- Date posted
- 15w
it feels to real i feel like my heart is ripping apart. it feel like i dont love him, that i lost feelings, im hollow
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it feels to real i feel like my heart is ripping apart. it feel like i dont love him, that i lost feelings, im hollow
Hi everyone, I was sitting thinking about my ex texting me.. we are truly friends and haven’t thought about anything more between us.. but I was fantasizing about what he might be texting me about. I was thinking “oh maybe he is going to text me and say that he is still in love with me… or since he is bi-sexual, maybe he is going to tell me that he has HIV..” I immediately felt horrible because that is a stereotype about the gay community that is completely false and it was a horrible thing to think… I tried to say “that was a horrible thought to have and you have never had a thought like that before, just don’t do it again.” But I am so ashamed and my OCD is telling me that the bad guys is going to get me… can someone please assure me that I am not a terrible person? I know that we shouldn’t be seeking reassurance but I am struggling
I have recently had a fall out with my partner about my paranoia .. she is struggling with her mental health as well as looking after her autistic daughter.. what can I do to make her want to stay
I am in an endless battle to figure things out. I think I figure something out that makes me feel better about my thoughts and then I find something else to prove it wrong and the cycle continues. I have so much discomfort I want to confess to my partner so bad. How do I handle this. I don’t think I’ve ever sat in this much discomfort. Why does it feel THIS BAD.
So I know for a fact that I'm not ready for relationships. It's just not something I feel like I can do due to insecurities, self confidence, anxiety, and self esteem getting in the way of that. It's something that's always on my mind due to fomo and societal norms. I know I would like one but I haven't found any other reasons beyond the biological want. There's a woman that I really do like spending time with and I kept thinking of trying to chat with her more just as a friend to hang out and just get to know her more. Everytime I've seen her it's been a great time and we get along really well. We click on a lot of things and have big interests in common. I'd be lying if I said I didn't think of her as a romantic partner but I just know that's not something I can do. Is it disingenuous to try and be friends with her despite having this on my mind time and time again? This is the one thing I could never find myself getting over.
OCD Journey Stories
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I had to learn to live in the “maybe, maybe not”. At this point, I know I can face anything. I know that I can fight the fight. I know that I will be triumphant over this.
By Chelsea R
Read my Relationship OCD story →I have an identity-related OCD problem and I also have autism. I’ve been frightened and frustrated all this week because of the concept of masking, and the idea that my OCD theme is true because of masking, meaning that something will happen to me that will ruin my life if I unmask. It’s been causing me severe distress, and I’m frightened that therapy will not help me heal. I’m scared of losing my family and close friends
Soon might be the end of my relationship. I have done 4 months or so of therapy but I feel like I haven’t seen much substantial progress. I am already grieving the loss of my relationship. Literally almost cried 3 times at work today just thinking about it. Not sure what to do. Idk if I’m avoiding it bc I’m scared out of my mind or not. Honestly this is the hardest point and decision I have ever been in, in my life. Any tips or at least people to relate?
I am in a relationship but I cannot stop getting thoughts about this new coworker I met, my mind convinces me they are so attractive and so great and I hate it so much. My current relationship has its imperfections (as every one does) but I am so happy with her and have always been so loyal. Would OCD target those imperfections and exploit this situation? Additionally I believe I’m feeling ROCD fears of cheating but I know in every opportunity I’ve talked with other women I am loyal to my partner by bringing her up. Does anyone experience the same thing? Is this really OCD or other subconscious intrusive thinking?
I'm struggling with the thought that my boyfriend cheated on me in the past because a situation. I've asked him many times and he always tells me that nothing happened, but the last time I asked him, he told me to think what I want this time, but also to think if I can be with him after all that, and that if the answer is no, then we shouldn't be together because he's already tired of me always thinking he cheated on me. Now I'm confused because I don't understand why he told me to think about if he cheated on me and if I can be with him despite that. I feel like his reaction means that he was unfaithful. I don't know what to think. Is his reaction suspicious? Or normal because I’ve asked so Many times
Sometimes I get really really excited at the idea of falling in love with someone, I guess that’s pretty normal but what I’m feeling now isn’t. To make a long story short, I’ve known a boy from a video game for about a year, he all of a sudden got insanely sexual with me and refuses to talk to me now until I “ give him pics”. (I’m not gonna give that to him, no worries there). I realized I got obsessed with the idea that “ we might be friends then lovers”, and because of that I literally want to cry knowing his intentions. Someone told me” boys will be boys, they just think with their (redacted)”, and that made it worse. With my history of men being sexual with me as a child, my brain is obsessing over the idea that it will always be this way.
I love my boyfriend I find him attractive, and I know it’s a choice to see that and appreciate it, but why do I get struck by some men I see who are cute but I’m used to Josh? It’s like he doesn’t strike me as much anymore. He’s cute, but like I want him to strike me and maybe it takes me recognizing what I love. But I’m used to him lol, like I can notice other men’s attraction and obviously not wanna be with them. I’m just tryna figure out healthy ways of thinking. Like I see Josh I notice him but I’m not struck by his handsomeness I’m kind of used to t I guess? Is this infatuation
I’m ruining my relationship, and idk if it’s OCD or if I’m just an awful person. I’m tired of constantly fighting with my boyfriend. but I have no one to blame but myself. I can’t stop picking apart everything they say, I can’t stop being so negative, I can’t stop overthinking and obsessing, I can’t stop feeling like they’re lying or being inconsistent. I constantly ask too many questions to the point where I feel he thinks I’m stupid. I’m starting to feel stupid myself. It seems like I can’t understand basic conversations with my boyfriend anymore unless they’re super black and white. He deserves better. I don’t deserve love. I feel like I’m destroying the one thing that makes me happy. I don’t feel happy with him anymore because we’re constantly fighting. And it’s all my fault. I think I’m just an awful, crazy person
i feel so confused my boyfriend and i have dated for 4 years off and on and now we finally have been together for six months again but its been so confusing im battling relationship ocd and i dont know if it just means im not supposed to be with him. we keep running into problems and he just thinks im bot happy with him, qhen he says that i cant discern, i just get confused. i pray to god but i just dont know
Hi all, I would really appreciate some advice on how you told a loved one about having ocd, specifically a significant other. I’ve been with mine for over 5 years, and I just had a recent diagnosis of OCD. To be honest, with the subtype I have, it’s really crippling to deal with, and I have a major worry of my partner not understanding the subtype. I would love to get some advice on how to best approach it and how to provide understanding that I’m still the same person. Thanks!
Hello everyone, I just wanted to share a part of my journey that I’m struggling with right now. I’ve been diagnosed with ocd and while this is not my first subtype, ROCD and so ocd have definitely been the ones I’ve been struggling with the most. For context I have a boyfriend who I love very much and am terrified of loosing. That’s probably what ocd latched onto. The so-ocd especially is tricky because I’ve come to acknowledge that I am bisexual. Don’t worry I didn’t “discover” this through ocd, I’ve always known and it’s been in the back of my mind way before ocd, I had just never really directly acknowledged it because romantically I just always leaned towards men. The thing my ocd latched onto is “what if you are actually a lesbian and don’t know it yet and will have to leave your partner or are lying to your partner or end up leading him on” The thing is, I don’t have much experience with women except kissing my female best friend once, which didn’t feel special or made me have romantic feelings for her. I’ve always seeked men more actively than women and didn’t feel like I was gonna miss out if I get into a serious relationship with a man before having had more experience. I just know that I can be sexually attracted to women as well. But now that I’m in this beautiful relationship I’m terrified of getting it wrong or having missed something about myself or being scared that I’m actually a lesbian and have been lying to myself all along. I’m not seeking reassurance, just wanting to share and maybe someone else is going through something similar? If so I’d be so grateful to know I’m not alone. I love my boyfriend dearly and i really hope we will work out in the long run.
Every. Single. Time. I get one step closer to someone I love, my nervous system goes berserk. It’s really crazy how I assume these stories about how they probably expect XYZ of me, or think XYZ about me, and almost every single time, those fears are wrong. But it feels so real. I would give anything to make this go away. My loved ones accept me for who I am and they see my OCD and anxiety as part of me and try to help me, but I would give everything I’ve ever had to make it go away forever. The pain of that is so heavy.
So another obsession just popped up and it’s how during school I had a class with this one girl and I would always notice her. Like whenever I looked around my eyes would always go to her. And right now I’m just scared and feel like a terrible boyfriend bc even when something funny happened I would look around but my eyes would find my way to her. Now I feel like I just wanted her to notice me and it feels weird
Last summer I had my first episode with ROCD, it was a terrible spiral and the worst time of my life. I made it through and now I'm going through it again. I had been doing some training with a coworker 2 weeks ago and these thoughts crept in: "Am I spending too much time with him?" "What if I have feelings for him?" I know I do not have any romantic feelings towards this person but now the doubts have rerouted themselves towards my husband again just like last year, "What if I fell out of love?" "What if I'm indifferent?" I am trying to get out of this spiral again, I hate this.
Due to insecurities that my wife would leave me one day and obsessions about infidelity, I confessed to my wife that I had read her text messages on her iPad/phone several times over the past several months. I had been seeking reassurance that she was not flirting with a male coworker via text and then I had searched for texts to see if she talked about how she and I have verbal fights and whether she is thinking of leaving me. This is all unhealthy and a blend of deep insecurities and OCD obsessions where I also constantly ask her for reassurance that she loves me, that she is not cheating on me, and that she will never leave me. Theee relationship OCD themes are crushing her and I have agreed to go to couples therapy. I am afraid a therapist will tell her to divorce me, either in couples therapy or a private therapist that she will eventually see on her own.
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