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There's a guy Im starting to really like... I think I want to try asking him out eventually.. But I feel like I need to confess my Real events to him, especially because theyre taboo. I didnt hurt anyone but theyre still bad and most would say disgusting. It was years ago but I feel like if I dont tell him he cant consent to the relationship or im lying to him. I guess I deserve it.

Quick question. Does journaling really help? I feel like it would be a great option to vent and record my thoughts, but I also feel like I won’t be able to write my thoughts down, basically out of embarrassment or out of fear: mainly because that’s how my real event themes make me feel. Did anybody else feel like this before? If so, did you manage to finally hop in journaling? How did it help you? Thanks :)

Hey guys! Hope you’re doing fine. It’s been a few weeks now since my real event spike started, and things don’t seem to get better. I’ve successfully managed not to seek for reassurance or engage with mental compulsions as much, but I really need to hear from someone who is experiencing something similar to what I am. Context: I’m barely in my 20’s and I regret a lot of things that happened during my teenage years. Guilt is consuming me away. I know I was young and that I’m human, but at this point I feel like I will never forgive myself. I also get this intrusive thought pretty frequently that I’ll never be able to move on and that I’ll keep torturing myself in my 30’s-40’s about the same mistake. I’ll also say, that this past mistake is so present in my daily life because a few people know about it, and i’m always so scared about getting “exposed” (whenever I get this feeling Ill also think that it’ll ruin my life and reputation). Thank you for reading this, it means a lot to me. Also, I just want you to know that if you’re going through a hard time, I’m here to listen!! xx

I’m struggling a lot. I overthink everything. I've been struggling with OCD for a while now and I'm currently on a waiting list for therapy, but it's impacting my whole life and I don't know how to cope. On top of the grief I've been dealing with intrusive thoughts that he would be disappointed in me for being gay even though he never said anything like that. I know rationally it's a fear, not reality, but OCD has latched onto it and won't let go. I don’t even know what type of ocd I have because everyday it’s different. This week I had an argument with one of my closest friends. someone I met online and am meeting for the first time Tuesday. He made some jokes. I know they were jokes, I even say worse to him. But my OCD took those comments and used them as evidence of every fear I already had about myself. I completely spiralled. Reacted way more intensely than the situation called for, screamed, said things I regret. I could see I was overreacting but I couldn't stop it. When I calmed down I could see clearly I was already drowning in grief and the OCD amplified everything. My friend was actually right in a lot of what he said about my reaction. I've owned that. But in the moment I had zero control. I just want to know how to manage this while I wait for proper help. It's affecting my friendships, my mental state, everything. I'm exhausted.

I'm pretty new here but through a string of events I now am trying to learn how to deal with my OCD better! I've been through quite a bit in my life, including emotional neglect, physical and emotional abuse in relationships,etc which I guess is somewhat common. I just didn't realise until a couple of years ago (thanks to therapy) how bad it has impacted me and how I deal with things. My last relationship went pretty badly because the man I was with turned out to be very emotionally abusive; when he got angry he would simply ignore me, sometimes up to a week and he got angry a lot for the smallest things; he'd get upset when i didnt reply to him fast enough or when i shared my feelings when he hurt me in any way; he'd fully stonewall me which made communication awful and then he'd love bomb me later. All of it left me pretty unsettled and mistrusting of people and I thought it would take me a long while until I would be okay to meet someone new again... but well, I met someone at the beginning of the year and we became great friends and are now more than that. We haven't given it an actual label yet and I'm glad he's giving me time and patience because that's something I never got in my previous relationship even though I had asked for it (go figure). The issue and the thing where my ruminating and checking compulsion comes in is that he likes to roleplay in a video game we both play. Now, we had a chat about it where he reassured me and told me that it was all fully in character and just a creative outlet for him, which I get. He even asked me if I wanted him to stop but I told him that's not my place and I'm not going to ask him to stop engaging in a hobby because I wouldn't want him to do that to me either. And I mean it. On most days I'm fine. I know he'd drop everything if I needed him and we spend every day together. I'm glad he has friends and things going on in his life but when I'm overall stressed (I have a demanding job and issues with sleep and anxiety in general) I start ruminating and spiraling so bad and the thing that I often act on is checking what he's doing in the game and who he's hanging out with and I feel embarrassed for it. I wouldn't want him to do that roo me so why is it so hard for me to stop? I'm so scared of getting replaced, of him suddenly changing his mind, that I perceive other people as a threat but checking over and over doesn't help either. It doesn't give me actual control over the situation it just makes me feel ashamed and sad but I keep going back to it the second I feel somewhat insecure. He has done nothing but be absolutely lovely, understanding, considerate, communicative, etc... which makes me feel even worse when I act on the compulsions :( I'm proud how far I've come and that I'm at least trying to get better and recognising the patterns but I'm also exhausted :/ I don't want to self sabotage (I tend to become bitey and avoidant when triggered) because I think this guy is actually great and he makes me want to be better! Anyway thank you for reading and sorry for the wall of text! It feels good getting it out :')

Okay, so I believe I developed this over time BUT IDK FOR SURE CAUSE I AM NOTTT PROFESSIONALLY DIAGNOSED!!! And like any person who comes to a realization, I researched; which is so ironic because thats what I'm not supposed to do as I later found out.. Anyway, I am diagnosed with MDD (Major Depressive Disorder/aka Clinical Depression), and unfortunately everytime I try to beat obsessions OR compulsions I get sad at the fact that I'm letting go this take over my life for the past.. I don't even know because I'm not supposed to ponder about it. Right?.. This is honestly such a humiliating feeling, crying every day because something, ANYTHING, causes me to break down. But real quick, nothing about this disorder is humiliating. It is NOT shameful to have. If anything, it genuinely made me stronger and a more open-minded person. I can relate to things, mostly bad experiences but nonetheless can relate. It helps me be a better listener and more emotionally and socially aware. Although I have been unfortunately told that I probably have chronic paranoia (before I even discovered what OCD really was) so I am in a constant state of worry that my help isn't really "good help" because I have a mental illness(es?!).. Pretty bad first post and I'm so sorry to ramble so much, but I feel so much relief when I write out my thoughts (I haven't got the courage to speak about this stuff out loud, I always freeze up). Paper-journaling hurts my wrists too easily and I get distracted pretty quick😅.. Plus I can keep up with my thoughts faster with typing (even tho I type like a slug LOL). If you read this, thank you. And to myself, I'm proud that you're at least accepting that this is a possible reality for either a short while or a lifetime (I know this is treatable but idk about curable). Okay bye gdkskj

Hello, I would love to hear people’s input on regarding my situation. I have been suffering for the past couple months with SO-OCD and it looks like me spiraling about the possibly of the “what-if” im gay or “what if” im using OCD as an excuse and im just in denial. I have been diagnosed with OCD my psychiatrist and also been provided meds in which I take 150mg of Luvox. Sometimes I feel like I’ll be okay and sometimes I get into my head so much and it feels so real. I am also in a relationship with my current boyfriend of 3 years, I have never questioned sexuality growing up or prior. I have this thing where sometimes I feel like I could possibly gay in which intrusive thoughts will occur, I tend to attempt to ERP at home just to ‘make sure’, and I sometimes get close to almost confessing and falling into it but this strong wave of anxiety hits and the realization of “I don’t want to be a lesbian” hits due to it all feeling so forced (intrusive thoughts, compulsions, exposing myself to media etc.) I am not homophobic because I’ve even went down the rabbit hole of if im internalizing homophobia but I happen to have numerous friends, coworkers and family who I adore that are part of the LGBTQIA+ group. I am in a safe space to if I were to be gay I would feel accepted by everyone around me. So it’s this constant cycle of (im lesbian, im straight, im lesbian, im bi, im straight) it’s just ongoing and never anything new on repeat for the last few months and it’s EXHAUSTING! Please tell me your thoughts or advice to assist if you’ve been through something similar

Does anyone have an issue with health ocd that causes physical issues. I have been dealing with this off and on for five years. First it was a brain tumor, next a heart attack, next colon cancer and now I am on to fearing I have pancreatic cancer. I was able to control this for about two years but it came back a month ago after my wife had to be hospitalized and a couple of other family members complained of health issues. I also stopped taking my meds maybe a year ago. I thought I could handle it but I slowly couldn’t control it until it unleashed on me a couple of weeks ago. I had a sore back, not a big deal as I had a sore back for years, but for some reason I felt a compulsion to go into an urgent care, my pcp retired and I couldn’t get an appt with my new pcp for months. At urgent care they told me I had trace blood in my urine and that I might have a kidney stone. I spiraled. Urgent care wouldn’t return calls or schedule the ultrasound correctly. I freaked out. Finally got the ultrasound and it said something about my pancreas, turns out it isn’t a big deal but I had no one to talk to. My pcp was gone urgent care wouldn’t call. I freaked out. Now every time a test comes in I invent a new way I might be sick. I started to get an itch sensation on my forearms lower legs and face and scalp. I freaked out again thought it was cancer again. Every day the pains change location to fit what I googled. Has this happened to anyone else? What did you do to help?

My husband has had pretty severe OCD (work is almost undoable, checks out from family, cant do ERP on own) since our youngest was born over 3 years ago. We're thinking of him doing residential treatment as we fortunately have the means. His therapist discouraged this as my husband has no intention to harm himself. If my husband's OCD does not improve our family WILL crumble. Are we wrong or is the therapist?

hi! does someone have any tips on how to manage that? i don’t want to avoid self pleasure or future s3x with a partner in fear I’ll get intrusive thoughts. Today I was like “smh I hope I don’t get any intrusive thoughts during this”, and then I got a very unwanted disturbing one about myself morphing into something else and ofc it kills the mood so I quickly replaced it for what actually turns me on, so I continued, and then again, another unwanted bad thought about someone (not vulgar) popped up, which ended up killing my mood altogether and I had to stop lol. At first I felt guilty for continuing after replacing the first bad thought for the one I actually wanted because my brain went like “why would you still want to continue after having that very bad thought for like a millisecond?” but I did so bc I remembered that the more power you give to these thoughts (avoiding something/letting it interfere with whatever you’re doing), the worse it is for you, so they should feel like a passing cloud. But then I got the second one and I was like yeah I can’t lol killed the mood again.

I was freaking out about a guy thinking what if I have a crush on him when I see him? What if I feel feelings when I see him? I’ve seen him twice ever and thought he was cute, so I was scared if I saw him in person again maybe I’d have a crush on him or something?? And then on the way to work I was listening to a kind of love song and his face popped into my head like an edit almost, like wtf why did I imagine that. What do I do??? Should I tell the ex I’m trying to get back together with? We’ve been hanging and reconciling but I feel like I should be guilty for this even though I have zero actual care for him. Maybe I just want to look cool at work and he’s popping into my head because I want to look like a good coach? I DONT KNOWW

It’s so hard. I unfortunately googled (even though I know I probably shouldn’t have) why I’ve felt this aversion whenever I think about kissing my partner ever since our first kiss, even though I want to kiss him (questioning whether I genuinely want to kiss him, or if I only want to want it because I’m afraid of losing the relationship)and I love him. Everything I read seems to say that it means I’m not attracted enough to him and that I’m forcing myself to like him. What scares me is that this feeling has been there from the beginning. I keep wondering whether I’m actually disgusted by him and just don’t want to admit it to myself because he’s such a good person. It makes me panic and gives me the urge to break up, even though that’s the last thing I want. I feel trapped because I can’t stop trying to figure out what this feeling means.

so Im 18 rn Im new here I had really hard puberty between the ages of 14-17 since from my childhood I was too free in internet and I had only one friend and thats why maybe I normalize sexual or talking with someone everytime but now I have a boyfriend for 1 year and 1 month and we love eachother so much but I was acting different in the first 4 month I had changed because I started to worry about my past so much and so much I started to talk with my bf about this things too many times and after a while there is nothing to left for explain and my brain started to think about the scenerios that is not even happened like "what if I forgot something" and right now (im not sure) I had 2-3 questions in my head idk what to do my brain always says is this things are ocd or not idk what to do help me if someone have this problems or similar ones :(

Hello! I just went through a spike/panic moment and I dealt with it so much better than I would have a few months ago. The thing is, I still just cannot seem to stop the mental compulsions. It just feels so automatic and intuitive, I feel that I have no real control over it. If you experience mental compulsions, how do you deal with them without giving into the actual compulsion and ultimately feeding ocd?

Hi there, I’m very new to this app, and I really appreciate the community. 2 things have been a main obsession for me within the last couple of days. I am 18 and last november i bought what i believed to be legal porn from a content seller on the app Telegram. She sent me a confirmation video of herself saying my name and the date I guess just to confirm It wasn’t a scam. I paid assuming the content would’ve been of her but it wasn’t, it seemed a variety of other people dominated by one specific person, at the time i had fleeting doubts about whether they were underage or whether this was shared consensually but it didn’t bother me much. 7 months down the line (a couple days ago) i had a thought - “those girls looked kinda young…what if they were underage?” so as part of a compulsion i went back to the app logged in and looked through the videos and photos, the seller claimed she was 19, the girl that dominated most of the content to me looked 18 but also looked young like she COULD be 16 or 17. Or maybe even younger at a push. I masturbated to her, I’m not sure if it was compulsion driven but the entire time my mind was saying that i wanted her to be underage secretly. After orgasm, I came across one specific video that i hadn’t noticed properly previously, in it the girl looked quite young, the lighting wasn’t amazing but i feel like im just saying that as an excuse, i kept rewatching the video because i needed to check to be certain that she could pass for 18, but because i couldn’t be certain, i messaged the seller to ask if everyone involved was 18+ as i initially believed, but i didn’t even give her a chance to read it, i deleted the chat, my account and the app, meaning i have no way of accessing the content, meaning my mind is generating a thousand faces trying to remember exactly what she looked like. Since then when on dating apps or social media, when i see someone who is 18+ i ask myself “if they were 15 would u believe it?” and like 20% of the time the answer is yes. this made me feel better because I knew that it was possible for someone to look young and yet be 18+. However, just now I went onto twitter to look on my feed to conduct the same compulsion, checking to see if any nsfw videos would contain people whose age was ambiguous because I know I have seen content on twitter that has made me spiral about the ages of those involved before (only to be calmed down when i realise the page posts only 18+). I came across one page however that said it only posted 18+ but as i scrolled i saw youthful faces, I continued to scroll to check if it was my mind messing with me or if it was a pattern that i needed to report. (ofc my mind doesn’t see it that way, it says that i actually wanted to look more) but as i saw some people that i genuinely believed had to be underage, i reported and blocked the account for child harm. Im stuck in this spiral, I feel like i need to go to the police and be locked away. Why didn’t i just report everything instantly? why did i have to check multiple times to be sure?? Any advice would help truly.

New dad to such a happy healthy beautiful 6mo old baby. Yet I struggle. I rush through diaper changes, causing my child distress and discomfort. At night I first have to put on a layer of clothes before changing my child because “what if”. I struggle with comforting my child when they cry, because “what if” my body responds? Oxytocin is a hell of a drug, and you can’t really control bodily responses. So I just end up avoiding doing things that may trigger a groinal response. This includes comforting my crying child at 3am, and my wife thinks I’m a monster for just rushing the diaper change and feeding, rather than picking them up, swaying and shushing and soothing my child - which I so desperately want to but can’t bc “what if”. Not to mention it takes me an extra minute to put on boxers and a shirt before changing them. So naturally bc it’s taking forever and our child is screaming, my wife gets pissed and swoops in to do the job at 3am, then I get pissed bc it reinforces the spiral but I can’t tell her bc of shame and I don’t want her to think it’s not POCD and instead I’m actually one Living in hell at the moment, need some perspective that it gets better.

Has anyone looked into this? I know it’s very rare that people do it, but my ocd hasn’t responded to many medications or therapy twice a week and it’s severe. I’m doing TMS now (deep TMS which is the ocd protocol), and if it is unsuccessful, my psychiatrist said he would check the literature but then refer me to a center that does deep brain stimulation. I have to pay for my mental healthcare (I’m 20 and in college), and TMS is already a lot of money, so I’m not sure how Deep brain stimulation would work. My psychiatrist said there might be ocd charities that could fund it, but I can’t afford it out of pocket

Dealing with SO-OCD, i feel like i lost all my feelings. When i think about men i get anxiety, fear, when i think about women i don’t want it and i also feel anxiety and nothing (fear of being a lesbian). So im just living. I just dont feel anything. The topic of relationships makes me feel nauseaus now and scared and anxious. Both men and women makes me wanna leave. Why? In my normal state i used to think about having a relationship w men one day etc.? It all makes me feel soo asexual. ( i dont think im asexual or aromantic). Im just fckn scared of this all.

I struggle A LOT with false attraction. Recently it's been latching onto my coworkers and making me feel as if I have crushes on them.. It happens a lot in general- if I find someone even semi-attractive, interesting, funny, kind, whatever else, my brain automatically thinks it's a crush. The funny part is is that I don't even want anything to do with these people. I love my boyfriend more than anything in the world and he's the only one I see myself getting married to and having a future with. If ANYONE ever came up to me and asked me out I'd without a second thought turn them down. So I KNOW I don't actually care about these people at all. My ocd is just latching onto them and turning the alarm bells on. I feel so guilty and feel the need to confess but I know I shouldn't, it all just feels SO real. Does anyone have any advice on how to deal with this? I am filled with guilt all day and thoughts that I'm a horrible partner. I feel like I NEED to tell my boyfriend, that if I don't tell him then I'd be a liar and would spend the rest of my life guilty. I hate the fact that people say crushes are normal because it almost makes me want to move on and forget about it because of that very fact- but I DON'T have a crush and reassuring myself with that makes me feel like I'm just giving into the fact that I might have a crush. I don't want to have a crush. I only want to think about my boyfriend. I don't want to even be remotely interested in someone else. I struggled a lot with cheating OCD for a while and then it shifted into this and I end up fixating on it ALL day. Everytime I think about my boyfriend I feel it lingering in the back of my mind, I end up subconsciously feeling checking the false attraction to see how I'd react but it only makes me distressed. At work I avoid my coworkers, I don't speak to them unless I have to. I don't want to be too close to them, I even stop breathing from my nose because I don't want to smell their cologne. It's horrible. Does anyone have any advice??? How do I combat this? I feel like it's going to haunt me even after I get past this theme.

Hi, I wanted to ask if what I’ve been experiencing is normal with OCD because I’ve been really struggling and feeling confused. Lately I’ve been having a lot of intrusive thoughts and images involving girls. Sometimes random girls pop into my imagination during normal things like reading lyrics, watching romantic reels, daydreaming about my future, imagining myself blogging or taking pictures at restaurants, or even while playing games. I’ll see a random girl in my mind and then start questioning if I find her attractive or if I want to kiss her. Sometimes I see girls making kiss faces and immediately get intrusive thoughts about kissing them, which makes me panic and ask myself why I would want that. I’ve noticed that when I see romantic things or listen to songs with lyrics like “you’re my lover and best friend,” a girl will automatically pop into my head instead of my boyfriend. Then I get an adrenaline feeling in my chest and start wondering if I’m meant to be with a girl. I try to make my boyfriend appear in my mind, but he doesn’t always pop up automatically, and then I feel guilty and start wondering if I even love him. I don’t want to leave him, and I want him to come to mind automatically, but it feels like my brain is doing something different from what I want.I’ve also spent a lot of time checking and testing myself. I’ll replay thoughts and images over and over, ask myself if I like them, force myself to imagine scenarios, and then watch my feelings and body reactions. Sometimes I feel static feelings in my chest, tingling in my lips, numbness, adrenaline, heaviness, or emotional flatness. Sometimes I feel calm instead of anxious, which scares me because I start wondering if that means I secretly like the thoughts or if this is the “real me.” I also feel scared because sometimes I can vividly imagine myself in the intrusive thoughts, and afterward I get afraid that maybe I secretly want them. Other times I feel empty or like I don’t care, and that scares me too. I’ll have moments where I snap out of the thoughts and suddenly become scared about what I was thinking.I miss feeling love and happiness, and when I see romantic things I want that feeling again. Sometimes I feel fake because I don’t feel as lovey-dovey as before, and I worry that my sexuality is changing. I spend a lot of time asking myself if I love my boyfriend enough, if I’ve changed, or if I secretly want something else, even though I don’t want to leave him and I feel guilty for having these thoughts.