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My boyfriend has ROCD and it can get tough or discouraging at times but I’m in it for the long haul. Does anyone have any affirmations that help them?

So I am co-maid of honor for my friends wedding and the other MOH is (was?) also my friend (we’ll call her Sadie). As MOHs, Sadie and I had to plan our friends bachelorette party. During the months we needed to plan/prep, my mental health was in a really bad spot, the worst it’s been in years. I still hadn’t been diagnosed with OCD yet and was in horrible shape emotionally. I told Sadie that I was struggling but I probably would not be much help for bachelorette planning, but would do what I could. I felt so guilty about not doing my share, but I had to take care of myself because I felt totally out of control, having daily panic attacks and crying. Sadie told me she understood and it was no problem, we met maybe twice for planning and the rest was ordering decorations and stuff, which I split with her. I thanked her and apologized repeatedly for running the show throughout the months leading up to the bachelorette. During the bachelorette, Sadie was in a horrible mood (long story) and it resulted in the bride getting mad at her. As the other MOH and seeing my two friends arguing, I checked in on them. At that point, Sadie (who was over tired and very drunk) started pointing fingers at me and saying that I was making her feel like a bad friend because I wasn’t getting into the details of my mental health situation with her (which is completely unrelated to the bride’s conversation with Sadie- it really came out of left field). She said that she was worried and wanted to help but I was unresponsive to messages (which isn’t true). She made me feel guilty for not trusting her with my deepest and darkest struggles, meanwhile I had just found out earlier in the day she had lied to me about something minor and unrelated… so why would I trust her with such personal and stigmatized information? I explained that I didn’t get into the details of my struggles with anyone besides my therapist and my mom, but she kept hounding me about how I was making her feel bad. Of course one of my OCD themes is worrying that I’m letting people down… anyone who knows me knows that’s a big concern of mine. Naturally, this made me cry. I found out after the fact that Sadie also told the bride (before I joined the conversation) that I never thanked Sadie for planning the bachelorette and that certain activities fell through because of me. Sadie (kind of?) apologized to me and the bride for her behavior, telling me that the mental health convo should have happened at a different time/place, but things have been weird ever since. I feel like she owes me a serious apology for weaponizing my mental health, because if she truly cared she wouldn’t have done what she did to me or would have pulled me aside later and apologized profusely. It’s been over a month and she has put in no effort to communicating with me and vice versa. I think she thinks I am in the wrong, although I’m not sure what I did and the bride doesn’t know either. Anger comes at me randomly about this, because I thought of Sadie as a good friend and I feel like she used my situation as a weapon. Even if she was hurting too for me not opening up, there are so many other ways she could have told me. In any situation though, I still do not owe her details about my mental health challenges. Right? My friends say that Sadie crossed a line by demanding to know details about what’s going on with my OCD. I just want to stop being angry with her and effected by this situation. Any advice?

I love my boyfriend so much! Sometimes though I get irritated with everything and anything he does. He won’t do anything bad, just make a joke, or laugh, and I get anxious, which I think is because I’m internally checking how I feel about him (completely unaware I’m even doing it), and then I get irritated. And it’s like I’m always irritated by anything he does. I feel it’s because my mind is rescreening how I feel and checking my emotions and whether “I love him enough” and that anxiety makes me anxious. Is this normal? Anyone else know what I’m talking about or have tips to help me?

I’ve been recently struggling so much with the intrusive thoughts and images, it was bad at first but now its worse. I cant even cry anymore. Im questioning myself. am i really crazy? am i really scared if these thoughts? what if i lose my self control? what if i am my intrusive thoughts? what if i don’t feel bad about them? im so scared my life is being taken over im not myself anymore i feel like im going through derealization as well which i’ve struggled with in the past. I haven’t been diagnosed but am almost 100% sure i have harm OCD im talking to a therapist and a doctor to get me on pills. Someone help me please or give me advice i feel so disgusted looking at myself bc i feel like im a sick human. These thoughts are against my family, especially my mom which is the person i love the most in the world. Im only 13 and miss my old self. I regret watching Dahmer so much, which is what initially caused this for the first time. What if im never gonna be the same again. I cant sleep i feel sick even eating. Am i alone on this.

i had a pretty severe anxiety disorder in 2017. I recovered in like 8 months fully. I couldn't leave my house without feeling anxiety. I couldn't walk around my house, drive with my mother in a car, go to school, the list goes on. With therapy I was able to do all the things I wanted. It was like I was a different human again, my old self but so much stronger. I got ocd just 3 months ago (intrusive thoughts with mental compulsions). It was like my brain suddenly just broke. The last few weeks were horrible. It felt like my life ended. Before, my life has been amazing and I felt such grief that I didn't appreciate it as much. I ended in a mental hospital 3 weeks ago but only stayed for two days because I realized I need to just go on with my life. And that's what I want to tell you: - Ocd is an anxiety disorder. It's not exactly like I had it in 2017 but the feeling is similiar - Do NOT stop your daily life. When you avoid it gets worse in the long run. I know it's hard. I feel it everyday and it gets easier when I pretend like it's not there. Ocd wants to get your attention. Let it be in the background till it fades - No matter what's your subtype you can still do anything you want even when ocd wants to get your attention. For example: harm ocd, you're afraid that you're gonna stab your family member when holding a knife. Take that knife and make some dinner or something. No matter how many times you see that image in your head doing it or your brain repeats "stab them". You know that ocd wants you to avoid things. Without ocd you would have preperad a nice salad for example. You can still do it. It's just your ocd that thinks you can't. - Learning by doing. Your brain needs to learn that there is no real danger. You can tell yourself 100 times that it's not dangerous but it won't learn. It only learns by doing. And it takes some time but it's not impossible. Lastly: You won't feel like this forever. You don't need to feel okay to do things. You need to do things to feel okay again. I only had ocd for a few weeks but i'm recovering everyday a bit more because I KNOW my disorder. Some people take years to figure out what they have and suffer in silence. I have to wait to get therapy but I don't have to wait to Start erp or get my life back together. I have the strengh to heal myself with my knowledge and patience and you can aswell! Sending lots of love and hope!

I am new with OCD. No medications and just started regular therapy before getting diagnosed. I have horrible ruminating thoughts on past events that I have done to my now husband (we got married in August, have been together for 8 years). I question my love for him. I question literally everything even though I know I love him and I know I made mistakes in the past. I never physically cheated, but some nights the recurring thoughts of what I did get so bad that I think that I did cheat. I replay the things I've done over and over and I feel guilty for even thinking someone else is attractive. I get panic attacks. I get terrible intrusive thoughts. Sometimes I feel like the only thing to do is to repeat all of my mistakes to him and I know I’m hurting him in the process. Why can’t I forgive myself? I am absolutely miserable and I have no idea what to do :(

Cant agreeing with your intrusive thoughts make them worse? Or make you believe it?? Like if my ROCD questions whether I love my bf, and I answer with “well maybe I don’t”, won’t I start believing it??? Or if I have negative self talk like “you’re so lazy”, and I agree, isn’t that harming my mental health? How can agreeing with intrusive thoughts actually be better? Or am I doing something wrong? Cause now I’m panicking that I’m doing it all wrong and getting worse.

Hi everyone, I am currently waiting for a NOCD therapist since I am in NV and there are none available at this time. I would really like some feedback, suggestions and guidance if possible. I’m not even totally sure what I am experiencing is ocd or not. I was diagnosed with generalized anxiety disorder three years ago and I do have a lot of guilt, rumination and reassurance seeking behaviors (asking family members, my partners, and googling nonstop). As well as other obsessions like double checking to make sure the pothole I drove over wasn’t actually a person, constantly checking if things I say are dishonest in any way, checking alarms, locks etc. Ever since my relationship ended after my senior year of high-school relationships have a been a source of anxiety. It wasn’t until five years later that I found someone I connected with off the bat. The dating phase was mostly smooth but as soon as the prospect of making a commitment came up that’s when all of the anxiety came. I was constantly praying, ruminating and asking others to make sure the relationship was right. I made a promise to God after my last relationship that I would not date anyone unless I knew they were the one I was to marry. I decided to say yes to being his girlfriend, and boom my anxiety was off the wall. I felt fine with him but away from him my anxiety was so bad. Finally the anxiety got so bad that I felt I had to break up with him. Only two months later I was in tears realizing that I missed him and five months later we ended up getting back together. We are approaching a year of being back together and as we started planning the one year anniversary the anxiety is back and the feelings of avoidance, and I feel even numb and unattracted to him. I’ve been googling a lot again and asking my mom for advice. I always have always had this feeling or maybe fear that God is telling me to leave my relationship even though I really don’t want to. He is such a great guy and I feel so safe and comfortable with him. He is my best friend. the anxiety around this is so great I no longer can go to church without having an anxiety attack. I have also felt this back when I made a choice with my career and although in hindsight I see it was a good choice, the whole time I had this intense anxiety that I wasn’t following Gods plan or something. I was so confused. Does anyone know where I can start? Or can anyone relate? Finding a therapist who understands has felt like such a challenge and especially finding an affordable one. I have taken a course about erp online and I kind of know what it is now but have a hard time applying it. Feeling so lost, depressed and hopeless. Any advice would be much appreciated.

I have done a big series of compulsions for 30+ times for over 2 hours at work, each time I would miss one or do one wrongly, I start over, I did everything at the end and I’m still not satisfied because of the one little thing that I thought strongly didn’t feel right. I can’t stop :(

Did someone on here post about ROCD and being engaged this morning? I thought I’d seen something I related to but now I don’t know if I was dreaming hah! I just got engaged and I can’t shake off the anxiety that we shouldn’t be together even though we argue sometimes and don’t have a lot in common we’ve been together 6 years and have a baby and I love the idea of building our life and family together! Every time I watch a program on TV where characters seem to right for each other and kiss so much and I know we’re not in the honeymoon phase but I keep questioning we’re we ever like that? Or did I just want the husband and baby cause now I’ve got that I don’t feel happy? I don’t know 🤷🏼‍♀️ ive lost interest in having sex I never really initiate anything and he’s younger than me so he’s always horny and makes me feel like there’s something wrong with me. I’ve also got really bad SOOCD

Okay i struggle with harm ocd and my newest intrusive thought is me picturing myself in jail. It’s very frightening. I would never want to do anything wrong but i just can’t stop picturing it. Also my family was talking about dreams we have had the other night. And one of my siblings said she had a nightmare about me killing my dogs. And I’m freaking out. Like why would she dream that about me. And i keep picturing myself in jail behind bars, in the court room, etc. I don’t want anything to happen. I don’t want to be a bad person.

So I’m trying to practice living with uncertainty because i know that’s what needs to be done in order to cope with ocd. And i struggle with super bad Harm intrusive thoughts that bother me every day. And today I’m trying to practice uncertainty by saying maybe or maybe not. And then one of the times i said “maybe your a killer maybe your not” and it brought me ZERO anxiety. Like I’m now freaking out because i had no reaction to a sentence that should have caused me intense distress. Like what does that mean am i really a bad person??? And also for my harmful images or thoughts it includes stabbing with a knife. And It seems like when i touch a knife i have no reaction to it. Like I’m constantly hearing stories of people avoiding knives because they are afraid but holding a knife is something i do everyday as a cook and i feel completely fine with it. Like shouldn’t it be causing me Anxious feelings? What if I’m secretly a bad person because Holding a knife is natural to me? I’m so scared.

So i was just wondering if anyone is willing to share what there harmful intrusive thoughts look or sound like. Because i just feel like mine are over the top really bad (like I’m scared to confess them to anyone because of how bad they are). And I’m just wondering if it’s normal or not because they are so bad. Like i know the typical stabbing a loved one or running your car off the road. But like my intrusive thoughts are about being a serial killer / murdering people/ and stuff Jeffery Dahmer or Ted Bundy or Dexter did. And it is sooo scary because it’s not things that I want to think about but it’s making me think that I’m crazy. So i was just wondering if anyone else experiences this? Like i can’t even look at my family the same because what if they are victim? 😭

I just had a very very gruesome intrusive thought that I don’t even want to repeat. And I feel like I’m in a dream state of mind and that i don’t know what’s going on with me. I’m sooo sooo scared that I’m just gonna go off and do what my thought says. Like i feel so weird. I’m not hallucinating or seeing things or anything but i just don’t feel like me. My head feels heavy i feel weird and now I’m scared that what if it’s not ocd and i end up doing something seriously wrong. What if i secretly like my thoughts? What if I’m not me? What if i do something bad? Please help. Any advice would be great. Am i truly going crazy? I don’t know what’s going on

My OCD is telling me I should write a long email to the guy in my past who I’ve been obsessing with and use the Hurricane Ian hitting Florida as an excuse to start a conversation because his family lives there. Or maybe use the “delay” feature on Outlook to send the email then delete it, so it won’t send. OR ask one of our engineers here if we have an internal system where we can unsend an email to someone. I feel so much anxiety right now, I feel lightheaded and nervous and shaky. I have this slight feeling of throwing up. Note that the guy and I only talked for about a month, and haven’t been in contact. He did say happy birthday through a fast click greeting feature on LinkedIn last year but that’s it. We do not have contact right now. But my OCD wants me to contact him or at least ATTEMPT to contact him but if I delete the email before it sends then I get that huge relief of overcoming something, then I “never have to do it again.” A part of me wants to know what that would feel like when I do all these things. It’s at my workplace too so… I need help because I’m trying to avoid my workplace now by taking half days for the rest of the week.

just a couple days ago i experienced this for the first time from watching the new DAHMER series. Im having intrusive images and thoughts of me harming or killing my loved ones and its so scary because i would never do it. It has me questioning if im crazy and im having severe panic attacks over 3 times a day. Im mentally and physically drained, i’ve told my mom about it and we are going to see a therapist tomorrow. Im scared to because idk if they specialize in OCD and if i tell them my thoughts they are gonna put me in the mental hospital or say im crazy and don’t have OCD, can any therapists on here or fellow people with Harm OCD let me know if you think im showing signs of it, i just want it to go away and to be able to sleep at night without severe overthinking.

I accidentally deleted text messages older than 1 year and that’s A LOT of msgs, all because I was trying to do an urge! I was “challenging” myself to hover my thumbs on the “auto-delete conversation “ on my iPhone for 7x while saying the usual ritual/prayers & because it only takes a minute, I heeded. It didn’t feel right so I did it again, and my fear came true, I accidentally clicked on it, and now they’re gone. Whenever I have an intrusive thought, i go back to those conversations to calm my mind, answer the questions that pop up, and stop the thoughts from coming back, if they come back, I have an answer for it! But now I don’t, and I’m scared I don’t know what to do when they come. I am also feeling very anxious because I’m tempted to try to recover it as much as I can (deep research about it). Maybe I can also recover a snapchat conversation from 3 years ago so I can have my questions answered, and when I think most of this started. Is this an OCD trap or will recovering it help me? PS. I have mixed feelings right now. I feel anxious and a little nauseous because intrusive thoughts might come in and I can’t answer them and also that temptation of trying everything I can to recover it (I feel great anxiety and a rush while doing this). There’s also this fear of what if there’s info there that I needed. but when I researched and it said it’s permanently deleted and I can’t do anything at all, yes I feel defeated but also AT PEACE because I can’t feel like I have to “recover” it anymore, and I don’t have anything to look back. BUT there is a way which is the third party app, so now there’s this looming feeling of I HAVE TO DO THAT.

Hi guys. I am really struggling and not in a good place. I need help. I don’t know what else to do. Please help. I have these two false memories I can’t get out of my mind. They are both from nights I was drinking. One of them popped up two days after the night I drank and the other one popped up the next morning. I had one single thought that I cheated and boom. That thought has stuck with me ever since. Both nights I was alone with a boy in a room, not in a weird way. On one of the nights, my friends fell asleep and a guy was in the room. It was one of my friends boyfriends. They fell asleep and he was just watching tv. I even remember the show he was watching and I recall exchanging a few words then he went upstairs. There were parts in between all of these I can’t exactly remember and those are the gaps that have caused me to feel insane. I keep saying “what if “ and I can’t get it out of my head. It has me questioning every interaction I have with my friend and him. If he acts weird, I think “oh he just confirmed it. I deff did something” or even if she is slow texting me back I think “she knows” even though I know deep down I did not do anything. It’s like I’m ignoring the fact that I know nothing happened but still feeling guilty and trying to look for clues from them to verify if I did do something bad. I feel insane because it’s like I know I didn’t do anything but at the same time, how do I truly know? It’s taken over my life and I am constantly trying to find reassurance to ease my mind. I find me texting them to see if they are gonna act “weird”. It’s so strange and i feel like I’m going crazy. I don’t know what to do. The other situation is similar. I was alone with someone while drunk because my friend passed out but I remember almost everything but stuck on the “what if” please help me. I know deep down I’m innocent but I keep convincing myself I cheated and did something bad.

Does anyone ever feel “numb” to your ocd? Like today I can’t really tell what my brain is telling me. I guess I just feel like I’m lying to myself when I say I’m straight even though all I want is to be with a man, I want to get married and have kids with a man. I don’t want to be with a woman at all, but I’m not spiraling into a panic like I usually do, I don’t want my thoughts to be real. What does this all mean?? OCD is hell for me.

I feel a lot more calm than I did a week ago, and I know I am not gay or bi, but since I’m not having full blown panic attacks or crying, I’m now anxious that I was just in denial? Idk, deep down I know I only ever want to be with a man, but it’s almost like the anxiety gave me comfort that I’m straight. I still have false attraction but even then I know deep down that it’s just not true, but it makes me uncomfy. I hope this makes sense, I’m not sure how I’m supposed to feel after learning about how my brain works and calming myself. Anyone else experience this?