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Please help I think I cheated cuz I let this girl I found pretty graze me at Starbucks she was just walking by and now I’m scared I wanted the touch to be sexual or that just her grazing me even was sexual HELP

I’ve hade a bad day today kinda of told my person we aren’t dating right now but I told him in just going to focus on my school and let God heal me and see what he does with us I’m so tired idk I kinda give up to ocd today I feel so exhausted pray for me

This is the first time I have seen my boyfriend in a month because I have been so debilitated by OCD on top of everything else I struggle with that I isolated myself simply because it was easier. For the first hour, I felt great. Genuinely great. My head was clear, and I was able to just be myself, the real me, for a whole hour. Then the first obsession hit. After that, every other obsession came crashing down, one after another. Now I am standing in the Target bathroom, completely overwhelmed. It always hits me hardest when I am with him. I have realized that the reason I turn into a little compulsion machine around him is because I am so desperate to feel normal and enjoy our time together that the compulsions become even more tempting. I get anxious about being anxious around him, which turns my OCD from a background annoyance into a full-blown supervillain. It is unbelievably frustrating that this is ruining time with the love of my life, who is so understanding, but he should not have to deal with this hell. And yet I keep dragging him into it because I cannot seem to stop. I do not know what to do because I cannot even redirect my attention. I think I am managing it, only to realize I am still ruminating. Okay, I’m venting a bit, but does anyone have any tips? Even tiny ones or theoretical ones that might help make this more bearable?

I am In a 3 year old relationship. I did bad things towards my relationship with another guy we'll call S. I told my boyfriend everything and for months I'd go back and find new details and tell them to my bf and keep going to exhaustion.This S guy also molested me and blackmailed me. With this said, now I have to talk about my current issue. I'm 17. In class I see S everyday and I get irritated by him. I have thoughts like " what if I don't love my boyfriend?what if I see him as a friend? What if I love S?what if I want S?" And " S I hot" or like when I get ready " would S find me pretty?". I just wanna be with my boyfriend in peace and I don't wanna have these doubts at all or be attracted to anyone that's not my boyfriend. These thoughts are ruining my life. I'm scared they are true, I'm scared I secretly want him, I'm scared I find him pretty or whatever it is. It's been months and when I had something else to analyze I said with confidence that I found S ugly, but now that I "solved" that I'm back at this, figuring out if I find S hot if I want him or anything and it gives me anxiety. Because of these thoughts that persist for months I had panic attacks and tried to take my life before several times. I'm gonna see a therapist in 5 days. Can this be ocd? I just really want this all to stop and never see S again ever. Does someone have the same thoughts or the same experiences?

say something if you could, also seen him today :(

I know I’m not alone on this but I really don’t know why I’m like this. I hate it, I hate overthinking so much. I care too much for everyone even people I don’t know. I especially overthink so so much in my relationship. People tell me “you have trust issues?” No I don’t know how to explain it. It’s not trust issues I just always need to be reassured 24/7 and I hate having to overthink Yk? I don’t know why I’m like this at all and I cry so easily because of how sensitive I am. I just wished I wasn’t this sensitive and such an over thinker.

Today at lunchtime, my friend and her boyfriend came over to sit with me like usual. Her boyfriend is almost always silent and we usually are the ones talking. Today, there was a point where he spoke and I felt a sense of attraction. Like I wanted to to touch him. So I made sure my legs were as far away as possible from his the whole time. Yet, I was speaking and trying to get his attention. After I left the lunch table I felt really guilty and I don't know what to do. I didn't say anything inappropriate it was just conversation and I didn't even speak to him directly but I was speaking in a way to get his attention and impress him, to make a move on him. Yet, moments earlier i was thinking of marrying my girlfriend and imagined how the ceremony would be. It made me feel so happy and just imagining it made me want to cry. Literally moments before, I was avoiding looking at others and making sure I didn't touch anyone. So I'm not sure why I did that, considering I don't like him and deeply in love with my girlfriend. I'm scared and feel really guilty.

About a month ago, well technically TWO months ago, I went cold turkey off of my lexepro. Before this, I dealt with a lot of healthy anxiety, constantly thinking I was going to die. But anyways, I have been in a 9 month relationship. Healthiest and most fulfilling relationship I’ve been in. We always push eachother to do better. Something I’ve never had from a partner before. About a month and a half in going cold turkey off of my lexepro, one night, I felt like I was suddenly having doubts about the relationship. Doubts that didn’t even have any logic behind them. I’m glad I didn’t just give into my compulsions about just leaving. But now that I’m learning more about ROCD, I was just curious if going off medications like that can cause a flare up. I’ve been on lexepro for about two years

Ive just found out the girl i have a crush on has a girlfriend that she is currently dating. Of course i will support them together and i can continue to be friends with the girl i like, but honestly... im heartbroken... and the fact that my OCD will always make me think I unknowingly explicitly cybered with a minor... and i cant get any sort of reassurance about it... im in a state of hopelessness that will never recover anytime soon... Im done trying to hope. Im done trying to convince myself that anything can be done to make me happy... if people want to call me an incel for feeling this way... think that im a creep... they can... im so hopeless and alone... and no one cares about me... no one...

I’ve had undiagnosed ocd since I was a child and I always wanted things to be a certain way and when they weren’t I would spiral out of control into distress and Terror to the point where I would destroy or distance myself from whatever was triggering me. I got diagnosed a few years ago I am now 24 and initially I didn’t believe it and sometimes I still don’t. I started my first relationship 3 years ago with a girl I’ve known since high school and we loved each other very much but eventually my ocd drove me to break up with her after we went from living down the street from each other and seeing each other every day to me moving far away to live with my mom. I didn’t have any friends and was lonely so I would start experiencing limerence with people that reminded me of her that I saw at school but I didn’t even know them. The thoughts got so bad that I couldn’t focus in class and would skip classes to avoid people. I eventually broke up with her after being long distance for a bit because I felt like I was cheating on her for having these thoughts constantly and I felt guilty and like a bad person. I didn’t talk to her for a year and I missed her very much I still love her so I reached out after I had a better understanding of my behavior to apologize for breaking up with her. They way I did it was really awful I just told her that I was obsessed with another girl and that I felt like I didn’t love her anymore because that’s how I interpreted my intrusive thoughts at the time so I didn’t want to feel like I was deceiving her and wanted to tell her the truth. When I called her and told her the whole story and that I was sorry she was very kind and understanding considering she already knew I was struggling with mental health. She talked about what she had been up to the year we weren’t speaking and told me that she hooked up with someone. I took it very hard since we were each other’s firsts and only. I never thought that she could do that because she always seemed like she wanted a genuine connection with someone and a relationship so doing it so casually especially not that long after a break up hit me hard and she had mentioned it was when she was really drunk and it happened a few times with the same person who was a coworker of hers. I acknowledge that it might have been her way of grieving and that she was hurting. After this initial call we became friends again and started calling regularly and we would always talk on the phone for hours. It felt like our connection never left and she told me she never stopped loving me. But when she asked if there was a chance of us getting back together again multiple times I would say no and tell her to move on because I was so hurt by what she did even though it was valid since we weren’t together. I knew it would haunt me and I would never see her the same not because I saw her as dirty which she originally thought but because she would always tell me I was her only love and she always only wanted me but then my brain would point to her actions and that doubt would make me not trust her and hate her. Then she met someone else while we were still talking who showed interest in her and I still loved her but it had only been a few months since we started contact again and I was still processing her hooking up with someone. She tried to end contact with me because the new guy she was talking to didn’t like her talking to me which I could understand but they weren’t in a relationship and he was just her friend who she only met a few months prior. After we stopped contact I suffered a lot because I still loved her and missed her but I knew I was sick and still resented her for her actions. But I wrote her one final message expressing that I still loved her but that I hoped she would be happy. She reciprocated and then we met in person again to see if she still felt the same and she immediately was physically affectionate with me hugging me and holding my hand as if I was still her boyfriend which caught me off guard because I had my boundaries up since I knew we were just hanging out as friend but to her it was a date. After talking we felt we would try again considering we still love each other deeply and have a strong connection. We acknowledged the challenges we would have to face together like my ocd which is the biggest problem we face in our relationship in the past and more so now. When I’m calm we are extremely happy and see us getting married and having kids and having a future. However, I constantly get stuck in a spiral where I believe she doesn’t love me or that she’s hiding things from me or that I’m not good enough because of her like others and sleeping with another which previously wasn’t the case. I think I’m trying to mend our relationship and make it whole again justifying the gap year we had apart in my head as just a break and that we still loved each other but then I remember her actions during that time and she tell me she loved me even when we were apart and my thoughts are just screaming LIAR LAIR you can’t trust her. Then I feel so much hatred towards her and I feel like I want nothing to do with her. We’ve been working through this together but it takes a toll on her too and I feel bad. During these spirals I try to get control by telling myself maybe if I see her in the old relationship as my old girlfriend and consider her dead then it will justify her actions and I will just see her as a new girl but that didn’t work. Then I was like maybe I’ll just not be physically affectionate towards her to detach from her that way so I stop hurting but I can’t resist her especially when I feel call I am constantly hugging her. My other thought was maybe I should go hook up with someone myself since she’s the only person I’ve been with and then we can just sleep with whoever but still be together that will make this okay. When it gets really bad I just can’t accept that it even happened and feel like I would rather die then I start getting suicidal intrusive thoughts constantly. I’m not going to breakup with her like I did in the past I am committed to staying by her side and beating my thoughts but it feels impossible and I don’t want to live this way. It’s a constant rollercoaster for the both of us. I start therapy again in 2 weeks I’ve had therapist in the past and taken many medications but it usually made things worse and that’s when we would break up before. I don’t know if anyone has been through anything similar but I would like any advice if you have because I honestly don’t know what to do. I’m either in love with her and we are happy or I hate her so much and I want nothing to do with her because I’m constantly getting thoughts about her past and then I don’t want to not live any longer knowing that she was with someone else. It’s only been 4 months since that first phone call since our 1 year apart so I don’t know if I just need time but I feel like I’ll never see her the same ever again.

This is gonna be a lot about sex cuz idk what’s happening. I have a bf and sex is new as of mid august. But since I’ve been on birth control since end of august sex feels different? I’ve been on 2 types, a patch (forget the name rn) till October, now im on nexplanon. I have no period atm so that’s a nice bonus ig. But mental health is…. Uhhh not wonderful! I feel numb I feel like I’m not horny enough. Or I’m not feeling enough. I feel him inside me and everything but it’s not the same feeling as before And also: eye contact, I don’t get this intense sense of connection but it’s nice to look at him. It doesn’t turn me on more tho Neither does watching his head roll back. It’s hot but I don’t feel anything change down below and I don’t get butterflies anymore My mind wanders. I’m wondering if im enjoying it. If im playing an active part in the sex cuz im very…. Bad at it? I think is how I’d put it? I let him take control cuz it gives my brain a break but my brain is now saying that me not being able to be on top or don’t really like it means I don’t like him and/or im a lesbian depending on the day. Even before this I wasn’t a huge fan of being on top cuz I get embarrassed really easily and I don’t wanna ruin the moment ;-; Like it still feels good but it doesn’t feel as intimate as it used to when we first started dating/before ocd hit/in backdoor spikes (honestly we had some good times and I felt good). Is it just a “im used to his body” thing or am I just not feeling it? I don’t get turned on by seeing him shirtless or naked anymore. But don’t get me wrong he’s still hot I just don’t get aroused unless we start making out Also making out lately- no butterflies, I feel things in my groin but not my stomach or chest and my brain isn’t in it. It feels like im partially not present if that makes sense. I feel out tongues sliding around but it’s not as hot as it used to be and idk if that’s cuz im gay or if that’s cuz im in a depression hole cuz of my birth control and it’s made the ruminating worse and worse Also dirty talk isn’t doing much anymore, no butterflies as well. Maybe we need novelty? Maybe we need to be adventurous? Cuz rn all we really do is missionary lol. I should maybe communicate more as well 😅 Also: I find that when I’m waiting for him to either go to the washroom or get a condom or tie me up or smthn while we’re not touching or doing anything flirty, I start to lose steam and I start panicking which then makes it worse 💀💀 In summary: what am I meant to feel during sex? I know most women don’t orgasm from penetration, which is why a vibrator is always incorporated. What else am I meant to feel? I feel sweaty when he enters Idk it’s driving me nuts. After he and I finished up yesterday I found myself wondering if I liked it. It felt nice in the moment and I did finish. It was kinda uncomfy cuz I was laying on my own ponytail and it was being pulled by me lol😭😭

I struggle with rocd, and a big intrusive thought that I have is that I’m no longer in love with my partner. I am going through a depression right now, and I am struggling to feel any kind of passion towards anything at the moment. I am withdrawing from the people I love because I just feel like I want to be alone. When I’m with people I just feel exhausted by it. I guess my question is, has anyone ever felt like this from depression? Does it take feelings of love and attraction away? I can’t tell if this is my ocd or depression or a combination of both. But it’s starting to impact my relationship which makes me panic because losing it is my worst fear.

Hey, this is my first time on here so I’m sorry if the story is long. I will try my hardest to make this short and sweet. About a year and some change ago, I matched with a girl on Tinder and we agreed to an FWB type relationship, but it did not last long because she decided to get back with her ex. Matter of fact, we only ever hung out twice in person, both times having or doing something sexual. Normally, I would not do anything like this, but this was at a time where I felt and still do feel like I don’t deserve a relationship or a girlfriend. Very negative way of thinking that I’m trying to work through therapy, but it was the way I was thinking and felt like I only deserved “meaningless sex” and I was lonely. During those times, we shared a lot of things that happened to us in our lives and we even shared that we were both Christian as well. I’m not sure it was one sided on my part, but it felt like we became good friends. When she told me that she was going to get back with her ex, I understood and respected her decision. Part of me did want to ask why, and almost tell her not to do it, but that was not my place and I did not wanna come off like I was “saving her for myself.” so I completely removed me from that and just wished her the best and we both kind of agreed that we wished we never hooked up because we really liked each other as friends. This is the part that concerns me and also makes me shocked with myself. The first time we met up, it was at her apartment, which was literally down the street from my grandmother‘s house. The second time we hung out, it was at a house. She was dog sitting, and that house was in my neighborhood that mom, dad, brother and sister and myself lived in. At this time, I did not live at home due to a new job, but I did live in the same county meaning that I can visit family if I wanted to. So that meant every time I visited home, I knew I could drive around to the house she said, and every time I went to visit my grandmother, I would pass her apartment complex. This information coupled with the fact I kind of missed her, led to me, wanting to check on her. Before I continue, I did not try to infiltrate her home or steal things or literally anything to cause her harm, as I had no intention of doing anything to her. It was simply driving past her apartment and the house she dog sat at. The best way I can describe it was if I was in town either to visit my parents or just was in town and impulse strike for me to drive by, I would try to ignore and or fight this feeling because at the end of the day, I did not want to do it, but I would end up doing it. This was not an every day thing. Matter of fact, it really only happened when I was visiting family. The best way I can describe my thought process was I just wanted to see if she was okay, while also slightly hoping that she would be single again but I realized it was weird. Mind you the times I would do this, I would be very uncomfortable. Anyway, I bring this up because I started being scared of being a stalker or having stalker like tendencies. I’ve recently discovered I had pure OCD and I have themes such as POCD, HOCD, ZOCD, false attractions, unwanted thoughts, images, things like that. But I also do struggle with ruminating in my past and ruminating about a lot of the mistakes I’ve made often wondering why did I do it and why wasn’t I stronger. So every time I try to remain in the present, I remember something from my past that freaks me out again and now I’m in the cycle. This is one of those things that worries me a lot to where I feel like I’m in a constant state of awareness often feeling restless. I told my therapist about this and he doesn’t think this makes me a stalker, but he’s also slightly glad that it scares me and I think that’s because if I wasn’t scared, he would be much more concerned about it. Yeah, I don’t know if that was OCD or not and I really came on here because there’s a girl named Tia Wilson, who I saw on Instagram, who apparently broke into a house because of their OCD. I can explain why I feel or hope it was OCD but I don’t wanna make this post longer than it is so I’ll just explain in the comments

so my boyfriend asked me why im so scared if i dont like him and maybe if thwe broke up i would not have this thoughts about him and that i will be better like that if all my thoughts were about me not liking him and i didnt even panic when i read his messages. i dont undestand, my relationship its perfect and im destroying it, why didnt i had any reaction while reading his messages, im so scared about this, he is very upset that im talking to chat gbt bc he knows about it (i havent talked in a while with it) and he told me why im so scared that i dont like him. i dont understand why i disnt feel anything does this mean im not affected??? now im imagining breaking up (i dont wanr this, or thats what i think) and i dont know im scared , he doesn’t understand he thinks im the one that does nor want to be better bc all i do is cry, i understand his part but i dont understand what is happening, im so scared im scared i dont want to be indifferent or act different or not care about him or the situation itself, now he gave me a normal message he usualy does and im scared im fed uo with him, i feel bad and what if we are not for each other but we have a beautiful story and so much in common i feel fake. I know that when yoy accept the truth you feel ok and not bad i dont want this to be the case, im doing so much bad to him

For the past 3 months ish I’ve been struggling on and off with this anxiety and fixation over my relationship. To wondering if i still have feelings for an old friend, wondering if i actually love him, wondering if the thoughts are all real and im just trying to cover it up with ocd. It sucks, when im talking to my boyfriend i feel fine. The words i love you and talks about the future come naturally. I can’t imagine myself with anyone but him. But this constant rumination on my relationship is KILLING me and I’m scared it’s going to ruin what i have. It makes me numb and disconnected which therefore makes me believe the thoughts even more. They just feel so real sometimes and it’s so scary like why can i not just enjoy it. We’ve been together for a while so i know there’s periods of like feelings ebb and flowing but this is so much more. It’s just constantly sitting on my chest with anxiety. My compulsions are coming on this app, looking at photos of us and confessing it to him. He’s very understanding and helpful. I love him so much. I just need help / I’m also just starting new meds as well ..

My bf broke up with me, and after that I figured out what an avoidant was and that’s who he is but it was too late. He broke up with me because he couldn’t handle my emotions or anxiety, I was overwhelming him. This caused him so much pain, that was the last thing I wanted, for us to be apart and to hurt him. Our relationship became unhealthy. I wish I could’ve healed and then met him. I’m an anxious attachment and we put each other through a lot. He decided we should break up and he needed space from me. I miss him so much. I still love him so much. I want him to come back to me. If he comes back, how do I tell him that we need to have a long healing journey together? When I brought up my form of attachment at first he told me I had to fix it on my own and that it caused him too much pressure and stress, hence why he broke up with me. I don’t think he’s aware himself that he’s an avoidant. I really miss him and I wanted to work on this together, but he decided it was best to be apart while we figured out things for ourselves on our own. I want him to grow into the man he wants to become, even if I can’t be there for him during it. I’m afraid he finds someone else, because he’s the only person on my mind. Everything felt so real with him, so right, so pure. It was true love, we fell in love. I know deep down after I heal my feminine wounds, and my attachments, I’m still going to love him. Would it be selfish to reach out then? What if he’s moved on? What do I do?

i’m so scared serious trigger warning i’ve been dealing with this for a while and talking to chatgpt for reassurance, i was experiencing this slightly last week and then i saw a post last week that said ‘schizophrenia develops in your 20s’ and i spiralled, the intrusive thoughts become worse and worse thinking that god/special forces is telling me to hurt people worrying i’m telepathically connected to people fear of losing control thinking that the government make up schizophrenia to stop everyone from killing eachother and going outside naked (like wtf) and that’s just a few, the last one is the one i’m dealing with currently, i spoke to my doctor yesterday and he was very pissed off with me for fuelling the fire with chatGPT i have had all kinds of OCD and suffered with magical thinking/exisential for a few years, but this is something else, this is the scariest thing i’ve ever experienced i’ve been taking sertraline and everything got worse all of these thoughts come with the fear of becoming delusional and hurting someone i love ‘like my mum or my partner’

hi! i was wondering if anybody here struggles with relationship ocd. i am in an almost 4 year relationship with the best boyfriend i could ever imagine. he is so understanding about my ocd. i have obsessive thoughts like “what if he’s falling out of love with me” or “what if i cheated on him and completely forgot.” i know these sound horrible and i know i didn’t cheat on my boyfriend but i keep getting obsessive thoughts on what if i did and completely forget. i feel so guilty all the time for something i did not do. then i get worried that im trying to make myself feel better about being a bad person. i truly hate these thoughts and i live my boyfriend so much im just worried that i hurt him- he knows about this specific obsessive thought and i know it will pass eventually. i was just wondering if anybody has had a similar experience with relationship OCD and how to make it better? what meds have you taken that have helped obsessive thoughts? i have other obsessive thoughts daily but this one seems to bother me the most. ocd really attacks what you care most about.

How do I heal from my anxious attachment? What exercises do I have to do in order to achieve a secure attachment? How do I help my avoidant attachment partner? It seems like everything I do isn’t right or helping him.

Hi, I’m new here!! I’m praying I don’t get judged for this. But, back in late May of 2022 ( literally right before I graduated high school), I added this one random girl from my school on Snapchat. She posted something about a graduation party , so I swiped up on her story basically saying how I can’t believe we’re almost graduated. She replied and we had a really short and simple conversation. The next day ( i believe) , we started talking a lot , and I just so happened to see her at the highschool when we were grabbing our graduation outfits and doing the rehearsal. When I saw her irl, I kinda got turned off ( I heard she was kinda crazy) , and on top of that , she was a little ugly irl. I remember seeing her Snapchat bio , and she was close friends with my female cousin ( a year younger than me) , who I happened to experiment sexually with when I was 10-11 years old. I remember going to work later that day and having sort of a lightbulb flick thought ( it wasn’t a good thought though) , what if my cousin told her about what happened when we were younger? So I started to kind of panic and immediately distanced myself from that girl. I also experimented sexually with one of my female friends when I was 10-11 , and from that day onwards, I’ve been pretty much living in paranoia and a little bit of guilt about someone finding out and my life being ruined . On top of that, It’s gotten worse to now sometimes I wonder if a girl I added off of quick add ( Snapchat) is underage even if they told me they were 18+ or had 18 and above in their bio, and I get so much guilt and anxiety about that. I even had a quick thought last February on what if I did something inappropriate with my younger cousin when I was 15-16 but I just can’t exactly remember when it happened , and it still eats me alive when I think about it, because I don’t know if it happened or not. I’m sorry for the long vent, I just wish I felt normal again. No matter how much I try to do things that old me used to do, life always feels “ off”. I always kept the top part about when I was younger a secret up until early (ish ) 2024, then I vented to one of my best friends and he told me that that’s a normal thing to do at a young age. Since then, I have told multiple friends and they all say they did similar stuff, but my brain just can’t accept that. Please help me, I quite literally overthink everything nowadays. 2021 was the last full year that I felt normal ( coincidentally, the best year of my life so far) . It’s not just about sexual related things either, sometimes I’ll wonder if I messed up something at work or hit a car while driving/hit someone and drove off. I just wanna live my life how I was supposed to live it after highschool ( carefree and happy) before whatever it is ( I think it’s ocd) hit me unexpectedly. Thanks to anyone who read this , I just needed to pour it out regardless of how negative I felt typing this, I hope someone can relate , because I feel so alone in my head at times.