made it so difficult to function. I remember that I was always afraid of having sex with anyone other than my ex because I was emotionally abused and I felt like if she found out, she would get mad and at the time, that would break me. I’d always overthink about sex and what could happen if It happened at that moment. My mind would fill with questions and I just would end up saying I rather not have any sex. My therapist believed I could have shown signs of OCD early on. I believe that’s what’s happened then and now. I don’t like guys romantically and I love getting excited for a woman. I love that feeling of seeing a pretty girl and getting the chance to know her. It makes my heart so happy. But I would do everything I can to avoid speaking with a guy, even if he was not conventionally attractive. Porn makes me feel like I could turn gay since I watched it so much. I’ve lost interest in watching porn which is a good thing but now ocd is like “oh you don’t get turned on by porn anymore, and those videos had girls in it so that must mean you don’t like girls anymore.” Like how stupid is that. I also saw on Reddit and Quora that people were saying porn can change your attraction/make you lose interest in girls. I know Quora and Reddit are OCD’s best ways at scaring you and these forums are never to be taken seriously, but man does it trigger you. Anyways if you made it this far, thank you. I’m just overthinking a lot today

I’m finally moving on and realising what’s meant for me will stay, but unfortunately this has come along with doubts, overthinking and realising some things that I didn’t before. My ex moved on straight after we ended, got into a relationship with her faster than I ever thought he would (we were only ever exclusive but fir a year he kept me going saying he will, I know I should’ve read the red flags) and now they are happily together doing things I always dreamed he’d do with me. The thing is I look at him and I feel nothing, I once loved him but knowing he never even cared for me has helped me loose that. However, I look back and realise there were so many signs that I didn’t acknowledge and now I’m feeling stupid. More embarrassed. I will never regret giving the love out, but seeing him treat her the way he does, going out all the time, spending time together when I got months and months of just excuse after excuse, how we did spend time physically not emotionally together and I didn’t even see the signs. It makes me so angry that I had love for this person. But now it’s got me comparing ever aspect of myself to this girl, I’m wondering why she’s better than me, what I did wrong, why I’m not good enough. She is known to be a cereal cheater, known to not treat her boyfriends with respect after a few months, she’s already cheated on him and he’s forgiven her, I don’t get it. I feel so ugly in myself, I feel so insecure about everything. I’ve stopped watching her stories but had the Urge to do it again and I did, he was everywhere. Plastered all over her stories, and I’ve sat here not jealous, not wanting him back, but feeling sad in myself that I’m still wondering why I wasn’t good enough. I’m too scared to go into town incase I see them. This mind is killing me im sick of it

I really don’t think this is me looking for reassurance. I just want someone to be here for me cause I feel deeply alone rn. I posted this a few days ago and I just want someone to talk to me about all of it.

Hi guys! Hope everyone is having a beautiful week. I did therapy with a therapist on here and it helped me hugely, I had next to no OCD symptoms for almost 8 months, but recently it’s been flaring up again. I am much better at handling intrusive thoughts and going on with my day but I just have this huge fear of it getting as bad as it was last year. I was unable to get out of bed for 3 months because the intrusive thoughts were so debilitating. I never went to feel that way again. Does anyone have tips on how they deal with OCD flare ups and how they bring themselves back down to a happy medium? Thank you all 🤍