Welcome to
the NOCD Community

sometimes i genuinely believe that i would be a lot better off as dead. i hate being like this. i hate being me. i don’t want to be a bad person or a burden on anyone. it’s starting to feel like i want the thoughts because they’re no longer causing me anxiety, i don’t know if that’s down to my meds or what but. it’s like i feel disgust and guilt but i don’t feel the panic if that makes any sense? i’m a terrible person, i don’t deserve any type of happiness. it all feels so real, i fully believe what my ocd is telling me even though i know this time a few months ago i wouldn’t have ever thought anything like this. when will this all stop? i feel like the right thing for me to do is end it all

just curious if anyone is taking luvox for ocd? i’ve been on it for about two years, got off once during that time because of libido issues and tried welbutrin. that made my ocd spiral out of control. specifically existential ocd, caused me to disassociate the whole week i was on it. i got off and back onto luvox and now it’s almost been a year again. so i noticed im better but now as good as i was when i started the first time. i’m on 50mg and im wondering if i should ask my dr to increase? does anyone else take it what mg and if you got it increased did it help at all? thanks!!!

Do you cope with genuine hopelessness? Deep down I am convinced this will never get better. I think about suicide a lot, but that would hurt my family. But even being alive is hurting them because I cannot stop the mental breakdowns. I also cannot afford therapy. But it's the hopelessness. I feel that suicide is inevitable because I cannot live with this. I cannot stop self harm and I have a mental breakdown almost every week and often multiple times a week. The self harm is giving me brain damage. I literally have no hope. None.

Someone help how do I know if I’m gsy I was never like this my attraction is gone no anxiety thoughts don’t bother me they feel so forced bro I’m so confused like they were bothering me couple months ago so as the anxiety what is going on with me am I gay?

So, I really need to talk to someone, because I'm beginning to believe that this isn't OCD anymore. Anytime I'm reminded that my intrusive thoughts or feelings are apart of a disorder, I feel sad or disappointed because it feels like there's a part of me actually wanting to act on my thoughts. Anytime I look for reassurance of any kind, it feels like I'm trying to defend my thoughts. Anytime someone tries to tell me that it's OCD or that, "I am not my thoughts." I become upset or sad. Can someone please explain to me what is going on? Is it possible for there to be an intrusive feeling on top of an intrusive feeling?

18+ I’m afraid that at some point I might’ve watched something illegal while I had a bad porn addiction as a teen- I’m not sure and that’s what haunts me. How could any of us know? How could we know the people in this porn are the age they say they are?! Why does this make me even more consumed with doom. I think rather dark stuff after that, concerning stuff for my well being cause I literally spiral so hard I feel as if I’m losing touch with reality. My panic attacks, my depression- all spurred on and taunted by a “what if” Do normal people genuinely not think about this? Do normal people keep moving forward knowing that’s a possible risk? If so then what? What if your eyes saw that? How would you even keep living? Or wanting to.

context: I’m 21 attending community college. ever since spring of 2023, I’ve been pretty much failing my classes. I have dropped out of some and passed a couple. a bit of history; I used to be an A/B honor roll student. I repeated my senior year of high school to do me being at my lowest. I just kept working a lot and putting no effort into my school work. I felt much happier at work than school because of the people around me. it felt like I didn’t care about my grades at all and that I didn’t want to see anyone from my grade at graduation. fast forward, I’m trying to complete my associate’s degree. my goal initially was to graduate around this time of the year or summer. obviously, with me just failing classes again, I’m going to have to stall my graduation. for the most part, I have been paying for my classes except this recent semester which was Spring. my dad paid for it and yet I dropped out of some classes and failed the rest. I haven’t told him about it because I’m scared and just disappointed in myself that I let it happen again. now I’m working more due to it being summer and doing classes online in hopes to finish my degree sooner. I want to repay the amount my dad paid back to him because I feel so guilty. of course, it’s my fault and I understand that. I’m holding accountability for my actions. I just haven’t been the best mentally even though I’m trying to improve. it’s like one day I’m doing okay and then it falls back again. there’s not much business going on at work and new employees have been quitting. there’s one person quitting and I have been feeling the same for quite a while. I usually just try to think and say “just get through this summer” because I need the money. I feel like trying for another job is hard. but then I asked my dad yesterday if anyone at the company he works for needs people. he said that there’s plenty of positions and he can get me in. as much as I don’t like the food industry, I have experience in it & if I will make more than I do now with my current job, I might as well start there. I just hate having to deal with people. I’m not really that good at socializing. most of the time it’s just the forced “being nice & starting up conversations” to people so it’s not awkward. most of the time I’m quiet but once I open up a bit, I can talk. just not in a friend way because these are my coworkers. anyway, going back to college. I want to make enough so I can pay back that semester balance to my dad and have enough saved for a motorcycle. I haven’t taken a riding course yet, but will need to do I can see if it’s for me. I feel like riding a motorcycle will help me ease my mind. it’s like I need it. I’m desperate to just escape from here and just breathe. I have been thinking of paying for my own tuition for the fall. it’s going to cost a lot because I’m out of county and don’t make much anyway. I just feel so fucking dumb for wasting my time and money on classes that I didn’t even put effort in. I don’t know why I’m putting myself through this. I want to improve but when I try to start over again, I fall back. it’s been a constant cycle. I don’t want to fail again. I’m currently taking a class and doing the homework right now even though it’s the last day to turn it in for credit. I put myself into this because I want to work more for money yet complete my classes at the same time. my online friend told me to just take it easy and I just ignored her advice. I do understand her but I feel like I need to be catching up with people my age. I think most of them are on their last year of college or have graduated already. and yet I’m still here. struggling. I’m behind everything. my cousins that are close to my age (a bit younger) are doing well in college. they both know what to do and I’m still lost. one graduated already and the other is still in school. I feel so behind and a failure as a first generation student. so far, been failing classes, been mentally exhausted, dealing w/ self-harm, no irl local friends in 5 years and just lonely. I’ve been fighting with myself for this long. I can’t feel most things anymore. I’m just tired. and I would like friends, but as I mentioned in my previous post, I don’t know people’s true character. I don’t want bad people in my life. mini rant: I want friends my age. 20s. 19 is okay. 18 seems like pushing it but I just want someone my age or older. I want to feel where I believe I belong. I feel like an older sibling or something to those younger. nothing wrong with them but I’m just tired of being the older one I guess. I do have like 2 online friends that I talk to that are older. but they have their own lives and are busy. everyone is busy. I get that. I just feel so alone. I feel like a failure because of my performance at school. I don’t know where I’m going. I just want to find something to look forward to living life.

I’m having difficulty sleeping again. My left arm is hurting and I’m experiencing a slight headache. I can rationalize it out but it’s still keeping me up because I’m scared I will die in my sleep. (My arm hurts because of crocheting for hours on end and my headache is from sinuses) I shouldn’t be scared because I know I’ll go to Heaven. But it’s still keeping me up. I think about death then my son and husband and how they would be devastated. And keeps going… Any tips to help me sleep

It genuinely feels like this disorder is taking away my whole life. I cant go outside and hangout with the people I love or even be around strangers because my thoughts will include them and I’ll just get really uncomfortable and anxious. It has made me distance myself from so many ppl in my life and made me have thoughts and feelings that I don’t want and that I hate making me feel like a monster and a disgusting person. Sometimes I’m genuinely so close to taking my life. It feels like there’s no hope for me at all and that I’ll be like this forever fighting my own brain till I’m old and on my death bed. I’m supposed to be enjoying my summer but I just can’t. I cant go outside, I can’t go on social media, hell I can’t do anything because there will be a child around that will trigger me into a spiral. I can’t stay all summer locked up in my room and constantly making excuses to not go out. It’s been feeling so real too like I’m really the type of person that I don’t want to be and it’s so scary.

Hey guys, I’ve been dealing with a lot of DPDR with my anxiety and ocd being pretty constant. I have a fear I’m going into psychosis. Idk if you can be aware of your own psychosis and I know we’re not supposed to ask for reassurance but I truly feel crazy and the dpdr and existential ocd is not helping. I feel like I can’t even do the exposures because my anxiety is so high. Anyone else been through this?

I feel 99.9% certain that i am a doll. i cant stop thinking sbout and and its getting to the point where people are asking me if im ok but if i dont act like one somethings going to happen to me.

I feel like nothing is ever going to get better. I don't want to live anymore.

Worrying so much is so comforting somehow. I feel as though it’s the norm. I’m a little hesitant to part with it. I’m scared to feel nothing when I’m supposed to be worrying. I hope this doesn’t sound ridiculous.

trigger warning so nobody accidentally picks up this ocd type and tw for weed usage. i think this is ocd at least. i am diagnosed but it could be something else. im 15 and it all started after i got too high off of weed one night and had a panic attack when i was 14. it felt like my whole reality was shattering. i felt like i wasn’t real and that the world around me was fake. ever since ive been struggling with self image and wondering if im insane and if the world around me and the people around me are real. or if im even real. i wonder about people and the evolution behind it. what are we?? we created this civilization and its just odd to me for some reason, how everything became to be. i look around and wonder who i am, if im insane, i look at myself in the mirror somedays and wonder if i fit inside my body. if personality is just a construct or something else. it spirals into thoughts like am i even real?? am i a real person?? is the world around me real or a simulation or god knows what. it used to cause me major distress but ive learned to manage it because what else am i supposed to do. the worries come and go. it usually happens when i worry if im gonna die (ex if i stay up too late and arent tired i wonder if im gonna have a heart attack) and that spirals my anxiety. i feel like im in a constant state of disassociation or existential worries. i keep trying to find proof that im sane and everything is real but it just makes me worry more. im not good at letting stuff go, but i think thats what i have to do. i wonder if anyone else struggles with this or if im just crazy and alone. i think my ultimate fear is losing control of myself, if my brain spirals off to far and i cant reel it back in. sort of like a point of no return.

Hi! So I can't stop thinking that I am a bad person .. Idk .. I doubt everything .. I can't stop thinking about all may past actions and I cant stop thinking that I had bad intentions in everything .. Also I keep having thoughts about what if I really want to hurt someone .. I keep having intrusive thoughts about harming people .. I am so scared Idk if I really want or its just intrusive.. but they cause me distress... Any advice? Is someone going trough the same thing?

I need to go to church tmrw but I feel like crap... ^^ Idk if this is OCD or not but I feel like I do not fit in my own skin no matter what I do :( Yeah basically I feel like sleeping forever idk :p

Because I struggle with false memory and real event ocd, I feel like God hates me. I remember praying to God please give me a reason to live and I honestly don't deserve it. What it makes this worse is that, I ask God to just end my life.

vent // ‼️TW: implied thought of su*cide‼️ hey guys, this is my first post. just wanted to share something from my notes app to see if anyone could relate! and if not, just something to see of how I feel/think when intrusive thoughts are beating me down :D here it goes: “I feel like I’m burning up. drowning. trapped. what if I am a bad person….? it’s like I’m obsessing over and over…. overthinking….. it’s killing me…. and I feel selfish for not wanting to die….. how would I react to someone who is going through the same thing as me…..? of the opposite sex….? I feel like I can’t even think for myself…. I doubt everything….. what if the next thing I feel or decision I make is wrong? I just want to be good. it feels like I just shed into a new person the next day……. like the past is not me……. but it’s still the same body……. I feel like I can’t ever be clean again…. I’m stained…… if I could go back to being a child, I would do the right things and make sure to stand my ground……. it’s hard…… not knowing if I should continue or not….. but again, I don’t want to die….. how selfish of me….. not because of that…… why do I keep asking so many questions…..??? like I’m not even sure who I am…..??? I’m doubting myself again……. sometimes I feel like a child that’s still learning about rights and wrongs…….. is it possible that I’m different…..? I feel like I see the world differently……. everyone does….but for me……there are certain things I don’t understand…… it’s hard……. sometimes wanting to go……. but thinking of her…….. oh, if I could just protect her from the world……. if she could just stay happy being little…… it’s funny how I want to shield her from the wicked…… but what’s the point if I feel like I am wicked myself……????”

I’ve been wondering a lot these past two months have been really bad. I’ve had just about every theme of OCD from harm, sexual, existencial you name it. The only theme I haven’t had is germ OCD, I think it’s because I’m a nurse and I literary live around germs. This time around I’ve been obsessing with sleep and not being able to sleep, which has caused me to have depression. And now I’m like obsessed over my depression to the point where I’m literary questioning my own sanity, and my own experiences almost as if I’m over analyzing every experience and feel depressed over it evened good experiences feel like ass cus I just start doubting them. Has anyone experience this before? I got started on sirtraline and now I am obsessing over the fact that I need a pill to get better which I hate cus I’ve been able to beat my OCD unmedicated. Am I beyond help at this point ? I feel like I am a completely different person I don’t even remember what I used to be like.

Waking up in a panick everyday thinking if this is real life or not, the thoughts never stop, I just want to get better, I had a panick attack yesterday thinking this wasn’t real life, I coped with alcohol for the past 4 years, now when I wake up it’s straight to this isn’t real life and you should just hurt yourself, am I going crazy ?