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Does anyone have the intrusive thought that maybe they should just end their life? I really don’t want to but the urge feels so real. I’m just so confused. I have not been diagnosed with OCD but I’m pretty sure I have it.

To the people who believe in god, (my family is orthodox Christian) but answers from all religions welcome, do you believe that god will be able to heal you completely of this? If you go down the route of therapy, they say that there’s no cure from this and you will most likely have to deal with this your whole life, but supposedly with god all things are possible? Although my family is religious I have never been a very religious person, but willing to try anything at this point, It’s not fair that I should be sentenced to deal with this crap my whole life, because it really is like a sentence, it feels like I’m being punished for no reason, I don’t see why I should be plagued with this problem my whole life, I never had this before, my life was fine before and from watching one stupid documentary about a serial killer it’s made my life go into turmoil, and it’s only gotten worse, it went from me thinking there just intrusive thoughts to me, now believing I like the feeling of doing that horrible thing because when I imagined it to test myself for some reason that’s what it felt like. So now before I use to be worried about acting on thoughts because they felt like an urge but now that idea is backed up with ‘you liked the feeling of doing that’ so I just don’t trust myself anymore and have been feeling awful. I can’t see myself being able to live with thinking in the back of my mind that I ‘like the feeling of suffocating someone’ that’s just awful and I can’t live with the fear that I will do that because now I like it. It’s just horrible. I think it’s possible that the thought felt so real and along with the anxiety it some how translated into ‘I like the feeling’ but now I’m genuinely believing that’s the case and feel like my life is over because I understood something I shouldn’t have and now I have evil desires. It’s weird because I don’t feel like myself anymore I don’t even know who I am but when I manage to distract myself from this I feel like me again and it’s like the old me is still here but I’ve just been traumatised to the point that I feel like I don’t even know who I am. I just want my life back

my biggest fear since the pandemic has been getting covid. testing positive, experiencing covid, having to tell loved ones to distance themselves bc i have covid, them getting it bc of me, all of that was a big factor in why i’ve been so careful. i’ve always been really careful when going out. i hardly go out because of that and i only see my bestfriend bc of covid. sure, i’ve gone out to eat, i’ve been shopping, traveled to new york and boston but i’ve never gotten covid because of how careful i am. my family tends to make fun of me because of how careful i am and how many precautions i take before leaving the house. they get irritated when i tell them to put a mask on or wear gloves. my worst fear has happened. i tested positive for covid. i don’t know how, i don’t know from who or where but it’s happened. im feeling really anxious and had an attack when i found out. with everything going on i’ve already felt pretty bad mentally and feeling bad physically has killed me. i’ve been in a series of depressive episodes earlier this month and i’m afraid it’s going to happen after testing positive. i don’t know how to make myself feel better and would really like some tips or just to be comforted :/.

I feel like I may have been emotional abusive towards my partner. I read an article about emotional abuse and I feel like I fall into some of the categories. I am hyper-critical - always trying to make sure my partner is morally okay, and judging them otherwise (it always feels like a compulsion). I am controlling- always feel an overwhelming need to check what my partner is doing, watching, following- this also feels like a compulsion and makes my partner feel micromanaged. I also invade privacy in the process of checking those things. I am also overtly jealous, I am always on edge and distrust all of my partner’s female friends/get incredibly anxious when they hang out or hug or sit close to each other. This is all so horrible, and I panic about it every once in a while and have tried to work on these behaviors in therapy but the thought that I am abusive is so scary and horrible. These behaviors feel like ocd, and i don’t mean to cause harm, i feel genuine anxiety and an urge to prevent myself from being hurt. But that doesn’t mean it’s not harmful because it truly is. I try to validate my partner feelings and recognize the harm I cause but I don’t know what to do.

It’s just gotten to the point where everyday I’m thinking I’m bad and I’m just taking it as I’m choosing not to be and I’m miserable everyday and don’t enjoy life because I’m plagued with this horrible problem, it so easy to think about these thoughts and I’ve just got it in my head that I like the feeling or doing that horrible thing from imagining it and now I’m just miserable all the time. I don’t enjoy life at all, every time I have those thoughts I get anxiety and start feeling tense but it still can’t shake this feeling of ‘liking the feeling of doing that’ today I had a thought and didn’t feel much reaction, just kind of stopped what I was doing but didn’t feel anxious just kind of blank expression of fed up - but when I have that kind of blank reaction to thoughts I don’t know if I’m actually fed up or I’m taking being fed up and secretly am evil but then after that I went to touch this pillow (the object that stresses me out because my thoughts are around suffocation) and I just started tearing up as soon as I touched it. But I still don’t believe that I don’t want to do that, I’m constantly crying but I’m dead set on believing that it’s true and I’m bad. My mind keeps trying to taunt me creating these scenarios where in the future I’m bad because I’ve now got it in my head that I ‘like the feeling’ and that now makes the ‘urges’ feel worse and reinforces them I don’t understand how I can feel like I like the feeling or something I have 1.never done 2.cry over and stress over constantly but because it feels so real I can’t get Over this. I just miss being able to sit in my home or go wherever I wanted without feeling like I’m a threat and ‘like the feeling or Doing that’ worst problem ever feels like my life is over. Like my head will taunt me with ‘if your alone in the future with an animal and now you’ve got it in your head you ‘like the feeling’ (btw that ‘like the feeling’ also comes with anxiety and the feeling of needing to poop) and along with the urges you would actually act on it, and that thought makes me just feel so hopeless and horrible

Say if it’s actually true? It feels like I know what it feels like to do that and that when I imagined it that I liked the feeling of doing that, it feels so real and I’m scared, I said to my mum what if it’s the case that I’m a good person but I imagined how it would feel to do that horrible thing in the thought and now I like the feeling but have a conscious and she said ‘why would you like the feeling’ and then I just start feeling hopeless and asking myself why does it feel like that?? I’m constantly crying but why does it feel so real that I ‘like the feeling’ of doing that, it’s really scary, I’m miserable 24/7. It’s like before the intrusive thought we’re just horrible images of me doing something bad but now it feels like instead of thoughts it’s a feeling? Like I have this what feels like a millisecond feeling where I have an intrusive feeling of what it would feel like to do that horrible thing? Is that possible? Has anyone else had that? But it’s weird because these thoughts do give me anxiety and when they are trying to come on I get anxiety at the thought of having them and sometimes I pull these faces like scrunch my nose to try and ‘deter’ the thoughts, it does seem to work though because when I do that nose scrunch thing when a thought is trying to come on it helps me to detect the thought and I get alarmed so I don’t engage with it. How can I get anxiety over something but at them same time it really feel like I want to or liked the feeling of doing that? I was talking to my mum and we were saying maybe its not that I liked the feeling of doing that in the thought maybe its that because I imagined giving in to something that’s been bothering me for so long it felt like ‘i liked the feeling of doing that’ but obviously I don’t like it because I’m not a bad person so that’s why I start crying two seconds later but my head starts scaring me like I was trying to forget all about this and I was dancing to music, and the whole time I’m dancing I start having a debate in my head and then my head starts scaring me it’s really latched onto this confused feeling of ‘I liked the feeling of imagining doing that’ and scares me in the middle of dancing, I started thinking ‘things were so much better in the summer’ ‘I wish it was summer’ and then boom ‘imagined a scenario where it’s hot and I’m agitated by the heat and I suddenly do that horrible thing’ like what the hell?? ‘What if it feels like a relief to do that’ and I just stop dancing and start questioning myself and feeling like crap. When I’m feel bad I want to ask my mum for advice but while I’m sat there talking to her I’m worried I’m a danger or I’m having evil desires and it’s just scary. I’m worried what if I’m young now (19) and I’m worried I liked the feeling of imagining doing that evil thing , what if this like the beginning of me turning into one of those evil people who have evil desires, I don’t know what to do im just lost and worried

Hello, I'm new here. Just thinking of a quick dump on what my OCD has caused me to do. I'm in a period of lapse, where I had first developed it when I was 12. Being a Muslim means I have a lot of set rules to follow, along with a lot of reminders of what Hell looks like and punishments that are carried out there. The problem with religious OCD, is that ustaz/religious teachers online will provide a lot of solutions further worsening it. As many know, religious beliefs depend greatly on interpretation of the holy book and other religious guides. The increase in people spreading their interpretation which is less lenient and more restrictive pains me. But tbf, I've come a long way. Praying alone used to take me an hour or more, because a single sentence of "Bismillahirahmanirahim" is repeated again and again, had gone up to 10 mins before, because I didn't feel like it's the right pronounciation and that God would reject my solat (prayer) and I'd go to Hell. I'd take ablution until my shirt was wet enough to be wrung because I'd be afraid of missing parts of my skin which would deem my prayer invalid. Now, the OCD has lapsed and it bases mainly around purification and also forgetfulness. A dog passed by me and even though it didn't touch me, I had intense intrusive thoughts that insisted that it had, pushing me to purify my jeans and shoes. Rn, my brain is insisting that I haven't carried out my solat Maghrib (4th prayer of the day) even though I'm trying to convince it that I have because I would never carry out my Isyak prayer (5th prayer of the day) without doing so and I would always feel rushed if I havent performed it. It's scary because even though I know that what my brain is insisting is wrong, the thoughts and compulsions are so loud. And I feel like the fear of burning in Hell and getting punished is enforcing them. This feeling of continuous doubt is hurting me and my spirituality. It's like two opposing forces pushing against me. "If I carry out the compulsions I'm safe but it would also mean I'm caving and getting worse" "If I don't carry out the compulsions there's a possibility I'm wrong and I'll get punished by God" I'm currently an international student studying in the UK so I don't have insurance but I feel the need to start therapy. Living abroad is difficult enough. I want to live a better life than being shrouded by doubt. I'll share tips on how I overcame my experience of a more severe case of religious OCD if you want. It's nice it has a name in mental illness.

Does anyone else think about life so deeply all the time, i have always been a deep thinker since i was young and ive had ocd my whole life so that has made me think 10x deeper. I always think and worry how we are all here and nobody knows why and the fact that we all die also terrifies me and we dont know what happens after we do die. Im terrified of the people i love dying . but i also have suicide ocd, i dont want to hurt myself ever but i worry that if i become so depressed that i will or something like that and that turned into an ocd for me, i really dont want to ever hurt myself but feeling depressed scares me. For years now it has been an ocd thing for me about the people i love dying and i have to do mental complusions every single day , although it comes in phases where its worse than others. It has gotten worse because my dad just turned 50 and i turn 19 in 6 days, life is changing and everyone is getting older and its been making me depressed and anxious and theres nothing i can do about it because it is life. I just want to know if other people feel the same also. Its christmas eve and im just depressed and i dont know why.

I don’t know what to do at this point everyday I’m stuck in the same loop because I have got it in my head that I like the feeling of doing that horrible thing. Because for some reason when I imagined doing it to test myself I got anxious but at the same time it felt like I liked the feeling of doing that and I don’t know why, I don’t want to do that and it doesn’t make me happy thinking about these thought so I don’t understand why it feels like how it feels to do that I’m stuck in this loop of imagining the thoughts to test myself then feeling like I’m getting no answers or they it feels like I do like the feeling and then crying and telling my mum about it. Everyday we’re having the same conversation because I can’t get over this. There are no answers for me, I don’t like the fact that it felt like I liked imagining doing that but I don’t get it. I wrote down how i feel so I can try to figure it out so 1. when I try to test myself, I don’t like bringing on the thoughts 2. I instantly get an anxious feeling and feel like I need to go poop.(sorry bit tmi) 3.I don’t feel like I want to do that but for some reason when I imagine it it feels like I want to do that or like the feeling or doing that, and it’s been really worrying me I don’t want to like the feeling of doing something so horrible and I know I don’t want to do that. I don’t know if my feelings are misfiring or I’ve confused my anxiety with ‘liking the feeling’ but it’s horrible I feel so worn out by this whole situation but i don’t know what to do, starting to worry that maybe I do have ocd but now I imagined how it feels to do that and I like it and it’s worrying me. The only other thing I can think of is, is it possible that I’ve been having these thoughts for so long and it’s felt like an urge and I’m frustrated from having the thoughts but when I tested myself and imagined doing that I some how ‘gave in to an urge’ in my thoughts so not that I like doing that horrible thing but because it feels like an urge and I’m frustrated that i don’t even know what I’m trying to say but I just feel terrible ‘what if I liked the feeling of doing that in the thought because it felt like a relief to give in to an urge in my thought’ but I don’t actually want to do that so now I’m crying and ruminating constantly, there isn’t a day I don’t cry and I’m just lost, I’m walking around thinking I like the feeling of doing that but don’t want to do that?? I don’t even understand these feelings myself like I don’t even know what part of imaging that is making me feel like i like the feeling of doing that? Or what feeling is making me feel like that because I definitely don’t feel happy imagining these things so what is this? How can I like the feeling of doing something but not be happy about it and instead stressed 24/7 depressed miserable crying and a mess? Please can someone give me and answer it makes me feel awful thinking that I like the feeling of suffocating someone, it’s honestly terrible and I’m just stuck in a loop or ruminating/deliberately imagining and testing myself and crying and I’m starting to feel like there are no answers for me and I’m just a horrible person with evil desires. I’m only 19 I haven’t even lived my life but I’m stuck on this idea/feeling that I like doing something so horrible please someone give me advice

Hi everyone, hope you all are doing well! I pray for healing for all those who are suffering from these unwanted thoughts. I want to share my story with you all to receive some guidance and hope. I am currently 18 years old and in desperate need for some advice. This can be a triggering story, so please read if you wish. I was molested at 3 years old by my preschool teacher. This has brought me a lot of trauma physically, mentally, spiritually,etc. I didn’t know how much of an impact it had on me, especially when I didn’t remember the incident until later on in my preteen years. I grew up to be a very shy and isolated individual. I was also bullied very badly my middle and high school years. About 6 years ago is when I had my first unwanted intrusive thought. It was about a family member. I started slowly disassociating with them. The thoughts continued getting worse and worse, and was about multiple family members then. About 3 years ago is when I started getting pocd thoughts. These thoughts give me so much distress, especially relating to my story. How can someone so evil take it into their will to harm something so pure and innocent. I get angry and cry every time I think about it. These unwanted thoughts affected me so much I get uncomfortable being around children. Please if anyone can give advice as to how they overcame these unwanted thoughts, it would be greatly appreciated.

Can you get use to the feeling of anxiety and it won’t feel that daunting/painful as it once did? When I first had this problem the anxiety was extreme and painful and I wanted it to go but now I’m worried that my anxiety that makes me need to poop isn’t anxiety and is excitement because of the evil thoughts I’m really scared I’m feeling as though I enjoy these thoughts and want to act in them and I feel conflicted and very confused I don’t want to do that but now I’m worried I’m bad and have evil desires please help, people say online that they know it’s intrusive thoughts because it feels horrible but the thoughts don’t feel really horrible anymore they feel like any other thought I don’t like them but they don’t cause me as much distress and now I don’t know if I’m confused or if I actually enjoy imagining doing those horrible things because it feels like I want to but I know that I don’t want to but my feelings are all mixed up please help

I’d love to know your experiences of telling friends and family that you have OCD? Who’s decided to open up about it and who is still hesitant to? No one knows I have OCD and I have no idea whether I should tell people close to me!

I know this sounds absolutely horrible, but does anyone else hyperfixate on their partner’s weight? Or other forms of physical appearance? I KNOW it’s my OCD because we’ve been together for 6 years and I used to not worry or care about this stuff. It’s the newest theme my OCD has picked up this past year. Like I’ll stress when I think he’s overeating or drinking too much (he only drinks 2 nights a week). I repeatedly sneak glances at his abdomen area. And sometimes I’ll look back at old pictures when he was a little more fit to remind myself that he is very handsome and that he COULD get back to that weight if he tried. I know this sounds horrible. I do NOT want to obsess over this, but I cannot seem to get it out of my head. 😔😖

Does anyone else experience memory hoarding OCD? I feel like I’m the only one.

Recently I’ve discovered I have a lot more childhood trauma than I originally thought. I have a counselling session every Monday atm, and so far he’s uncovered some shit I didn’t even know I had. But now it’s all out I don’t know how to even begin healing from it. People keep saying you have to live with it before you can heal but I don’t get that. I can’t keep living like this. Everyday is a constant battle to be perfect, to be someone I feel comfortable being but I never get there. I think constantly everyday, I never stop. I’m exhausted, emotionally exhausted, physically exhausted, I’m kinda lonely I won’t lie, I hate myself in the mirror half the time, I’ve literally lost a bunch of weight because I hated myself, didn’t do it very healthy either so that’s brilliant I’m back to who I was in high school, my life revolves around finding a guy? Why? Because I need to fill my life with someone who cares for me romantically otherwise I feel empty. I even now know why, because during my school life I never got the male teachers validation and I was constantly afraid of men. So what’s that done to me now you ask? I constantly need male validation to feel like a valuable member of society. Fantastic! As well as this I’m a 21 year old female who is extremely sexually frustrated but gets too attached to men because of that reason! So wtf am I meant to do? Because I keep crying when they say they don’t want anything with me, even though I respect them for that decision, because I’m scared of people leaving my life! Why’s that you ask? Because this year I’ve lost everyone important to me and people keep wanting to leave. Do now I’m stuck thinking if they don’t want me, then they’ll leave. I can’t have this. I feel out of control and I don’t know what to do. I want to heal, I want to feel fine. But I’m not sure how

Does anyone else struggle with being publicly shamed and cancelled for your mistakes in the future? It feels so intolerable for me and it’s my biggest fear. Does anyone have any advice?

Honestly I can’t handle this anymore, someone tell me that it gets better at some point because I feel like I am losing it and going absolutely crazy mentally

sometimes i ruminate without realizing i'm even ruminating until it's too late and the thoughts have already taken hold of me. how do i fix this? i feel like i have become my disorder. i'm so lost

My son has ocd and Social anxiaty and He strouggles with both. Now he is in a position when he can’t go to University (architecture) because he has to have some kind of tactics where the anxiaty doesn’t overwhelm him and he feels good so he is able to hang out with his friends. Is this pushing the anxiaty of some kind or a compulsion because it exhausts him?

I tested myself by deliberately imagining suffocating someone with a pillow and I did get a surge of anxiousness but for some reason it felt like I liked the feeling of doing that horrible action and stopping someone from breathing. I have been having so many break downs and crying so hard and I’ve just started believing that I like the feeling of doing that and now I feel like I don’t know what to do. I feel sick and it’s just disgusting I feel terrible, was I a good person but now I’ve imagined doing that and suddenly Like doing that now? I really just want to be normal I’m scared I don’t want this to be my reality I just wanted a normal life, I just want to be happy and do things I enjoy but now I’ve got this disgusting feeling and I don’t even know if it’s true or not, is this ocd tricking me? But how can I misunderstand my feelings? And I keep having disgusting thoughts now that it feels good to do that and I feel terrible, I can’t live my life like this I don’t want to be bad or crazy, please say that ocd is tricking me, I don’t want to like the feeling of suffocating someone or hurting someone, I’ve always been a good person, I’ve never wanted to hurt anyone, I’ve always wanted to help people and loved helping people, what is this horrible thing I’m dealing with? Have I suddenly Discovered that I like doing this horrible thing and it makes me feel good?? Please I don’t want any part of this please