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Can someone please explain false memories related to OCD? I feel like I have had these but have never realized it’s related to OCD

I've been in treatment for about 2 weeks now and I've been trying very hard to stick with my erp and not avoid but today my harm ovd gave me the thought that the only way it would stop is if I did it. This is not how I feel or what I want but it was more scary than any other thought I've had, I immediately got sick and anxious feeling. I was told that ocd will fight back but I'm not sure if this would count as that? Anybody have any advice?

I was diagnosed with ocd in second grade, I’m 21 now.. it started out with me being a “clean freak” I would have melt downs if things were out of place or order. I would also have to sing the abcs while washing my hands. If I was interrupted, I would have to start over. As I became a teen, depression and anxiety hit. This made me become messy in a way. Things being in order didn’t matter. However, intrusive thoughts and repetitiveness took over my brain. (still struggling with this BAD) for example anytime I cook on the stove, I will look to make sure it’s off what seems to be a thousand times or else the house will burn down or we will get carbon monoxide poisoning and it will be all my fault. I KNOW ITS OFF DEEP DOWN but I can’t stop looking at it because WHAT IF. I have the same problem with social media. I have to have my boyfriend check to make sure I didn’t post anything every time I get on Facebook or Snapchat. My brain tells me I posted a stupid picture or something embarrassing knowing damn well I didn’t. I can’t stop. This takes up my life. It’s so draining. Every little thing I do I overthink. I seen this app on TikTok hoping to find my people. I feel like I’m going crazy..

it was quiet for a second and my mind was like it’s quiet cause you want all of these thoughts to happen. i didn’t get anxious like i usually do and it made me worried that this isn’t OCD and this is all me. now my mind keeps going back on this and i genuinely hate it cause the anxiety i used to get when this all first happened is not the same rn and it makes me even more worried that it’s not like that anymore cause i want these things to happen. i hate that this is all happening and i feel completely out of it. i feel like out of body and all stuck in my head and it sucks completely. i keep getting spike of anxiety and that is scary. does anyone else feel this way or knows what i’m talking about? i feel like this is just me and no one else gets this way and that is also very scary.

(sorry if this is long) it's taken me years of thinking i might have ocd to finally talk to a mental health professional about it. for various reasons i didn't have access to therapy before. i spent a long time reading abput ocd online. i started realizing that i related to so many of the symptoms. i thought back to when i was younger. i think it started getting worse/noticeable when i was 12 but only to me. i didn't share my intrusive thoughts and obsessions with anyone because they were so scary. anyway i went many years without knowing what ocd was. i got very good at self soothing and looking for coping mechanisms. i went through depressive episodes and many anxiety attacks. i didn't have access to any help other than the internet. now for the past year and a half id been going to therapy. the thing is i didn't decide to bring up my ocd symptoms until i had to get a new therapist bc my old one resigned from her clinic. and i thought to myself, "this is a fresh start" so i felt brave enough to bring it up with my new therapist. so we've been talking about it and she agrees that i have symptoms of ocd. doing the assessment with her and talking openly about my symptoms was such a big step for me. anyway it's been hard these past couple of days, knowing that im finally facing my ocd symptoms and that it's not just me in my head that knows about it. its not like i wasn't aware of how it affects my life before, but now i feel like im hyperaware of it in a way. it makes me sad when i think about how i let my symptoms run my life sometimes. also i haven't really told anyone in my life except one of my closest friends. i dont know if i should tell my family. it feels too hard to explain. im just feeling a lot right now but im not exactly sure which emotions.

I can’t stop thinking about the guy who I loved who broke my heart. Don’t know if it’s a heart break or if it’s my OCD that’s making me obsess over every little thing. Or if it’s both? Either way this is torture! I would much rather be suffering from my other themes because I am constantly thinking about him and it’s so so so distracting. I can’t do anything.

Hello everyone! I have been through a whirlwind of mental health struggles but OCD feels like it might be “running the show” and I didn’t know if anyone else could relate The first time I got told I was struggling with ocd was by a therapist only a few months ago who said I “fall under the cloud of harm ocd” This lead me to a downward spiral because I had never had a mental health diagnosis before and I was so scared right away that nobody would believe me or help me. I feel like my life has been so out of control over the last few months. I’m dealing with some other things such as big life changes and identity crisis (fresh out of college, no longer a student athlete, came out to my family). I had to leave my first job as an icu nurse for the immense distress it caused me as i was working day/night rotating shifts and being triggered unknowingly to some trauma that I didn’t even know I was holding onto. I now experience heavy mood swings and dissociation at times related to ptsd and I feel like life just isn’t the same. I’m in such a tough spot because I seem to have a fear of being misdiagnosed/improperly treated, a fear of taking meds, a fear of unintentionally harming myself, and my needs for safety reassurance are so strong that I’m back home with my parents and scared to do anything. I’m a nurse as well so I know way too much about the meds and side effects. At the end of the day, the logical part of my brain wants meds to help me , but the fear or starting meds, the side effects, and the trial and error of them not knowing what will work leaves me stuck and feeling hopeless. I always end up thinking that I could just feel better if I jumped back into my normal busy life, but when I do so and get triggered (ocd or ptsd) I am left hopeless and begging my parents to get me on meds. Each appointment though leads to significant anxiety and like I have to say every single detail , which ends in me getting frustrated and confused not wanting to take meds after all because i don’t think they have the full picture. I had a bad experience with Zoloft bringing out manic symptoms when I first started it. It was terrifying. I’ve been switching provider to provider trying to find someone I trust, but in the mean time my anxiety is worsening and I feel more confused of what my symptoms really are in the first place. I have Xanax that I can take 3x daily but I don’t like feeling like I’m going to get addicted to it if I keep taking it and avoid getting on long term meds. I don’t trust any doctors and I feel the need to tell them every single little detail which I feel like leads to further frustration and maybe even impaired treatment plans. I’m sorry if this is a lot but I’m really struggling and needing some support and guidance 😭

I am not diagnosed with OCD, but I have a strong belief that I have it. Just recently, I came to the realization that maybe my anxiety wasn’t just anxiety, but OCD (I’ve had suspicions over time, beginning in elementary) I’ve been looking into OCD as of late. I relate a ton. But I’m afraid that I’m seeing these symptoms and falsely believing that I relate. Like I’m making myself have these symptoms because I think I should. I’ve not been able to think clearly at all recently. I can’t stop thinking about me having OCD, what that means for me, what I should do, and if I even have it and am faking everything. I’ve always had struggles with invalidating my mental illnesses because it could be worse or I’m faking it or whatever.

lately I can’t stop ruminating about my relationship. I know it’s just one day at a time and we’re both aware of the issues and working toward solutions and I’m excited for Valentine’s Day but I’ll get a “what if” or a “why” in my head and it ruins my whole day. I don’t know if I can afford therapy on here, I’m only 18. And the exposure therapy exercise on here seems too much for me to handle on my own. Sometimes I question whether it’s even ocd since I have never been diagnosed. I feel so discouraged and I feel bad about ranting on here all the time. I wish my mind would let me be for a second. I want to enjoy things and relax but I let myself ruin it by questioning everything.

I haven’t been able to sleep properly for 2 weeks bc of intrusive thoughts they always seem to get worse as soon as I’m getting ready for bed. Any tips on how to manage this? I drink a lot of caffeine but that’s never influenced getting to sleep before

So I’m new here so just let me know if I say or do anything wrong. I’m nervous to share this because it’s been terrible thinking this way and I always thought something was wrong with me. I’m constantly thinking I’ll do sexual harm towards someone so I isolate myself and I make sure to NEVER watch kids with just me. I feel like a sick sick person who deserves to die for thinking and feeling this way. My thoughts make me think sexually about anyone in the room no matter how hard I try to think of something, anything, else. It is horrible. Is there anyone else who experiences this or someone who can give advice?

My medication caused me POCD and i’m a nanny and i’m terrified of one thing happening that keeps entering my brain. Since it is one thing over and over again does that make it not ocd? I’m so scared and don’t know if I deserve to be here

Hello, I’m new here. I don’t have a formal diagnosis, just sharing my experiences with my obsessive thoughts. The only compulsion I really have is note taking. I feel the need to hoard most of my thoughts and write extensive to do lists, even scolding myself in notes like “be better!” or “STOP being the way you are.” When driving or unavailable to write things down, I have to repeat the thoughts in my head so I won’t forget until I can “save” them. Does anyone else have any experience with this fear of forgetting/not living the perfect life? My notes also revolve around anything someone might causally mention, taking turmeric for example. Will I ever incorporate that into my routine? No, but I write it down just in case because otherwise I’m convinced I won‘t live a healthy, fulfilling life. This all started when I lost a relative and also my house. I wonder if those losses made me subconsciously afraid to lose more? I don’t know. On the bright side, my current medication has been helping my depression. I am able to function and get out of bed, for the most part. But when I am in class or work, I have such crippling self doubt. I don’t feel like I am capable of anything. I don’t trust myself with any tasks. It really gets me down, my thoughts just spiral and I can’t see myself being able to hold down a job that involves working with people…that leads to more note taking of how I can improve. I get such anxiety if I don’t know every little thing there is to know, necessary or not. I get so caught up in it that I can’t even do the bare minimum I DO know without messing up. Even my class notes are full of irrelevant notes from my obsessive thoughts that appear during a lesson, and a girl that sits near me laughs because of how crazy my notebook looks.

I have mood apps that I track my feelings and activities and relationships in. I have done it for a year and 2 months. I feel like it’s making me obsess over my feelings and stressful relationship even more. My family says delete them if it’s doing more harm than good. I just exported the data after a long day but I can’t get myself to delete them. Is this ocd? Should I? I’m scared if I do I won’t be paying attention to how I feel and then my relationship will be crappy forever and then I’ll never break up if it stays the same or gets worse then I’ll die unhappy in the very end. I’m so anxious

i’ve been up for 2 and half hours just laying in bed with my eyes closed ruminating, filled with anxiety and anxiety spikes, and just constantly telling myself i’m okay, i’m fine, this is the ocd and unwanted intrusive thoughts. i’m exhausted cause i went to bed and kept waking up in my sleep with anxiety and having to tell myself i’m okay to breathe. i had a really rough day yesterday and i don’t want to have one today. i saw a post that said how do you get rid of the anxiety of anticipating the anxiety, the thoughts, the ocd. i relate to that so much. i hope if you’re reading this you have a good day as well.

You all inspire me greatly and your constant bravery is so encouraging. I’m newer here. My biggest question is - how have you all that deal with ROCD and have had success in managing it, sift through the differences of ROCD thoughts (which drive self sabotage) vs. legitimate concerns in a relationship or partners behavior? Do you find at times ROCD grabs hold of something small or normal in relationship conflict (like white lies from your partner or defensiveness) and blow it up to larger than life indicators that drive your anxiety/ruminations to be incessant? How do you cope? (I just started ERP)

I was reading a book on OCD my therapist told me to read and in the book they have a test to see if you have ocd and the questions all seemed like a stereotypical view of OCD and i felt like i only related to one or two questions and now i’m sitting here thinking you don’t really have ocd or your mental compulsions aren’t actually valued compulsions and now i’m sitting here high thinking this was all a lie, my diagnosis was a lie, and i don’t have OCD that this was all me.

i woke up this morning and laid there just thinking. mind was like what if these thoughts are not thoughts and i’m making myself think these things and i’m like why would i think this like what is going on. why now am i sitting here wondering why is this happening.

I’ve been questioning if I maybe might have… autism…. and I hate that because I feel like people are gonna look at me and say that I’m a faker or I want attention or something when it’s like… I’m horrible at reading social cues, certain fabrics really bother me or sometimes I can’t wear them (includes shirts with tags, I hate tags tbh) I have “safe” foods and it’s really hard for me try new things that don’t feel okay to try. I have these moments where if I’m in public and feel a lot of pressure or get worried I feel like everyone is looking at me and everything just kinda gets loud and overwhelming and I just want to be alone in quiet and have nobody around me and I do get really really excited at things that make me happy… sounds, colors, small things. Sometimes I fixate on a certain thing so much that it basically becomes all I’m focused on for however long and then it switches again. The one thing that really made me question though is when my best-friend (with autism) said that she also questions if I have it due to the fact that I told her that I feel like I read a book or watch a movie and I find a character I like a lot or relate to a lot and I basically become them until I find another character in the same way. Example: I watched the fault in our stars and I ended up changing my wardrobe/clothing looks to match hazels, I ate the same food they had in the movie and I picked up on her mannerisms. I also explained that I never really feel like myself I feel like I’m like… a “void” and I become what I see or what others want me to be sometimes. Like when you’re playing a video game and you’re on character select and going back and forth with the little arrows choosing between outfits or characters I feel like that. I always have my whole life. Like I’m just a body and I don’t really know “who I am”. Also sometimes when people are talking to me I have to remind myself to listen to them. Like they could be right infront of me talking and my brain is like “they’re talking we need to focus on listening to them” but I get so focused on trying to focus on listening to them that it ends up being that I don’t really fully hear what they’re saying. This has caused a lot of problems for me and I’m trying really hard to be better at social cues and listening more but it’s so hard. My boyfriend gets mad because I have to be told specifically each step of what to do sometimes. Like the other night I was frying chicken and I didn’t know really how to do everything correctly (because of the household I grew up in I was basically raised on fast food so I don’t really know how to cook a lot) so he’s telling me to turn the burner on and put the chicken in but I needed to know exactly what to put it on, how to position it, how long to wait etc. this happens a lot he’ll tell me to do something but I need it broken down into steps (he hates that). Also I have to write lists for everything. This is what my typical list for my day would look like: 10:00 AM : clean my room 10:30 AM: take a shower (Brush teeth, use *certain facial wash* Etc. And if I don’t stick to the exact times I set with everything I do it frustrates me sometimes. I’ve been called really high maintenance because of these issues and after looking into some of my favorite creators who happen to be autistic and experience the same things it’s made me start to question if I am. I don’t like questioning it though because I already feel like people think I fake my OCD and other mental health disorders I don’t want them to think I’m faking something else or just want attention but I also really want answers. I don’t know what to do and I honestly want some advice. I was never diagnosed with autism and don’t think anyone ever thought I had it as a kid. I know I was antisocial as a kid and the doctors and therapists struggled to get me to interact with other kids and they said I had early signs of depression and anxiety but that’s all I’ve ever gotten…. Does anyone here have autism or have any advice that could help in this situation? Am I a bad person for thinking I might have it? (If you read this far thank you)

Has anyone even happily had a relationship with their gf/boyf after having rocd with them