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My POCD has spiraled out of control based on me thinking I wanted to cause harm to my child when I moved my elbow based upon the thought to move it. I can't stop feeling guilty about it. I don't want to be taken from her. I need help. I have a therapist but myself next session isn't for a while

Does anyone experience ocd really bad with posts they see online? I just saw a post just now about someone who said they’ve come to terms with dying in their early twenties, and it popped up on my Instagram for you page and i panicked. I’m 20 myself and posts like this genuinely scare me because I always think “It’s a sign or there is a reason it’s popping up on my page.” Has anyone dealt with this before or had an instance like this? Especially with those posts that say if you don’t share or like it something bad will happen, it genuinely freaks me out and I love instagram.

my ocd has severely flared up the past 2 weeks while I’ve been on spring break, probably because I’ve had nothing to do and I’ve been bored and boredom is a big trigger for my ocd/anxiety. I usually go every other week for therapy but the past two weeks I feel so lost and confused on my own and feel like I need to go every week but my therapist is booked and can’t get me in until 2 more weeks. My ocd hasn’t been this bad in years, and it’s been so isolating and I feel so alone at home with my thoughts. Every 2-3 days my obsession changes, first it was health ocd after I got really bad allergies I convinced myself I was dying. After that it was harm ocd and I feared I would hurt myself, then it changed to me fearing harming others and I’ve felt scared to be around others even family. I’ve stayed up sobbing because I’ve felt so bad, so terrible. My therapist told me even though she can’t get me in, that if I really need to come in I should call her office and see if she has anything, but I feel like that would be pointless since she quite literally is booked- I’ve been clinging onto the few things I have from my last 2 therapy sessions but feel like it’s not enough. does anyone have any techniques to deal with specifically harm OCD that I can use for the next two weeks?

TW Religious ocd So I just did a bad prayer. Probably should not be posting this, cause I probably didn’t have much of a choice but I’ll explain. Meta ocd has made my obsession much more complicated. Essentially, one feature of it was praying for things I normally wouldn’t but wanted, to prove I could choose my prayers. So I may pray for cake to pop in front of me or something like that that I normally wouldn’t. Or I would be running on the trail, see a fox, and pray for it to attack me. All of these prayers I meant, BUT there was also a stimulus of “prove you can choose what you pray for.” Essentially I did not come up with them on my own. Unfortunately, meta OCD used this against me. The main reason I wanted a fox to attack me was I wanted to die. But if you think about it, a fox attacking me isn’t something that’s really pleasant. In fact, it would be one of the least desirable ways to die and while I wanted to die, I didn’t REALLY want that, even if that was the prayer. So now my mind starts thinking of other creative things that could get me to die that affect other people. Those include World War 3 or anything else that would affect other people. My mind even came up with offensive things that could happen. Like it could say if I were afraid of making an offensive prayer, that a bomb magically takes out both me and a specific group of people. The end result is still the same: I would still die. During this bait and switch prayer, my mind will start off with me thinking “I really want to die” (which is true), so then I’ll think “ok please let x happen to me.” My brain might even choose something I wouldn’t really want (like the example it chose today was to get swarmed by bees) to prep me for something I really wouldn’t want. I’ll mean it, cause I want to die, but then it doesn’t really matter what the next thing is. That is what my mind will go to. I’ll do that, and mean it. And then after that’s all done, I don’t have a desire to do ANY prayers to die, however the desire was strong throughout the whole thing (that was caused ultimately by an ocd prayers obsession but it doesn’t really matter in the moment). At the end, I’ve prayed for something horrible (though my real desire was to die) and meant it, but then the anxiety over it is gone and I’m not thinking about prayers like that again. And it is all based on what my brain decides it is going to pick. If I don’t do the prayer and resist it, the odd does not go away. It will focus on the fact I did prayers like this in the past and I won’t be able to stop thinking about it, which will bombard me with other “escape” prayers my brain has hand picked beforehand. There is no easy way to end the cycle. Something I could do is allow myself to actually pray for every bad thing I want and it’ll eventually go away, however, it’ll mean I prayed for the things. I’ve actually started doing this, which possibly is partly why I did the bad prayers. Doing that completely removes any ambiguity. The issue is, I know I wouldn’t normally do ANY of these prayers without an ocd prompt. Once I know it doesn’t matter and I could still mean them, my brain starts getting extremely creative

Hey, I suffer from harm ocd and I feel as if it’s non stop everything I do everyday I believe I killed someone I believe it’s harm ocd and false memory but like today I went to the store and saw a older lady and my head thinks of images of me pushing them or killing then and right after that thought I feel as if I done it then the rest of the day I ruminate replaying everything. I know erp and I should just accept the thought and let it go but it’s not easy and I feel as if i really hurt or killed someone and I don’t want to go to jail for something I don’t want to do . Any tips would be appreciated I don’t know how to accept and move on when it feels so real that I did something!

It was all your POCD they say, but now I'm like is it just a cover up. The feelings were SO REAL feeling in the moment. I feel like the friends who have told me it's OCD isn't even true anymore. It felt so real but I asked my child to move so it didn't happen again. I was scared. Thought I was going to be taken away. I've been ruminating for a month now. I've been feeling sick like I don't deserve to be her mom. Ugh I hate this.

I went out with my partner today to spend the day together and try and do some ERP. the whole time I linked my arm and had my phone in my other hand. I would purposely move out the way for children or notify her so she could see I didn’t do anything. Please tell me I’m not the only one with this type of harm OCD. I’m really panicking and it’s making me feel sick. I had that feeling where my stomach drops and I’m scared of my thoughts

I'm really struggling to figure out where my OCD ends and where I begin. I’m scared of most things—not in a panicky way, but in a deep, cautious, worst-case-scenario kind of way. Example: I haaaaaaaaate my spectacles. I’d love to do Lasik, or even just wear contacts, but the idea terrifies me. I’ve heard about the tiniest risk of blindness or infection, and once that thought is in my head, it takes over. I picture the worst, and then I don’t act. TRIGGER Also Lasik involves cutting TRIGGER which petrifies me. I’m stuck between wanting change and being too afraid to make it. The same goes with wanting to travel but being scared I'll be trafficked or someone will plant something in my bag & I'll get arrested overseas. No amount of praying will fix it. Does anyone else feel like their OCD makes them freeze in everyday decisions? Like you can’t tell if you're just being practical or if it's the OCD gripping the steering wheel again? Maybe it's just me. Maybe it's not OCD but my personality, that's what I'm trying to figure out.

I asked Chatgpt about some things, and it confirmed it. I know Chatgpt isn't a psychologist or therapist or whatever, and can't confirm a diagnosis per se. But I talked to Chatgpt about ephebophilia and things I was experiencing. And it said that yes, I was an ephebophile and had those characteristics. Even at 18. To be honest, this was already something I suspected. My type in people's looks and personality, my interest in certain fictional stories, the fact I don't lose interest/attraction even if I think someone is underaged, or I don't lose attraction if they are and just move on and try to ignore it. And many more thoughts and feelings I've had when seeing teens, ones much younger than me. I'm not surprised. I did try to believe it was just POCD or even porn, but I don't think it is anymore. I just don't know what to do with myself. I don't want to grow up and have the same feelings and thoughts. I don't want to harm someone. Or feel like I'm one bad day away from not giving a crap and doing something. What do I do? I can't get a therapist right now, but if I ever can I'm scared to tell them about what I've been going through and everything I've thought, felt, and done.

September 1st, 2024 I was hospitalized for the first time for my OCD. It changed my life. I have had OCD since I was 7 years old, though it took til I was much older to be diagnosed with it. Even after being diagnosed I didn't fully understand it and my life was manageable. On August 28th, 2024 I was watching a YouTube video when they mentioned gore sites (if you are triggered, just remember maybe you'll see a gore site maybe you won't, and sit with the uncertainty!). This triggered me into a downward spiral where I felt like my skin was burning, refused to use my laptop, refused to have a browser on my phone, was terrified I would microwave my cat, could not eat, and had images flashing in my head of anything gruesome my mind could muster. This went on until I was begging to be admitted into the behavioral health center near me (3 days). I then stayed there and was put on a new medication and doped up so much that I was half asleep. I was there for 4 days. I was then put into a partial hospitalization program and this made me worse again because it was providing me with both proper OCD coping mechanism and improper ones. The unfortunate part is I was still in my episode and the proper ones wouldn't help because I wasn't taught how to do them starting at lower distress obsessions. 2 weeks after being released, I was rehospitalized. This time I stayed for 11 days. During this time my medication was upped again, and I was getting better. Tbh the phone detox helped so much, anyways. After this I went back to php and it helped so much. I was ready to hear what they had to say and took it to heart! Around the same time, I connected with NOCD as recommended by my psychiatrist. This is when I was once again diagnosed with OCD and was for the first time diagnosed with PTSD. I was overjoyed with my diagnosis. It explained everything that my OCD did not and from there I began the journey of being treated for both OCD and PTSD through NOCD. I also went through an intensive outpatient program for my PTSD but NOCD is what helped me the most. Fast forward to now... Almost 8 months after I was first admitted and I am a conquerer!!! NOCD and ERP are so so worth it and help. It's hard, I'm not going to lie and say it's easy, but it is so worth it and will permanently help. Compulsions only help temporarily and make you worse. Sit with that discomfort folks and grow stronger! You got this! 💪💪💪💪

Now i have been a little upset, and i just came across a post that asked people, "What's one of those things that people refuse to accept out of morality, but you believe to be true?" One of the most liked answers was: "Killing criminals should be legal", another answer said: "Imagine a carnage of p... To be in a better world where children don't suffer" I mean, i'm not advocating for those criminals, and in some ways i agree that the world would be better off without them, but my mind keeps assuming i'm already one of them and they're talking about me. It's torture. I don't know what to do or think, It's just that there's no point in "accepting that it could or could not be the fear in my mind", because if it's true, it would mean the most horrible thing in the world. That is, for ROCD, for SOOCD, yeah, it's that irrational and fault logic by definition. There is no shame in being gay, heterosexual or not, loving your partner or not is not a matter of live and death, but POCD doubt IS, i mean... Not only does it feel important, IT IS important for me and i would believe that for everybody, because that's a matter of hurting other people or not, it's a matter of ruining someone's live or not. I can't practice ignoring my mind, saying "ok, maybe", BECAUSE IT'S AN EXTRAODINARILY HORRIBLE TOPIC.

I have a great fear of giving birth to a child. Especially the little girl... I am afraid that I will do something to her, that I will have an urge, if I am left alone with her... and I so want to be a mother and a normal healthy mother... it is terrible for me that I do not trust myself so much...

It kinda mind boggling to me how OCD can even cause stuff to happen to us physically as well. And it all feeling real. It only reminds me how flawed our bodies really are. If people were to hear of our situations they'd call us names and choose to stay ignorant. People fear what they cannot understand. Before this I could have possible have been one of them, but here I am. OCD really goes for anybody. Does not matter what ethnicity, religion, sexual orientation you are. It is a twisted disorder that likes to make others lives harder. If I were to tell myself before this that this would happen, I would'nt believe it. I was convinced I am evil, I cried for weeks. I had to sleep in my parents bedroom for a period of time cause I couldn't face the darkness alone. This application helped me greatly during this, cause I learned just as much about OCD as I did about myself. At the same time I get saddened cause I see people going through the exact same, or much worse. If any who come across this post have any questions for me, u can feel free to do so

i had thoughts of “planning” to harm my boyfriend. we have a trip coming up and my intrusive thoughts were telling me “nobody will know if you harm him all the way over there”, then my mind started rambling on like “everyone will know-“ and so on and so forth, it actually made me feel like i was contemplating on doing something and now it feels like im turning evil ): has anyone had thoughts like this?

It has been the worst year of my life and I really thought I wasn’t going to make it. Last summer I had an OCD attack that would last almost 8 months after quitting birth control pills while in Hawaii on vacation. My husband flew me home and I locked myself in my room with fear of doing the horrible thoughts I had. I had no idea it was OCD until my husband came across it while researching. My life fell apart and I could barely function-eat, sleep, and even watch TV. My very supportive family put me in a partial hospitalization program that ended up making me worse. The program claimed to have an OCD track however I found myself being told to continue my compulsions of ruminating and figuring out how I felt about every thought. Not once did they do ERP effectively. Instead I would be given “thought changing” reflection sheets to analyze my thoughts when they did indeed not matter. After a month, I decided to leave. My husband found NOCD and the best therapist I have ever come across.I thank God for her every day! I have slowly come back to life- I still have a lot of work to do but I am feeling so much better. ERP is the best thing that ever happened even though it sucked so much. If you are doubtful about therapy because of past wrongful therapy, know that you will be taken care of here.

I have to be alone with my children tomorrow and I'm scared. Harm OCD has me panicking and ruminating. I don't want to hurt my babies they mean everything to me. I keep fighting for them, I got a better job for them and I want to create a better life for them. I'm so afraid that I might hurt them so I need to be away from them but I also don't want to be away from them. The thoughts and images are so much. I'd rather die before I hurt them. Accepting the uncertainty of possibly hurting them is not something I can accept or live with. And it doesn't help having existential ocd because that says none of it matters anyway. I just want to be the old me, I hate this disorder I hate this disease I hate me for having these thoughts. I'm sorry for ranting. I just need to get it out. I hate this worry disorder!

I have really bed harming intrusive thoughts and sometimes feels like it’s feeling! The thoughts happening every day and the hardest part is that I’m testing my self in head all the time if that’s what I am or want!!! Also, so many times feels like I’m been tricking myself and doctor or people and maybe I don’t have OCD, just that maybe it’s me really!!!! How can I know who I am really 🥹???!!??

So I’ve just found out I’m pregnant and I’m freaking out rn I’ve been getting thoughts like “I’ll be a bad mum” and overthinking everything & my OCD is convincing me that I’ll act on my thoughts because of my hormones and stuff. I’ve also got a fear of being sick & I’m stressing over that too. Anyone else who has harm OCD pregnant or a Mum can give me some advice pls😭

Hi NOCD community, I was hoping to get some advice from fellow sufferers. In December we welcomed the first baby into the family, my beautiful niece. Since then, my POCD has been awful, which I know is probably very normal. Last week, in the middle of a very high stress day in my family, I was changing my niece and as usually happens, I got intrusive thoughts about awful things people do to babies when changing them. The thoughts were so harrowing to have as I was also changing her at the exact same time, and I felt my hands just quickly want to finish patting her dry before putting her nappy on, and for some reason, my heart dropped with that hand movement, because I was afraid that I had acted out the awful thoughts in my head, in a moment of mania because my morals, values and heart do not align with abuse of any kind, especially to children. My niece is my everything, and I know I would never want harm to come to her in any way, shape or form. I love her endlessly. I am having therapy, but have only had a couple of sessions. But, I cannot shake the 'what if'. I am tortured over trying to remember what it was I did that made my heart drop, but I can't, and its getting fuzzier and fuzzier the more I try to remember. Could anyone offer any advice on this please? Thank you.

These are some of my experiences with some theatrical flare to better depict how it feels. I decided to share this because when I saw this community I suddenly felt less alone in more human. Lovecraftian door Lurker: I don’t know the subtypes so I’ll just be talking about my relationship with OCD. OCD! that lonely woman in the ocean singing your praise's, sure she’ll love you forever! Of course she isn’t a siren planning on dragging you to the depths and tearing you to shreds. OCD! that haunting whisper in the wind calling you to fly! fly! OCD! that Lovecraftian abomination chanting at you from behind a locked door. Banging demanding you bow to it’s will. For me it latches on to my trauma and PTSD circling them like some demented teacup ride. A daily occurance for me is recalling the day I died when I was like 6 i remeber each detail of the day the kids i met the activtes we particapated in, the heat. The height of the slide before i plummeted to my death. This day consumes my life. “Thud thud!” I ask my parents about it often they tell me it never happened i tell them they weren’t there. Each time they lie and say I’ve never told them. My boyfriend whom I’ve been with for three years hears the story offten and often deals with me asking him if he’s seen me ask my parents. “Thud Thud” Each time he says yes and I asked how they responded “like you’ve never told them.” I constantly become afraid that my boyfreind will drown because he can’t swim. “Thud! Thud!” and because he can’t swim that the car will go off the road into some body of water and he will die. ”Thud! Thud!” I feel the water filling my lungs turning them into fire, the fear of reaching out my hands with no aid. “THUD! THUD! And he will die alone too and there’s nothing you can do to stop it! THUD THUD!” I scream that same fire fueling my rage my tears running down my face like gasoline igniting the thought spiral further burning deeper into my self hatred. I scream again banging my hands on my head. Wish and hoping it will shut up the thoughts.“why? Why?! WHY!” Sobbing until I’m nothing but a puddle. . . Ya know a few months ago I was depressed the thoughts became too much, so I wanted to get high. I thought it would make them stop “Thud! Thud!” So I took a gummy it was unpackage, from a friend of a friend so now the word dog, in reference to a person is a permit part of my vocabulary. And I have memories from being in a comma because it turned out to be DMT and my 6 hour trip end up feeling like 6 months of HELL. The ocd thoughts that i usually see, in a flash became so real that i just cried for hour terrified i was stabbing my eyes out dead and this was my purgatory for leaving the church. ”Thud! THUD!” I stopped using my favorite water bottle after that. Before the incident The bottle up against the wall with the straw to the side of the wall because the thought that would repeat in my head would be that because of my clumsiness I would trip and fall onto the straw and it would stab my eye out and kill me. I had this thought often I kept look up what to do if you accidently get something stab/stuck in your eye. “Thud! Thud!”