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One minute I’m crying over the thoughts the next minute I’m “enjoying” the thoughts

No one cares about me everyone keeps leaving me! I wish I was never born why do I have to suffer like this why am I alone i want love so badly I want to be normal! Why was i born like this I'm having a breakdown and I'm idk how to change

I often have very visceral and horrifying images of myself dying, usually in an accident that nobody expected. Sometimes I imagine images of my family or friends dying in the same situations, and it drives me nuts. I tell myself I think this way to get attention, like it feels like I have this voice in my head that tells me I want attention so bad that I create fake scenarios in my head that make people feel sympathy for me. But I don’t want to believe it, I don’t believe it. I feel like I’m in a constant battle in my own head!! Does anyone have this same issue?

no clue if this is compulsive, but I’m interested to hear any obsessions others have that aren’t the “common” ones you see online about what ROCD is? a few for me: - thoughts about their partner being with someone else instead (sometimes a specific person) and then trying to analyze your reaction to it? e.g. does it *feel* more right than us, do I actually feel happy for them, etc. - trying to imagine your partner in your current situation or maybe a specific future situation (when they’re not around) and trying to decide if they “fit” in it? - being super scared of losing them, then suddenly feeling like you don’t care much for them at all, and just constantly cycling? - I almost never fully enjoyed sex because I was constantly obsessing about whether or not I was turned on, turned on “enough,” if I was just having groinal responses and wasn’t actually turned on, looking at his face just to decide if I find him attractive enough, comparing my experience with how I feel watching content alone, etc.

I've been posting and commenting often, and I've developed this weird fear? Like, what if one of my posts or something I've said has made someone uncomfortable, or maybe they didn't agree, and they blocked me or just disliked me in general? It's so silly because this is a place where you should be comfortable to share anything, and there's always going to be people in life who have different opinions than you or maybe even dislike you. I know that, but I'd just hate to make someone upset or uncomfortable. I don't think I have, but... it's just been this reoccurring thought of mine. I'm also afraid of accidentally offering reassurance. I'm sure I have at some point... It began after I made a vulnerable post on here, and I felt self-conscious about it the next day. It's just been nagging me ever since. Has anyone else felt this way after posting or commenting? Just wondering, thank you! 🤍

I’m fairly new to this, by that I mean I’ve had it for a good long while now but it’s only gotten bad and gotten diagnosed recently. With that, what’s some stuff I should probably know right off the bat?

I remembered something from a few months ago. I zoomed in on family beach photos, particularly the bikinis, and now I’m feeling awful about it, especially because the people in the photos were underage (my boyfriend’s sister and cousin). I think my brain is twisting what my intentions were maybe but saying that feels like I’m trying to excuse myself. At the time, I stopped because it felt weird, but I’m not sure if OCD was involved back then. I moved on and only now am remembering this. I’m struggling with whether this was normal behavior or if I should definitely be feeling guilt over it. The guilt I am feeling right now is unbearable.

I’m literally freaking out.I had made a post about this before but I met this man months ago and after I got home from seeing each other,this video on TikTok popped up saying “God says don’t be with this man,he’s going to give you HIV” etc. I’ve been having this fear since that day I first experienced things but no vag intercourse.and then last night I had a dream of the video and the man is wanting to see me tonight and we haven’t seen each other in monthss so I still think about him here and there and miss him. What does this mean? Should I gout with him or no? I feel like I’m going to have a panic attack. STDs scare me.just hearing about stds just terrify me.please help!!

I’ve been ignoring the googling urges I get. They’re the strongest urges I feel. I’ve been distracting myself and going on about my life without considering them or ruminating. All for what? I had to go into a public bathroom to have a panic attack that had been building all day. I’m so sleep deprived, so tired. My sisters say I resemble sadness from Inside Out. I believe them. I feel so drained.

This is my first post- I’ve had ups and downs with OCD but my anxiety around my fears is particularly strong when I wake up to the point that I struggle to get out of bed. I also struggle to eat because of how intense the anxiety is. I tend to be so stressed when I finally do get up that i’m nauseous in the mornings. Any tips for these two things would be much appreciated!

sorry for repost. I don’t know if people aren’t answering because they think im weird or gross. but here I am going to upload a post that I made, it has contents of trauma, sexual themed ocd, zoophilia ocd. I need some help, or advice on how to forgive myself or if I should even forgive myself? Some actions are unforgivable, for example (abusing animls, pdo philia , r4pe) and I’m scared that I am unforgivable and irredeemable. This compulsion happened a couple times. I’m scared I morally failed myself and my pets Here’s the post:

So i play in a band, and we were having practice, and my girlfriend was there listening to us, then this girl around our age walks in, and my head tells me to cheat on my girlfriend with her. I know i would never do such a thing. And it bothered me for days. And i ended up telling my girlfriend, and tried to explain my ocd. It hurt her and she believes that the instrusive thoughts, are my thoughts so in that, i must feel something behind them. And she feels hurt because i explained to her the obsessive part of ocd and how this thought wouldnt leave my head. And she got upset knowing that i was constantly thinking about cheating on her. I cant help but feel its all my fault. And now that she doesnt understand i feel really guilty for my thoughts and they are coming more often and worse. When i was fine for months, but my ocd always acts up right as i get in relationships, then i usually tell my spouse and tell them i cant feel guilt for my thoughts or they will get worse. And they usually just accepted it and it was easy. But with her it seems she just cant seem to understand, ive tried to explain it to her countless times, she isnt willing to do research with me to help better understand it or anything. Maybe for my first ocd issue telling her that wasnt the best idea.

How do you tell the difference between real guilt/shame verses something ocd. And what if it’s both? What if your real event ocd is something that really is very bad. And not just ocd.

Does anyone else struggle with OCD when it comes to breathing? I've had this for about two years now on and off and finally had enough and came on here to say this. When I try to explain this to other people, therapists, etc. they just don't get it, so maybe someone on here does. I literally cannot stop thinking about my breathing and when it is at its worst, the very act of breathing feels incredibly uncomfortable. It feels like the walls are closing in on me, I constantly feel like I'm having to catch my breath, and I constantly feel the urge to take a giant, "complete" breath and that is the only way I feel comfortable. It's usually manageable during the day, but at night when I try to go to sleep it's awful because when my brain has nothing else to focus on it reverts to the breathing. People tell me to just stop thinking about it but I literally cannot. Can anyone else relate or am I all alone on this one

Idk I feel I used to be so much more romantic with my bf before all of this but lately because of all of this I’m finding it really hard to be romantic. Even just kissing sometimes makes me nervous. I haven’t written him a love letter or poetry in 2 months or so (the last time I felt half decent for like 2 days and then it just went away cuz I started panicking again after a female friend who happens to be a lesbian gave me a Christmas gift). He bought me flowers for our 11 month and wrote me a romantic note and my brain said I don’t feel the same and I started panicking and I’m checking if I’ve been romantic today or have shown it and I have felt in love today just looking at him but fuckinf hell my brain is just blabbing on and on in the background about me being gay and not loving my bf. I’m worried I don’t love him as much as he loves me cuz I don’t feel the butterflies and I’m feeling nauseous and just sick and tired of my brain. When I have a good day I have a good day and I feel comfortable but I still can’t pixture the future. Idk if it’s cuz it’s just hard to conceptualize for me or if it’s cuz I don’t want it with him? I think I still do. I’m nervous but he makes me happy and I feel like he is my other half. Saying that makes me feel like I’m lying Maybe I’m scared of being romantic again in case I think I’m lying to him? Cuz what if I am a lesbian and I write him a love letter then the next day I tell him I don’t love him anymore? I lied. But I do love him. I’m not a lesbian. I’m bi. Just cuz I’m dating a man doesn’t make me less bi. I’ve never been in a relationship longer than 8 months and that one relationship I was in was toxic as hell. He never paid attention to me, he never wanted to physically be near me, wouldn’t let me kiss him on the cheek?? I felt. Idk worthless. But I put so much effort into loving him cuz I loved him. Now I’m being loved and I can’t conceptualize loving him back anymore?? Even tho I do? Have I fallen out of love cuz I don’t feel consistent feelings? Do I not want the future cuz I’ve fallen out of love? I do want it tho. It feels nice. It doesn’t fill me with overly excitedness but it does make me happy to think about spending my life with him. I know I can’t get any answer but I’m trying to distinguish between ROCD and actual feelings. I’m trying to figure out if it’s actually incompatibility or if I’m just overly anxious and desperate for control over our lives (I think it’s this honestly. Idk what the future will look like cuz of the interfaith aspect so I wanna control as much as I can). I wanna write him a love letter and tell him how much I love and appreciate him but my body is stopping me. I don’t have motivation to which saddens me. And then I have anxiety about sitting and writing cuz what if everything I’m writing is a lie? He gives me so much. Is that the reason I’m scared of breaking up cuz there’s never a right time? There’s never a right time cuz I don’t wanna fucking do it lol. I’m scared I don’t love him as much as he loves me. Or I don’t love him at all. I don’t feel trapped I feel confused. Every time he gives me smtjn it’s “oh my god thank you so much honey I love it” and then my brain jumps to “lol no you don’t break up with him” and I have to keep a smile on my face so I don’t start crying. I love him so much and I cannot hurt him. The thought of losing him is so scary and painful but saying that I don’t feel any physical pain or guilt. I’m just sad. I think I’ve been numbed out to everything I’ve experienced and now I’m just a blob. When hes with me god I am happy but I’m still ruminating and checking. I just wanna love him peacefully. What do I do

I'm constantly worrying that I'm gonna take a bunch of medicine and overdose. I've had this theme for years and it's only gotten worse. My mom currently has all my medicine in her room because it's gotten so bad to the point where I don't feel comfortable around medicine at all because I'm scared I'm just gonna take all of them and die. I've always been a hypochondriac so whenever I have physical symptoms from my anxiety my ocd start to tell me that Im experiencing the symptoms because I took medicine. Whenever I swallow sometimes I convince myself that I'm swallowing a pill. Whenever my mom gives me my medicine she always tells me to grab a water bottle so now everytime I want some water just to drink it my ocd convinces me that I really just want to drink the water to take a whole bunch of medicine with it. At this point I don't know what to do I'm currently not seeing a therapist right now and I think that can be a reason why it's so bad as well. And it's been a little over a month since I started taking Zoloft and going off of Escitalopram. My ocd was bad with escitalopram as well but now it's accompanied by physical anxiety symptoms which causes me anxiety and in turn makes my ocd worse. I just need some advice.

I don’t even know where to start with this but i’m in such a deep pit with my relationship with my partner (they/them pronouns just so no one gets confused) and I have never been more confused in my life on where to move forward. We have been dating for a year and a half and it feels like they were literally made for me. Our love has never faded and I love them so deeply and they treat me so incredibly well, but something has been bothering me for a year now and it’s been weighing on me. When we kiss, I don’t really feel that “amazing.” It’s just kinda checking a box. I also have no sexual attraction to them, but I never have because going into the relationship I thought I was asexual. I still feel that if I were to find someone else, I probably would be too afraid of sex to do anything, but now i’m more curious of how many other paths are out there waiting for me if I were to not be with my partner. I can’t shake the thought that I am only 19 and in my college years and I should be having fun experimenting like my friends, or that I should be with someone I am sexually attracted to, but i’m with my partner instead. I am so in love with them still and every night I go to bed thinking about not having them anymore it breaks my heart. I’ve already shared with them all of these feelings and the worst part is they are being so sweet telling me not to hate myself for these feelings (which I definitely do) and to take my time figuring it out and they will be there if I need them. I can’t bear to make them or myself wait any longer I just want to run into their arms. What the hell do I do?

I've noticed this past year that I sometimes really struggle with emotional shopping. I'm not always sure if it's impulsive or compulsive buying. I'm also grieving the death of my mlm, so I think it's a little bit of both. Sometimes I shop so that I can be around people and not feel alone. I also shop because I love the sensory experience of certain stores. It's fun to look at colorful things, spell the perfume section, hear the soft music, and touch the soft clothes. I like to admire the beauty and craftsmanship of things. I wish there were more museums and galleries where I live, because I think that shopping kind of scratches that itch. What I hate though is when my brain gets a sticky thought and I decided I need a specific item. I'll feel frozen because I want to make the "correct" decision. For example, if I decide I need a pair of nice work shoes or a pair of jeans, my brain obsesses on finding the best pair for the best price. I will not be able to focus on things. My brain gets stuck on "needing" to find the best deal and most optimal item. Sometimes I'll get a sticky thought about an item I genuinely don't need (i.e. a pair of pink sparkley Betsy Johnson heels). If I get one of these sticky thoughts and then buy the unnecessary heels, then I end up making a poor financial decision. Eventhough I want the pink heels or the New Balance Running shoes (a "useful" item) and I technically have enough money to buy them without going into debt, I struggle to have the self control to wait and spread out my purchases. I struggle to find balance. I really hate it. It sucks. It usually happens when my nervous system is feeling all over the place and I don't feel grounded. I struggle with hoarding disorder and I've been trying to be gentle with myself when I get discouraged. I try to thrift and not shop online because I notice that it generally makes me feel happier. It also helps my bank account not suffer as much.

TW currently I’m very in between my life continuing or not. I am a monster I am. I have become the monster that did harm to me as a child. Here’s the story. I was picking up my nephew and rocking him back and forth when I noticed I got a groinal response and felt so disgusted by it. I continued so I could put him to bed and the response continued so I stopped because it’s just so disgusting that my body would respond to that. My brain is trying to tell me no you liked that , you kept going there’s more and you’ve become who you feared. I know nothing more happened, I know I let him go because that’s just simply disgusting.I love him to the moon and back and would never implement such hurt but now I feel like the damage is done. He didn’t cry or anything because I was doing it, he only cried because he was fighting the sleep but he was already tired. Still , I stopped doing it and used another method to help him sleep. Anyway now I just want to end it all because of that. I don’t deserve to have a loving family or my life.

I have been dealing with SO-OCD for the past couple months. I’ve made a lot of progress! This theme has caused me to really be in tune with my feelings and I know im a straight woman. My issue is that I still have the intrusive thoughts, which I understand is granted, but it’s cause physical reactions. At first it started as groinal responses and anxiety which were terrifying, but since I question myself less the intrusive thoughts cause me to physically cringe and or feel sick. I took advice from Reddit saying that if I envisioned myself being intimate with the same sex and you like it then you’re gay, if you don’t then you’re not. Well sure enough I don’t like it lol. The envisioning of this has now caused me to, flinch, cringe and sometimes want to throw up. Does this ensure my feelings and does anyone else go through this? I want the intrusive thoughts to go away. Especially since I’m not homophobic and so I can go back to daydreaming without those thoughts ruining them lol.