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the NOCD Community

So TMI but I need help POCD 20 / f I masturbate right and usually when I do that, I watch porn on xvideos, now I usually watch hetero but I used to watch lesbians and when I was a bit younger, I stumbled upon young/old porn and found it interesting? the dynamic was weird also I would NOT do that ever lol when I see grandpas in person my heart goes "aw" not GILF but idk if i'm turned on cause of the whole concept of if or because well its sex. I find myself usually getting attracted to the girl more and what the other person is doing to the girl anyway. but yeah i used to watch it (not all the time) and usually get off to it sidenote: watch professionally made porn, bc sometimes u cant be too sure of amateur and u may be watching a minor subject themselves into sexual manipulation PLEASE PLEASE be wary of this and report any shady videos u see. but recently ofc i've been more aware as to that's wrong and even labeling the girls (who i'm sure are of legal age hopefully) a "teen" is even more wrong BC I STRONGLY BELIEVE A MINOR shouldnt EVER be with a person of legal age. i'd just assume teen means 18+ but u know there are some sick psychos out there that would imagine it as lower but basically recently i don't really watch those anymore or look it up bc pedos disgust me and i feel like those kinds of videos feed their fantasy. but recently i've come across one (it looked professional and i know professionals usually get legal aged people) that made me curious (thumbnails) and i already watched a porn before and i was aroused ofc but found myself getting off to it a little (but i did reach climax) but also i exited it right away bc ofc it felt wrong even if if were two consenting adults with a large age gap. esp when the girl was labeled "teen" basically i feel wrong for feeling this way and even getting myself off to it (i was already doing my business while browsing for more to watch when i stumbled across that) but i'm morally aware and i dont look it up willingly anyway. but yeah i feel bad bc i feel like im a pedo (even tho i dont AND WILL EVER agree with the idea of a minor + perosn of legal age getting otgether)

How do you guys cope with obsessive hand washing? Do you have any techniques?

Ive been in a relationship for 2 years, this past year i have been more honest with my partner of my disorder, i want to be honest so bad bc i just want to feel free and allow myself vulnerability. I never ever have been able to confess my thoughts to a single soul before this current relationship ship. And for some reason i trust her. But i read things on here about it’s not good to over confess and truth is i still keep Allot from her bc i just can’t bear to know what she’ll think or even if she’d even tell me honestly. When am i over sharing? Bc now i haven’t told my deepest things but i feel like maybe i should back off. She wants to be here for me, she really does but i know that my spirals make her sad and drained. (She has zero mental health issues) i just feel like I’m going to be forever hiding myself from quite literally everyone.. even myself. Any advice?

I had a lesbian porn addiction which is triggering for my hocd. I know plenty of straight women watch lesbian porn yet that doesn't matter to me. I relapsed again tonight this is really embarrassing and tmi sorry. The whole time im watching it I was checking if that was something I'd want to do in real life. Sometimes I could tell I didn't want too cuz it made me uncomfortable to think about other times I couldn't. I hate this! I wish I could just know already.

Convinced I cheated on my boyfriend on NYE. Been crying and stressed all day and confessing to him. I know I wouldn’t ever want to do that, but I drank way to much on nye and can only remember parts of the night. I have always been faithful to my partner but this is a reoccurring ocd theme for me. I had a heart to heart with a friend who’s struggling with their mental health and I remember being like lay down let’s talk about it. We weren’t laying close to each other at all and we’re just chatting, there’s never been anything between us ever. But now I’m convinced I wanted him to lay down because I was being flirtatious or inappropriate. I’m convinced I wanted to kiss him or tried to or did, even though if that had happened surely I would know and would have been extremely upset? I remember other parts of the night and I remember talking to him. He would never do that to my partner anyway, and has not acted weird with me or anything but I just feel so awful. I’m scared it will come out in the future. New Years resolution is to drink way less. Does anyone else feel their medication makes them drunk quicker? Or they get serious anxiety due to memory loss. It’s so hard to know how much is too much cause one minute your fine and the next you don’t remember stuff :(

I’ve been struggling with HOCD since I was 12. I don’t know how the theme came on, one day I just had the random thought “imagine if I was gay lol” and I’ve been obsessing over the theme ever since. It’s ruining my love life and I don’t know what to do, I’m so scared that I’m never going to leave this obsession behind. I grew up very religious and had a few religious themes growing up too, which is kinda were the whole gay thing came from. I’ve had crushes on guys since I was a little girl and I still get crushes on guys but my brain always tries to find evidence that I’m lying to myself and that I’m actually attracted to only women. Whenever I see a girl with similar hobbies and interests as me on the Internet, I stalk her social media until I find out if she’s gay or not because my brain keeps telling me that my hobbies and interests are proof that I’m a lesbian. I stalk forums all night to read about other experiences. I’ve never had a high libido, so when I read about girls instantly getting aroused by men without having some sort of emotional connection - it scares me. I’ve only ever found myself attracted to guys that I feel a connection to. Even in fictional scenarios, it’s the personality that always fuels my attraction. I always thought that women are more aesthetically pleasing than men and my brain also uses that as evidence that I’m lying to myself. Sometimes I lie in bed and force myself to question why I’m attracted to men because compared to women, they just seem boring physically. Like I can understand why someone would lust after a woman they don’t know anything about but I don’t understand how someone could lust after a man they don’t know. I know that this is probably just a mix of society generally portraying women as sex objects and just me being more emotionally driven but the idea still scares me. For the record, I’m an atheist now but years of brainwashing still has hell ingrained as a fear. I’ve wonderif I’m bi a lot because I find women very pretty but I can’t really picture myself in a relationship with a one unless she was really masculine. (The idea of being bi doesn’t scare me that much) Women generally all look kinda the same to me, whereas I’m quite picky with guys if we were judging solely on appearance. I’m not looking for reassurance, I just want someone to relate to. :/ The theme generally fades away whenever I’m dating someone that I really like but the moment problems come up, I start doubting my identity again.

Hello! I don’t mean to ask for reassurance so I’m sorry if it sounds like it. I’ve been fixating a lot about having “crushes” on other people while in a very happy relationship. For example, if I see a certain hairstyle, or clothing style, or body physique, personality trait (ie they’re the “popular person” or they’re super sweet) etc that I find appealing on someone else other than my partner, I tend to get that “swoony” or “crushy” type feeling. The kind of feeling that is like “*sighhhh* ??”. It may be a celebrity or someone I actually know. It’s really upsetting me because I keep worrying that it is “mental cheating”. My partner says it is normal and I did compulse and google, which says it is normal... but I’m so worried that what I’m experiencing is different than what those people are deeming “normal”. It’s driving me crazy because now that’s ALL I notice in other people! I’ve never been the type to look really at anyone else other than my partner so it’s really heart breaking to me. Any advice or similar situations would be super helpful because I feel like I’m going crazy! Thank you!

FUCK I was watching how to know if you’re bisexual and this girl was like I would always find girls really pretty and wanted to be like them but I’m retrospect it’s because I wanted them I’m triggeredddd

Ngl, thinking bout having to come out gives me maaaaaajor anxiety. Makes me feel like im just surpressing this

“ERP” simply doesn’t work for me. It MAKES me need to check more. Months ago, I purposely didn’t wash my hands after touching my eye. I had conjunctivitis, and convinced myself it was caused by an std, even when I had negative results in my std tests. I used the toilet at work after touching my eye and now I feel absolutely TERRIFIED I infected myself and my partner will think I cheated and leave me. NOW I feel that I MUST go back to the clinic to make sure my asshole isn’t infected by my own fucking eye all because of “ERP” which is nonsense as far as I’m fucking concerned

i’m from Portugal and i’m so dissapointed. there are 0 psychologists that have especiality in ocd. what do i do now ? i went to one with no especiality and it felt like he didn’t know what he was saying

I’m in this phase with my sexual based ocd where I’m pretty much constantly aware/feeling a physical feeling. It’s so sick and awful and scary and I’m trying to remind myself that it’s just OCD or even if it’s not it’s not connected to my obsession but every time I move or do anything I feel like I’m trying to make myself feel that way on purpose. I feel so awful.

Having a horrible time. An old theme popped up and I feel like I’m on the brink of confessing. I spoke with a crisis counselor and they said to move on and not have the real life event affect me anymore, but it’s rearing its ugly head again. I wish I could enjoy my time off but I can’t.

IMPORTANT MAY HELP YOU As my usual slight hocd attack started (it was nowhere near what it used to be but i still had a little feeling in my stomach) i decided to sit with my thoughts for a couple of minutes to calm it and i came to a though that will help me so much in the future and it makes sense Every straight person has the same thought we do about wondering whether we are gay or bi or whatever , but to them they're just another one of their thought our HOCD clings to these thoughts making us think they are worth something , so to get over don't give them any importance because they don't deserve any . you are no diffrent to anyone else you have the same thoughts yours are just manipulated , i beleive in you all

I can’t stop thinking about how my whole life is a hallucination and really I’m in a mental hospital watched by hundreds of scientists as I act out my everyday actions. It’s not an uncomfortable or bad thought. It doesn’t freak me out or anything. I just think about it. Is this normal or could this be linked to the OCD?

does anybody else have like intense rage/ possible anger issues and then go “oh great, just another sign that im a serial killer.” or ill often have no empathy when people are excited about something or even want to make people upset because i get upset easily?? i just feel like sometimes i have the intent to hurt people and i hate when i get like that, its usually when im having a good day and i want to lash out back at people. i dont know

I’m at my friends house right now, I spent the night for New Years and I kept looking at her to much while talking. My brain immediately went to, “what if you like her?” And I got this really weird feeling in my chest and stomach, that made me panic even more... I got up and went to the bathroom and started looking on this app for something! And then I started thinking, “what if I’m bi?” That scared me more, the thought of me being with a girl makes my stomach churn... I then started to shake my head like I usually do to get the thought to go away, and it wasn’t working... WHY WASNT IT WORKING!? IS IT NOT OCD?! AM I JUST FAKING IT ALL!?! I NEVER USED TO THINK LIKE THIS BEFORE!!! WHAT HAPPENED TO ME!!! I just want to go home and cry all day...

Hey everyone ❤️ I need some tips: When I’m feeling guilty and hate myself for my thoughts and things I’ve done in the past, what can I do to have compassion for myself, or like, self care tips for that? Thank you dears ❤️

WHY CAN’T I BE NORMAL AND GO TO WORK LIKE EVERY OTHER FUCKING PERSON. What is wrong with me. What the fuck is wrong with me. Wow, I feel like such a fucking failure. I don’t understand. My family is so disappointed in me I can just feel it and this is the first time they haven’t given me shit about not working. The silence is deafening. My head is spinning. My family is disappointed in me, my mom is definitely pissed and my dad doesn’t understand mental health and probably sees me as weak and pathetic. Every time I think about work I start shaking. I haven’t worked since the summer because of college but it just made this all worse. I don’t know everything about how to get back to work or what is going on at work so I sent one email to the wrong (probably) supervisor and that was it. God I’m so dead. I need a car because the one I use now belongs to my parents and they’re taking it for my brother and I don’t have the money to pay for a car and I don’t know what I’m going to do. What am I going to do. I’m going to force myself into unemployment and everyone will think I’m pathetic and lazy and i don’t understand why I’d rather cut myself a hundred times than go to work because all I want is to make my family proud of me. I’m just failing. I can’t do it. My brother talks about how he’d “do anything for money” and I just CAN’T and I feel so helpless like he has this advantage over me and I just can’t do anything. I’m so scared I’ll get to work and mess something up and my bosses will scream at me. I’m so scared of being the reason everything goes wrong. I don’t want to be yelled at by customers or my boss and it doesn’t make sense but I can’t pick up the phone to call anyone because if I do bad things will happen and people will yell. I don’t know what to do I feel like my life is spiraling out of control and I just feel like I need to say I’m sorry to my family and to god over and over and over because I can’t take care of myself and it’s affecting the people I love and I don’t want it to.

Hi everyone, I have sensorimotor obsession. I have something like breathing and Swallowing. When I read a book that talk about schizophrenia. It really freak me out. And one the of the symptoms is hear the voice. After I read those book am really scare that I would have schizophrenia. So I keep checking the sound to make sure something is not wrong. And I keep checking the noise and ear start to ring. And the more I focus on it and it become loud. I go to check up at the doctor and the doctor say my ear is completely fine. Is this tinnitus or just my mine play a trick on me.